Redeem Me: Oakville Series:Book Four (11 page)

“Chelsie, I—” She places her finger against my lips to shush me. When she knows my mouth is closed, she cradles my face in her hands, and the sweetest smile crosses her face.

“You have to stop blaming yourself. Nothing that happened was your fault. You were just a child with too many responsibilities. It was a tragedy that Katie was taken, but there was nothing you could’ve done to stop it,” she says, pleading with me to believe her. I want to, I really do. My head is totally on board with her justifications, but my heart has a different opinion.

“I want to believe it…it’s just not that easy,” I tell her honestly. She nods her head in agreement and understanding. I’ll never be able to forget Katie, nor do I want to, but I can start letting go of the guilt by learning to forgive myself. It’s not going to be something that will happen overnight, but I’m willing to try.

“Can I ask you a question?” she asks shyly. I’ve told her everything, so there’s nothing left to hide. I nod and wait. She nervously bites her lip and takes a noticeable breath.

“Did you ever sleep with Kayleigh?” she spits out in a hurry. What...the...fuck? I stare at her in disbelief. That wasn’t a question I expected. “The way you’ve been looking at her, it’s almost like you recognize her but can’t seem to place her,” she explains before I can ask aloud.

“No, I haven’t slept with her. There’s just something about her that’s familiar, something that reminds me of Katie.” In fact, if I didn’t know better, I would think she was Katie. Everything about Kayleigh reminds me of her. I explain all of this to Chelsie. Her smile, her hair, her eyes, how they’re all identical to my dead baby sister’s. “That’s why I got so drunk the other night. I was just trying to blind myself to all the similarities and numb the pain they were causing.”

“I’m sorry. You’ll have to bear with me. I’m very new to this whole relationship thing. I mean, if that’s what this is. What you want,” she says, stumbling over her words. I suppose it’s time to man up and tell her how I feel. I hold her face in my hands, making sure she’s looking into my eyes.

“I’ve never had a girlfriend or relationship before either. I’ll bear with you if you can do the same for me. We’ll learn together, okay?” She quickly nods and I place a chaste kiss on her lips before pulling away to stare into her eyes once more, needing her to really hear me, to fully understand what I’m about to say. I’ve never uttered these words to anyone other than my mom or Katie. Chelsie is the first, and as far as I can see, the absolute only other one I’ll say this to.

“Sweet pea, I love you. You have turned the heart I thought was made of stone back to normal. I want to spend every waking moment with you by my side, if you’ll have me,” I confess. She just stares slack jawed and I can’t help but feel a little foolish…and a lot scared. A tear slips down her cheek and I wipe it away with my thumb.

“I love you, too, Angel. I tried like hell not too, but I do. I want to spend every waking moment with you, too,” she finally says, causing my heart to soar. I bring our lips together and kiss her gently, lovingly, trying to show her just how much I feel for her.

Chelsie

M
y toes curl and my heart is about to explode with overwhelming emotion. This is not your average kiss. My body is tingling all over. He cradles my face in his hands as he deepens the kiss. I can feel how much he loves me, how much he wants me. He needs to know I love and want him just as much. When the kiss breaks, he holds me tight against him. Wrapped in his arms, my head resting on his hard chest, I feel safe and happy.

“I’m never letting you go, sweet pea,” Angel whispers in my ear. This is it. This is that perfect moment I’ve always dreamed about but never thought existed. I try to calm my nerves by taking a deep breath. Angel’s cologne fills my nostrils, sending a jolt straight between my legs.

I want him. I can’t deny it any longer. I’m terrified of so many things right now. What if I really suck at sex and he hates it with me? Let’s face it, he has a lot of experience and I’m sure all the women he’s been with do too. Or what if he decides after a couple weeks he doesn’t really love me, that he was mistaken? What would make a man like him want a girl like me? He’s handsome, talented, funny, and kind. I’m nothing like the women I usually see him with, so why me?

“Sweet pea, I can see you’re starting to over think things. I want
you
. I love
you
. All those other women were warm bodies, nothing more. If I had any idea I would someday meet you, I never would have given any of them a second glance,” he says sincerely.

“Are you sure? Why me? What makes me better than all the other women you’ve been with?” I question in a rush, needing to know. I don’t see what makes me special. What makes me stand out to him. Could it be the challenge? I’m not as easy and willing as most of the women in his life.

“It’s taken almost my whole life to realize what I’ve really wanted, I just never thought I was deserving of it. I’ve seen Kyle and Amber, and Paul and Holly find their happiness with each other, and I want that. What they have with each other is amazing, but I’ve never felt like I deserved it or had the right to be happy after what happened to Katie. Then you came along and started to open my eyes and my heart. You’re sweet and caring. You stand by your friends when they need you. There’s nothing about you that’s fake. You love me and see things in me no one else does. And, most importantly, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on,” he explains as he places light kisses all over my face, whispering, “Beautiful,” after every one. I have never had anyone say something so sweet to me. I can’t stop the tears that roll from my eyes down my face. He kisses away each one he can catch. There’s no doubt in my mind this is the man I want to give myself to, in all ways. And I couldn’t ask for a more romantic moment or setting.

