Redemption: Reckless Desires (Blue Moon Saloon Book 3) (4 page)

You love him. He loves you,
a little voice said.

She shook her head, remembering the hard look on his face when he’d stomped out of the café.

You need him, and he needs you,
the voice went on.

Which was ridiculous. What did a man like Soren need from her? He’d probably moved on to a dozen other women since she’d seen him last. He’d clearly established some new business venture in this unlikely place. Whatever it was, he didn’t need her. He just felt sorry for her.

He needs you like you need him,
the voice insisted. That same ephemeral voice that had guided her here.

She stared into space, trying to still the thoughts spinning around her mind. She’d been so desperate for some chance — any chance! She’d be crazy to let it go.

For the baby,
the little voice said.

She turned in spite of herself, and for one golden, sunstruck moment when her eyes met Soren’s, she could feel love pulsing between them like it used to. A burning, eternal passion that would never, ever dim. It was like a physical thing, a lasso that bound them together and held them tight in its grasp.

Just when it looked like he might wrap her in the hug she so badly needed, his eyes dropped to her belly, and a cloud passed over his face. She nearly bolted then and there, imagining herself through his eyes. She’d let herself get knocked up by another man. And if he found out who it had been…

It would be best to tell him everything. They’d never had any secrets, the two of them. But when she opened her mouth, all that came out was a pathetic little choking sound. God, what had she become? She’d always been so confident, so sure. Even when Soren left, she’d managed to hold her head high for a while. But ever since the fire…

Her vision blurred, threatening a new onslaught of tears.

An arm brushed hers, and Sarah looked up to see Jessica, smiling kindly while she hooked an elbow around her arm. Her knees had been wobbling again, but Jessica’s smile bolstered her.

“Let’s talk, shall we?” Jessica said. “Girls only,” she added, shooting Soren a look that said,
Leave this to me.

Jessica led her back into the café, and Sarah didn’t have the willpower to resist. There was something about finding a familiar face — one that didn’t come with any emotional baggage — that did her in. That almost made her believe coming here hadn’t been a cruel twist of fate but maybe — just maybe — a lucky break.

Jess shooed everyone out, closed the door, and handed her a glass of water. “Listen, Sarah—”

She started to mumble a protest, but Jessica cut her off. She pulled up a chair, and it scraped across the earth-toned tiles of the floor.

“Just listen to what I have to say.”

Jessica took a deep breath, and Sarah did, too.

“You need help,” Jess started.

She was right, and Sarah knew it. She did need help. Desperately. She needed a place to stay.

“I need to keep the baby safe,” she whispered. She’d almost stopped caring about herself, but the baby… She couldn’t give up. She just couldn’t.

“This is a safe place,” Jessica assured her.

“No place is safe from them,” she croaked as the memories consumed her again.

“Believe me,” Jessica said, “I know who’s after you. They were after us, too — Janna and me. I didn’t think we’d ever find a place to stop running. But we did, and it’s here. It’s a good place, Sarah. The Blue Moon Saloon gave us a fresh start.”

“Blue Moon Saloon?” She looked up. She could have sworn the sign over the door said
Quarter Moon Café
.

Jessica jerked a thumb toward the wall on her right. “Soren and Simon run the bar next door. We started out there…” Her eyes went a little misty as every possible emotion passed over her face, from hopelessness to a flash of anger to a warm, happy glow. She sighed a little and looked around the café. “And everything worked out.”

Sarah stared at the floor. How on earth would things ever work out for her?

“I didn’t want to accept help, either,” Jessica said. “But I had to. And you know what? Swallowing my pride was the best thing I’ve ever done.”

Swallowing her pride. God, how often had she done that in the past couple of months?

But
this
was different than swallowing her pride.
This
would tear what was left of her aching heart into tiny bits, one piece at a time.

Jessica walked to the counter, poured two teas, then came back and set one in front of Sarah. She took a deep breath and started talking, starting all the way back in Montana.

“We didn’t see the ambush coming.” Jessica stared into the steam rising from her mug. Her voice was hushed. “They came out of nowhere, and suddenly, everything was on fire. Everything. The house, the woods, the neighbor’s place…” She let out a long, slow breath. “And the voices…”

Sarah closed her eyes, remembering all too well.
Purity! Purity!
the lunatic arsonists had chanted as they burned her house down.

“I grabbed Janna and ran and ran…”

Sarah started rocking on the chair again. Yes, she had run, too. She’d had to give up on trying to get her parents out of the house and had run for her life, trying to ignore the burns on her arms.

“We fled to some relatives out East, thinking we’d escape the Blue Bloods there, but it wasn’t long before we realized they had us in their sights again. Somehow, we could just feel it.”

God, she knew the feeling all too well. That prickling warning at the nape of her neck, that panic building inside.

“We went from place to place for months until fate brought us here…”

Fate. Jessica said the word as if it were a living, breathing thing.

“Simon didn’t want to hire us at first, and boy, did we have a rocky start.” Jessica sped up, then slowed down, and her face glowed a little when she talked about Simon and the saloon and the new life she’d made.

“You’ll be safe here,” Jessica finished. “The baby will be safe here.” She let a heavy pause punctuate the words.

A bird fluttered past the window, and the ceiling fan whirred quietly. An old truck rattled by outside. Sarah closed her eyes, trying so hard to resist the pull she felt deep, deep inside.

This is the place,
the overhead fan seemed to whisper.
This is your home.

Home. Did she really dare believe?

Jessica clapped once and smiled as if everything was decided. “So, lunch. Would you like a wrap or a sandwich?”

Sarah blinked at her. Was it really so easy to do what she had to do?

