Rosemarie was freshening her lipstick, and I recognized the relaxed, satisfied glow of a woman who’d spent the afternoon being horizontal with a man. Her hair was back to perfect Farrah Fawcett curls and she was dressed just like Scarlet, only her grass skirt didn’t cover as much real estate.
“We know,” Rosemarie said. “You kept muttering about it in your sleep. Something about being seduced by working oranges.”
“Why are y’all leaving? We’ve got to capture Elmer tonight. I can’t do it by myself.”
“We can’t all go to Elmer’s for dinner,” Scarlet said. “He’s an old man. You’ll be able to take him down easy. Remember to go for the little bones. Hurts like a bitch. Besides, it’s a luau theme tonight down at the beach. We don’t want to miss that. They’re giving away those little pineapple drinks with the umbrellas.”
“I can’t believe y’all aren’t going to have my back,” I said. “We’re supposed to be a team. What if he pulls a gun? Or tries some funny business?”
Rosemarie looked at Scarlet. “I told you she was going to make us go with her.”
Scarlet sighed and put her hands on her hips. “What’ll you give us if we go with you?”
The hangover was making my stomach pitch and my head was pounding. I was feeling aggravated and a little bit mean. I narrowed my eyes. “How about I let you collect your share of the million-dollar reward instead of bashing you over the head and taking it from you?”
“Million-dollar reward,” Rosemarie said. “Nobody told me that. What’s my cut?”
“Your cut comes out of Scarlet’s take,” I said before Scarlet could answer.
“I told you you were a Holmes through and through,” Scarlet said. “I can’t believe you’d take an old lady’s money.”
“I don’t think you’re an old lady. I think you’re the Devil in an old lady suit.”
Scarlet cackled and her hula skirt rustled. “Don’t you know it, girlie. I’m too bad to die. Nobody wants me. Not even the Devil himself.”
“Good, I’m glad that’s settled,” I said. “Let’s get moving. You can go to the luau after we’re done. I just want someone watching from outside in case things get out of hand.”
I checked my phone, but I didn’t have any messages from Savage. I’d given him the address and Elmer’s villa number, but we were getting down to crunch time and I was wondering if I was going to be flying solo when it came to making the collar. I couldn’t see Rosemarie and Scarlet being a lot of help.
“Small bones,” I said under my breath.
“There you go,” Scarlet said, and we headed out the door to go catch a murderer.
* * *
The sun had
started its descent and the paths between the buildings were already dark, so tiki torches had been placed to light the way. I walked to Elmer’s in my flip-flops and the lei Rosemarie had put over my head as we walked out the door. Oddly enough, the lei made it feel like I almost had clothes on, so I was walking with a little more confidence, not caring that Rosemarie and Scarlet were following my shining pink behind from somewhere in the distance.
They weren’t too far back because I could hear them muttering and clomping through the palm fronds. I wasn’t sure what kind of spy Scarlet had been during the war, but it must not have been the silent type.
“There you are,” Elmer said from somewhere to my left.
I almost jumped out of my skin. He was standing in the shadows and I hadn’t heard him at all. I needed to focus. I was
not
going to be outsmarted by a ninety-something lothario. That would be embarrassing.
“Oh, you scared me. I was in my own world.”
“It’s easy to do that here,” he said, holding out his hand and helping me up the stairs to his back deck. Lanterns were placed so the deck was awash in a romantic light and the sun reflected off the waves. It would have been an awesome sight any other time or with just about any other person.
I’d managed to keep my gaze at eye level. I wasn’t interested in seeing a repeat performance of what had happened down at the beach, and the squishy feeling in my stomach had intensified by about a million. I’d left my Glock back at Scarlet’s, but I knew Scarlet was armed and Rosemarie was carrying zip ties in case I needed restraints.
They must’ve found a good hiding place, because I hadn’t heard a peep from them since Elmer came out of the shadows. My breath hitched when Elmer brought his other hand from behind his back, but I released it with a nervous laugh when I saw the long-stemmed red rose he held.
