Red Hot Liar (9781617738654) (3 page)

Viceroy took a deep breath as his mind flitted over the possibilities. The only way he could truly fuck a big-time oil man like Rodney Ruddman up the ass was from a position of power. Political power. If he was the head of the state regulatory board not only would he have the power to give those in the oil business damn near everything they wanted, he'd have the power to take it all away too.

“Okay.” He reached out to shake Bob's hand as he got ready to go home and clean house. “Bet. I'm in. Sign me up. I'll do that shit!”

B
y the time me and Bunni got dressed and went downstairs for breakfast everybody in the mansion had already left for the morning except Selah, Fallon, and Peaches. Pilar had just showed up and she was standing by the stove looking hungry and waiting for a plate just like she'd been doing almost every morning for the past week.

“Damn! Don't they serve breakfast over at her house?” Bunni smirked and whispered as we rolled our eyes and brushed past her and sashayed into the dining room looking fly as fuck. Bunni had on a sexy little pale peach romper with some slutty high heels in almost the exact same shade. She had pulled her gorgeous dreads up into a big ponytail at the top of her head, and the curly reddish ropes spiraled outta control in all different directions.

I was playing it cute today. Mizz Mink Minaj was flossing big time in some bright red Birthday Cake shorts and a bone-white sleeveless t-shirt with little red kissing lips all over the front. I had washed my hair in the shower and rubbed some gel through the ends, and now I was letting it air-dry into tight little spiral curls.

“Hey now!” Me and Bunni busted up on the scene bringing mad energy into the room with us. The air was already buzzing with excitement and I could tell everybody was amped over Okrah's visit that afternoon, especially Selah.

We asked Mrs. Katie for a bowl of grits and a plate of bacon and eggs, then we sat down at the huge table where Peaches was cuttin' the fool and blabbing to Selah and Fallon about the day he rescued me from a moldy room downtown in New York City's clothing district where my psychopath criminal ex-boyfriend named Gutta had tried to kill my ass.

“Oooh, you shoulda
been there
, Miss Selah!” Peaches cracked up with his long-lashed eyes glinting with excitement. “Gutta is a real booty clencher! That crazy nigga snatched Mink up outta her own mama's funeral! He threw her in the back of a limo and took the hell off! If I hadn't followed them and busted up in that room to save her, ain't no telling what that vicious murderer woulda done to her.”

“Really?” Selah exclaimed, staring into his grill like my ass had starred in an episode of Forensic Files.

He rolled his eyes and pursed his glossy lips. “Errrm herrrm. He prolly woulda choked her or stabbed her . . . I know for damn sure we wouldn't be sitting here talking about it right now.”

I watched as Selah put her lil petite hand on top of Peaches's big rusty one and smiled. “Well, thank God for you, Peaches. I'm grateful for all you've done for my daughter over the years. Lord knows she probably wouldn't be here without you.”

You got that shit right,
I sniggled under my breath. Selah just didn't know. Chief Master Grifter Peaches had taught me everything I knew about hustling and ganking. From picking pockets to running con schemes, I owed every inch of my grime game to Peaches Baines, and if it wasn't for his ass then me and Bunni never would a made it down to Texas to steal Selah's money in the first damn place!

“Yeah, honey,” Peaches kept going on and on. He was sitting there in a giant lime-green skirt and batting his false eyelashes as Mrs. Katie walked around serving us our meals. “Mizz Mink done had all
kinds
of close calls and misadventures. Did she ever tell you about the time the cops arrested her in the Bronx on Gun Hill Road and took her down to the station? Man, by the time I got over there to get her Mizz Mink had the whole joint rocking! I mean, she put on a show up in that hizzle! She was standing on a table working her double hump game so hard that even the chief of police was sweating and screaming her name.”

Peaches beamed proudly and grinned. “I mean that girl got some real skills about herself. One time she had this old guy from City Hall feening over her
harrrd . . .
” He covered his mouth and giggled. “Mink wouldn't even let him smell it until he agreed to tap into her computer file and delete all of her old warrants and . . .”

