Reckless Karma (Sinners & Saints #2) (28 page)

           
“Right.”
I nod and begin to cry again. “I just really want her back.”

           
“I
know.”

           
“They
won’t let me come to the funeral.”

           
“Fuck
them… funerals aren’t even for the living. They’re a waste of time and they’re
depressing.” I laugh again at how serious he is. “We’ll have our own. Right
here.”

           
I
give him a look, but the seriousness in his eyes right now is too much.

“Say
a few words?” I ask.

           
“Okay…
I didn’t know her… but I hear she was amazing and I’m sort of thankful to her
kindness and forgiveness because it is what shaped your heart. A heart that is
so big, so profound that when it beats it lifts me higher and higher into
whatever the hell existence is up there.”

           
I
laugh again and lick my lips before speaking. “I thank Jess for being my
friend… my confidant, my guardian angel through text. Heaven’s gonna have one
hell of a party with her up there. Your speech was maybe better.”

           
“I’m
better at a lot of things.”

           
I
laugh again, looking down before looking at him again. “Like what?”

           
“Like
words… Scrabble.”

           
“You
play Scrabble?”

           
“Yes.
I’m a genius at it.”

           
“We’ll
have to play when we get back.”

           
“We
will.”

           
“What
else are you better at than anyone?”

           
“Making
love to you.”

           
I
was hoping he would say that. “You’re gonna have to prove it.”

           
He
accepts the challenge and kisses me. He doesn’t move fast even though I want
him to. He takes his time, peeling off layers, placing light kisses on my body.
Every part. My cheek. My ear. My chin. My arm. My feet. My scars on my inner
thigh from when I used to harm myself over the guilt over Jess’s fall. His
kisses are a sweet devotion. He lays me on the bed and undresses himself,
letting me rest until he climbs on top of me. His perfect ocean stares at me
with a tenderness that is new once he’s inside me. He kisses my lips and his
tongue washes over me. I didn’t want it so slow, but I needed it. I needed to
look into his eyes as he moved inside me and made me feel something I have
never felt before. It’s almost like an out of body experience. It feels like
I’m lifted and put somewhere else. A better place. It is a better place. Here
with him. We make love and my eyes are filled with tears because the pain from
the death of Jess and love from Hugo is almost too much to take, but it is what
is needed for me to let it all go.

HUGO

I
came here because I love her. She comes first now. I’m okay with that. That is
as simple as it is. There is no intricacy. No loophole. For the first time I’ve
found something simple and more point blank than anything else I have praised
myself on. I have praised myself on a lot of things and I have been blinded by
my own ego to see the real truth. Everything is a lie. Even me. I’m scared to
open that box because I think I do know what I’ll find when I do. I just want
to lay here with Juliet… the only truth I know forever. But forever is only in
death and I’m trying to not reach that yet.

           
“You
okay?” she asks me, tracing the lines of my stomach as her head lays on my
chest.

           
“No.
You?”

           
“No…
but I think I’ll get there.”

           
“I
found the original box. It was with August this whole time.”

           
“I
know.”

           
“I’m
scared to open it.”

           
“I
know.”

           
“I
think I know who Gabriel killed.”

           
She
lifts her head up and looks at me in disbelief, but I know. I figured it out
when I confronted Scarlett and it all made sense.

           
“‘You
made me kill someone,’ he said. My uncle’s been missing since Gabriel’s
suicide.”

           
“No,
they said it was months later, I thought.”

           
“That’s
when my grandmother reported it, but I know. Gabriel killed our uncle.”

           
Her
eyes are still and it’s as if she is reading my mind.

           
“Which
means whatever is in that box about the club,” she says. “It has something to
do with your mother. Your uncle did something to your mother.”

           
I’m
shaking because I know. I know but I can’t say it. I can’t even think it and
Juliet doesn’t force me. She only kisses me and lets me hold her.

CHAD

Everything
is grey. A shiny grey. Grey that is my life. No color. No shine. No anything.
Never thought I needed it. Knew I wanted it. Thought maybe it would finally
happen, but no even beyond the grave Gabriel tortures me.

           
“You
look like shit,” she says. I forgot she had a key.

           
“What’s
new?”

           
“Well
what’s new is you look like more than shit. Also I heard your father might be
going to prison or worse going broke once all his assets are frozen.”

“Good…
one good thing Karlie Dale has done, and you look like the shit no one can
stand to look at or be near.” Her heels make their way around my spot on the
floor and there she is in all black. I see her hands that are covered with
black gloves.

“Funeral
today?”

