Redemption and Regrets (Chastity Falls, #4) (6 page)

Because of my father.

It wasn’t enough that he’d screwed me over in life; he’d hammered the final nail in my goddamn coffin too. O’Connor might have given the order, but the old man pulled the trigger. The one and only time he visited me inside, he’d told me to serve out my time with dignity. Pride. To never forget who I was and where I came from, while all the time he was preparing to hand the reins to Jackson.

The glass in my hand flew across the room and shattered into a million pieces. The cran-apple juice dripped down the gray paintwork like blood. My chest heaved as I tried to get a hold on my anger. But the anger was for Dad. For his betrayal. He was our blood, our life-giver, and his actions had made us targets. Inevitably, I was heading that way long before all of this shit happened, but Briony was just a mean girl with daddy issues and an attitude problem to boot. She didn’t deserve to be hunted like some animal.

At that moment, I wanted to say yes. I wanted to come face-to-face with O’Connor and watch him beg while I made him bleed. But a small part of me wanted to run. To get the fuck away from Astoria, from Oregon, and leave all of this bullshit behind. I’d paid my dues, done my time ... did I really want to be pulled back into a world that wanted me dead?

A world that would probably see me dead.

I grabbed my phone off the arm of the couch and texted Briony telling her we needed to talk.

~

“Y
ou want to leave?” Briony’s mouth dropped open, and her eyes glistened as if I’d actually managed to hurt her feelings.

“I want time.”

“Time? You just had four fucking years. How much time do you need?”

“B, that’s not fair, and you know it.”

My twin’s face flushed with anger and she leaped up and stomped to the kitchenette muttering something about needing a drink.

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think it’s a bad move.” Luke spoke low enough that Briony couldn’t hear us. “I know a place.”

My brow shot up. “Yeah?”

“Don’t worry, it’s Jack Doyle approved. He thought you might need some time and space.”

“What’s going on?”

Luke flashed Briony a smile that I imagined had gotten him out of a tricky situation with her more than once. “I know a place. It’s safe.”

“Luke, seriously? You’re okay with this?”

“He’s not our prisoner, babe. If he needs space, it’s his. We can stay in touch, and when he’s ready, he can come right back. It’s not a bad idea if he lays low for a while anyway.”

“This is really what you want?” My sister turned to me pinning me to my seat with her eyes.

“I just need time to figure some stuff out. Four years, B. I’ve been out of the game four years. I can’t just walk back in and forget everything. I need time.”

She swallowed hard and nodded. It wasn’t easy for Briony to accept defeat. But this wasn’t her fight—it was mine, and I wasn’t rushing into anything this time.

Acting on impulse had ruined my life once, but it wouldn’t get me again.

“T
his is crazy. What the hell are you going to do here?”

Hands shoved deep into my pockets and hood pulled up over my head, I scanned our surroundings. Briony had a point. When Luke had taken the 101 out of Astoria, my heart almost pounded out of my chest. The 101 led right through Tillamook and past Chastity Falls, but he’d turned inland, and eventually, we ended up in Forest Grove. Luke’s idea of me laying low was dumping me in a town less than an hour’s drive from Chastity Falls.

Fucking perfect.

“Don’t look so worried. It’s neutral ground. There are no organizational ties here, just an old friend with a room for rent.”

“Friend?” I asked unable to disguise the skepticism in my voice.

“Ex-girlfriend, okay?” He flashed Briony a reassuring smile, but her eyes widened, flaring with jealousy. “Babe, don’t. There’s nothing to worry about. Ro doesn’t even live here anymore. She just rents out her place.”

“Ro? She has a name and an apartment, and this is the first time I’m hearing about her? This is just great. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Braid. I’ll see you in the car.”

My sister didn’t stick around and I folded my arms over my chest shooting Luke a pointed look. “You’d better go fix that.”

“She’ll come around. She always does,” he said with a grim smile that suggested it wasn’t the first time they’d fought, but that was Briony for you. She always did like to cause a scene. “Here’s the key. Apartment 2C.”

I followed his finger to the second floor of the building we were parked outside. “Okay, and now what?”

“Make yourself at home. The place is furnished. This should keep you going.” He retrieved a thick envelope from inside his jacket and handed it to me. “Clean notes, no plastic. You’re not here, remember? Braiden Donohue doesn’t exist here. Can you use another name?”

“Another name? When you said laying low wasn’t a bad idea, I didn’t think you meant I needed to disappear.”

Luke scratched his jaw and glanced back at the car where Briony sat in the driver’s seat with a scowl on her face. “It’s not permanent. You can reach us on this.” He handed me a cell phone.

“I just need some time to figure shit out.”

“Yeah, I know. Lay low. Stay out of trouble, and
figure shit out
.” His smile morphed into a smirk. “Because we need you back and ready to do this thing soon.”

I nodded. I didn’t have an answer. Not yet.

“I’ll check in. Hasta.”

“Yeah, later,” I said as Luke opened the passenger door and climbed inside. The car sped away, and I hoisted the duffle bag Luke had lent me over my shoulder.

I’d wanted space, and here it was.

~

T
he apartment was clean and tidy and obviously owned by a chick. Luke had given away no details about the owner, but apparently, she liked the color duck egg blue. Walls, cushions, even the fucking curtains matched. But it was better than pink. I’d dumped my bag in the smaller of the two bedrooms before checking the place out. The grand tour lasted a whole two minutes and I tried my luck in the kitchen cupboards. There wasn’t much; a few cans of soup and unopened chips. I would need to venture out and buy supplies, but I didn’t know where the hell the nearest grocery store was. I figured the walk would do me good. Clear some of the shit running through my head.

