Redemption (37 page)

Her knees trembled beneath her skirt, and she desperately wanted him to leave. A meeting like this could only set back everything she was trying to do with Tim and the counselor. Tears gathered in her eyes, and she looked down at her feet.

“Being with you that day . . .” She struggled to swallow. “It was wrong, Ryan. I never should have allowed myself to—”

“Kari.” His tone stopped her and she met his gaze once more. “I didn’t come here to ask you to be my friend or to make you feel bad.” He gave her a sad smile. “I just wanted to give you a Christmas card and tell you something.”

She could smell his cologne, and she tried not to think about how good it was to see him again. Instead, she waited for him to continue.

Ryan leaned against the doorframe. “Every day for the past six weeks I’ve prayed for you, Kari.”

“Prayed?”

Ryan nodded, his eyes never leaving hers. “Yes . . . that you and Tim would work things out.” He bit his lower lip and hesitated. “Obviously my prayers are being answered.”

They made small talk for a few more minutes, and then Ryan glanced at his watch. “I need to go.” He refrained from hugging her but lifted a hand as he walked away. “Merry Christmas, Kari.”

After he was gone, she opened his card and felt her breath catch in her throat. Inside he’d written this simple message: “Thanks for teaching me what love really is.”

Their conversation played again in her mind. His eyes had said he still had feelings for her. And the pounding of her heart had answered that her own feelings hadn’t changed. In fact, only one thing had changed since their last meeting.

Their determination to let each other go.

Ashley often used Sunday mornings to run errands that hadn’t been finished during the week. If she happened to be out when church ended, she would sometimes swing by and pick up Cole. That Christmas Eve was such an occasion. She’d even considered attending services with her family, but in the end she’d been too busy. She’d go some other time. New Year’s Eve, maybe, or Easter.

She parked her red Honda in the church lot, ran her fingers through her short-cropped hair, and was heading toward Cole’s class when she saw Ryan Taylor standing in the doorway of one of the Sunday school rooms.

For a moment she considered approaching him and giving him an update on Kari, but before she could make a decision he turned and walked the other direction. Who had he been talking to? Her curiosity got the better of her, and she walked slowly toward the place where Ryan had been. She leaned in, but the room was empty.

“Ashley?”

She spun around and saw Kari stepping out of a closet. Her face was tearstained, and she held a handful of glue bottles and child-sized scissors.

“Hi.” Ashley felt strangely guilty. “I was just getting Cole.”

“Cole’s class is at the other end of the building.” Kari straightened and pulled her hair back from her face. She looked weary, as if she were carrying an invisible burden too heavy to bear.

“I . . .” Ashley shrugged and decided to be honest. “I saw Ryan and thought I could catch him before he left.”

Kari rolled her eyes and began stacking workbooks. She spoke with her back to Ashley. “What were you going to tell him?”

“Look, Kari, I’m not trying to make life difficult for you.” Ashley sighed. “But if you ask me, Ryan’s a much better—”

“I’m not asking you!” Kari’s voice was harsh, and it sent Ashley back a step. “Besides . . .” She smoothed her hands on her skirt and hesitated. “Besides, Ryan feels the same way I do. That what we shared is better left in the past.”

“Ryan said that?” Ashley had worried about her sister’s judgment before. But if Kari thought Ryan Taylor was no longer head over heels in love with her, she was definitely in need of help. “Ryan will love you until the day he dies. Why do you think he was here?”

Kari leveled her gaze at Ashley. “To tell me he was praying for me.”

“See!” Ashley tossed up her hands. “That’s the same thing. He’s waiting just in case things don’t work with Tim. Of course he’s praying.”

“Not like that.” Kari’s eyes were wet, and now Ashley felt bad for pushing the issue. “He’s praying for Tim and me to be happy together.”

There was obviously more to it, but Ashley didn’t have time to analyze the issue now. She had to get Cole. Besides, there was no point to the discussion. Kari was determined to stay with Tim no matter how unhappy it made her.