I zoned Peaches right on out as him and Selah cracked up at some of the crazy messes I had gotten myself into. At one point in time I woulda felt some kinda way about Peaches busting me out and telling Selah all my bizz, especially with Pilar's floppy ears listening in, but there wasn't no more shame in my game because I'd already peeped Mama Selah's hoe card and she had some bony-ass skeletons in her closet too! Besides, now that I was all up in the family and they couldn't kick me out, who cared what they thought about me? Hell, my moolah was sitting in the
bank
now, and it didn't even matter if the Dominions got their hands on them old videos of me humping on a snake and giving lap dances to them four cockeyed midgets. I was paid out the ass and I was my own damn boss, and there wasn't a damn thing from my grimy past that I had to worry about coming back to haunt me ever again! Nope, thanks to good luck and even better scheming, I was set for life. All I had to do was stay slick, rich, and black, and everythang was gonna be everythang!

Viceroy swigged the last drop out of his miniature bottle of gin as his plush whip rolled up the long, manicured driveway. He had polished off at least six of the little shots since leaving his office, and he was good and tight as his driver stopped right outside the door to his multi-million-dollar mansion.

Rage bubbled just under his skin as he rolled down his window and flung a handful of the empties out. They landed in Selah's precious patch of rose bushes and disappeared as they fell down toward the thorny stems.

“Take that, you ol' tramp!” he slurred, flinging open the door of his limo before the doorman could rush over. He had given his old crony Bob his word that he would run for office, but he hadn't promised a goddamn thing when it came down to putting his foot in Selah's ass.

He fell out of the ride, then pushed past the doorman and busted through the front entrance of the mansion like he was about to pull a kick-door and lay everybody in the joint down.

Stumbling into the foyer, Viceroy heard sounds of female laughter coming from the dining room. He was gonna fix these cutthroat mothafuckas! All of them. They were sitting around his house spending up his damn money and stabbing him in his back at the same damn time. He was gonna show their ungrateful asses who was running shit up in his house, he thought as he jetted toward the voices with his liquor talking to him real loud. He was about to kick some ass and take some fuckin' names!

When he busted up in the dining room Selah, Mink, Pilar, Bunni, and that over-grown monstrosity who called himself Peaches were sitting around the table yakking their jaws. Every eye bucked and every lip paused as the big black demon that was Him filled the doorway and trembled with rage.

“What's the matter, Papa-Doo?” Bunni shouted when she saw the crazy-ass look on his face, but Selah was much quicker and wiser than the young hood rat and she didn't say a goddamn thing.

Instead, her chair scraped backward as she jumped to her feet, just one glance at the sparks shooting from her husband's eyes enough to send her Brooklyn survival instincts kicking into over-drive.

“You dirty
bitch
!” Viceroy cocked back his bandaged fist and roared as everybody at the table got to scrambling out of their seats.

“How'd that muthafucka get your ring?” he bellowed at his wife. “How in the hell did Rodney Ruddman get your muthafuckin'
ring
???”

Selah's mouth fell to the floor as her eyes bucked open wide.

“What in the world are you talking about?” she closed her mouth and played it off real cool, even though her heart had plunged deep down into her bowels. She stared at him with an innocent look on her face and tried her best to sound clueless, but she'd known what time it was the moment she peeped the murderous ghetto look in her husband's eye.

“Your
ring, whore
!” Viceroy screeched. “That black bastard sent me a picture of your old engagement ring today, Selah. So how'd he get it? You must've been damn near in his lap for him to get it off your goddamn finger, huh?”

“That's ridiculous!” she waved him off. “I don't know what the hell you're talking about, Viceroy!” Selah fronted, bluffing for the kids's sake. She pointed her finger at him like a Brooklyn girl. “And don't you call me out of my name either, dammit! Just calm yourself down and get a grip right now!” she said, trying to gain the upper hand. “You and Rodney Ruddman must be playing some real sick pissing games because nobody took my ring off my damn finger!”

