Regeneration (Mad Swine Book 3) (7 page)

He shook his head. “It’s a chess
piece. Ms. Cleona said Kieran was whittling a chess set for his
father before he…died. She said Kieran would want me to finish
it.”

When I didn’t immediately respond, he
quietly went back to working the wood, back to the mane where with
a careful twist of his fingers, a sliver of wood peeled away and
fell into his lap.

“That’s nice of you to do that,” I
said. I don’t know why I felt so awkward talking to the boy in that
moment.

He shrugged his shoulders and
continued his work. Yesterday, I wanted to tell Wesley that I would
be leaving for a little while, but now I didn’t know how to
approach the subject.

“Listen, Wes—” I started.

“Did one of the monsters get him?” he
asked suddenly. He stopped working again; both hands lay in his
lap. His voice was soft, but there was also a strength in it. “Did
they get him like they got Ray?”

“No, Wesley,” I said. I put a hand on
his shoulder and kept it there even though I felt him flinch. “The
monsters didn’t get him.”

I could see he was struggling to hold
his tears. “Then how did he die? Please, I want to know.”

“I don’t think knowing will make any
difference about how you feel, Wesley. It won’t make it
better.”

He turned to me now, his eyes
rimmed red, tears threatening to fall at any moment.
“
I just need to know, okay?
Why
can’t
I know? Why is everything around here a
secret
?”

Taken aback, my hand fell from his
shoulder. “We’re only trying to protect you, Wesley. Sometimes
there are things that kids just don’t need to know because they
wouldn’t understand.”

“I’m not a child anymore!” He stood
up suddenly and turned toward me. I never saw such anger in him and
the sight of it now unnerved me “You can’t protect me. No one can
protect me if those things want to get me or someone wants to kill
me because they want to take our land or our food. You said you
would protect my mom and dad. You said you would protect Ray. But
you didn’t protect them and now they’re all dead!”

“Wesley, sit down—”

“No, I won’t!” Now his tears fell and
his voice cracked, but his anger was raw and unfiltered. “You said
we would be safe here, but we’re not! Kieran went out on a patrol
and he came back dead. So stop treating me like a child and saying
you want to protect me because you can’t! You can’t even protect
yourself!”

Before I knew what was happening, he
threw the wood and his knife to the ground and bolted. I stood up
and called after him, but he continued to run toward the far end of
the barracks. As he turned the corner, I saw Cody behind him, his
furry tail wagging as he rounded the corner of the building.

My first instinct was to chase after
him and try to calm him enough to talk about what just happened.
From experience, though, I knew it was better to let him be alone
to blow off his steam and calm down. It was obvious he was scared.
He was afraid for himself, but more than that, he was afraid to
lose anyone else he loved. At the bottom of everything, Wesley was
afraid that he would be alone. He had lost his parents and his two
best friends. He had also lost Sam and Kat in a way. Every time he
thought he was safe, that he finally had a family again, and
stability, he lost all of it.

Standing there, I felt like an ass.
This definitely did not go as planned and I certainly did not
handle the situation as well as I could have. Definitely not my
finest moment. So feeling like a giant ass, I stooped down and
retrieved the would-be chess piece and the stag handled knife that
Wesley threw in his fit of anger.

After slipping the chess piece
into my pocket, I studied the knife for a second. It was what we
used to refer to as a shot shell puller knife, a switchblade of
sorts, like the one Johnny Cade used to kill Bob in
The Outsiders
movie.
It took a moment for me to figure out how to close the blade and
then I dropped it into the same pocket with the wood
block.

Consulting my watch, it was coming up
on eight. We’d be leaving shortly to ensure we had plenty of
daylight to make our journey. The last thing I wanted was to have
to face the walking dead in the dark, where they had the
advantage.

I headed back to the barracks to get
my ruck and check my weapon before meeting up with Brian. I didn’t
want to leave without talking to Wesley, but it looked like that
wasn’t going to happen. It would be up to Lara to smooth things
over between us. I hoped that I wouldn’t regret leaving the boy
while we were on less than ideal terms.

* * *

Back inside, Lara sat on the edge of
our bed. My ruck lay at her feet, ready. She spent the morning
packing my bag. Now she stood when I came into to the room and she
looked so cute I had to take her in my arms. Hugging her tightly
against me, she said, “How did it go with Wesley?”

I held onto her a moment longer
before finally letting her go. I sat at the edge of the bed and she
sat beside me. “Definitely did not go as planned.” I told her how
it all went ending with Wesley storming off.

“Aw honey,” she said. She put a hand
on the back of my neck and gave it a squeeze. “You know he didn’t
mean what he said. He’s just scared and confused.”

“I guess. I’m just worried that he’s
been through so much.”

“He’ll be okay. He’s had a hard life
but one thing about him is that he always bounces back.”

