Recovery (11 page)

The entire drive home, I deliver the news to them about a hundred different ways in my mind. There’s no easy way to break it to the girls, but they need to know why the baby won’t be coming home immediately, and why they won’t be able to see Alex right away. I know they’ll be scared;
hell
, they already lost one parent. The chance that they could have lost the other will most likely throw them for one hell of a tailspin.

Pulling into the driveway, I leave the keys in the ignition for a couple of minutes and reign in my thoughts. My jaw hurts from grinding my molars for eight hours straight, the tension increasing ten-fold on the way home, but this is my first “speech” with the girls and I want to make sure I deliver it well.

After a couple more run-throughs, I grab the keys and exit the Suburban, making my way towards the front porch. Before I’m even to the door, it opens and in its wake are three, wide-eyed beauties standing right in front of me, obviously anticipating their mother and a new bundle of joy. My heart damn near crashes in my chest when the smiles disappear from their faces and tears begin to form in their eyes. I’m sure they can see that something’s not right written all over my face.

Tatum appears right behind them, and ushers the girls back into the living room, quickly exiting to our bedroom, obviously understanding the gravity of the situation. As I step inside, the first thing I see is that fucking
red
replacement lamp from when I lost my temper with Alex just months ago.
Goddamn.

She will come home
…I repeat these words over and over in my mind. All thoughts cease when I happen to cast my stare down to see the girls all looking up at me, their eyes asking questions to which I really have no answers.

With three panic-stricken faces standing in front of me, I do the manliest thing possible. I crouch down and gather them in my arms, placing my chin on Rylie’s tiny shoulder, and hold them tight as tears stream down my face.
These girls have been through so much
. Raising my hand, I quickly wipe the waterworks so they won’t see. No reason to scare them more than they already are.

Once my face is dry, I release them and they take a small step back, not out of panic, but to meet my eyes. I can tell they’re trying to read me, all three of them.

Smart, just like their mother.

Nycole in the center, protectively places her arms around her sisters, ready to step back into her motherly role. My throat constricts. I attempt to swallow, and after inhaling and exhaling deeply, my eyes move to each set of theirs before I begin.

“Girls, your mom’s okay, but there
was
an accident.” I take a break to let them absorb my words, and once I feel they’ve wrapped their minds around it, I continue.

“After you left with Grandma Nancy this morning, she went upstairs and when coming back down, she tripped.” Rylie gasps and takes off towards the stairs. She runs all the way up the steps, and when she reaches the top, she lets out a loud cry.

“Tatum!” I yell from where I’m still stooped in front of Nycole and Kyndall.

Tatum barely pokes her head out of our bedroom, her black hair falling forward, her crystal clear blue eyes filled with worry. I jerk my head to the stairs. “Can you check on Rylie? I’ll be there in a minute.” After a quick nod of her head, I watch her quickly dart up the steps and hear her attempts to comfort a now wailing Rylie. Once she quiets down a bit, I refocus on the other two. Locking my eyes with theirs I continue, because I want them to know that I am here, and I will
be here, for them always.

“Your mom had to be rushed to the hospital, and the baby had to be taken out of her tummy so that they would be safe, but they are fine,
both
of them. Your mom’s still sleeping from her surgery, and the baby is in the care of very good doctors and nurses who are going to make sure he stays okay. I know you’re scared, girls, but everything’s going to be alright.” Kyndall’s chin starts to quiver. I bring her to my chest and she places her head in my neck, letting the tears fall into a steady stream onto my shirt.

Rubbing soothing circles on her back, she remains there while I look up at Nycole. I can tell she’s trying to be strong, God love her. Extending my arm toward her, I reach for her hand, and when she takes it, I squeeze it tightly. “She’s going to be fine, Nyc. I won’t let anything happen to her,” I reassure her. I have to be strong for them.

Tenderly, she releases my hand, and bends at her waist so that she’s right in front of my face. “I know, Blake. You’ll bring her back.” She leans in, puts her arm around my neck, and standing right next to her sister, she simply whispers in my ear, “I know you will. I love you, Blake. Thank you.”

Well, damn.
There’s no escaping the tears now. I hold the girls as tightly in my arms as I can. “I love you too, girls.”

After a couple of seconds of silence, there are absolutely no words for this moment, I release them and stand. I graze Kyndall’s chin with my knuckle. “Chin up. She’s going to be home very soon, don’t you worry.” Her blue-grey eyes, still filled with tears, relax with my words.

Nycole places her arm around her. “Come on, Kyndall, she’ll be okay. Let’s go make some stuff for the baby…for when he gets home.” Nycole’s eyes widen with obvious excitement. “We can totally decorate his room with welcome home signs! I’ll even let you use my glitter.” With that, Kyndall smiles. I watch them head up the stairs and take in another deep breath.

“Blake!” Tatum yells. “Rylie would
really
like to talk to you!”

