I huffed at the insult, and tried to open the Eye further.
‘Try looking deeper inside me,’ John said. ‘Look for the Turtle. It is in there, believe me.’
I tried hard. I managed a little more. Not very much more, though.
‘I suppose that’s the best you can do,’ John said, sounding slightly disappointed. ‘Oh well, humans aren’t supposed to be able to do it anyway.’
‘Aren’t they?’ Michael said. ‘Then how come Lady Emma can?’
‘No idea,’ John said. ‘We’ll find out eventually. No great hurry. We have all the time in the world. Now, Michael, you try. Look for the Turtle in me.’
I closed my Eye and released Michael’s hand. I waited and watched him.
His face relaxed as he concentrated. He closed his eyes. Then his face cleared and he opened his physical eyes. ‘That is the most incredible thing I have ever seen.’
‘
Don’t look at Emma
,’ John said sharply. ‘With an Eye like that you could easily kill her. Don’t look at Simone either, I don’t think she could handle it. Excellent,’ he added with satisfaction. ‘Well done. Close it quickly before you hurt somebody.’
Michael’s eyes snapped back and he grinned at me. ‘He is,’ he said, pointing at John, ‘the ugliest damn reptile I have ever seen in my life.’ His face changed and he looked horrified. He bobbed his head. ‘No offence intended, my Lord, forgive my forwardness.’
‘No offence taken, Michael,’ John said. ‘I happen to agree with you.’
‘I want to see, Daddy,’ Simone said.
‘It’s a little scary, sweetheart,’ he said. ‘You may not like it. It made you really scared before, remember?’
She nodded, her face serious. ‘I want to see anyway.’
‘Go and sit next to Emma while you do it,’ John said. ‘She can hold onto you.’
Simone nodded, came to me, and sat carefully in my lap. She reached down and took one of my hands, holding it tightly. I wrapped my other arm around her middle and she put her arm on top of mine. She nodded. ‘I want to try.’
She went very still in my lap. Then her Eye opened onto her father. She held my hand even tighter. I saw
him as he usually appeared; I also saw the small Celestial Form at the same time, through her.
‘Open wider,’ John said. ‘Put more into it. Come on, Simone. Michael can do it, why can’t you?’
I nearly laughed out loud at how much that stung her. She stiffened, and threw all of herself into it.
John wavered. He shimmered. He grew and went black.
Simone squeaked and shot to her feet. John snapped back to normal; I could no longer see him through her Eye.
Simone was completely rigid. Her breathing accelerated. I reached to hold her hand again, but she pulled it away. She didn’t want to hold my hand. She was concentrating.
‘Control, Simone,’ John said, watching her intensely.
Simone took some quick, deep breaths.
‘Are you okay?’ I said.
She nodded, still rigid.
‘What does he look like?’ I said.
‘He’s not ugly, he’s
beautiful.
You’re mean, Michael.’ She stiffened even more. She gasped, then screamed very quietly, almost a squeak of despair. ‘
Why didn’t you tell me, Daddy
?’ she wailed, then dashed out the door of the training room. ‘Leo! Leo!’ she yelled, and Leo rushed to comfort her, his deep voice rumbling.
‘What?’ I said.
‘She knows,’ John said, his voice full of anguish. His eyes were dark and burning, his face was expressionless. ‘She saw. She saw it all.’
‘Oh dear God, no,’ I whispered. ‘No.’
A
nd there I was again, outside Simone’s room, listening to her sobbing in Leo’s arms. John and I shared a look, and I nodded. This time he needed to talk to her. He rapped on the door and went in. I gestured for Michael to leave, and I went to the kitchen. I sat at the table and put my head in my hands.
Leo came into the kitchen and sat across from me. ‘This is getting monotonous,’ he said. ‘You people have to stop torturing that poor little girl.’
Ah Yat presented Leo with coffee and me with tea without being asked, and we both nodded to her.
‘What happened?’ Leo said. ‘She wouldn’t tell me. Mr Chen just walked in, and she went to him, and they sent me out. Did he scare her again?’
Michael came in and sat with us. ‘What was all that about? She didn’t seem scared of the Turtle this time, she said it was beautiful.’
‘She saw right through him,’ I said sadly, ‘and saw that he’s leaving.’
Leo inhaled sharply. ‘No.’
I explained for Michael. ‘She didn’t know that he has a limited time with us. She thought she’d be with him
forever. She knew he’d leave eventually, but she thought that she’d be able to go with him and live on the Mountain with him. She didn’t really understand the situation.’ I ran my hands through my hair. ‘Now she does.’
Michael threw himself backwards and flung one arm over the back of his chair. ‘That really sucks.’
Emma and Leo, come into the dining room. We will tell all.
Leo and I shared a look. We rose and went out without saying a word.
Michael silently watched us go.
Somebody pick up some tissues on the way.
I went across to the living room and grabbed the box on the coffee table for when Simone spilt her drinks. She hadn’t fallen down or spilt anything in a while.
