CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
I LOOK BACK AT THE SHEET OF WATER THROUGH which I’ve entered. Clear as a picture, I can see the worried faces of Felicity, Pippa, and Ann. Only Asha betrays no emotion. I want to run back through the waterfall to safety. But safety is another illusion. I can only move forward.
“You can’t actually touch the magic, can you? That’s why you needed Nell. Why you need me. You can only control the magic through someone else.”
“You are the Most High. It wants your words after all,” she says. “Gemma, together, you and I can restore the power and the glory of the Order. We can do good things—glorious things. You have more magic in you than anyone in the history of the Order. There is no limit to what you and I could do.” She offers her hand. I do not take it.
“You don’t care about me,” I say. “Your only desire is to control the magic and the realms.”
“Gemma—”
“You have nothing to say to me that I want to hear.”
“Will you please just listen to me?” she pleads. "Do you know what it is to have your power taken from you? To forever surrender to someone else? I held power in my hands, I controlled my own destiny, and they took that away from me.”
“The realms didn’t choose you,” I say, keeping the well between us.
“No. That is a lie they tell. The realms gifted me. The Order denied me. They chose your mother over me. She was the more compliant. She was willing to do as they asked.”
“Leave my mother out of this.”
“Is that what you want, Gemma? To be a faithful servant to them? Would you fight their battles, secure the Temple, bind the magic, and then hand it all over to them to administer as they like? What if they choose to leave you out? What if all this is taken from you now? Have they promised you anything?”
They haven’t. I’ve not questioned anything. I’ve done as they’ve asked.
“You know I’m speaking the truth. Why have they offered no aid? Why did they not bind the magic themselves? Because they couldn’t do it without you. But once you bind the magic and there is no more danger, they will ask you to bring them in. They will take over. And you will be of no value to them unless you do exactly as they say. They won’t care for you as I do.”
“As you cared for Nell. As you cared for my mother.” I practically spit the words.
“She promised to help me. She sent me a letter from Bombay and said she’d had a change of heart. Then she betrayed me to the Rakshana.”
“So you killed her.”
“No. Not me. The creature.”
“It is the same thing.”
“No, it isn’t. You know very little about the dark spirits, Gemma. They will eat you alive. You need my help.” She gives a last appeal.
"Without the magic, I cannot rid myself of my bond to these creatures, Gemma. You can save me from this wretched existence. I’ve spent years searching for the one, for you. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for this moment, for this chance. We can form a new Order, Gemma. Just say the words. . . .”
“I saw what you did to those girls.”
“It’s horrible. I won’t deny it. I have made many sacrifices for this,” Miss Moore says. “What sacrifices will you be willing to make?”
“I will not do what you have done.”
“You say that now. Every leader has blood on her hands.”
“I trusted you!”
“I know. And I’m sorry. People will disappoint you, Gemma. The question to ask is whether you can learn to live with the disappointment and move on. I’m offering you a new world.”
I cannot live with it.
“They were right to deny you. Eugenia Spence was right.”
Her eyes flash. “Eugenia! You do not know what she has become, Gemma. She has been with the dark spirits all this time. How will you fight her if you must? You will need me in the time to come. I promise you that.”
“You’re trying to confuse me,” I say.
“You cannot cross!” It’s Asha’s voice.
Pippa has rushed through the wall of water.
“Pip!” Felicity runs after her. Ann wavers for a moment but follows.
“What is happening?” Pippa asks.
Felicity raises her bow. “I’ve one arrow left.”
“If you shoot me, I take with me all the secrets I know about the dark spirits and the Winterlands. You’ll never know.”
“Do you know how to use the magic to keep a spirit here and free?” Pippa asks uncertainly.
“Yes,” Miss Moore says. “I can find a way to give you what you want. You will not have to cross over. You can stay here in the realms forever.”
“She’s lying, Pippa,” I say.
But I see the aching desire in Pippa’s eyes already. So does Miss Moore.
“I wouldn’t have to leave you, Fee,” Pippa says. Of Miss Moore she asks, “Will it hurt terribly much?”
“No. Not at all.”
“And will I remain as I am?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t believe her, Pip.”
“What have you promised me, Gemma? I helped you and what have you done for me?”