“No…
not today.” Scarlett smiles as she kneels beside me. She eyes the piece of
paper on the floor and looks at it. “You are not the father. Shocker there.”

           
“He
always got what I wanted. The girls… you… your respect. I couldn’t even have
him.”

           
“Finally
coming out of the closet, Chad?”

           
“There
is no label for me,” I tell the truth. “I am nothing.” I grab the vodka bottle
and drink the last of it. Everything is burning, from the coke stuck in my nose
and throat to my stomach that is full of vodka and pills. Vodka and pills.
Vodka and pills. That’s a catchy song.

           
“What’s
so funny?” she asks me and I look at her.

           
“Everything…
us. You and I…. we are trash. We are trash that is left on the curb waiting to
be picked up and thrown into the waste with the rest of the filth.”

           
She
seems bothered by what I say, but something also registers to her.

           
“You
wanted it to be you,” she laughs. “There must be a God because you, of all
people, actually wanted to be the father of those kids.”

           
“We
all need a little hope sometimes,” I shrug it off.

           
“You
thought you were gonna get saved by the innocent spirit of a child, Chad? You
are more ridiculous than I thought. This isn’t a soap opera. You can’t be
redeemed because of some kids or a girl. Not when you have done so much.”

           
“Are
you speaking from current experience?” I hiss at her. “If I can’t, you damn
sure as hell can’t even walk into a church without erupting into flames. You
are the one that can’t ever be redeemed.”

           
“Aw
sweetie… I don’t want to be redeemed.”

           
“Something
will probably make you want to… I bet on it.”

           
“I
once thought that.” She smirks to herself. “But… no… I am forever the villain.”
Her smile grows wide like she knows something I don’t. But of course she does.
When has Scarlett not known about anything or anyone? She knows everything
about me and I hate her for it. I hate her for what she has helped me create
within me.

           
“I
brought you a gift.” She pulls out a vile of white powder. The whitest I’ve
ever seen.

           
“For
what?” I lick my lips gazing at it.

           
“For
your help in my war against Karlie and Hugo.”

           
“So
you won?”

           
“Not
yet.” She lines it up from me as she babbles about nothing. “It seems they are
gaining the upper hand a bit. Causing a lot of secrets to come up. Myths that
were supposed to stay hidden, but that’s the problem with good people. Always
curious and wanting to help and be the hero and I sometimes have to take
extreme actions to win and you know, Chad…” She trails off as I snort the long
line. Longer than usual and…. Fuck me. It’s… It’s… “I don’t really like to take
extreme actions. Never have, because I’ve killed someone before and it was not
very fulfilling.”

           
I
think that’s what I heard her say. My ears are tight and everything is shaking.
I feel something dripping down my lip. My trembling fingers come to my lips and
blood appears. My ears pop. They pop and the pain brings tears to my eyes. I
feel the blood coming out of them. I fall back, my head slamming on the wooden
floor. Scarlett climbs on top of me, gazing lovingly into my eyes. She presses
her hands on my chest and presses down. I begin to shake and she presses
harder. My teeth clench as fire and ice soar through my insides. It’s like an
explosion goes off in my chest and my heart shatters and my lungs fill with the
blood from it and I… I can’t breathe. My mouth is open trying to call out for
help, trying to beg Scarlett to help, but she just stares. Her grey eyes just
stare into mine.

           
“It’s
only right that I give you one last gift. Something oddly you needed for
years.” She leans over and the smell of perfume makes its way through the smell
of blood. She whispers and my hand grabs for something. It was meant to be her,
but instead it’s a jacket. The pain isn’t here anymore and the grey is
swallowed into black and the faint echo of my heartbeat becomes nothing more
than a memory along with Scarlett’s final gift. Something she’s kept from me. I
am…

18

JULIET

“Do
you really need to go so soon?” my mum asks as Hugo passes my luggage to the
driver to put in the car.

           
“Mum,
I’m shocked. I thought you were glad to get rid of me.”

           
“I
may be stiff, as you like to call me, but… you are my baby girl and I just want
to make sure you are happy.” A moment of compassion from my mum is always the
best.

           
“I’m
gettin' there,” I tell her truthfully.

           
“Good…
and I expect a wedding to occur in the next two years.”

           
I
laugh. “Oh God, Mum.”

           
“Think
of it. Mandrake and Spears. We’ll be unstoppable.”

           
“Couldn’t
agree more,” Hugo says and I am embarrassed that he overheard that.

           
“Lovely
to meet you, Hugo.”

           
“You
as well.”

