REBORN (Metamorphosis Book 1) (11 page)

He slammed the phone, and I just stood there.  I had never said anything like that to Julian.  I was always afraid to tell him how I really felt.

Kayden grabbed my hand and whispered, "You can go and have breakfast with them, it's okay, and I'm okay."

"No, I know Julian is trying to use the kids against me, against us.  I refuse to play his game."

This time I was the one grabbing the menu and ordering room service for breakfast.

I got up and dressed for the day.  We were supposed to go to the hospital at twelve but wanted to eat before I left, I was famished.  We ate like we had been eating the last couple of mornings, in silence.  After finishing my meal I asked, "Will you join us today at the hospital?"

"Do you want me to?" he responded.

"Yes."

"Then I will."

"Have I told you thank you for being at my side during this most difficult time, for your support and help?"

"You have… in so many ways.  Let me get ready and make sure the limo is outside by twelve.  Please call Vickie and make sure they are okay.  I don’t want to be the reason you have a rift with your children at this time in your life.  Tell her we'll be meeting downstairs at twelve and that I am coming too, you don't want any surprises.  It's going to be okay, give them time."

I simply nodded, knowing that he was right and grateful for his thoughtfulness.

A few minutes before twelve thirty we arrived at the hospital.  I asked Kayden to go in with me to see my mother; we both talked to her in that combination of English and Spanish that she preferred.  Then the kids went in one by one, followed by Julian.  He was fuming.  In so many ways he felt betrayed by me regardless of the fact we had been divorced for more than two years, and apart for three.  This was his mother-in-law, and I had to go in to see her during her final hours with another man.  I had no time to deal with his injuries; at six fifty-five p.m. my mother passed away peacefully, surrounded by her family.  Per her request, there was no wake, no funeral.  She was cremated.  On Sunday we rented a boat and went to the warm waters of the Caribbean to scatter her ashes for her final resting place.  She loved daisies and orchids, so we bought hundreds of them and scattered them with the ashes to accompany her on her journey home.  Safe travels Mommy, we love you.

Chapter Nine

I returned to Chicago Monday morning; the kids and Julian Sunday evening.  Kayden stayed with me that last night in Miami.  The city will always have special significance to me; not only did I lose my mother there, but I got to fall in love one more time.  I thought you could love only once, but with Kayden I learned that second chances are possible.  We had a long way to go but I was happy just to have him by my side for that week.

Love is a funny thing; it comes when you least expect it, when you are not looking for it.  At this time in my life I knew it didn't last forever unless you nurtured it, unless you were willing to fight for it.  I knew Kayden was worth fighting for, he'd been by my side during the darkest moments, the ones that show what's in a man's soul and I knew that even if he didn't know it yet, he loved me too.  

Kayden went straight to his office that afternoon; he had tons of work to catch up.

"Do you want me to pick up some food on the way home?"

"Don't worry, we can order when you get back."

On the way "home," he had said.  Home, his place or mine?  The hotel had seemed like home, but now back in Chicago, which place was home?

I had to call my friends, let the kids know I arrived in one piece; I could not do any of that.  I went straight to my bedroom and went into bed clothes and all, covered from head to toe.  At seven Kayden came home, worried because I had not answered his calls.  He came to the bedroom and found me in bed; he cradled me, kissing my face, my hair, my lips. 

"Baby, why didn't you call me, I would have been here in a second."  He took me to the bathroom, sat me on the sink, and then took off my clothes. His hands were shaky as he put my night-clothes on then placed me back in bed.  He went to the kitchen and prepared tea and brought it to me.  He was genuinely worried.

"Do you want to eat, want me to call someone?"

"I just want to sleep," I said, my chest feeling as if it were going to explode. 

"At least drink some of the tea; it's chamomile."

I had never seen him so helpless before; he had always known what to do.  What's the right word, the best way to touch me, the way I needed to be loved.  Now, all he could do was to take off his clothes and get in bed with me. 

"You don't have to go through this alone," he said, then held me tight.

I woke up at seven the next day, his body wrapped around mine like a vine.  I looked at the peacefulness of his expression while sleeping, the beauty of his features, and every line on his face.  I caressed his lips, his hair, and his face, with gentle strokes.  And then I gave him the softest of kisses as not to wake him up.  My lips told him in silence how much I loved him.  He opened his eyes as if knowing what I had just said.  Then he rolled on top of me and kissed me.

"What did you just say?"

"Me? I was quiet like a mouse, didn't want to wake you up."

"I want to hear what you said."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"So that's the game you want to play; just remember every action has an equal reaction."

"I said, I said I care about you."  I was nervous; I wasn't about to confess to him what was in my heart, not now, not without knowing how he felt about me.

"Are those the words you used? You care about me; like you care about healthcare or like you care about garbage collection?  Please tell me, Ellie."

"You are the most infuriating man I have ever met," then I tried to get out from under him but I could not get out.

"I care about you too." His voice was velvety soft, seductive.