Leo held the dining room door and I went in. John and Simone were already sitting at the table. Simone’s face was streaked with tears. I put the tissues on the table and sat next to her. She grabbed some tissues and wiped her eyes. She hopped off the chair and climbed into my lap facing the table. I held her close and kissed the top of her head.
Leo sat next to John, his face grim.
John leaned his arms on the table and studied his hands. ‘I’m sorry, Simone, we thought you were too young to know, so we didn’t tell you. Now that Emma and Leo are here, I’ll tell you everything.’
Simone sniffled. She didn’t reply.
‘You saw that I only have a limited time. That’s right. Even with Aunty Kwan filling me with energy, I will lose it all eventually and I’ll have to go.’
Simone shook once with a huge gasping sob, then went still.
‘I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, sweetheart, but I promised Emma I’ll come back for her. So that means that I’ll come back for you too.’
Simone’s voice was tiny. ‘You don’t know how long you’ll be gone?’
He shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, darling.’
‘Why don’t you just go to the Mountain and take me with you?’
‘I can’t. Firstly, most of the Mountain is gone, and it’ll take a long time to rebuild. There’s no power there for me until I come back and put it there. It’s gone.’
She nodded and sniffled again. She understood.
‘Second, a child can only enter the Celestial Plane with protection. The protection of the child’s mother. You can’t go there because your mother is dead. You can’t go until you’re grown-up.’
‘I can go with Emma,’ Simone said firmly, grabbing my hand and clutching it. ‘She’s like my mother.’
John looked me in the eyes and smiled. My heart twisted. He turned back to Simone. ‘I wish I could take both of you.’
‘I’ll have Leo and Emma to look after me when you go. We’ll wait for you together,’ Simone said.
Leo sighed, then ran his hand over his head and dropped his hand onto the table. ‘Do you know what AIDS is, Simone?’ he said gently.
Simone nodded. ‘Emma told me about that,’ she said, her little face serious. ‘It’s a bad disease. If you catch it, you die. Every time. It takes a long time for you to die, but you always die.’
Leo smiled gratefully and I nodded.
‘I have that, Simone. Your dad is keeping me alive. When he’s gone…’ his voice thickened and his speech slurred even more, ‘I’m going to die.’
‘You’re both going?’
Leo and John both nodded.
‘That’s why you got Michael, isn’t it?’ Simone said. ‘I
hate
him!’
‘Don’t hate Michael, sweetheart,’ Leo said. ‘I chose him. He’s the best person to do my job when I’m gone.’
Simone’s voice was cruel. ‘I
hate
you, Daddy. I
hate
you, Leo. I hate Emma, I hate Michael, I hate
everybody
!’ She started to sob and I turned her around in my arms to hold her. ‘I hate the
world
!’ she wailed into my chest.
I let her cry for a while. She needed to let it out of her system. Leo and John sat quietly and waited for her as well.
When she had stopped sobbing she sat very still and silent, her head on my chest. ‘Are you okay, sweetheart?’ I said.
She didn’t move or speak.
Do you think I should get her professional counselling?
John said silently. ‘Get Ms Kwan,’ I said.
‘I hate Ms Kwan,’ Simone said, her voice muffled by my shirt. Her little arms clutched me tighter. ‘I hate her.’
Kwan Yin appeared next to me. ‘Come with me, Simone,’ she said softly. She held out her hand to Simone.
Simone moved away slightly and clutched me even tighter. ‘Go away.’
‘I have something to show you.’ Ms Kwan’s hand didn’t move from next to me. ‘Would you like to see my Garden?’
Simone lifted her head off my chest to look at Ms Kwan. ‘No.’ She dropped her head again, looking away. ‘Go away.’
‘Would you like to see my Garden, Emma?’ Ms Kwan said kindly. ‘Would you like to come and see it?’
‘There is nothing I’d like more, Lady,’ I said. ‘Can an ordinary person like me go?’
‘The Garden
is
for ordinary people like you,’ Ms Kwan said, amused. ‘It’s the ordinary people who need it the most.’
‘Can I go, Simone?’ I said to the little tawny head on my chest. ‘Will you be all right with Leo and your dad?’
‘If you leave me here without you I will never talk to you again,’ Simone said thickly. ‘I won’t let you go without me.’
‘Well then, you’ll have to come, won’t you?’ I said gently. ‘Let’s go and have a look at Aunty Kwan’s Garden.’
Simone nodded into my chest without saying anything. I reached out and took Ms Kwan’s hand.
Take your time,
John said as we disappeared. The last thing I saw were his blazing dark eyes.
There was no dizziness or blackout. We just went straight from the living room to the Garden.
It was tiny, only about a hundred metres to a side. There was a large pond in the middle, with carefully trimmed flowering shrubs all around it. A couple of open pavilions with benches overlooked the pond, hugging the high stone wall surrounding the Garden.
We were the only ones there: Ms Kwan, Simone and me. Ms Kwan had materialised us at a table in one of the pavilions.
Ms Kwan gestured and some tea appeared in front of us. She poured.
‘Are we on the Celestial Plane?’ I said.