I turn, and after taking two steps at a time, I stop halfway up the stairs after finding myself greeted by a beautiful tear streaked face, being consoled by her sisters and Tatum. When her big brown eyes meet mine, Rylie jumps up and runs to meet me where I stand. She throws her tiny arms around my waist and begins to sob. “Oh, Blake! It’s horrible. Mommy is gonna hate me! Forever!” she howls.

Reaching behind my back, I break the curiously strong hold she has on me, bringing her arms to the front of my body and squat down in front of her. Placing both of my hands on the sides of her face, I smooth away the spiral locks clinging to the tears on her cheeks.

“Rylie, breathe baby. Deep breaths,” I say as she continues to cry. Tipping her head back so that she’s forced to look at me, she does as I say, bringing deep breaths in through her nose, letting them escape through her mouth.

“Rylie, what’s wrong, sweetheart?” Her mouth shuts tightly and her dimples appear as her lips thin themselves, her internal debate as to whether or not to tell me evident.

“Tatum, girls, can you give us a second, please?” Shuffling feet and small steps tell me they’re gone, but I don’t dare break my eyes away from Rylie’s. “Okay, they’re gone. You can talk to me now.”

She looks away, slowly turning her body away from mine, her little finger pointing towards the top step. Where a lone goddamn roller skate sits.

“Mommy told me. She told me to put it away before someone got hurt. And I didn’t. Now she’s hurt, all because of me!” She whips around and plants her face right under my jaw. Just as I did with Kyndall, I soothe her by running my hand down her curly, brown hair and rubbing circles on her back. “Shh, Rylie, shh. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not! Not at all!” She continues crying. Placing my hands on her shoulders, I pry her away from my chest and drop my face into her line of sight. She glances away, but eventually, I latch my eyes with hers and she raises her head as I raise mine.

“Rylie, sweetheart, it was an accident. It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do it on purpose, did you?”

She emphatically shakes her head from side to side. “No!”

“Well, that’s what I thought. Baby, it was just an accident. She won’t be upset with you.” I raise my eyebrows and tip my head, to emphasize my next point. “But, this is why your mother and I tell you to pick up your things. It’s not because we want to be mean ol’ parents, but because someone could get very hurt. Do you understand?”

Sniffling, she raises her arm and wipes her tears with her sleeve. “Yes, sir.” I pull her into me so quickly that she loses her balance and barrels into my chest. Wrapping her up in a tight bear hug, I lift her feet off the ground as I stand up. She giggles the entire time. Swinging her back and forth, I give her one last squeeze before setting her back down.

Taking her by the hand, we walk up the rest of the stairs towards the top, together. “Now, what do we do when we hurt someone on accident?”

“We tell them we’re sorry.”

“That’s right.” Rylie bends over to pick up her skate. “So, when you see your mommy, which will be very soon, just tell her you’re sorry. That will make her very happy.”

She looks up at me and smiles, quarter-sized holes in her cheeks. “It will?”

“Yes, Rylie, it will. And do you want to know what would make her even happier?” Her eyes fill with excitement and a grin breaks across my face in response.

“What?”

“You should tell her your big secret. I think that would make her very, very happy.”

“Okay, I will, Blake. But first, I’m gonna go put my skate up before someone else gets hurt.” I watch her skip her way to her room and then turn to start towards mine.

“That’s my big girl.” It’s amazing to me the strength you can find in even the
smallest
of people. Making my way back down the stairs, I head to our bedroom.

After grabbing the overnight bag Alex packed for the baby, and getting a change of clothes for her and myself, I open the bedroom door. Passing by the baby’s room, I stop dead in my tracks. Hearing the girls’ giggles and the sound of tape being pulled from its dispenser, I think it’s best to check up on them. Opening the door, I drop the bags and attempt to rein in my laughter. Glitter saturated “Welcome Home” signs are everywhere, covering the walls. Well, at least there’s some color up there now.

Breaking my gaze, my eyes land on the toys still in the bags on the floor. Clothes that need to be put in the dresser that still needs to be assembled along with the crib and changing table. Glancing back at the walls, I can’t help but think about the stupid ass arguments I’ve gotten into with Alex over the color. Such a small thing
.

My eyes move to the one-gallon bucket I placed on the floor just last night, then to Nycole and Kyndall. “Alright girls, this looks great. But I think it could use a little more, no?”

Their eyes light up and I know they know exactly what I’m talking about.

Like I said…Smart, just like their mother.

After a couple of hours, our project is complete. I close the door and grab the bags that I left just outside of it, turning to head towards the living room. After letting Tatum and the girls know I’m heading back to the hospital, I assure them I’ll call when she wakes up. Giving them all a quick hug before leaving, I throw the bags in the back of the Suburban and climb into the driver’s seat. After taking one last look at the house, I throw the truck into gear and make my way back to Alex, full of resolve.

Here’s to hoping she doesn’t kill me.