Reclaimed (Hostage Rescue Team Series Book 10) (26 page)

Her lips quirked, her eyes warming with wry humor. “I’m just glad you saw it and figured it out in time.”

Needing to kiss her again before his heart split open, he framed her face between his hands and leaned in, but stopped when she set her fingertips on his lips. He blinked at her, surprised.

Her expression was so full of emotion, her light green eyes glistening with tears. “I meant what I said in it,” she whispered, her voice rough. “I do love you. More than anything. And I’m so sorry for all the ways I’ve hurt you and let you down—”

Adam cut her off by covering her mouth with his. God, her words tore him apart, and he hated that’s what she’d been thinking about as she awaited what had almost been her execution. They’d both screwed up, were both to blame, but probably him more than her. But he didn’t want to talk about that right now, he just wanted to reconnect with his wife.

He held her precious face in his hands and just kissed her, sinking into her, into this moment. She was safe and in his arms and he would never let anything happen to her again. He kissed her deep and slow, a fervent melding of lips and tongues to convey everything she meant to him better than words ever could.

When he eased back he traced his thumbs over her cheekbones, wishing he could take away the shadows both beneath and in her beautiful eyes. “I know, sweetheart. And I love you so damn much. I was so fucking scared that we got to you too late…” His voice caught and he swallowed.

A small shudder rolled through her. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

Adam cursed silently and drew her into his arms. She leaned into him, held on tight and just stood there with him for a few minutes, absorbing the feel of each other. “Let’s get you into bed,” he murmured, bending to slide an arm beneath her knees and lifted her into his arms.

He eased her down onto the bed and walked around it to the other side, about to get in with her when his cell rang.

The sharp, urgent ringtone cut through the room, making them both stiffen.
Fuck, no,
he thought, hesitating at the side of the bed. They couldn’t be calling him back in. Not now.

Summer watched him without a word, her eyes full of ghosts he’d do anything to banish.

Adam spun around and went to his phone. DeLuca’s number was on the display. “Blackwell,” he answered, still hoping his commander might simply be calling to check on him.

“Hey. Listen, I know the timing’s shit and you’ve got other things on your mind, but we need you back in here. The director’s got us spearheading a possible op to arrest more of this ATB cell’s members. If he pulls the trigger, we’ll be sent out within the next couple hours.”

God dammit. Adam clenched his jaw as a mix of frustration and disappointment warred inside him. “You need me there right now?” he made himself ask.

“Yeah. I’m sorry, man.”

Adam expelled a harsh sigh and rubbed his fingers over his eyes. “All right. I’ll be there asap.” He hung up and walked back into the bedroom.

Summer was watching him with haunted eyes, her arms wrapped around her upturned knees. “Do you really have to go already?” she whispered.

It made him fucking nuts to leave her right now, but he had no choice. “God, I wish I didn’t, but yeah, I do. I’ll be back as soon as I can though.” Cold comfort to both of them when all he wanted was to climb under the sheets with her and hold her tight against his body. He went over to sit next to her, swore he’d make it up to her somehow once he got back.

“It’s okay.” She reached up, traced a thumb across his cheek in a gentle caress he felt all the way to his bones. “I’ll be fine.”

But they both knew she wouldn’t be.

Christ.
Adam grabbed her again and crushed her in his arms. She hitched in a breath and he squeezed his eyes shut, praying silently.

Please don’t cry
, he begged her silently. She was more than entitled to a total breakdown but it would slice him to pieces if she did because then there was no way he would be able to leave her.

He could feel himself breaking apart inside as he held her, struggling to hang onto his composure. She needed him to be strong, needed him to keep his shit together. But fuck, he hated to leave her like this.

Summer remained pressed up against him, her arms tight around his shoulders, little hitching breaths telling him how close she was to losing control. But she didn’t. Maybe because she was just too emotionally exhausted or maybe because she drew comfort from him, she calmed.

After a few minutes her grip relaxed and she let out a tired sigh. “I’m so tired.”

