Recollections of Rosings (23 page)

    Catherine rose too. "No, my dear, put it out and let us go upstairs. I have something I wish to show you before you go to bed."

    Looking up at her mother, Lilian was at first confused, for it was already late, but realised soon enough that Catherine was quite serious.

    When the fire had been carefully dowsed, they picked up their candles and went upstairs and into Catherine's bedroom, where Lilian sat on the edge of her mother's bed. Her eyes were bright with anticipation, although a little frown creased her forehead. She was uncertain what her mother was about to reveal, although she had a notion it might concern Mr Adams.

    Going to her bureau, Catherine brought out Mr Adams's letter.

    "I received this letter a few days before I left for London to fetch you home," she said, handing it to her daughter. "I should like you to read it."

    Lilian, recognising the hand at once, took it eagerly. As she read it, a warm blush suffused her face. This was the letter John Adams had mentioned in his note to her in London. In it, he had so sincerely declared his love for her and so honestly acknowledged what he saw as his own shortcomings that her eyes filled with tears.

    He wrote:

    The letter ended with his heartfelt wishes for Mrs Harrison's own health and happiness and the hope that she would not find it too difficult to give her consent to his proposal.

    Catherine, seated at some distance from her daughter, had watched Lilian as she read the letter and knew from her attitude and countenance that her feelings were certainly engaged; how deeply, she was yet to discover.

    "Well?" she said, as Lilian looked across at her; but she was silent for a while, as though lost for words.

    Then, taking from the pocket of her gown a folded sheet of notepaper, similar to that used by Mr Adams in his letter to Catherine, she placed it in her mother's hands. It was the note she had received from him while in London.

    When Catherine had read it, she looked directly at Lilian and asked, "Have you answered this letter?"

    Lilian shook her head. "No, Mama, I did not wish to tell him how I felt until I had spoken with you. I wished to find out first how you had responded to his offer."

    "And if I had forbidden it?"

    Lilian looked aghast. "Oh Mama, you could not have, surely?"

    Seeing her stricken expression, Catherine was immediately remorseful. Putting her arms around her, she said, "No, no of course not, I was only teasing you. There, do not be upset, I have written to Mr Adams and told him that if you accept him, I shall consider giving you my blessing."

    "Consider it?"

    "Yes indeed, for I shall need to speak with him first and ascertain that he is entirely suitable and right for you, my dear. It is my duty, especially now we have no papa to advise us. I could not part with you unless I knew you were going to marry the right man, one who will look after you and make you truly happy. I needed also to discover if you feel that you know and love him well enough to marry him."

    At this, Lilian embraced her mother and told her she was completely certain that he was indeed the right man for her and she would be very happy being married to Mr Adams.

    "He loves me, Mama, and I think I have loved him for many months, even before Papa's death, but I was afraid to let it show, lest Aunt Becky should discover it. She was forever making supercilious remarks about Mr Adams; I felt she disapproved of him and I feared she would persuade you to put an end to it."

    Catherine frowned. "Lilian, whatever made you think that I would be so easily persuaded by Aunt Becky to do such a thing?"

    "Oh, I do not know, Mama; Mr Adams was also rather diffident. At first I thought it was because he was shy and afraid of rejection, but then it seemed he was unsure whether he had enough to offer me. I think he felt that the income from his position at Rosings alone would not suffice. But, after he went to France, he wrote me this letter in which he told me how deeply he loved me and wished to ask your permission to propose to me. I understand now, having seen his letter to you, the reason for his earlier diffidence; clearly he felt he had little to offer, materially speaking, as though his love and regard were not sufficient, the silly man!"

    Catherine defended Mr Adams. "My dear child, he is indeed
not
a silly young man at all—rather, I would say, he is a wise and sensible one, to have understood that in marriage, one needs must have both love and means, however modest, in order to succeed. Love alone cannot survive long under conditions of privation and suffering, while money without affection will bring only misery. But cheer up, there is no cause to worry on that score now; quite clearly, he will be well able to support you, and with the modest allowance you will receive from your papa's legacy, I think you will manage very well."

    As Lilian smiled, feeling more confident now, her mother added, "There is, however, one matter on which I must speak with young Mr Adams before I can finally give you my blessing. If I am satisfied on that score, you need have no more concerns."

    Lilian tried very hard to discover what her mother had in mind, but Catherine was determined that it was a matter to be settled between herself and the gentleman alone.

    "Have patience, my love, he will soon be here and everything will be settled then," she said, and with that Lilian had to be satisfied.

    John Adams arrived a few days later, on a fine morning, when the woods around Rosings were so full of the sounds and scents of Spring that Lilian had been unable to resist their allure. She had been gone but a few minutes, on one of her favourite walks into the village of Hunsford, when Catherine, sitting in the parlour, saw Mr Adams alight from his horse at the gate.

    When he was admitted, she greeted him cordially and invited him to partake of tea or a glass of sherry, both of which he politely refused.

    Clearly, he was nervous and had hoped for an expeditious interview. On learning that Lilian was out walking in the woods, he looked disappointed, but Catherine, feeling some sympathy for him, urged him to be seated. After the usual courtesies of condolence and inquiries about his journey from France, she told him also of their own visit to London.