‘No,’ she said. ‘You are nowhere at all.’
‘Good,’ Simone said into my chest.
‘Your father is a big, black, ugly, mean Turtle,’ Ms Kwan said gently.
Simone didn’t move or speak.
‘He really hates you,’ Ms Kwan said, her voice still gentle.
Simone still didn’t move.
‘He’ll go away and leave you all alone,’ Ms Kwan said.
Simone shifted slightly in my lap. Her little hand moved on my arm, then held it tightly again.
‘Leo will get sick, and die, and then he’ll be gone too,’ Ms Kwan said.
Simone jammed her head harder into my chest.
‘Ms Kwan…’ I said, but she smiled and waved me down.
I know what I am doing.
‘And then Emma will go and leave you as well. You’ll be all alone.’
Simone started to sob quietly into my chest and I held her tight.
‘Emma will never leave me,’ Simone said through the gasps.
‘That’s right,’ I said.
Simone suddenly spun in my lap to glare at Ms Kwan. ‘My daddy doesn’t hate me, he
loves
me.’ ‘But he’s leaving you.’
‘He’s staying for
me.
To look after
me.
Because he
loves
me.’
‘But he’ll be gone in the end.’
‘I know,’ Simone gasped. ‘But he’s staying until I’m okay.’ She glared at Ms Kwan again. ‘Do you know how hard it is for him to stay? It hurts him. He’s really weak. He’s staying. He’s staying
just for me.’
‘He’ll be gone for a long time.’
‘He’ll come back for us,’ Simone said fiercely. ‘He promised.’
‘Yes, he did,’ I said.
‘Emma has to wait for him too. It’s hard for her too. You’re
mean,
Kwan Yin,’ Simone said.
‘Leo will die before your daddy comes back,’ Kwan Yin said.
Simone didn’t say anything.
‘Come with me for a walk, Simone,’ Ms Kwan said. ‘We need to talk.’
‘Is Emma safe if I leave her here alone?’ Simone said.
‘Yes,’ Ms Kwan said. ‘She can enjoy the Garden.’
I opened my arms so that Simone could jump down. ‘Go, Simone. I’ll wait here for you.’
‘Have a walk around the Garden,’ Simone said. ‘I think you’ll be surprised. I’m going to talk to Aunty Kwan.’
‘Have a walk, Emma,’ Ms Kwan said. ‘Do not be concerned about becoming lost. We will be able to find you, wherever you are. Enjoy.’
The Garden was tiny. ‘I don’t think I’ll get lost.’
‘Come on, Kwan Yin, let’s have a walk,’ Simone said, taking Kwan Yin’s hand and leading her away.
I looked out over the pond, then back to Simone and Kwan Yin. They were gone.
Use this time for contemplation, Emma,
Kwan Yin said.
It is the last you will have for a while.
I rose and walked down to the pond. Some koi that had been hovering near the surface disappeared under the water with a plop. There was a path around the pond and I followed it. A couple of graceful willows straddled the water. Some gravel was strewn at the edge of the pond, making a tiny rocky beach.
I followed the path past a stone lantern under a bush and turned the corner. Some stepping stones led me across a miniature stream that splashed into the pond.
When I had carefully navigated the stepping stones, I looked up to follow the path along the wall, but there was a round opening, a moon gate, in front of me. I followed the path through it.
I was in a dense forest of pines. The wind whispered through the needles high above me. I stopped. The silence was complete, except for the whisper of the needles. There wasn’t another living thing for miles; I could sense it. A feeling of absolute calm tranquillity filled me as I walked along the gravel path through the towering pines.
I was on a sandy beach next to a huge, placid lake. Blue mountains softened the horizon on the other side of the lake. A couple of deer came to the edge of the lake to drink, and ignored me as I walked past them. The pines came almost to the edge of the water. There was a small pavilion, set with tea, on a tiny promontory. The tea was still hot. I sat and drank for a while.
I walked back along the beach. The lake became rice fields. I didn’t even see it change. The water glittered through the rice stalks. I was still alone. On the other side of the rice fields were the mountains of China; all vertical, straight up and down, thousands of them, just like a traditional Chinese painting.
I walked further and found myself beside another lake, this time with the vertical mountains in the distance. A zig-zagging walkway guided me to a pavilion in the centre of the lake. The edge of the lake was draped with willow trees. Some ducks flew in and landed next to the pavilion. I sat in the pavilion for a while.
I went back along the walkway to the edge of the lake. A couple of storks eyed me warily from the bank, but didn’t fly away.
My heart leapt. I was on top of a mountain. I could see clouds halfway down the slopes a long way below me. The brilliantly blue sea glittered at the base of the mountain.
A pavilion with a table and chairs was set for tea. Ms Kwan gestured for me to sit with her.
The sound of children at play wafted from below. Simone played with some other children in a playground in front of us.
‘Thank you,’ I said softly.
‘You are most welcome,’ Ms Kwan said. ‘Any time.’ She watched the children. ‘She will be fine now.’ We sat in silence for a while.