“I know you are, doll. You need to get some sleep.” Now he needed to put a positive spin on everything, leave her in the best frame of mind possible.

Taya, he decided. He released Summer and dialed Taya, asked her to come up and stay with Summer while he was gone.

“No,” Summer protested in a whisper, shaking her head as he talked. “I just want to be alone.”

Much as he understood that, leaving her alone was the last thing he was going to do.

He ended the call, turned to her. “Taya’s gonna come up and stay here until I get back. I don’t want you to be alone right now.”

Summer leaned her head back against the headrest, looking annoyed and tired. “Fine,” she muttered.

Adam hugged her one last time and eased back, even though it felt like he was peeling his skin away to do so. “I gotta go now. Taya’s awesome, you’ll fall in love with her in under five minutes flat, I promise. Have something to eat and then get some sleep. I’ll be back before you wake up.”

From his pocket he pulled out the vial of prescription pills the doctor had given him at the operations center. “Just in case. And there’s no shame in taking them either.”

She took the vial, slid her hand around the back of his head and leaned in for another kiss. “Love you.”

He pressed his forehead to hers. “Love you too. I’m so damn sorry about this.”

“I know.”

Rising to his feet, he trailed a finger down the side of her cheek. “See you soon.” Then he made himself turn around and leave her, even if it was the last thing on earth he wanted to do.

Summer released a deep breath and ran a stinging palm over her face when Adam left. She’d told him she understood why he had to go, but the truth was she wasn’t okay with it. It didn’t matter that she knew Adam had no choice in the matter.

She’d almost been set on fire a few short hours ago, pretty much the worst way for a person to die that she could think of, and now the director was insisting Adam leave her here to deal with that and everything else on her own.

The only thing that helped was knowing he’d be back as soon as he could. But without the reassurance of his presence, she felt fragile inside all of a sudden.

Thankfully she didn’t have time to dwell on that because a moment later a light rap came at the door and then Taya pushed it open a few inches, peering at her through the small gap. “Is it okay for me to come in?” she asked tentatively.

In truth, Summer would rather be alone at the moment but she was too exhausted to argue and she’d already agreed to this, so… “Sure, come on in.” She pulled the robe back on, tied it around her waist.

Taya shut the door and crossed to a chair set in the corner of the room, the straps of a big bag slung on her shoulder and a tray in her hands. “I got you some food.”

“Thank you.” She took the tray containing fruit and a bowl of soup and put it on the nightstand.

“No worries.” Taya’s gray eyes were warm. Summer could see the fine webbing of scars that tracked down the side of her neck.

She knew at least some of what had happened to Taya in Afghanistan. Apparently Schroder had gone in to rescue her, and had literally saved her life when a missile had exploded too close to them. Adam had told her about it right after the terrorist attacks at the Qureshi trial, but now Summer was even more curious about her.

Taya waved a hand. “Don’t mind me. You go do whatever you need to do and just pretend I’m not here. But if you feel like talking about anything later, I’m a good listener,” Taya added.

For some reason the kind offer put her precariously close to tears. Right now all she wanted was Adam, and couldn’t have him.

Summer swallowed hard. “Thanks.” She was tired and hungry and sore, but she was alive.

In that instant she thought about Mark. She saw him flailing as the flames burned him, heard his chilling, agonized screams. And she thought of Vance carrying what was left of him to the chopper in that body bag. She’d seen it being unloaded back at the airfield, even though Adam had tried to block her view.

Goosebumps prickled across her skin and her stomach twisted.

She pulled the robe tighter around her body, struggled to maintain her composure. Adam’s scent rose up from the T-shirt she wore, made her chest ache and tears burn the back of her throat.

Her stomach rumbled. She’d thought she’d want nothing more than to sleep, but dreaded closing her eyes right now, knowing she was probably going to have nightmares for a long while after this.

Summer ate the soup first, then nibbled on the fruit while Taya read in a chair by the window. She hadn’t wanted any company but the other woman had an undeniably calm demeanor that Summer found incredibly soothing, and she felt safer not being alone. “Thanks for being here,” she murmured when she was done eating.