With a shaky voice, I whisper in Angel’s ear, “Make love to me. Right here. Right now. Please.” I’m shaking all over. My heart thunders in my chest as I wait for his reply.

“I want nothing more right now, but I want you to be sure. I don’t want you to feel pressured in anyway,” Angel replies.

“I’m positive I want this and I want it with you. Now,” I assure him. The glow of the fire illuminates the smile slowly creeping across his face. He gently lays me back on the blanket and situates himself beside me. Propping his head up on his hand, he looks down at me. His finger trails all over my body. Starting at my face, moving south, finding every spot of bare skin and leaving goose bumps in its wake.

“I’ll go slowly. I don’t want to hurt you. Tell me if you want me to stop,” Angel says sweetly before leaning down and placing gentle kisses along my neck and collarbone. He brings his lips back to mine and kisses me softly at first, slowly building pressure. As the kiss continues to intensify, a soft moan escapes me, eliciting a low growl from Angel. Reaching up, I tangle his hair in my hands and tug just a touch.

Angel sits up and kneels between my legs. Slowly, he pulls his t-shirt over his head and throws it on the ground. Thanks to the light of the fire, I can see every ridge, hard line, and muscle. My insides clench from the view, the flame in my core burning brighter. He runs his hands up my legs, reaching the hem of my shirt, and looks at me for approval before beginning to raise it. I can feel my body tense as my heart pounds even harder. He lowers himself and kisses me gently, allowing me the few moments I need to collect myself. I raise up and he pulls it off over my head. After discarding it on top of his, he eyes me with clear appreciation.

“So fucking gorgeous. You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, sweet pea,” Angel says in almost a whisper. I can’t help my shy smile. I can feel my cheeks blush from his hungry stare. His intense look takes my breath away.

He kisses my forehead, then my nose, causing me to giggle. He continues on to my lips and down my neck, working his way to the valley between my breasts. Running my hands along his shoulders, I can feel how defined each and every muscle is. His tongue glides along my right breast, just above the cup of my bra. My nipples become so hard, it’s almost painful. His thumb circles my left nipple, and I jump at the sensation. His touch sends tingles right to my core even with the lace barrier. God, I want this bra off right now. I want to feel his skin against mine without barriers.

“Maybe we should get this out of the way,” I say in the sexiest voice I can muster, toying with the strap of my bra. With his hands on me, it’s a wonder I can form words at all.

With a chuckle, he says, “Anything for you, sweet pea.” He holds onto my hands and raises me into a sitting position. While kissing my shoulder, he reaches around and unhooks my brain one swift motion. My hands immediately move to my breasts covering them. My eyes immediately focus on the ground. I can’t seem to get the nerve to look him in the eyes. He puts his finger under my chin and lifts, until I’m looking at him. The tender, loving look in his eyes has my stomach flip-flopping.

“You don’t have to hide from me,” Angel says, his voice laced with need. I’ve never felt more exposed to another person before. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Slowly, I start to lower my arms. When I’m no longer covering myself, I can feel my face heat up. He leans back on his heels and takes a long look at my chest. When he licks his lips, I get the feeling he likes what he sees.

“Absolute perfection,” he whispers, scooting closer to me. Placing his hand on my back, he takes my right breast into his mouth. The sensation of his hot wet tongue gently licking and sucking has me throwing my head back and moaning. After a few moments, he switches to the left breast, showing it the same attention. When he finishes, his lips crash into mine as he molds himself against me. The feel of my breasts rubbing against his hard chest sends a bolt of electricity to my core.

When he breaks our kiss, we’re both breathing heavily. His eyes are dark and full of want. He smiles at me as he runs his fingers down my cheek, between my breasts, stopping at the button of my jeans. As he works the button, I take the opportunity to run my hands all over his solid chest. The instant I touch him, he takes in a deep breath and closes his eyes. I can’t help but give myself a mental high-five. I have no idea what I’m doing, but it’s nice to see I’m affecting him.

Once he undoes my jeans, he gently lays me back on the blanket, and my body starts to tremble nervously. He hovers over me and brings his face so close to mine, his warm breath washing over my lips.

“I promise, there’s nothing to be afraid of. We can stop if you want to,” he says. The last thing my body wants right now is to stop, but I am scared. Not of him, but of being inadequate compared to the many beautiful women he’s been with. What if he takes one look at me completely naked and changes his mind about wanting me? What if my vagina is not as...nice as all the other ones he’s seen?

“What if you don’t like what you see?” I blurt out loud without meaning to. He shakes his head and grins. Grabbing my hand, he places it on his rock hard erection.

“This is what you do to me. There is nothing about you I won’t like, sweet pea. Everything about you is perfect. It’s like you were made just for me,” he says. His words calm my nerves a bit. He caresses my face lightly with his hand, trying to put me more at ease. The cocky grin he’s wearing makes me think he may be able to read my mind.

Lazily, he pulls my shorts over my hips and down my legs. Before pulling them off completely, he slips my sandals off one at a time. Thank goodness I’m wearing a sexy pair of lace panties. Again, he leans back on his heels and eyes me intently. When I see his eyes darken, I feel sexy. Never in my life have I felt that way, but under his appreciative gaze, the nerves fade and give way to confidence.