Redemption is Here (An FBI/Romance Thriller Book 9) (71 page)

They agreed.

“Okay, I need you all to keep working this. What deputies are outside on the fence?”

Meredith glanced down. “Well, we have Deputies Richardson, Elis, and Ricky Turner just showed up. He was off duty and heard it on the radio. He wanted to help. He’s with a few techs, walking the
perimeter.”

She ran her hands through her hair. “Okay
, keep looking. I have to head out,” she said, walking toward the front door.

“Where are you going?” Blackhawk asked, stopping her from leaving. He wasn’t exactly happy with her running around alone. He kept thinking about the child she was carrying and the chance the killer would go after her.

“I have to head back to the hospital. A nurse at the desk texted me an hour ago. Jaxon left Tony alone. I don’t want him waking up by himself and being scared. When I was shot after the Ray debacle, both Tony and Chris took turns sitting there with me. If I have to camp out, I will.”

Ethan relaxed. “Will you be safe, Tex?” he asked, stealing a kiss. As soon as he finished, Callen did the same.

“Yeah, just push the team as hard as you can. I’m going to go work on healing his heart.”

As she strode away, she turned and blew them both a kiss. To reassure them, she patted the gun on her hip and winked.

Neither man liked it, but they wouldn’t stop her from taking care of one of their own. Elizabeth had two skills, at which she excelled. One was being a Fed, and the other was mothering those who were wounded.

Now, she was going to go and do the latter.

“I hate not being with her.”

Ethan agreed. “Let’s push them hard. We need to get back in-house. I don’t like having our team out in the open with a gun wielding nutjob on the loose.”

Callen could agree whole heartedly.

                                *     *     *

Saturday Mid-Morning

Waking up, he couldn’t remember anything. It eluded him as to where he was, and why he was there. Everything was foggy and blurred in his mind.

Keeping his eyes closed, he could hear the beeping of a machine, and two people discussing something in hushed whispers. One sounded like Elizabeth and the other was unfamiliar.

Slowly, he took inventory of his body, trying to figure out what he was doing. The last thing he remembered was talking to Elizabeth, and now this.

Something was very wrong.

It felt like his body was on fire, and pain was searing through his chest. As he tried to move, the talking stopped.

“Tony, can you open your eyes for me?”
Elizabeth asked, as she took his hand in hers.

When he struggled to do just that, she leaned down to drop a kiss to his forehead. “You can do it, Tony. Show me how bad ass you are,” she
urged.

When he finally got them open, he was forced to blink a few times to clear his vision. Before speaking
, he scanned the faces and room. He had been right. One of the voices had belonged to Elizabeth, and the other appeared to be a nurse.

“I’m going to give him more morphine right now,” she stated, pushing the buttons on the machine beside the bed. “He’s going to be in a lot of pain
once the drugs wear off.”

Yeah, Elizabeth knew the truth.

Her friend was going to not only be hurting physically, but emotionally too.

It was coming.

Tony watched the woman in the scrubs and couldn’t understand it. In his mind, he was back on the reservation, and he had just been with Elizabeth. Had something happened?

Why was he in a hospital?

“Tony?” she said softly, touching his face. “Do you know where you are?”

He looked around. “
A hospital?” he asked, his chest on fire with pain. What the hell was going on? The last thing he recalled was his heart to heart with his boss.

Had Ethan and Callen taken it the wrong way and kicked his ass?

Tony was confused.

Obviously, he was missing something.

“What happened?” he whispered through dry lips. The hushed inquiry didn't even seem like it was from him. The voice sounded distant and odd.

Elizabeth took a seat beside him on the bed, still holding his hand in hers. When she’d gotten there and held it, his fingers had been so cold. Now, life was ebbing back into him.

Yeah, for now.

“You don’t remember what happened?” she asked.
“Or who did this to you?”

He tried to think about it. “No. My head and chest hurt.”

She rubbed his forearm with her hand, trying to offer comfort. “You’ve been shot.”

It was like she was speaking a foreign language. What she was saying made absolutely no sense to him.

How the hell had this all happened?

“We were talking,” she began.

“I remember that part.”

“I left you alone and headed back to my cabin. I was talking to
Jaxon there, and we heard a gunshot. The killer came after you, and shot you in the chest. The doctors put you back together again, and you’re recovering.”

His heart began pounding. The monitors began chirping like crazy as his blood pressure spiked. Where was Jaxon?

Oh God!

“Jaxy!”

The nurse stared at her as if warning her not to stir the patient up.

“She’s safe,” Elizabeth reassured. Right now, she imagined
the doctor was on a flight home.

“I want to see her. I need her.”

If Elizabeth could give him that, she would. Glancing over at the nurse, she spoke, “Do you think you can give us a few minutes? I need to speak to him privately.”

“Don’t upset him.”

This was more reason why she shouldn’t be in there. What she had to say was going to cause his monitors to go off again. There was no doubt that Tony was going to get upset.

She waited until the woman was gone.

“Tony, I need you to stay calm.”

He stared at her. “I trust you, Elizabeth. Just tell me the truth. She left
me, didn't she?”