           
My
dad comes to hug me. I hold on tight. Earlier this summer my dad almost died
and when he survived his heart attack I knew there was more. Deep down I just
knew more bad would come. I just never expected it to be Jess. I never wanted
it to be her.

           
“Love
you, Rabbit,” my dad whispers.

           
“Love
you too, Dad. Stay well yeah.”

           
He
lets go and I pull my reluctant brother in for a hug.

           
“I
love you, you little runt.” I mess up his hair. I bend down and kiss him on the
cheek.

           
“Ewww!”
he whines.

           
“Take
good care of her.” My dad smiles at Hugo. “Or else… That’s a warning and a
threat.”

           
“Duly
noted, sir.” Hugo shakes his hand as if he’s not worried about disappointing my
father.

           
Just
when I think it’s time to go, a blue car pulls up. A woman comes out. She’s
young, blonde, and in sweats. She looks tired and sad in a way.

           
“Can
we help you?” my mum asks.

           
“Yes.”
She forces a smile and looks at me. “Are you Juliet?”

           
“Yes,”
I answer and walk over to her as Hugo and my family are left wondering who this
woman is.

           
“I’m…”
She pauses and looks off before giving me back her full attention. “I’m Jess’s
personal assistant.” A genuine smile appears on her face. “I feel as if I know
you.”

           
“Through
the texts.” I giggle not bothered by the tears falling from my face.

           
“Yes.
Very… hysterical messages I must say.”

           
I
laugh with her. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

           
“No,
its fine. My life was rather bloody boring until her parents hired me. I must
say they are what Jess would call… cunts for forbidding you from the funeral.
She would want you there.”

           
I
shrug. “Funerals suck anyway.”

           
She
pulls out an envelope. “She wanted me to give this to you. I wrote it but it’s
her words. She figured a text message was less deserving for the truth of how
much you meant to her.”

           
I’m
scared to take it. She takes my hand and places the envelope in it. We exchange
a look of knowing and understanding. I realize she does know me and in some way
we are forever connected because of Jess.

           
“Thank
you,” I say and I pull her in, hugging her tight and she does the same.

           
“Glad
to see the crazy fucka came to his senses,” she whispers and I laugh at the
reference to Hugo in Jess’s words no less.

           
I
say my goodbye to the woman who was the messenger. I say my goodbyes to my
family. I say goodbye to my home. My home. London is forever my home, but once
I’m on the plane and I look at Hugo who is sound asleep, I feel good about the
home I am venturing off to.

           
I
choose to read the letter now, as I am alone and sound. My heart can take the
truth at this moment.

Dear Bitch,

You are reading this letter, therefore I’m dead as a coked up whore
jumping naked into a pool. Not funny? Too soon for you? I don’t care. This is
my last will and testament to you so I’m in charge for one last time. Juliet, I
just wanted to sum up you and me through the years. We met when we were six. We
were best mates since that moment we borrowed or stole each other’s toys. We’ve
envied, hated, and despised each other. We’ve broken each other in ways no one
should ever have to. We used to do seriously messed up shit, girl. Then we got
worse. I became a paralyzed seizing twat. You became a happy go lucky
self-cutting whore. Thought I didn’t know that, did you? I did. I’m glad you
stopped too. We mess up, Juliet. That’s what we do. Humans are fucked up. I
know you will always in some way blame yourself for what happened to me, but I
hope my crazy sexy cool spirit is there over your boney shoulders shouting at
you, telling you that it is not your fault. It’s I… and that bottle of Jamison
and coke I bought from that ginger fuck Lenny. It’s the self-hate I bestowed on
myself for so long. It’s bullshit I let get to me. I. I. Me. I want you to live
your life and have enough fun for the both of us. I want you to be happy. I
want you to continue fucking that hot new Yankee you got. No seriously. Please
do. I’m on your Instagram now looking at a picture of you at a music festival
and I didn’t know he had a twin brother! If only I wasn’t dead, I would so get
on that.
 
But I am. And you can
grieve and sulk for a bit, but you get the fuck back up and live your fucking
life. And heads up you might not be invited to the funeral because my parents. Love
em, but they are dicks. And they don’t understand how good you’ve been to me
and how much I love you. There finally said it. I love you. Told you I’d tell
you when I was dead.

           
I
cry. I laugh. I smile. I keep doing all over again until the words from Jess’s
letter set in and calm the stubbornness and unwillingness to forgive. The guilt
starts to become faint and I think it will continue to for the rest of my days
now. That was the whole point of this letter. She had always forgiven me… it
was I who could never forgive myself.