“Look, I’m sorry for bringing it up.” Ashley paused, and though the conversation might naturally have led to a hug, she simply said, “See ya,” and waved as she headed for her son’s classroom. By the time she got there, her parents had already promised Cole lunch at his favorite restaurant.

Ashley thought of the shopping she still needed to do for tomorrow, and she shrugged. Lately she hadn’t wanted to burden her parents, but if they were offering . . .

“That’s fine. Take him out to lunch. I’ll pick him up later today.”

Her mother reached for her hand and squeezed it. “Come with us.”

Ashley remembered the Thanksgiving conversation her father had with the pastor. “That’s okay. You go. I have things to do.” She stooped down and rubbed noses with Cole. “Be good for Grammy and Papa.”

Cole’s eyes twinkled. “I will, Mommy.” He held up a piece of paper folded into a brightly colored box with a lid. “Here . . . I made this for you.” He grinned. “Teacher says it’s the best Christmas present of all.”

She opened it, and inside was a colored picture of the baby Jesus with these words: “Jesus loves me, this I know.”

Ashley let her eyes settle on the message, and doubts flashed across her mind. Jesus might love Cole—who wouldn’t?— but he obviously didn’t care much for her. She smiled at her son and tousled his hair. “Thanks, honey. You did a great job.”

Five minutes later Ashley pulled into a gas station a mile from church. A sign told her she needed to prepay inside and she moaned, quickly sifting through her purse for a twenty-dollar bill as she headed toward the building. The stores wouldn’t be open late, and she was in a hurry to be finished. Three people were ahead of her in the cash-register line, and she stood impatiently, gazing around, still thinking of this morning’s conversation with her sister. Kari had to be crazy letting a guy like Ryan Taylor go.

The line inched forward, and something caught Ashley’s attention. She looked out and saw a silver Chevy truck pull into the parking lot. The driver looked familiar, and as the truck pulled up to the pump she had no doubts.

It was Ryan; there was no mistaking his profile.

Ashley watched him get out, read the sign, and head inside. She silently admired him. She didn’t care for sports, but who couldn’t appreciate a build like that? If only he weren’t in love with Kari . . .

He spotted her immediately. “Hey, Ash, how are you?” He hugged her loosely, a smile lighting up his eyes.

“Good.” She grinned and glanced at him. “You’re looking gorgeous as always.”

“Why, thank you, ma’am.” One eyebrow lifted appreciatively. “Same to you.”

This was what made Ryan different from Landon, she thought. Ryan wasn’t in love with her. He could laugh with her, tease her, talk to her without ever making her fear that a wedding proposal was in the making.

She crossed her arms and lowered her chin. “Saw you talking to Kari at church today.”

His eyes widened subtly. “Ashley Baxter, at church?”

Barely a foot separated them as they waited in line, and Ashley elbowed him in the ribs. “Come on . . . it’s not like I have an aversion to the place.” She shook her hair and tucked a strand behind her ear. “I went to get Cole, but my parents already had plans for him.” She angled her face, making eye contact. “You left before I had a chance to say hi.”

Ryan’s eyes lost some of their sparkle. “I had a Christmas card for your sister.”

“Ah.” Ashley nodded big. “My faithful sister.”

It was Ashley’s turn at the counter. She paid for her gas, went outside and filled her car, and met Ryan by his truck. Ryan leaned against the driver’s door and studied Ashley. “Kari’s doing the right thing.”

Ashley sighed and gazed at the distant cloudy sky. “He’ll do it again.”

“They have a child to think about now.” Ryan shrugged. “I have a hunch he’s finished wandering.”

She clicked her tongue and shook her head, exasperated. “Kari should be with you.”

Ryan smiled and raised his chin, his expression suddenly guarded. “It’s a moot point, Ashley.”

A car pulled up behind him, the driver anxious for an empty pump. Ryan opened his truck door and slid inside. “Did you eat yet?”

Ashley loved the way his casual grin challenged her and made her feel desirable. “No.” She fingered her keys. “I’m starved.”