“Games my ass! Then how'd he get it, goddammit?” Viceroy demanded, panting hard as he walked up on her with raging bloodshot eyes. “Where'd you say you lost it at again?” he mocked, cupping his hand behind his ear. “What was that? You dropped it in my worst enemy's drawers?”

“Viceroy.” Selah sighed and shook her head like he was talking out of his ass. “That doesn't even make any sense, honey! You've been drinking, dear. Come on. Let's go upstairs and talk about this. Maybe you can take a little nap and—”

“Tell the truth! You been fuckin' that ugly black bastard, Selah?” he growled, ignoring her noise and creeping up on her as he got ready to make his move. “I plucked your ass outta the grimy gutters of Brooklyn when you didn't have nothing but two pairs of panties and a raggedy slip to your name, and this is how you do me?”

“No!” Selah shrieked, her cool all gone as she stumbled backward in terror. “I swear to God I've never betrayed you, Viceroy! Never!”

Fallon rushed forward and tried to jump between her parents like a barrier, but Viceroy was hood-slick and he faked right and darted left as he jetted toward Selah. Peaches had already jumped up and was coming at him too, but Viceroy crossed him over and broke his ankles and Peaches went down like a tall tree in those ugly lime green heels he had on.

“Mr. Dominion, please!” Mrs. Katie hollered from the other side of the table where she was still holding a hot pot of grits, but Viceroy didn't even hear her. His mind was locked on getting him a piece of Selah's ass, and nothing and nobody was gonna stop him.

Until he ran smack into Mink and Bunni, that is.

“Put 'em up!” Bunni challenged, jumping in front of Selah and going into a boxer's stance. “First name Bunni, last name Mayweather!” she said, popping her neck twice as her and Mink posted up strong, ready to go toe-to-toe.

“Get the fuck outta my way!” Viceroy screamed and lunged drunkenly, swiping at Selah and missing so bad he almost fell dead on his face.

“Pound for pound, nucka!” Bunni hollered, squaring up like a champ. “You swing them paws on Mama Selah and we gone hafta go pound for pound!”

The gutter streets of Houston rose up out of Viceroy and he lunged again, falling forward and knocking the hell out of both Bunni and Mink. He heard their Harlem battle cries and felt their blows raining down on his back and head, but getting his hands around Selah's throat was the only thing on his drunken mind.

He rose up and groped for her in the middle of the fighting pile, and he was just about to clamp down on her when Mink jumped on his back and wrapped her arms and legs around him like a little monkey. The four of them went down to the ground again tussling and scrapping, with fists flying everywhere.

Viceroy lunged forward and got his mitts on Selah and managed to twist her around backward and clamp his arm around her throat. She dropped her chin into the V of his elbow and tried to bite him through his shirtsleeve, and he yanked her by the hair then squeezed his arm tight until he was strangling her neck.

A moment later he was jerked violently backward himself and something got tight around his own damn neck. Windmilling in reverse, Viceroy lost his footing and fell on his ass, landing dead in his attacker's lap and taking Selah down with him.

“Get offa her!” Peaches's deep voice boomed in his ear as he choked the shit out of him. “Un-ass her right now, muthafucka! Un-ass her!”

The three of them were laid out on top of each other like a stack of slid pancakes. Peaches was at the bottom of the pile with his skirt hiked up to his waist yoking the shit out of Viceroy, and Viceroy was cradled between the big man's naked thighs yoking the shit outta Selah.

Pilar was watching the fight like she wanted some popcorn. Bunni and Mink were on their knees cursing like guttersnipes and throwing crazy punches at his face and head, and when Viceroy saw a big one coming straight at him, he pushed his ass deeper into Peaches's crotch and yanked Selah up in front of him like a shield.

“Owwww!” Selah's knees flew up and she shrieked in pain as Bunni's fist smacked into her eye, dotting that shit.