Jessica took one more look at her, then stepped behind the counter. “I’ll make both.”

Sarah plucked at her loose-fitting blouse and jeans. Did she really look that hungry? Probably. Just about the only thing holding up her pants was the baby bump, because she was rail thin. She shuddered to think what the stress of the past months might mean for the baby.

“No thinking,” Jessica ordered her with a kind smile. “Just let go for a little while, and let someone take care of you for a change.”

Sarah tried her best to smile. “Not sure I know what that’s like.”

“Well, you came to the right place. You want papaya or mango in your smoothie?”

She could practically feel her body crying for vitamins. “Um…”

“Got it.” Jessica smiled. “Both.” She gestured Sarah over to the counter and started throwing chunks of fruit into a blender — richly colored, juicy chunks of papaya, orange, and strawberry Sarah could practically taste with her eyes.

It wasn’t long before she was licking her fingers from the best chicken wrap she’d ever tasted, bar none, and downing her first smoothie in what felt like years. The second she drained the glass, Jessica snatched it away, refilled it, and thumped it back on the counter along with a grilled vegetable sandwich.

“Oh, my God. This is so good,” Sarah mumbled between bites.

Jessica shot her a weary smile. “It better be. We’re opening tomorrow.”

Sarah looked around the café. The walls were sparkling white, and every chair was painted a different color, making a rainbow effect. Tiny wildflowers filled the vases placed on each table, and an oversize photo of a nearly full moon rising over a magnificent desert landscape hung on the wall. The place was cheery. Upbeat. Full of hope.

In other words, everything she’d given up on.

“Your café will do great.”

“You’ll do great,” Jessica said with a wink.

Jess kept the food and drink coming as she laid out her master plan without letting Sarah get a word in edgewise. “You can stay in one of the spare rooms upstairs and work the register here in the café. I’m desperate for help, and it shouldn’t be too hard on you.” Jessica’s eyes dropped to the baby bump, and she smiled. “It’ll all work out. Trust me.”

Sarah felt like she could trust Jessica with just about anything, except foreseeing the future. What about Soren? How would it ever work out?

“We’ll figure it out,” Jess said. “Don’t worry.”

Worry was about the only thing she had — in spades.

“But…but…”

“But, hush,” Jessica said.

The food was delicious, and Jessica’s company was so comforting that Sarah gave in at some point. She ate until she was too full to fit another bite, and then followed Jessica out the back entrance, into the place next door, and up an uneven flight of stairs.

The building had to be at least a century old, judging by the high ceilings and airy rooms, but the place sure needed a lot of work.

“This is the apartment. I know it doesn’t look like much, but it’s getting there. You can have this room,” she said, pointing.

“Really, I can’t impose this much,” Sarah protested, though the words came more out of habit than from the heart.

Jessica just shook her head. “I can’t pay back everyone who helped me, but I can pay forward. And believe me, I have a lot of catching up to do.” She smiled kindly. “Now, get some sleep. Everything will seem easier after you sleep.”

“I doubt I can sleep…”

“Then just rest a little.” Jessica showed her to the second room on the right — one with big, arched windows looking on to the street. The room Soren had pointed to earlier.

Every nerve in her body twisted and turned. Did Soren live in this apartment, too?

“Just rest,” Jessica murmured, spreading fresh sheets on the mattress on the floor.

Sarah leaned against the doorframe. She didn’t believe for one second that she would ever find any rest or that she’d found some kind of miraculous solution to her predicament. But if nothing else, she’d found a place for a brief reprieve. She let her eyes slide shut. God, she was tired.

“Sorry we don’t actually have a bed.”

“This is fine,” she said, straightening before Jess caught her sagging.

It was more than fine. It was perfect. As perfect as she could wish for. Cool, clean sheets. A nice, soft pillow, and a second, firmer one, just perfect for curling up against. A glass of water at the bedside, the soothing scent of lavender, and a quiet ceiling fan.

Ten seconds after she lay down, she drifted off to sleep, wondering how soon the nightmares would come.

Soren stalked into the office at the back of the saloon, congratulating himself for keeping his shit together long enough to escape back here. He closed the door, flopped into the chair, and stared at the wall.

Sarah. Sarah Boone, back in his life. His bear was still shedding tears of joy at the thought. His human side, too, but the joy was tempered by mournful thoughts.

Sarah Boone was no longer his.

He stared at the stacks of paperwork on the desk, took a deep breath, and promised his bear a long walk in the woods later that night. Right now, he had to get to work as if it was any other day.

Which was ridiculous, because how could he do that on the day Sarah had come back from the dead? The day he ought to have gone from
existing
to
living
, if it hadn’t been for fate kicking him in the balls at the same time as it granted his most fervent wish.

The door squeaked open, and he looked up with a scowl, ready to cut off another lecture from his brother.

But it wasn’t his brother. It was Jessica’s younger sister, Janna. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him.

“You really shouldn’t have run out on Sarah like that.”

He sighed and scraped a hand through his hair. That was the catch about leading a clan full of feisty she-wolves who liked to speak their minds. They could and they did, more frequently than he’d like. Especially Janna.

“Janna,” he started.

She ignored him and plowed right on. “You could have been nice. I mean, really. The poor thing…”

“Janna,” he growled.

“She was barely on two feet and—”

“Janna!” he barked, and she went from lecturing to giving him the evil eye.

Soren glared at the youngest of his denmates. The problem with Janna was that innocent little sister thing she had going. And that she was right. What had he been thinking, running out on Sarah like that?

“Not discussing this with you, Janna. Not now. Not ever. Got it?” Janna might be right, but he was alpha here, and that was that.