GABRIEL

I
haven’t seen my grandmother or my uncle in years. Since my mother’s funeral to
be exact. I haven’t slept and I haven’t been able to get the horrifying images
out of my head. There is no going back after what I’ve seen. I’ve witnessed the
destruction of the only two women I have ever loved and it is sending me over a
cliff. I am on the boundary line between insane… and insane.

           
“Gabriel.”
The sound of a delighted voice and a remote control wheelchair makes my organs
twist. I turn around and see my Uncle Stewart smiling in awe at me. His blonde
hair combed over to the side and his beard trimmed to perfection. His green
eyes are wide and big and I see it. I see that darkness inside them. I see the
reason why they are feared.

           
“Hello
Uncle,” I say forcing the closest thing to the smile I can give.

           
“Look
how big you’ve gotten. You look just like Susannah.” I don’t like it when he
mentions her name. He should never mention her name.

           
“I
need to talk to you.”

HUGO

“There
it is,” I say. The box sitting in front of us. Karlie, Jordana, Cody, Anika,
Poppy, Jaz, Juliet, and I.

           
“The
real Pandora’s box,” Jordana says.

           
“Anybody
else scared to touch it?” Cody asks and a few of them raise their hands.

           
“Hugo,”
Karlie says and I just go for it.

           
I
push in the code.

           
“How
do you know the code?”

           
“I’ve
always known the code for this box,” I say as I am opening the box. “It’s the
day she lost her virginity.”

           
“What?”
Juliet asks.

           
“She
told me the day, the month, the year. She never told me who. I think she told
Gabriel though. I think that’s how he was able to open the box in the first
place.”

           
There
they are. Ten USBs. Some black. One blue. Three grey. One white. I pull out a
blue one and hold it out. “Someone plug this up.”

           
I
don’t know if Cody or Jordana takes it, but someone does and my mind is frozen
on the truth. The truth I predict that will be revealed once whatever is in
that USB is opened.

           
The
laptop sits there on the coffee table as we all watch it. Cody opens the
application for USB. My hands are sweating and I feel Juliet with her hand on
my shoulder. Karlie stands next to me and she clears her throat every ten
seconds.

           
Only
one folder pops up. It has a name. Dr. Steven Rodman. Cody clicks on the
folder. Different folders pop up and they are all video files. It has to be a
hundred of them.

           
“Are
we sure we want to do this?” Cody asks.

           
Karlie
goes to the computer and takes over, clicking play.

           
It’s
what I expected.

GABRIEL

We’ve
talked for about an hour now. Him about everything that has been going on with
the family and I about me and my brothers. He laughs at my silly reputation. He
is not ashamed of it. He is only at awe that I am young, wild, and free. If I
didn’t know what I know, I might actually like him.

           
“What’s
troubling you, Gabriel?” he asks me noticing my sullen mood.

           
“I
know why Mom never spoke to you guys again.”

           
His
eyes widen and this nervous chuckle escapes from his thin lips. “What do you
think happened?”

           
“I
think my mother was the one who pushed you off the balcony.”

           
“No,
you’re mistaken, son. I fell. Clumsy fool who had too many drinks.”

           
“No,
you didn’t.” I shake my head. “She pushed you because she hated you… she hated
you because… she didn’t understand your love for her.”

           
His
eyes soften and I can tell he is warming up to the bait.

           
“I
understand, Uncle Stewart. I understand because… I have those same feelings as
you… for people I should not have them for.” I keep the vile vomit from coming
up my throat and out of my mouth as I make him slowly smile as if he’s finally
found a true love.

           
“What
do you mean?” he asks one more time, wanting confirmation.

           
“I
just… I look… I look at the kids in the park and I feel… I feel things I
shouldn’t feel.”

           
“No.”
His head shakes and he places his hand on mine. “You should feel them. It means
you are unique.”

           
Everything
in my world. Everything I thought I knew completely shatters.

           
“That’s
how it started for me except at an early age. Your mother was so beautiful and
I loved her with everything I had. I still do even in her death, but she just
could not understand that no matter how hard I tried to persuade her.”

           
I’m
speechless.
 
Numb.

           
“That’s
why I started the Black Card Club. A salvation for people like us. Men in high
statuses who can’t afford that gift to get out.”

           
“That
club is still around?”

           
“Sadly
no… but I can still help you.”

           
“It’s
not around because Scarlett uses you to pay her every year, right?”

           
His
smile disappears and he suddenly realizes I’m no longer a friend. “How did you
know that?”

           
“Scarlett
likes to play games. She likes to own things and she likes to destroy things.”
I remove his hand and stand up from the chair. He wheels back staring up at me
in worry.