“You’re more than welcome. And don’t feel like you need to stay up and chat just because I’m here. If you’re ready to sleep, go right ahead. I’ll stand watch,” she added with a smile that felt like a hug.

She was so sweet. But Summer was afraid that if she did hug Taya, she might burst into tears. And if that happened, she wasn’t sure she could stop.

There were a lot of things she wished she could go back and redo, one of them being making an effort to get to know the significant others of the guys on the team. Summer cleared her throat. “You’ve probably wondered why I never came to any of the team get-togethers.”

Taya shook her head. “I’m pretty new on the scene myself and even though I do speaking engagements for a living, I’m not really a social butterfly. I’m still getting to know everyone too. And I figured you had your reasons for staying away.”

Summer was pretty sure everyone knew that she and Adam had been having problems, or at least that she’d moved out a while ago. “Well. They don’t seem like very good reasons anymore, not even to me.” She sighed, shaking her head at herself, regretting having lost all that time with him. “It’s true that I tend to work some pretty crazy hours when we’ve got something important happening at work, but that was only a convenient excuse most of the time.

“With Adam and I…struggling, it just felt too awkward. I couldn’t show up and just smile, pretend nothing was wrong. That’s not how I’m built. So I thought it best that I stay away.” Plus she couldn’t stand being judged or talked about behind her back, and she hadn’t wanted to open herself up to that kind of thing.

“I understand. I avoided social situations for a long time after I got home from Afghanistan for that same reason. And I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through. That’s another reason I wanted to stay with you right now. When I say I understand what you’ve been through, I really do mean it. So if you ever want to talk to someone, you can come to me anytime.”

The offer was as genuine as Taya seemed and that meant the world to Summer. “Thank you.” She lowered her eyes, feeling empty inside. Bereft and grieving and the only thing that could make her feel better was Adam. “I’m pretty tired now. I think I’ll try to sleep for a bit.”

“Of course, go ahead. If you need anything, I’m here.”

Summer smiled at her. Adam was right; after only a few minutes with Taya she already adored her. “Once I get home and take some time to process all this, I’m going to make sure I spend some time with you and the others.” It was way past due and she’d felt really bad about that.

Taya held up a hand, shook her head. “Whenever you’re ready, there’s no rush. I know the others would love that though. They’re a pretty special group of ladies. Each of us has been through our own trials and tribulations, and God knows it’s not always easy dealing with everything that comes with loving our guys. Their job is dangerous. It’s nice to know we all have each other’s backs.”

Summer loved the sound of that. With her family living so far away she’d felt isolated and without a support network. She’d denied herself the sense of community and sisterhood Taya had just talked about because she’d been too buried in her own pain.

After sliding between the sheets she eyed the prescription bottle on the nightstand. Tired as she was, she preferred the idea of oblivion rather than a restless sleep or risking waking up with nightmares. Mind made up, she took two of the sleeping pills and burrowed under the covers.

At first, vivid memories tormented her.

Summer squeezed her eyes shut, fought to banish them. Even with her eyes shut she knew Taya was right there, and that nothing would happen to her. After a while the exhaustion took hold and a sort of numbness invaded her and wiped her mind clean, whether from sheer fatigue or the pills, she didn’t know.

Sometime later she woke with a scream in her throat. She jerked up onto an elbow and opened her eyes, only to find herself in complete darkness.

A hand settled on her shoulder. She wrenched away from it, her heart careening in her chest until she caught the low, soothing rumble and the spicy, clean scent that could only be Adam.

“It’s okay, doll, I’m here.”

Adam.
He’s back.

Summer swallowed a whimper, tried to slow her galloping heart. She was covered in a film of sweat, the image of Mark twisting in the flames fresh in her mind.

She shivered and took a deep breath. The instinct to pull away was strong. Pull away and climb out of bed, retreat into the bathroom where she could be alone and fight to get a grip on herself. It’s what she’d done in the weeks following the stillbirth. What she’d conditioned herself to do in response to an emotional crisis.