RECKLESS — Bad Boy Criminal Romance (33 page)

“Really?”

“Yeah, you’re only eighteen for christ’s sakes.  And you’re more ambitious, hardworking, and sincere than probably anyone I’ve ever met.  Being with you has been awesome.”

Britney takes a deep breath, composing herself a bit, though her eyes are still red and her cheeks still wet.  “When I pray every night before I go to bed, I’m going to pray for you,” she says.  “I mean, I already do.  But I’m going to keep doing it even now that we won’t be together.”

“Thank you.”  I think a moment, then say, “I guess I better go.”

“So is this it?  Are you leaving town right away?”

“Tomorrow morning.  I have to.”

“God.”  Her face contorts and her eyes tear up again.

“I’m sorry I’m doing this to you.”

“Can we just sit here a moment?” she barely manages to ask.

“Sure.”

Once she finally calms herself, she forces a smile and wipes the tears from her face.  Britney leans into me and hugs me for a long time.  Before I leave, she tells me many more times that she loves me.

“I realize, by leaving, you’re doing the right thing,” she says.  “That takes a lot of strength.  You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met.”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

“Don’t do that,” she says.  “Don’t not give yourself the credit you deserve.  You’ve been so nice and supportive of me ever since we got together.  I couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend.  I don’t care if you’re not the most religious person or whatever.  You have a good heart.  And you
are
a good person.”

Chapter Twenty-One

On a Friday night, I ate dinner at home and received a text message from Ariel. 

She was hanging out with Cassie and they wanted to drink.  They wanted me to get Terrell to admit them into the strip club.

I texted Terrell and drove to the club.  When I arrived he stood outside and had already let them in.  Ariel and Cassie sat together at the bar, both drinking a J&B.

I joined them and drank a beer.  I looked around the room.  The club was crowded.  A girl danced on stage and other strippers worked the room offering private dances.  Notably absent, however, was Curtis and his crew.  Only one of his low-level dealers was present, hovering around the restrooms.

I half-listened as Cassie and Ariel talked.  Eventually Ariel excused herself momentarily, leaving Cassie and me alone together.

She leaned toward me, semi-drunk, and said, “I’ve been thinking about what you said.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.  About whether or not we belong together.”

I nodded.

“That really hurt when you asked me that.  I’ve been upset ever since we had that conversation.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I guess you’re just trying to be practical or whatever.  But sometimes I really don’t understand you.”

“The feeling is mutual.”

“I even asked Ariel for advice on you.  She’s known you longer than anybody, right?”

“Yeah.  What did you come up with?”

“I think … I think we should stay together.  I love you.  I really do.  And I don’t think it’s just, like, a teenage crush.  I mean, I guess some people search their whole life for their soul mate.  But some people must find that person when they’re young, like we are.”

“You really think we’re soul mates?  How about when we don’t get along?”

“That shit doesn’t matter.  Arguing and fights happen.  Everything can’t always be all perfect, right?”

“I guess not.”

“So why shouldn’t we be together?”

I thought about it.

“There’s not another guy I’d rather have.  Would you rather be with someone else?”

“Not necessarily.”

“See, we want each other.  We can get through whatever problems we have.”

I looked into her eyes and realized maybe she really did love me.

“We could break up, but then what?” she asked.  “We would have to meet new people and try to find that connection and those feelings that you and I already have.  And who knows if we’d ever find them again?  We’ve been together since we were really young.  We know about each other.  We know what each other like.  And we have all that shared time.  Why not keep going – creating more good experiences together?  Even if we get frustrated and have misunderstandings, we just need to communicate better.  Maybe someday we will understand each other.”

I smiled.

“What are you thinking?” she asked.

“I’m still trying to wrap my head around the idea of us being soul mates.  Like, the idea that we’re meant for each other and no one else.  Do you really believe in that shit?”

              “I don’t know.”  She shrugged.  “But if it is real, that’d really suck to break up and end up hating each other, wouldn’t it?”

I chuckled and started remembering everything I liked about Cassie since we first met.  With strippers walking around, I focused only on her and leaned in to kiss her.

Before I did, Terrell put his hand on my shoulder.  “You might want to check on your sister.”

“What is it?” I asked.

“You know that necklace I gave her when we were together?”

“Uh huh.”

“I just saw her give it to that dealer hanging around the bathrooms.”

“Where is she now?”

“I think she ducked into one of the private rooms in the back.”

I walked to the back of the club and peeked into a few rooms until I found her.  The room was dimly-lit and contained a big leather couch, a few wooden chairs, and a table.

On the table Ariel poured powder from a small bag in her hand.  She tied the bag back closed and pocketed it.  Then she carefully crafted two straight lines of cocaine.  With her back to me, unaware I was there, she snorted the first one.  She paused, sniffling a bit, waited and then did the second line.  She brushed off her nose, turned around, and jumped when she saw me.  “Christ.”  She exhaled a big breath and smiled.  “I didn’t hear you.  You mind announcing you’re in the room next time?”

“I feel sick.”  I stepped toward her so we were face-to-face.  “You said you were going to quit doing this.”

She shook her head and looked away from me.  “Let’s not talk about this right now.”

“Why not?  When do you want to talk about it?”

She pulled her silver-colored cell phone from her pocket and glanced at it, ignoring me.

“Hey!”  I grabbed the phone from her.  “Listen to me.”

“Give that back.”  She snatched the phone back from me and stuck it in her pocket.  “What do you want me to say?”

“Nothing.  I just want you to stop.  You don’t need it.”

“I know I don’t need it.  It’s just … I like it.”