    He revealed then that he had already met Mr Burnett that morning and had learned from him of their visit to Westminster and their meeting with Mr and Mrs Jonathan Bingley and the Elliotts.

    "I understand Mr Elliott is strongly in favour of the establishment of a national system of education, as is Mr Bingley. This must augur well for your plans for a parish school, Mrs Harrison," he said and Catherine agreed that it certainly did.

    Though he spoke politely and answered every enquiry courteously, it was quite plain to Catherine that he was eager to get to the point of their meeting and she finally obliged. Noting that he was sitting somewhat stiffly in a very straight chair, she invited him to move closer to the fire and indicated a more comfortable armchair, placed to the left of the sofa on which she was seated.

    The sunlight coming in at the bay windows played upon his hair, which was of a deep chestnut brown. It was, Catherine thought, a handsome, strong face, with a degree of sensitivity that was quite pleasing.

    She spoke, slowly at first, choosing her words carefully.

    "Mr Adams, I have no wish to harass you with a number of exasperating questions about your family, nor do I wish to offend you by my enquiries, but I must ask you, please, to understand that as Lilian's only living parent, I have to be satisfied on certain matters before I can confidently accept your proposal. Will you be so kind, then, to bear with me in this?'

    John Adams looked directly at her and responded without the slightest embarrassment. "Mrs Harrison, please do not feel you must apologise or explain; it is no more than I would have expected you to do as Miss Lilian's mother. It would be unthinkable that you would consent to her engagement to me without satisfying yourself on every particular. I will attempt to answer any question you put to me."

    Catherine smiled, pleased that he had taken no offence. "That is very good of you, Mr Adams, and I can say that on most matters that concern me as a mother, I am entirely satisfied. You have told me of your deep love for my daughter, and Lilian assures me she returns your affections in full measure. On that score I have no further concerns. As to your character, both Mr Jonathan Bingley and your friend and colleague Mr Burnett have spoken very highly of your industry, honesty, and good nature. I am inclined to trust their judgment in this, especially since it accords with my own observation."

    By now Mr Adams was clearly pleased but a little anxious as well. With all these favourable reports, he wondered, what further questions did she have for him?

    Catherine continued, "My only reservations arise from a circumstance that only you can explain. I have little information about your family and cannot work out how it is that you were settled and brought up in France and yet your father was an Englishman. I have heard that your father moved to France following a falling-out with his family; I should very much wish to understand the reason for this unhappy breach in your family. Surely, it cannot have been occasioned by a simple misunderstanding; such squabbles, though they may cause temporary discord, rarely result in a permanent rupture. Is it true that your father never returned to England?"

    Mr Adams had sat very still while she spoke and when he answered her, did so without hesitation. "It is, with one exception—he returned uninvited to attend his mother's funeral. Indeed, ma'am, I should tell you that he never corresponded with his family at all, save for a single letter to my grandmother, informing her of his marriage to my mother."

    "And did you ever discuss the cause of this terrible rift?" her voice was softer now. She could tell that it pained him to speak of it, but she had to know the truth.

    Mr Adams shook his head and looked rather distressed. "My father never spoke of it; he was very bitter about the manner in which he had been treated by his family. But after his death, my mother told me everything."

    "And would you be willing to reveal some of it to me—only that I might understand your situation and defend you when others with less knowledge of the facts revile you to me? I can assure you that it will be a matter of the strictest confidence, no one will ever hear any of it from me, not even Lilian."

    John Adams stood up and walked to the bay window. The sunlight slanting into the room fell full upon his face, and Catherine could see the hurt etched upon his countenance as he spoke.

    "Mrs Harrison, whether you had asked me about these matters or not, if Miss Lilian accepts my offer of marriage, it is inconceivable that I would become engaged to her while concealing from her the truth about my family. It is therefore without any reservation, and indeed with some relief, that I am prepared to reveal it all to you."

    The tale he told was related simply, without undue histrionics or resort to melodrama. It was told as though he were detailing the story of some person wholly unconnected with himself.

    "My own beloved father was the youngest son of Sir Samuel Adams, whose properties and business interests in the north of England are both extensive and valuable. My father's two elder brothers were more inclined to work on the family estate, while my father preferred the study of literature and music. Encouraged and funded by his mother, who was herself an accomplished and artistic lady, he moved to London, where he found lodgings in the house of a wealthy gentleman, a patron of the arts, who shall here remain nameless. He spent much of his time in study and attending concerts and galleries and in this received encouragement from his host, who treated him almost as a member of his own family.

    "The children of the household had a governess, a young Frenchwoman, who was the daughter of an émigré family who had fled France when she was only a child, giving up everything to save their lives. Beautiful and very accomplished, she soon attracted the attention of my father, who was then a very young man. I need not go into too many details, but suffice it to say the two fell in love and subsequently became lovers.

    "When it was discovered, the young woman was dismissed from her position and had to leave the house. My father followed her, for she had by now nowhere to go and no one to turn to. They moved into a small apartment in a much less salubrious part of town, where they lived together for several months. It was, my dear mother told me, a difficult, hand-to-mouth existence, during which time he worked as a private tutor to foreign students."

    Catherine could see now why he had seemed so strained as he spoke. She felt great sympathy for him.