“A beautiful flower for a beautiful lady,” he said, bowing slightly.
Thank God it was almost dark, because I’d hate to call a man a liar. Don’t get me wrong, I was more than passable in the looks department. I even had days when the hair and makeup and water retention gods were all working in my favor and I felt beautiful. Today wasn’t one of those days. I was sunburned and hungover and I had a pooch from all the alcohol I’d drunk. Those fruity drinks had a lot of calories.
“Thank you,” I said with all the cheerfulness I could muster. And then I made the mistake of looking past him and into his villa. I could see straight into his bedroom. Candles were lit all over the room—to the point I was afraid the entire place was going to go up in flames—and the bed was turned back and rose petals scattered across the sheets.
My lungs constricted and little black dots danced in front of my eyes. “What’s for dinner?” I managed to say.
“I thought we might have some champagne and get to know each other a little better first.”
His finger touched the back of my hand and I felt the gorge rise up in my throat. I was about at the end of my rope.
“Small bones,” I muttered.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“Never mind. Listen, Elmer—”
“I don’t recall telling you my name,” he said, dark eyes narrowing into a menacing stare.
“I’m here with my Aunt Scarlet. She mentioned your name when I told her where I was going for dinner.”
Damn, I still had the good lie juju. I was starting to become impressed with myself.
“Yes, yes,” he said. “Scarlet. I once knew a woman named Scarlet a long, long time ago. She seduced me and then broke my heart.” He smiled, his capped teeth eerily white and even in the fading sunlight. “I remember her fondly.”
“Hmm, yes. Well—” I struggled for the words and just decided to go for it. The tattoo matched and there was no time like the present. I just had to figure out where to touch him. I didn’t want to grab the wrong limb by mistake in the takedown.
“Are your bones fairly strong?” I asked.
“Beg your pardon?”
“Your bones,” I repeated. “You think they’re pretty strong?”
“This is a very unusual conversation. A little exciting.” He waggled his eyebrows creepily. “Are you going to hurt me?”
“Eww,” I said. “Not that way.” I took Elmer by the wrist and squeezed, using a technique Savage had taught me back when we were in and out of each other’s pockets. Elmer screamed like a little girl and went to his knees, and I twisted his arm behind his back.
“Hush,” I hissed, putting my other hand over his mouth so no one would hear his scream.
I put my knee in his back like I’d seen the cops do and then I realized I was practically straddling Elmer while buck-ass naked.
“I need restraints,” I called out. But Rosemarie and Scarlet didn’t come out of the bushes.
“What are you doing?” Elmer said. “I’m not into the kinky stuff. I’m too old. I’ve got a pacemaker.”
“I told you to hush,” I said. “Elmer Hughes, you should’ve kept the tattoo hidden a little longer. Like until you died. Or should I call you the Romeo Bandit?”
He went still beneath me and I grabbed his other arm to pull behind his back. “Rosemarie,” I called out a little louder this time. “I’m not playing. I need the restraints.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Elmer said. “But I demand that you unhand me. I’m a paying member of this resort and they have rules here. You’re sexually assaulting me, you reprobate. It’s wrong to take advantage of a senior citizen just because his plumbing still works.”
“Don’t flatter yourself,” I said. “
Rosemarie
!” I yelled louder. “If you don’t get out here right now I’m never watching
Real Housewives
with you again.”
“I sent Rosemarie and Scarlet down to the luau,” Savage said, stepping out from the shadows, a big smile on his face.
“Oh, Jesus God,” I said, letting go of Elmer and slapping my hand over my eyes. I felt Elmer roll away from me and get up, but then I heard a couple of grunts and peeked through my fingers to see Elmer back on the ground with cuffs around his wrists.
“What are you doing?” Savage asked.
“Sorry,” I said. “I panicked. I thought you were naked and I couldn’t handle it.”
He laughed out loud and I felt ridiculous all of a sudden. And then I remembered I was the one that was naked. Savage had on jeans and a t-shirt and his gun.
“I’m not sure
I
can handle it,” he said, his voice deepening. “I’ve got to tell you I’ve had a lot of fantasies that involved this moment.”