It broke her heart that he already knew. Love shouldn’t hurt like a bitch, but unfortunately it sometimes did. Now, she would be left to break Tony’s heart.

When she got her hands on Jaxon Armstrong, she was going to kick her ass.

This was a cowardly thing to do.

If the woman was going to leave, she should have had the balls to stand here and tell him to his face.

All of this made her mad.

“Please, Lyzee. I need you right now. You won’t lie to me. She’s gone, isn't she?” he asked again.

“Yes, Tony. When I got here, she was gone. She left you a note. Do you want me to read it to you, or can you manage on your own.”

Normally, he would want to read his ‘Dear John’ letter alone, but he trusted her. Elizabeth was his family, and he wasn’t strong enough to do this on his own.

In that moment, he needed to lean on someone stronger than he could ever be.

“Please read it to me.”

Immediately, he closed his eyes, to abate the pain beating at him.

Dearest Tony,

If you’re reading this, then you’ve woken up. I know that leaving you while you’re hurt is a horrible thing to do. I only hope that with time, you’ll forgive me. In fact, you have a great deal to hate me for
, and I probably don’t deserve your forgiveness for any of it. I don’t believe that gunshot was meant for you. It was supposed to be my fate. Instead, you were hurt because I’m cursed in this life.

As I sit here watching you lying there, I’m filled with so much pain. I’ve never loved anyone before in my life other than my mother and brother. Then, you came alone.

I fell for you the second I saw you.

Maybe it was your eyes or the sweet man you are deep down. All I know is I can’t stay. If I do, the vile past that chases and haunts me will taint your life too. So please forgive me for being a coward. It was harder to leave, but I needed to do it for you. If I were to stay, you’d only hurt more. I’m not girlfriend material, and I think you lying in a hospital bed proves that.

It was my gun he used to shoot you. I never noticed it was gone. I was so wrapped up in my feelings, me hurting, that I never noticed.

And so, it nearly cost you your life.

Please forgive me for being selfish. I wanted you more than anything in my life, but I don’t deserve you. If I stayed, my horrible life would taint yours. Before long, you’d resent me and hate me. It is better if I just walk away, and let you hate me for that. I couldn’t bear to see you look at me with anything but love. It would destroy me.

I know I’ve hurt you. I really hope that you find someone you deserve. I want you to have a beautiful life
. What you deserve is more than I could ever give you. I’m just a burial rat, and you’re too good for me.

I hope when you heal, from both the bullet that damaged you, and from my words, you’ll forget the five days we had together.
What happens next is my penance. I’ll carry the memories forever in my heart, because you were the one.

I didn't protect you from the killer, and you can’t be expected to save me the rest of our lives. It’s a job I can’t saddle on anyone.

Be safe and have a full and happy life. Please know that you gave me the only happiness that I’ve ever felt. That’s enough to keep me going.

I love you
and always will,

Jaxon.

Elizabeth folded the note, and found herself unable to despise the woman for hurting her friend. It was obvious that she loved him. Jaxon was scared, and that she could forgive.

She was sacrificing her heart to save Tony.

It couldn’t have been easy.

When he opened his eyes, there were tears there. “So, I’m alone again.”

His words cut at her heart. What wouldn’t she give to save the ones she loved from pain?

“No, you’re not. You have us. As soon as you’re able to move, we’re transporting you back. We’re going to get you to a hospital back in Damascus.”

“Then what? Am I supposed to go through life an empty shell?” he asked. “I would have rather died than wake up and find her gone. I have no reason to go on, Elizabeth. When she left, she took my heart.”

She squeezed his hand.

“I love her.”

Leaning down, she kissed him on the forehead
again. “When we get you home, you’re moving into our house. You’ll stay there until you’re healed and able to go home.”

He closed his eyes. “I’ll never be healed again. There’s a hole in my chest.”

“Look at me, Tony.”

Elizabeth waited until he listened. When he finally opened his eyes, she was staring at him. “Yes? What can you say to heal me, Elizabeth? What do I do now? I’ve never loved before, just for this reason. I never wanted to feel this pain
of being left alone again.”

She patted him on the cheek. “
I can’t heal you, Tony. Only you can do that. I can only tell you what I’d do if I was you. If my heart was broken, and the person I loved told me they had feelings for me, I’d never give up. You do what you need to do, Tony. You fight to get her back.”

A tear slipped down his cheek. “I don’t know how.
I feel so cold and dead inside.”

Elizabeth wiped it away. “You just heal and get better. When you’re back on your feet, I’ll make sure the rest is taken care of.”

He stared at her hopefully. “Really?”

She
crossed her heart. “I promise. I have your back.”

~ Chapter Twenty ~

     Saturday Afternoon

Ethan Blackhawk knew he was an imposing man. In order to run FBI West and keep over six hundred employees from running amuck, he had to be. When it came to the job, he knew there could be no excuses.

Not in the FBI.

Generally, his people would come to him if there was a problem. Considering the options, they were terrified to go to his wife. While he had moments of temper, she was more apt to explode at jackassery.