“You’re just being weak.”

“Maybe I’m weak then.”

“I don’t think so.”

“It just helps me feel better, okay?”

“I just don’t get why you have to have it.”

“It speeds me up so I don’t have to think.  I don’t have to be in my head and beat myself up for the things I don’t like about myself.  I don’t have to be responsible or have any problems.”

“What problems do you have that are so big?”

“It’s not necessarily big things.  It’s life’s small stresses.  Like being on time.  Or going through the same old routine day after day.  Or acting a certain way so people don’t think you’re in a bad mood or a weirdo.  What’s the point?   It’s boring.  Is that what life is going to be?  I’d rather be in an altered state than go through that grind sober.”

“It doesn’t have to be so bad.”

              Ariel shook her head and thought a moment.  “Why don’t you think our dad wanted anything to do with us?” she asked.

I looked at her, puzzled.  “I don’t know … Who cares?”

She didn’t say anything.

“You’re strong enough to get over this.  You’re smart enough to be successful at whatever you want.”

“So I’ll go to college and get a job and get married and have kids and then will that be happiness?  Maybe I can make enough money or marry someone with enough so that I can live in the suburbs and sit on the couch every night and watch reality television and drool on myself.  I guess it would take even less brain power than what I’m doing now … Though I would be totally disgusted with my life.”  She forced a smile.  “The only thing about coke I don’t like is that it’s such a short high, though drinking helps prolong it.  And it’s expensive.”

“I guess the necklace Terrell gave you helped.”

“Yeah, I sold it.”  Ariel stared the floor sheepishly.  “Or traded it.  It’s not like I had any more use for it.  I guess it made me feel loved at one time.  But that’s about all it did.  It couldn’t help when my brain felt overloaded like it was going to explode.  It couldn’t help me be social and talk without constantly criticizing myself and feeling awful about saying something stupid.  It didn’t complete me.”  She laughed.

I listened and didn’t have any response.

“I know you want me to stop.  I know you love me and care about me, so I’ll be honest with you.  I have no intention of stopping.  At least not now.  Maybe someday I’ll get my shit together and quit.  That’s not today though.  But hey, there’s always tomorrow, right?”  She smiled at me.

Suddenly the music blaring from the main floor of the club stopped.  I heard some commotion – shouting followed by a shrill noise, possibly a scream.

Ariel heard it as well and asked, “What is that?”

I turned toward the door.

A police officer abruptly charged through the doorway.  “This club is closed on suspicion of prostitution and drug trafficking,” he bellowed authoritatively.  “Both of you put your hands up against the wall and spread your feet.”

I glanced at Ariel and at her pocket where her bag of cocaine was stored.  I sized up the officer and didn’t budge.

“Move, now!” he shouted.

I stared at him and he reached toward his gun holster.  I complied and stepped toward the wall and placed my hands against it.

Ariel did too, though on the wall opposite me.

The officer stepped toward me first.  “Do what I tell you when I tell you.”  He pressed me hard against the wall.  “Do you understand?”  He patted me down along my arms and upper body.  He moved down my waist toward my blue jeans’ pockets and started down my pant legs.

As he searched me, suddenly, Ariel dashed out of the room and toward the back exit of the club.

The officer ran after her and I ran after him.

The back parking lot was loaded with cars.  Ariel weaved through the maze of vehicles, disappearing.  The pursuing officer ran through the cars row by row, peeking under them hoping to find Ariel hiding or at least catch a glimpse of her fleeing feet.  I weaved through the vehicles as well, sprinting as I shouted her name, hoping to find her before the officer did.  Breathing heavy, adrenaline pumping, I slowed down and stopped shouting as she’d seemingly vanished.  I stood still and listened.  The sound of shuffling feet was nearby and I stepped around a large, dark SUV and saw Ariel about twenty-five feet away.

She reached into her pocket and I called her name.  She spun around as she pulled a silver-colored object, her cell phone, from her pocket and I heard a gunshot from the police officer’s pistol.  Ariel collapsed and I ran to her and kneeled on the gravel beside her.  In the center of her chest was a bullet wound and from it blood spread and stained her shirt.  I held up her head and she looked at me, though her eyes were glassy and she didn’t say anything before they closed.  Numb, I didn’t say anything or cry.  I lifted her body toward mine and held her tightly.

I blacked out and don’t remember letting her go.  When I woke up, I was in the passenger seat of Terrell’s pickup truck pulling into the driveway of his house.  He helped me inside, though we didn’t talk.  Still in shock, my brain could hardly function.  He had me lay down on his bed and he left the room and soon I was unconscious again.

The next time I woke up I sat up on the edge of the bed.  I stood and walked into the living room where a lamp was turned on.  The television was on and Terrell was on the couch and slept lightly it appeared, looking like he had just dozed off.  The clock read three in the morning.

I quietly opened the front door and left the house.  I walked the empty streets.  I walked and walked and eventually came across a police car.  It was parked by a usually busy intersection.  However, because of the time, traffic was almost nonexistent.  I approached the car where the officer inside could see me coming.  I motioned for him to roll down the window.  “Could you give me directions?”  I told him where I wanted to go.

He attempted to give me directions, but the destination I chose was purposefully difficult to get to.

I pointed to a street located behind his car.  “So I go this way and then turn left?”

“No, no.  Let me show you.”  The officer opened the driver-side door and stepped out.  He turned his head and pointed.  “Go this way and turn right.  Then you’ll be staying on that on that street for a ways, alright?”

When he turned his face back toward me, I threw a punch aimed for his nose.