“You had fantasies about us at a nudist colony?”
“No, just about us being naked. Together.”
I had a hot flash and started waving my hand in front of my face. “You can’t do this. We had a truce.”
“That was before I saw you naked. And Addison, the fantasies don’t measure up to the reality.”
“Nope, nope, nope. I’m not listening.” I stuck my fingers in my ears like a toddler and tried not to pay attention to the fact that my nipples had hardened like tiny pebbles.
“You’re very good at this,” Elmer told Savage. “Nice technique.”
“Thank you,” Savage said. “Elmer Hughes, you’re under arrest for the murder of twenty-two people, plus committing multiple armed robberies as the Romeo Bandit.”
“I’d rather you just shoot me if you don’t mind. I’m not a fan of prison.”
“I wouldn’t mind putting a bullet in you,” Scarlet said, coming out of the shadows and up on the deck to stand over Elmer.
“Jesus,” Savage said, looking at Scarlet in her full glory. His gaze seemed to be fixed on the hot-pink pubic hair, and I couldn’t say I blamed him. It was mesmerizing.
“Scarlet?” Elmer asked. “What the hell do you want to put a bullet in me for? We’re neighbors. I thought you were just a desperate old lady.”
“I’ve never been desperate. Not even when you seduced me the first time. I almost cut you loose back then when you started talking about your wife. Really killed the mood. But you made up for it later. I have to say you were one of the best.”
“Of course I was. Still am. You can’t possibly be
that
Scarlet. She was one of the most beautiful creatures I’ve ever seduced. There was no one comparable to her in bed.”
“Yes, I know. And I’ve hardly changed at all, so I don’t appreciate your insults.”
Savage and I shared a look that said it all. Scarlet was delusional. And this was ridiculous. Three-fourths of us were naked and I was kind of tired of being at the naked party.
“After all these years you’re getting just what you deserve,” Scarlet said. “You might be a charming Romeo, but you’re still a killer. And you still have to pay.” She turned to Savage and said, “Maybe you could rough him up a little on the way in. Say he resisted or something.”
“He’s an old man,” Savage said. “He has to pee every ten minutes. That’s punishment enough.”
“I want to go home now. And I want to wear clothes,” I said. “I also want my reward money so I can buy some new shoes. This has been a trying twenty-four hours.”
“You’re welcome to come back with me,” Savage said. “We can drop Elmer in for booking and then hit the outlet mall on the way back to Savannah.”
“You’re a good friend,” I said.
Savage raised a brow and the smile he gave me sent a shiver all the way to my lady bits. “The clothing part is optional,” he said.
Decisions, decisions.
The End
Liliana Hart is the
New York Times
and
USA Today
Bestselling Author of more than forty books, including the popular MacKenzie Family Series and JJ Graves Series. She lives in Louisiana with her husband and six children.
If you enjoyed reading
Whiskey on the Rocks
, I would appreciate it if you would help others enjoy this book, too.
Lend it
. This e-book is lending-enabled, so please, share it with a friend.
Recommend it
. Please help other readers find this book by recommending it to friends, readers’ groups and discussion boards.
Review it
. Please tell other readers why you liked this book by reviewing it at Goodreads. If you do write a review, please send me an email at
[email protected]
so I can thank you with a personal email. Or visit me at
www.lilianahart.com
.
Whiskey Rebellion (Book 1)
Whiskey Sour (Book 2)
Whiskey For Breakfast (Book 3)
Whiskey, You’re The Devil (Book 4)
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (Book 5)
WIN $100!
Beginning in April, I’ll be giving away a $100 gift card* on the 15th of the month, and every month after, to one newsletter subscriber. The winner will be announced inside the newsletter, so you’ll have to actually open it to see who won :-) So if you’re not a newsletter subscriber, go do it. This will also be open to international readers.
*Must be deliverable online
Adrienne Giordano
A Lucie Rizzo Mystery
Copyright © 2016 Adrienne Giordano
“L
uce, we’re over
our heads here.”