Authors: Rinelle Grey
“That’s a long time.” She’d said she had been born on the flight here, meaning she must barely be twenty years old. Too young to be committing to a long term relationship.
She misinterpreted his comment, sighing heavily, and nodding. “Yes, one of us must be unable to have children. Or both of us, I guess.”
He remembered more about the earlier conversation now. They’d been split up because they couldn’t have a baby. “I don’t really understand what that has to do with you staying together? Why does it matter?” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he realised how callous they sounded. He tried to clarify. “I mean, if you are happy together, then isn’t that the important thing? Many couples have a happy life without ever having children.”
She stared at him for a moment and then shook her head. “I hope you can fix your ship and get off this planet, because I’d hate to see your views tainted by the situation here.”
“What
is
the situation here?”
“Only about fifty people arrived on our ship,” Marlee explained. “Karla knew the anysogen would affect fertility, though no one knew how long it would take. So everyone worked to have as many children as they were able. That is why Mother moved in with Weiss. Even so, there are only about a hundred people now. If we can’t find a way to boost our population levels, we’ll die out in a few generations.”
“Isn’t that going to happen anyway? I mean, you must know that anysogen makes people infertile. How can you increase your population when you’re infertile?”
Marlee sighed heavily. “Anysogen effects fertility, yes, but not so simply. It reduces the chance of conceiving hugely, but doesn’t make it impossible. If a couple can’t have a baby in eighteen months, they’re split up to try again with someone else.”
For a village that small, increasing population would be a big concern. But the rules they had put in place were even worse than the Colonies population control methods. It seemed so random. “You mean, the council won’t let the two of you be together because it doesn’t increase the population?”
Marlee nodded. “They say that everyone must do their part. That we can’t survive here without each other.” Her voice was bitter.
He knew it wouldn’t help her feel any better about the situation, but he couldn’t help saying, “What’s the point? Why eke out an existence here and fight for the future if you can’t be happy while you’re doing it?”
“Ask the council, though I doubt they’ll give you an answer.” Marlee shook her head, as though she didn’t want to think about it anymore. Instead she asked, “What about on your world? Can you be with whoever you like there?”
She’d turned the tables. And he didn’t want to talk about his past any more than she wanted to discuss hers. “You can be with whoever you want, yes. So long as they want to be with you.”
As though to remind him, the contraceptive implant in his right arm twinged, and he grimaced.
The implant marked him as ‘not good enough’. Not good enough to be a father, not good enough to be a husband. At least, not according to Milandra. Though she hadn’t actually filed the divorce papers when he’d left the colony three weeks ago, he had little doubt that she would have by now.
Thankfully Marlee seemed too caught up in her own distress to see his. He didn’t want to have this conversation right now. He didn’t want to see her turn away from him as Milandra had.
He needed her help.
*****
M
ARLEE SHOWED
T
YRIS TO THE
bathroom, explaining how to put sawdust into the bowl after he had done his business, and because he seemed curious, explained how the wind driven fan on the roof drew the smell out of the room, and evaporated the moisture. Then she returned to wash the dinner dishes.
She slid her hands into the warm, soapy water, and stared at the curtains in front of her. She couldn’t believe how well the evening had gone. Tyris had been so understanding that she’d said more than she intended to. She blushed a little. She’d caught him staring at her once or twice, surely that was just because he was so far from home?
She stared down, then laughed, and lifted the sparkling clean dish out of the water, and began to rub the next one. She’d have to find something fun for them to do this evening. What would she do if she was home with Nelor?
The obvious answer sent another blush to her cheeks.
“Marlee?” a voice at the window whispered loudly, almost making her jump out of her skin.
“Nelor!” She reached up to pull open the curtains, his familiar outline standing just outside the window. Marlee hoped that he blamed her flushed cheeks on the hot dish water. Whatever had she been doing, thinking about the stranger like that? Not even stopping to dry her hands, she held them out to him through the window.
“Are you okay?” he asked, holding her hands tightly.
“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” she asked.
He looked around the room, and when he was certain it was empty, he said, “I shouldn’t have come, but I needed to see for myself that you were all right.”
