Rebirth - The Beautiful Fallen

                                  The Beautiful Fallen

             
                         By K.D. Peters

                               Copyright 2013 K.D. Peters

This book is licensed for the reader’s personal enjoyment only.  Any resemblance to individuals’ livings or dead is purely coincidental.  All characters copyright K.D. Peters.  Any usage of characters or free redistribution of this book without written consent of the author is prohibited.  Please respect the hard work and dedication of the author.

               Cover art copyright 2013 Art-Ness.  All rights reserved. 

A very special thanks to all of my friends and family, who have loved and supported me on this amazing writing journey.  I love you all!

I’d like to dedicate this book to my husband.  Only with his late nights and attention to detail were we able to make The Beautiful Fallen all it was meant to be.

And to my dad in Heaven.  Love you always.

-K.D.

When man began to multiply on the face of the land and daughters were born to them, the sons of God saw that the daughters of man were attractive. And they took as their wives any they chose. Then the Lord said, “My Spirit shall not abide in man forever, for he is flesh: his days shall be 120 years.” The Nephilim were on the earth in those days, and also afterward, when the sons of God came in to the daughters of man and they bore children to them. These were the mighty men who were of old, the men of renown. The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. ...

- Genesis 6:1-22

One

             
Sometimes the truth is always right there staring you in the face, even when it takes years for it to come completely to light.  Maybe, even then, you don’t want to see it.  That is, until the day that you have no choice but to.  Looking back now, I don’t think I would’ve ever begun understanding at such a young age just what all of the early events in my life meant and why I was like I was.  But all of that would change for me one spring day, just after I 'd turned nineteen.  And the change was so drastic that I’d dare say that perhaps I should’ve seen it coming all along, even if I was trying to blind myself to this truth before.

             
Back then, the nightmares were the biggest part of my reality.  Though I couldn’t explain them or even why I’d always had them, I knew deep down they were there with crystal clarity.  Even lying there in my bed that particular morning and staring up at the ceiling, I was thinking of it all, over and over again.  The cries still echoed in my head like they had been embedded into my brain, and I could still feel the blood staining my clothes and face.  But through all of this, those faces of agony remained the same blur that they had always been.  Only one would remain clear, as it always did.  The little boy with the different colored eyes, the only survivor of what I called a massacre that I witnessed most nights.

             
Finally sitting myself up in the bed, I watched as the first light of dawn peeked through the windows.  Letting out a long breath, I pushed my hair back out of my tired eyes.  I knew that there was no way I was getting back to sleep now.  Sleep never came after those dreams.  Looking over at the pills on my nightstand, I considered whether or not I should’ve just taken one the night before.  But then again, I never had been the type of person who would willingly take medicine.  Perhaps there was a part of me that was worried that I might end up becoming addicted to it.  I sometimes wondered if Mama already was.  Maybe that was why she always seemed so mental anymore….

             
Allowing myself to focus on getting up, I pulled myself out of bed and made myself get up and moving.  The day was starting, and I had to find a way to do so as well.  It was already a little after six now, and the sun was steady rising.  I could see the light beginning to come in through the thin curtains and lighting up the white walls of my bedroom.  Yawning, I walked over to my dresser and took out some clothes.  Then I made my way out to the hallway and into the bathroom to take my shower.    I had class in two hours, and I knew I had to get some studying done.  Even though I didn’t really want to finish this college course anymore, I knew I had to stick it out.  After all, what good is starting something if you're not going to finish?

             
By that time in my life, I felt like things had fallen into a bit of a routine.  I’ll be the first to admit that I was bored with all of it.  But I really couldn’t complain too much about it either.  After a childhood of moving around from place to place, quite frequently I might add, it was nice to finally settle down in the small town of Fallsburg, bordering the forests of New York State.  My mother and I had been there for a year now, and it seemed to be just the place that Mama had been looking for.  Nice, quiet, and somewhat secluded.