He motioned toward her car. “Follow me.”

“Okay.” Ashley’s answer was out of her mouth before she had time to think about it. She jogged back to her car as a mix of emotions fluttered within her. Lunch with Ryan Taylor? What would Kari think? For that matter, what was Ryan thinking?

She followed him and chided herself for letting her imagination run away with her. Ryan had known her since she was nine years old. He was lonely and wanted nothing more than an hour’s conversation with an old acquaintance.

He led her to a salad bar restaurant that they both agreed was one of their favorites. An hour after lunch was over, they were still chatting about their lives and laughing about days gone by.

Ryan leaned back in the booth and anchored his forearms on the table. “I’m stuffed.”

Ashley pushed at her fork and napkin. “Me too.”

She had always convinced herself she didn’t need a man in her life, but her time with this particular man was tempting her to revise her theory. She wanted their lunch date to go on forever.
He could never be attracted to me
, she reminded herself.
I’ll always be Kari’s little sister
.

But almost as soon as the thoughts were formed, Ryan looked at her, his expression more serious. “How come we never did this before?”

“Well—” Ashley’s heart skipped a beat—“I was always Kari’s kid sister.” She was teasing him, and he smiled in response. “Never mind that I had a crush on you until my twelfth birthday.”

Ryan’s eyes danced. “Twelfth birthday?” His jaw dropped, and he pretended to be crushed by her revelation. “You gave up on me when you were only twelve years old?”

“Let’s see—” Ashley stared at a ceiling tile and then back at Ryan—“I believe you were busy dating someone else back then.” She lifted her chin, feigning hurt feelings. “I was a serious twelve-year-old, you know. You just didn’t appreciate the woman I was behind those braces.”

They both laughed, and Ryan leaned forward, searching her eyes. “Do you know how good it has felt being here with you?”

Ashley’s world seemed to tilt. She warned herself that nothing could ever come of an attraction to Ryan Taylor. The whole family knew he was Kari’s old boyfriend. It would be impossible.

Wouldn’t it?

What was this feeling of shyness engulfing her? She rolled her finger through a few bread crumbs on the table. “For me too.”

“We should’ve done it sooner.” He cast her a crooked smile. “Sometime after your twelfth birthday.”

“Yeah.” She giggled and tried to fathom what he was thinking. “Hey, are you busy? Today, I mean?”

His eyes danced. “What are you cooking up now?”

“I have an idea.”

“Shoot.” Ryan tossed his hands in the air. “It’s got to be better than anything I’ve got going today.”

“Let’s go Christmas shopping.” She sat up straighter. “I need to get to the mall. And since Cole’s with my parents . . .”

“And I have absolutely nothing for Aunt Edith, the woman who has everything.” He slapped his hand on the table. “You’re on.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon together, shopping at toy stores and boutiques and laughing at the other frantic shoppers.

In one upscale department store they spotted a mannequin head sitting atop a mound of discounted sweaters. “Wonderful!” Ryan picked up his pace, grabbed the head, and kept walking. “Aunt Edith has always wanted a second head. She loses hers all the time. Where do I pay?”

They laughed so hard they had to stop to catch their breath, and when Ryan returned the Styrofoam head, he casually slipped his arm around Ashley’s shoulders. “Okay, little sister, tell me why a pretty girl like you is still single.”

“Simple.” She pushed back the thoughts of Paris and grinned. “I haven’t been in love since I was twelve.”

“Hey.” They kept walking, and he tapped his shoe playfully against hers. “I’m serious.”

She sighed, still recovering from their laughter. “There are guys. I’m just not all that interested.”

He nodded slowly. “Fair enough.”

The afternoon had darkened into twilight when they finally finished shopping. Her parents would be having their usual Christmas Eve gift-wrapping session, and she knew she should pick up Cole. But she and Ryan were hungry, and Cole could wait. He had more fun with her parents, anyway.

They picked up a pizza on the way home and took it to Ashley’s house. Ryan set his coat down on a chair just inside the front door and let out a low whistle. “Very nice.”