Grabbing the keys and a wad of bills from the envelope Luke had given me, I pulled up my hood and made my way out of the apartment. The building seemed pretty quiet, but then, it was a Friday. People would still be at work, going about their daily lives, while I was stuck hiding out in some town I knew nothing about.

Maybe this isn’t such a good idea, after all.

Not that there’d been many alternatives. What Jack Doyle and his associates wanted was crazy. I wasn’t cut out to lead some kind of rebellion against O’Connor. It had been different at CFA. I was the motherfucking king at the Academy, but that was college. This was the real world. A world I hadn’t been a part of for four years.

As I hit the street, I noticed a sign for Lincoln Park Stadium. With nothing better to do, I headed toward the park. The sound of kids grunting and shouting grew louder with every step until I rounded the sidewalk and saw a blur of red and black running around the track. Unnoticed, I slipped through the gate and climbed the bleachers choosing a seat at the back, out of sight.

Watching them, a strange pang settled deep in my chest. I hadn’t liked track. Football was more my sport—I’d lived for the game back in college—but seeing their discipline, their determination to finish the race, stirred something in me. At that moment, they had focus. An end goal.

I envied them.

I’d had that once. Goals, aspirations, motivation.

I had the whole world at my feet, and now, what did I have? An envelope full of hand-me-down cash and an ugly fucking scar.

“You’re not supposed to be up here,” a voice called out, and I twisted on the bench. My eyes landed on a girl in a black and red hoodie, similar to the outfits worn by the kids down on the track.

“And you are?” I hit back.

The girl shrugged, blowing a huge bubble with her gum. It popped, and she slurped it back into her mouth. My face screwed up. What was she, twelve? It was fucking disgusting.

“This says I am.” She fingered her hoodie, puffing out the red P on her chest.

I turned away from her and dropped my chin onto my fists. Leaning forward on my elbows, I ignored her.

“I can still see you,” she sang almost musically causing annoyance to flare through me. Who the hell was this girl?

“Yo, Cara, you coming down or what?” a guy shouted from the track. I heard her sigh deeply and then she was moving past me and down to her friend.

The hoodie outlined her slight frame, but her legs looked strong and it was obvious she ran track. But something about her attitude screamed unruly, not disciplined. She didn’t look in my direction again, giving me only a view of the back of her head. Short blond hair grazed her shoulders and black capris hugged her tight ass. In fact, short pretty much summed her up. I wondered if the description matched her personality—short tempered. I smirked to myself. Something about the way she was jabbing her finger at the guy friend told me it did.

They seemed to be arguing about something. His brows knitted together as he glared down at her, standing a good foot taller than she was. But he didn’t intimidate her; she was all up in his face pointing and yelling. Eventually, a couple of other students joined the commotion and ended up stepping between the blonde and the guy.

Interesting.

I was so used to chicks falling over themselves around me, but something told me she wasn’t that type of girl. Not that it mattered. She was no one to me, and she was right—I wasn’t supposed to be here. Without a backward glance, I left the stadium and went in search of supplies.

~

T
hree hours later, and bored out of my fucking mind, I found myself back at the stadium. The way blondie had said ‘you’re not supposed to be here’ was like she was challenging me. Well, I didn’t back down from a challenge, and I sure as shit wasn’t going to listen to the empty threats of some prissy college chick.

It was dark and the place was deserted, but I welcomed the quiet. Oregon State was always noisy. If the guards weren’t barking orders, it was inmates talking and joking, sometimes arguing, or the constant rattle of keys turning in the steel locks. There was always something. Even in the dead of the night, you could hear the pipes creak and the wind whoosh through the cellblocks.

After leaving the stadium earlier, I’d found a store and stocked up on a few things. I had no idea how long I wanted to stick around, but Luke had given me more than enough money to survive for a few weeks. But for now, I just bought the essentials. I wasn’t putting down roots. This was just a stopgap, somewhere to sort out my head and lay low.

“You again?” a voice called from the darkness cloaking the track.

A voice I recognized.

I squinted, just making out her shape, and the blonde from earlier pushed back her hood revealing her face. She shook out her hair and made her way up the bleachers, dropping on the bench along side of me.

“I don’t usually have company out here,” she said keeping her focus on the track.

“I can go.” I wasn’t looking to get friendly with anyone; let alone her, of all people.

“Don’t leave on my account. Free country and all that.” There was something in her voice. Whether bitterness or regret, I couldn’t quite decipher. “So what are you escaping from?”

“Escaping? I’m just enjoying the view.” I leaned back and folded my arms behind my head unsure whether the blood coursing through me was excitement or annoyance.

“Whatever,” she replied.

From the corner of my eye, I watched as she blew a big bubble and then snapped it with her teeth.

“That’s fucking disgusting.”

“Do I look like I care what you think?”

My head whipped around, and my eyes locked on hers. She talked the talked, but I saw the immediate fear there. Her eyes widened slightly, and she sucked in a sharp breath. Oh yeah, I had her by the balls now.

“I’m a guy. Figure it out.”

“And what the fuck does that mean? Who the hell are you, anyway? I’ve never seen you here before.”

I ignored her. Little miss attitude was barking up the wrong tree if she was looking for a fight. I came here for peace and quiet, not to argue with some college chick. I’d eat her alive and then spit out the leftovers.

“Fine, you want to ignore me. Go right ahead. It’s not like I give a shit.”

A sly smirk spread across my face. Oh, she gave a shit all right; I had her well and truly worked up. The old me would have capitalized on the moment—let her know exactly who was running the show, but I didn’t have it in me. Sure, my dick was ever so slightly standing to attention at blondie’s attempt to get a rise out of me, but I wasn’t looking to play games.

I wanted to get my shit straightened out. She was a complication I didn’t need.

Or want.

Liar.
I shut the voice down. I wasn’t going there. Not tonight. Not ever.