             
Still, as I let my thoughts go and got ready to come out of the bathroom to go back into my room, I couldn’t help but stop to look at myself in the mirror.  Not to sound too full of myself, but I knew that I was anything but ugly.  In fact, with my looks, I probably could’ve been a social butterfly anywhere I went.  I had a beautiful face that was framed by radiant long red hair, and eyes bluer then the clearest sky.  I probably was what a lot of people would’ve considered to be a beautiful young woman.  But I knew that I could never use any of this to any advantage.  I was far too withdrawn.  In fact, I usually found myself retreating far back into myself whenever people even so much as really looked at me.  I blamed much of this on my parents though.  If my mother wasn’t such a reclusive mental case, and my adoptive father hadn’t taken his own life years earlier, maybe I would’ve stood a chance at being somewhat normal.  Maybe I even could’ve made something really good out of my life with this beauty that I’d been given by whatever powers create us.  But instead, I was living with the deep seeded dread of people even noticing me.  And my horrific nightmares that had given me countless sleep deprived nights.

             
Pulling myself away from my reflection, I finished getting dried off and dressed.  The bathroom was actually a little bit cold with the small drafty window in there leaking air like it always did.  I could feel the goose bumps forming on my skin from it.  The morning wasn’t as cool as the previous ones had been, but it was enough to speed me up.   Finally finishing up getting dressed I stepped back out of the bathroom still brushing my hair, then went back to my room to get my books so that I could get moving.  It was still early, but I wanted to get to the classroom so that I could get some studying done.  Plus, I really didn’t feel like facing my mother this morning.  I already had enough on my mind, and with her, you never quite knew when there might be a debate come up.  She was good at doing that anymore, considering she really didn’t like me taking these classes anyways.  Do online classes, she’d say.  But I didn’t want to do that.  I wanted to actually experience a classroom at least once in my life, even if it was only for some college courses.  A lifetime of home schooling had done that much for me.  I wanted more life experiences now that I was finally over eighteen and free to do more of what I wanted.

             
The cool morning breeze actually felt good as I stepped off the porch and onto the sidewalk.  Even with my hair still being a bit damp, I found that I really didn’t mind it.  It was refreshing, and helped me to completely wake up.  Glancing over at the trees and shrubs, I could see all of them budding, and the flowers were growing up from around the grass.  Yet another sign that spring was coming.  I felt myself smile at that.  A part of me actually did enjoy the sight of it all.  After all, it was much nicer than those dreams that were still playing through my mind.  Stopping for a moment, I stared at the rosebush growing on the side of one of the fences.  The roses that were blooming were large, and a deep red.  I had to close my eyes again.  I could still imagine that red being blood.  I could actually see it for a moment dripping down off of the petals.  Why do I keep thinking about of this? I wondered as I shook my head.  Why am I like this?

             
Taking a deep breath, I made myself open my eyes and resume walking.  Once again, I was considering the fact that perhaps there was something seriously wrong with me.  It couldn’t have been that far from the truth when I considered where I had come from.  My mother, or at least the woman I called Mama, was actually the lady who had adopted me when I was just a newborn.  I had really been born to a sixteen year old girl, who had died shortly after I was born.  She had apparently had been killed by her own father from what I’d come to learn.  He’d killed her, then taken me to a nearby church and just left me there while he went back home and took his own life.  Mama was the one who found me hidden in that church, and she immediately took me in, eventually adopting me.  Apparently, no one ever learned of who my biological father was.  It remains a mystery still to this day, although there were rumors, at least according to Mama, that my birth mother had always been promiscuous and it could’ve been any number of men.  It was all a real bummer when I allowed myself to think about it.  What a terrible way to come into the world.

             
I supposed I should’ve been grateful for being adopted in the first place, and not being placed in some foster home, but a part of me wondered at times if it had been a good thing at all.  After all, it wasn’t long after my adoption that my adoptive father took his own life, hanging himself in the garage of our first home when I was just three.  I couldn't explain why, but I'd always felt like his death was somehow my fault.  And things never really got any better once he was gone, considering Mama began going through a very drastic change.  She became reclusive, and suspicious of just about anything and everyone.  Because she moved us around from place to place, even state to state, after Daddy's suicide, I never really got used to being anywhere for very long, and never got the chance to have any real friends either.  She even home schooled me, because she didn’t want me around the other kids, claiming that they could be bad influences.  This, of course, was part of the driving force that led me to want to take actual in person college classes.  I was so tired of this lonely life that she’d made me lead.  I wanted to make a real life for myself.  I didn’t want to be a recluse for the rest of my life…