She steps around the well and takes Miss Moore’s hand. "So we can be together, Fee. Just like before.”
Felicity’s hand wavers on the bow. The string loosens.
“Felicity, you know it can’t be,” I whisper.
“Shoot her,” Ann whispers. "Shoot Circe.”
Felicity takes aim, but Pippa moves in front of Miss Moore, protecting her like a shield. I do not know what would happen to Pippa, a spirit, if she were to be killed inside the realms.
Felicity stands, muscles straining from the weight of the taut bow and the ruthless task. At last she lowers the bow. “I can’t. I can’t.”
Pippa’s smile is heartbreaking in its love. “Thank you, Fee,” she says, running to embrace her.
I grab the bow and hold it fast. I’m not the shot Felicity is, and there is only one arrow.
Miss Moore holds Nell in her arms. "I could offer Nell right now as a sacrifice. Join me, and I shall let her go peacefully.”
“You’ve given me an impossible choice,” I say.
“But it’s a choice, nonetheless, which is more than you’ve given me.”
Nell leans against Miss Moore like a lifeless doll. Whatever spark flashed in her eyes once is gone, buried beneath layers of pain. I can spare Nell, join with Miss Moore and share the Temple with her. Or I can watch her offer Nell to the creature and use that power to do as she pleases.
Nell turns her anguished eyes to me.
Don’t hesitate. . . .
I let go. Fleet and straight the arrow flies, piercing Nell Hawkins through the throat. With a small gasp, she slumps to the ground. As a sacrifice, she is useless now.
Miss Moore looks up with a mix of fury and shock in her eyes. "What have you done?”
“Now I have bloodied my hands,” I say.
Miss Moore races for me. There is no time to follow the rules. I shall have to make new ones. Closing my eyes, I race forward toward the well. But Miss Moore is fast. She grabs hold of my hand. I’m caught off balance, and we fall together, arms locked in battle, into those great, eternal waters.
I can feel Miss Moore’s breathing, hear the mad thumping of her heart as it discharges blood, that necessary messenger. Smell the faint scent of London chimney soot and lilac powder and something else. Beneath the skin, there is fear. Pain. Remorse. Yearning. Desire. A fierce longing for power. All of this. We are joined. It is as if we live in the center of a great storm. Around us the world of the realms revolves like a giant kaleidoscope, images refracted again and again. So many worlds! So much to know.
Yes,
Miss Moore seems to say inside my head.
So much you do
not know.
I’m being stretched by it all. I can feel every bit of me spreading out till I am part of everything I see. I’m the leaf as it turns into a butterfly, and I’m the river polishing the stones on the bank. I’m the charwoman’s hungry belly, the banker’s vague disappointment with his children, the girl’s yearning for excitement. I want to laugh and cry at the same time. It is so much, so much.
A frozen wasteland comes into view. We’re soaring over craggy mountains under a savage sky. Below, an army of spirits, a thousand strong, howls at the emptiness. I can feel them inside me. The fear. The rage. I am the fire. I am the monster who destroys. I have no wish to stop the cruel fight. It is the fight that keeps me alive.
I feel Miss Moore’s arms tighten around mine. She will not be denied a second time. I’m aware of nothing but our struggle now. Only one of us can emerge from the well. As if she can read my thoughts, Miss Moore pushes hard against me. She wants to win, wants it with all her heart.
I also want to win.
You must reflect on the course you wish to take, the form of the
binding.
I must think of a way to contain the magic, but it is difficult in the midst of this desperate fight. All I can see is Miss Moore, my teacher, my friend, my enemy. And suddenly, I know what I must do, how I must bring this to an end.
With one great push, I kick away from Miss Moore, sending her flying backward. Her eyes grow large. She knows what is in my mind, what I aim to do. She lunges for me, but this time, I am made quick by my determination. I climb up and over the top of the well, emerging slick and shiny as a newborn babe. I hold my hands over the surface of the water and say the words I hope shall restore the balance.
“I place a seal upon the power. Let the balance of the realms be restored and let no one disturb their majesty. I bind the magic in the name of all who shall share the power one day. For I am the Temple; the magic lives in me.”