She smiled, shaking her head in amusement. “He’s not scary, you know. You can meet him if you like.” Excitement bubbled over. “And Nelor, he’s promised to take us with him!”
Nelor frowned. “You mean if he can repair his ship. It’s not certain, Marlee. Don’t get your hopes up.”
His pessimism grated on her. Why couldn’t he believe something good might happen? “What, you’d rather I gave up, like everyone else around here does?”
Nelor shrugged uncomfortably. “I’m sorry, Marlee, maybe it can be repaired. How would I know?”
He looked so sad and hopeless she felt guilty. She shouldn’t have snapped at him. Pulling back the curtains, she took his hand again to pull him inside.
He hesitated. “I shouldn’t be here.”
“I won’t tell anyone if you don’t,” Marlee teased. “Come in and meet Tyris. Listen to what he has to say, and you can see for yourself why I think he can fix his ship. He needs our help to get out there. He wants to see what’s wrong with it for himself, and he can’t go on his own.”
Nelor let himself be pulled inside. “But the council...”
“Don’t need to know anything,” Marlee said, her voice matter of fact. “We’re going to sneak out of the village before anyone is awake.” She had almost forgotten that she ever doubted it was what they should do.
“Now?” Nelor asked, sounding uncertain.
“No, tomorrow morning, silly. We can’t go in the dark,” Marlee said. “We have to hurry though. Tyris is worried the snow over winter might damage his ship. If we don’t go now, we might never have the chance.” If they had to wait until spring, the council would have pressured her to be with someone else by then. There was only so long she could hold out.
“But it’s dangerous, Marlee. What if a snowstorm comes?”
“Sometimes things are worth the risk,” Marlee repeated. “If we don’t go, if we have to wait until spring to get out of here, then we won’t ever have the chance to be together.”
Nelor still frowned. “But if a snowstorm blows up while you’re out there, you might not make it back to the village. Is it worth the risk of being dead?”
“What do you think I should do, Nelor? Sit here and wait for my mother to pick my next partner for me? Don’t you care at all anymore? I thought you loved me.” Tears pricked at the back of her eyes. How could he have moved on so quickly?
“I did, Marlee.”
Marlee jerked back. “You did?” When had their love become past tense?
Nelor reached for her hands. “I do.” His voice was earnest. “You know I love you. But what if this doesn’t work? What if his ship really can’t be repaired?”
“But what if it can?” she countered.
He wouldn’t meet her eyes. “I don’t know. What if it can? Would anything really be any different for us?”
Confusion swamped her. “Of course it would. Why wouldn’t it? If we can get away from here, away from the restrictions, there’s nothing to stop us from being together. Can’t you see?”
“Yes there is, Marlee. Even if we get away from here, I’m never going to be able to give you a baby. Nothing is going to change that.”
Marlee shook her head, and smiled gently at him. “What makes you think the problem is with you Nelor? It could just as easily be me or both of us. And maybe if we get back to civilisation, they’ll be able to fix it.”
“But what if they can’t?” Nelor persisted.
“It doesn’t matter. We can be together anyway. There are no rules and restrictions on relationships on Urslat. We don’t need a baby.” She ignored the little wisp of longing that curled in the bottom of her belly.
“Marlee,” he protested.
“Shh,” she said, silencing him with a finger on his lips.
Obediently, he stopped speaking and instead kissed her finger. Marlee smiled tenderly up at him, forgetting her surroundings until she heard footsteps behind her.
Tyris cleared his throat.
Nelor jumped back, his face red. Marlee just turned to Tyris, who hesitated at the doorway to the bedroom, and beckoned him over. “Tyris, this is Nelor.”
Was it her imagination, or did Tyris look a little put out?
Whatever it was, he recovered quickly and held out his hand to Nelor, saying with a smile, “Marlee’s told me a lot about you.”
His smile was warm and welcoming, and despite being flustered by the interruption, Nelor smiled back. “She has?”
Marlee ushered Tyris to the chair and insisted he sit. He seemed quite steady on his feet now, but he needed all the rest he could get if they were going to make it to his ship in the morning. She urged Nelor into the other chair and hurried back to the sink, immersing her hands into the soapy water, now cold. She scrubbed the rest of the dishes as fast as she could as she listened to them talk.