             
I shook my head and tried to clear away all of these thoughts.  The past couldn’t be changed, and I knew it.  But now that I was nineteen, I had found a lot more freedom.  My mother couldn’t control all of the aspects of my life anymore now that I was considered an adult.  She had to let go more and more after I’d turned eighteen.  She couldn't have any real say in what I did anymore, or how I wanted to live my life or spend the inheritance that had been left from my dad specifically for me.  So I began taking these college courses, and decided that I would try to make something more of my life.  I refused to be the recluse that my mother had become or had wanted me to be.  I would not stay suspicious of everyone around me anymore.  I would give myself the life I felt that I wanted and deserved.

             
I picked up the pace a little though as I thought about that.  I needed to get moving if I wanted to get  a good amount of studying done.  In fact, I was kind of hoping that the test the professor had been threatening would be put off just a little bit longer.  I really hadn’t gotten a lot of studying done lately, and I was falling a bit behind.  But at the same time, what kind of person would know math like this like the back of their hand?  I hated that I had to take this class.  Most good jobs weren’t going to care whether or not you knew all of these formulas.  It was all just a huge waste of time as far as I was concerned.  But I had to pass this stupid class for the credit too.  Again, what a bummer.

             
Finally getting to the building, I hurried up the stairs and inside.  The building itself was like it always was.  The hallways were lined with thin brown carpet, and I could see the rooms and adjacent offices as I walked by them.  They were mostly empty, but that wasn’t unusual for this time of morning.  I’d heard some of the others say that it creeped them out a little bit when the building was this empty and quiet, but it never really bothered me.  In fact, I kind of thought that it was silly.  It was just another old building, made of brick and mortar.  Nothing sinister about it.

My classroom was empty as well as I walked in, but again, that was how I preferred it.  Walking past the long tables that were lined up to look at the front of the room, I took my seat at the third table from the left and quietly pulled out my book and notebook from my bag.  I still had another half an hour before the class started, so I wanted to get at least a little bit of studying done while I still had time on my side.  Like I said, I wasn’t doing too well, and I really didn’t want to fail.  That would really have been a waste.  But as I looked down at my notebook, I once again found myself flashing back to my nightmare from before.  In fact, the blood reappeared in my vision, covering my notebook in crimson stains.  I closed my eyes and shook my head, willing them away once again.  This was getting old now.  I really needed to find a way to make this all stop…

              After another moment of recomposing myself, I allowed myself to open my eyes again and try to resume studying.  But as I looked through the formulas and ran them through my mind again, I suddenly became aware of the door opening.  Listening closely, I heard the footsteps of someone walking into the room.  Just great, I thought.  Someone else has decided to come in early.  Hopefully they’d just let me study and not try to distract me.  This had happened before to me, and most people were respectful enough to just let me be.  However, every now and then, I’d have one that just decided that they were more interested in me then the class.  I really hated it when that happened.  I always thought with the way I didn’t bother looking at anyone else that they’d just get the hint and leave me alone…

             
The footsteps continued without hesitation over to where I was sitting.  I kept my head down, trying to just ignore them like I always did with everyone else.  After a moment of silence, I heard a male voice speak up.  It was quiet and somewhat deep, and not one that I could immediately place as hearing before.  And definitely not one that I could ignore.

             
“Hey, this seat isn’t taken, is it?”

             
“No, there’s no one else here besides me right now.” I answered, not bothering to even look up at him.  It had to have been just another guy joining the class.  It was still early enough in the semester for anyone to do so.  And really, it wasn’t that unusual for me not to recognize his voice.  After all, I didn’t know too many people from around this town, and only knew voices from this class.  If he was new, then that would’ve made sense for me not to recognize his voice.

             
I heard him pull out the chair and sit down beside me.  “That’s good.  I need to look over this stuff again anyways.” he said.  With that, I heard him pull out a book and open it on the table as well.  Feeling a little curious now, I glanced over from out of the corner of my eye.  But when I did, I found myself turning my head completely around and staring at him in disbelief.