There is a sudden burst of brilliant white light. I feel as if I’m being split wide open by the force of it. This is the magic. The binding is using me as its pathway. It rushes through me like water. And then it is done. I’m on my knees, gasping.
But the cave is drenched in color. The frescoes are vibrant once more. The roses bloom, and the great statues seem alive.
“What happened to Miss Moore?” Ann asks.
“I have done as she asked—I have saved her from her wretched existence and bound her in a place where she can do no more harm.”
“So it’s done, then?” It’s Pippa’s voice.
Ann gives a small gasp as Pippa steps from behind a rock. With the magic no longer wild, the glamour has begun to fade. Atop her curls, the flower crown is now freshly in bloom, but Pippa is not the Pippa we have known and loved. The creature before us is changing. The teeth a bit jagged, the skin thinner, showing the faint blue of her veins. And her eyes . . .
They’ve gone a muddled white with pinpricks of black.
“Why are you looking at me that way?” she asks, fearful.
None of us can answer.
“It’s done, but I’m still here,” she says. She smiles, but the effect is chilling.
“It’s time to leave us, Pip,” I say softly. "To let go.”
“No!” she wails like a wounded animal, and I feel as if my heart shall break. “Please, I don’t want to go. Not yet. Please, don’t leave me! Please! Fee!”
Felicity’s crying. "I’m sorry, Pip.”
“You promised you’d never leave me. You promised!” She wipes her tears with her arm.
"You’ll be sorry for this.”
“Pippa!” Felicity calls, but it’s too late. She’s left us, running for the only place that will shelter her. Someday, we will meet again, not as friends, but as enemies.
“I couldn’t use the magic to keep her here. You understand, don’t you?”
Felicity won’t look at me. “I’m tired of this place. I want to go home.” She marches off down the mountain till she’s lost in the colorful smoke of the incense pots.
Ann slips her hand into mine. It is her way of saying that she forgives me, and I’m grateful for it. I can only hope that Felicity will also forgive me in time.
“Look, Lady Hope!” Asha calls.
Across the river, I see them—thousands crossing over to the world beyond this one, ready at last to make that journey. They stream past us, oblivious. They want only their rest. I hope against hope that I shall see Bessie Timmons and Mae Sutter among their number. But I do not. They’ve reached the Winterlands, then, as Pippa will soon. But that is another fight for another day.
“Lady Hope!”
I turn and see Nell Hawkins waving dreamily to me from the shore. She is as I remember her from my visions, a tiny, happy thing. I feel a stab of remorse. My hands will forever be stained by the blood of Nell Hawkins. Have I done the right thing? Will there be others to follow?
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“You cannot keep things caged,” she answers. “Goodbye, Lady Hope.” With that, she wades into the river, goes under, and emerges on the other side, walking toward the orange sky until I do not see her at all.
The gorgon waits for us in the river.
“Shall I take you to the garden, Most High?” she asks.
“Gorgon, I release you from your bondage to the Order,” I say. “You are free, as I suspect you have been since the magic was first loose.”
The snakes dance upon her head. “Thank you,” the gorgon replies.
"Shall I take you to the garden?”
“Did you hear? You are free.”
“Yessss. Choice. It is a fine thing. And I choose to take you back, Most High.”
We float downstream on the gorgon’s back. Already, the air feels lighter. Things are changing. I cannot say how or what form they shall take eventually, but the change is the thing. It is what makes me feel that all things are possible.
The forest folk have gathered on the shore below the Caves of Sighs. They line the riverbank as we pass. Philon hops up on a rock, shouting at me. “We shall expect our payment, priestess. Do not forget.”
I clasp my hands together and bow as I have seen Asha do. Philon returns the gesture. We are at peace, for now.
I cannot say how long the peace shall last.
“You tried to warn me about Miss Moore, didn’t you?” I ask the gorgon once we are on the open river. Above us, white clouds spread out in grainy streaks, like sugar spilled across the floor of the sky.
“I knew her once by another name.”
“You must know a great deal,” I say.
The gorgon’s hiss comes out as a sigh. "Someday, when there is time, I shall tell you stories of the days past.”
“Do you miss them?” I ask.
“They are but days my people lived,” she says. “I am looking forward to the days to come.”