“So, has Marlee told you what we’re planning?” Tyris asked.
“She has.” Nelor sounded more interested now than he had earlier.
“And are you willing to help us out?”
Marlee turned in time to see Nelor’s grin. “You haven’t been around Marlee long enough to know the answer to that. I wouldn’t dare say no to her.” He glanced over at her, giving her a look that was for her alone. She felt a blush stealing over her cheeks and turned away, using the water hissing in the kettle as an excuse to hide her face.
There was a pause. “So first thing in the morning then?” Tyris said finally.
Marlee held her breath, waiting for Nelor’s answer.
“Are you sure you can repair it? We couldn’t even get the power to come on.”
She let out her breath in a sigh. He couldn’t just wait and see, could he?
Turning around with two cups of tea, freshly poured, she saw Tyris smiling confidently. She couldn’t help but smile in return. Tyris had no doubts and neither did she.
“I’ve swung enough battle repairs in my time. I’m sure we can patch it up. Your engineer might’ve been good in his day, but they’ve improved the engine significantly since its conception. There are fail-safes and backup systems. There’ll be some way around the damage.”
Nelor looked over at Marlee. “You’re determined to do this?”
Marlee nodded firmly. “I have to.”
“Then I’ll come. Someone has to keep you out of trouble.” Nelor was staring at her, a slight frown on his face.
In contrast, Tyris raised one eyebrow and grinned.
Marlee felt flustered with both of them staring at her. And a little torn. It felt weird to disagree with Nelor and agree with the stranger. But she wasn’t a little kid who needed to be looked after. “I don’t need you to come,” she told Nelor stiffly. “There’s no point if you don’t believe this will work. We don’t need your pessimism dragging us down.” She went and stood beside Tyris’s chair. At least he was focused on doing something, not just accepting nothing could be done.
Nelor’s face fell. “I’m sorry, Marlee. I didn’t mean it like that.”
But he did. He was only agreeing to come because he was afraid they might get caught in a storm. He wanted to watch out for her, like he always had. Her anger melted. “I’m sorry too,” she admitted. “I just want this to work so much.”
“It’ll work,” Tyris said.
Nelor stood up and handed his cup back to Marlee. “Well, if we’re going to be up before dawn, I’d better go home and get some sleep.”
Marlee let him out the door this time. She stood in the doorway, watching him walk away for a moment, then came back inside.
“Your boyfriend doesn’t seem too convinced.” Tyris’s comment echoed her own thoughts.
Marlee defended Nelor. “He’s just been worn down by living here all these years. Everything always seems to go wrong, so it’s hard to believe it might go right for a change.”
“You don’t seem to have that problem,” Tyris pointed out. “How did you escape the negativity?”
Marlee considered that for a moment. How did she manage to stay positive when everyone around her wasn’t? Was it as simple as the fact that she couldn’t accept the misery, and the only alternative was to stay positive? “I don’t know. Nelor’s older than me. He’s had it shoved down his throat for longer. Maybe he’s just given up and accepted it.”
“Maybe.” Tyris didn’t sound convinced.
Tyris was so different from Nelor. His attitude towards getting things done, moving on, and not giving up matched hers perfectly. If only Nelor were a little more like Tyris.
She gave herself a mental shake. Nelor was perfect just the way he was. What was she doing wishing he was like someone else?
It was easier for Tyris to be positive. He’d led such a different life from theirs. Marlee wanted to ask him if he truly thought his ship could be repaired. She needed to hear him say it again because when he said the words, she believed it. In between, doubts fought to claw their way in. She shook them away. Tyris didn’t need someone around him voicing doubts. He needed someone who was as strong as he was.
She squared her shoulders. “We should get some sleep. It’s going to be a big day tomorrow.”
Tyris looked so tired that she wasn’t surprised he didn’t argue. He followed her into the bedroom, and it was only when he stood by the bed that he made a small protest. “Where are you going to sleep?”
Marlee waved at the pallet on the floor near the foot of the bed. “Here.”