Kayden left for work at nine a.m., not convinced I should be left alone.  He programmed additional numbers to his office, secretary, and receptionist on my cell phone and made me promise I would call if I needed him, anytime.  I decided it was time to get out of bed and begin to face the world.  I took a long shower, and then went to the kitchen in search of something to eat.  By eleven I was somewhat ready to face the world.  I sent a text to the kids to find out how they were doing.  Damien had returned to Urbana to resume classes at the University of Illinois, Emily went back to Northwestern, and Vickie was back at work at her father's law firm.  I had to contact my boss to find out what was the status of my employment; I would not blame them if they had terminated me.  I still had things to do regarding my mother's belongings, but that was going to have to wait.  For now I was going to focus on re-establishing my life in Chicago.  The rest would come later.

Julian called at six to ask if we were still on for our regular Thursday night dinner.  The man was unrelenting; I told him it was not a good idea.  I did not want him to think there was still hope for us, did not want to lead him on.  He said that he understood, but Thursday night was our time to talk about the kids.  Besides, we promised to still be friends after the divorce.

"I don't know Julian, I think you need to move on with your life; I'll think about it and let you know."  I also knew that Kayden was not going to like it one bit. 

When Kayden got home after work he found me in a different mood than the night before.  He suggested we go out for some fresh air and dinner.  It was a great idea; the air was warm and the night just beautiful.  We decided to walk to Gibson's for steak.  The maitre d' found a table for us very quickly, he either recognized Kayden or we were unusually lucky.  Both Kayden and I had steak with roasted asparagus and a bottle of Cabernet.  On the way back I decided to tell him about my conversation with Julian.

"Julian called today."  I felt his body stiffen and his step falter.

"What did he want?"  His voice was deceptively soft.

"He wanted to know about Thursday dinner, if we were still on."

"And by we, he meant you and him."

"Yes," I responded hesitantly.

"I know you said no, right?"

"Kayden, I told him I'd think about it."

"You'd think about it, what the fuck are you talking about?  What in Christ's name is there to think about?  The answer is NO," he said through gritted teeth.

"Kayden, we have to talk about this." I was trying to sound logical.

"There is nothing to talk about, the answer will still be no.  I was very clear with you about the fact that I will not share you.  The prick knows what he is doing; don’t fall for his games."

"I am not your property," I told him, feeling outrage; he had no right to tell me what to do.

"The heck you aren't."  Now he was losing the little patience he had managed to hold on to, not that it was much.  His voice was getting louder by the second.

"Are you mine too or do you get to do whatever you want?"

"I am yours too, and I would never disrespect you by even implying that I would go out with another woman," he answered without hesitation.

Well then, when he put it that way I could see his point.  It would drive me crazy to even think that he would be out with someone else.  But this was Julian; he was just a friend, the father of my children.  Who was I kidding?  Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I knew that for Julian it was so much more and I could not do that to Kayden or for that matter Julian.

Kayden must have been reading my mind because his voice became calmer but firm, "What you are doing is not fair to me and is not fair to him; end it now."

This man I love is just like the Chicago weather; turbulent, temperamental, and intolerant!   God help me, this is going to be a bumpy ride and I have no intention of getting off.

When we entered my apartment Kayden asked, "Are we okay now?"

"Yes, you were right.  I have to let Julian know that outside family events, we are not going to see each other any-more."

"Good!  Do you want to sleep in my place tonight?"

"I can't Kayden, I feel the presence of your wife there.  I feel that she's watching over you."

"Let's go upstairs, I want to show you something."  He grabbed me by the hand and off we went.

My apprehension began as we got closer to the door, and for a moment I froze.

"Trust me," he said, his voice soft, tender.  When we entered the living room my eyes went immediately to where the portrait had been.  Instead I saw a painting of a beautiful sunset I had noticed in his foyer before.

"What happened, where is the painting?" 

"I sent it to her parents.  They had asked for it years ago and I had refused to let it go, to let her go.  I think it was time.  She will always be a part of me but if we are going to build something together, then it has to be just the two of us, not three of us."

"Oh Kayden, I don't know what to say."

"Just say that you will stay here tonight.  I need you in my space, I need your scent in every corner of this place, in my bed, on my sheets, in my bath…"

What could I possibly say?  My eyes watered and my mouth looked for his.  He took me by the hand and into his bed.

Chapter Ten

Lovemaking with Kayden was never the same.  What was it that he said?  Ah, "he was going to take me a hundred different ways."  Well, we must be up to ninety-nine by now, so I'm sure he meant one thousand different ways!  I swear to God, the man must be taking some sort of special supplement because his stamina was out of this world. 

That first night in his apartment was wild; I don’t think we slept more than an hour.  Yet Kayden was fully refreshed and ready to conquer the universe the next morning.  I, on the other hand, needed something stronger than tea to wake me up.  Fortunately for me, I found coffee already made in the kitchen.

He had given me the key to his apartment; now it was official, we were a couple, no longer a casual screw.