“He has had a hard life. He’s gone
through more than anyone should have to go through. But a person
can only accept so much before they break. What if Kieran’s death
is Wesley’s breaking point?”

Now she grabbed my hand with one hand
and with the other she took hold of my chin and turned my face
toward her. “This will not defeat Wesley, you hear me? He’s strong,
maybe stronger than anyone else I know. It’s healthy that he’s not
keeping it all bottled up inside. It’s good that he’s letting it
out. That’s a sign that this too shall pass.”

“Maybe you’re right,” I said.

“Maybe?”

“You’re right,” I relented.

She held my chin and locked eyes with
me for a moment, then she planted a kiss on my lips. “I don’t want
you carrying this with you out there. You have enough to worry
about. I’ll talk to Wesley. In a few hours, he’ll have cooled off.
He’ll be fine.”

“I wish I didn’t have to go.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“No, I don’t mean it like that. I
can’t wait to bring Sam and Kat and the others here. I’m excited
for that reunion. It’s just that with what happened to Kieran,
there are so many unknowns right now. Anything could happen while
I’m gone.”

“You don’t trust that Ian and I can
handle things?”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “I
should probably just shut my mouth now. Everything is just coming
out wrong.”

“Don’t worry, I know what you mean,
Matty,” she said and smiled. “Everyone understands what has to be
done and no one thinks you’re abandoning us to the wolves. We can
handle things for a day or two. I’m more concerned about you being
out there. I don’t have a good feeling about that at all.”

“We’ll be fine. Just a short carriage
ride, load all the gang in the back, then head on home. Easy as
pie.”

“You have no idea who or what is on
that road. And there are only two of you. And your leg is wounded.
You can easily be overwhelmed by a large group of crazies.”

I looked down at my leg and swung it
back and forth. “The leg is fine. I can put my weight on it, no
problem. I can run if I need to.”

“Why does it have to be just the two
of you, anyway? Why not take a squad?”

“Lara, you know why.”

“Fine, I know why. But do you have to
take Brian? No offense, but when you two are together trouble finds
you.”

“He’s got experience, we know how
each other works, and I trust that he has my back. I know he’d do
anything for me. Did you have someone else in mind?”

She fixed me with that firm stare
that dared me to challenge what she said next. “What about me?”

“No,” I said. I stood up from the
bunk. I grabbed my bag and set it down where I’d sat only a second
ago. “Not an option. Forget about it.”

Now Lara stood and grabbed one of the
handles of my bag. Her message was clear: this discussion wasn’t
over yet. It was just getting started.

“Don’t just shut me down like that.
Why not me? I have experience and I have your back no matter what.
And I don’t have a temper that’s likely to get me into
trouble.”

“Lara, please. The decision was made.
Everyone agreed, including you. I need you here to look after
things.”

“Brian can look after things here.
Don’t you think he’s better equipped to be in charge here while
you’re gone?”

Not taking that bait, I said, “I need
you to look after Wesley. I don’t want him to be alone.”

“Don’t use him as your excuse,” Lara
said. She pulled the bag out of my hand and pushed it aside. “He
has a whole farm full of people here to look after him. Why can’t
you take me? Why can’t I be with you?”

“Damn it!” I shouted and turned away
from Lara. I had only known her for several months, and I loved her
so much, but she had a way of finding your scabs and picking at
them until they were raw and bleeding again.

Facing her again, I grabbed her
shoulders and pushed her down on to the bed. I saw fear and anger
in her eyes all at once and my own anger immediately extinguished
as quickly as it had washed over me.

“
Lara, I can’t have you out
there with me, I just can’t.” She started to respond, but I cut her
off. “No, listen. This has nothing to do with you. I know you have
experience. I know you have my back. I know you’d do anything for
me. But
I
won’t be able to function with you there. I couldn’t bear the
thought of anything happening to you. Every decision I make that
involves you, I’d second guess myself. I’d let my feelings rule me,
even though I know I shouldn’t. I wouldn’t have control over my
rational self. Do you understand what I’m trying to
say?”

“Just shut up and kiss me,” she said,
tilting her freckled face up to meet me half way. Her mouth tasted
like fresh raspberry jam.

“So we’re okay?” I asked.

She shook her head. “Yes. If me
staying here is the best chance of you coming back, then I will
stay.”

“It is.”

“Then let’s get you on your way. The
sooner you leave, the sooner you can come back.”

When we reached the wagon, the whole
clan was already gathered. Brian was in the driver’s seat and I
could see the discomfort on his face. He hated the ceremony of a
big send-off. If he had his way, we would have crept out before
dawn while everyone was asleep.

Someone took my ruck while I hugged
and shook hands. Everyone wished us luck and a quick return. I
smiled, nodded, and reassured everyone. I scanned the crowd for
Wesley, hoping to see him before we left, just to make sure he was
okay. The way we left things was really nagging at me.

Finally, after what seemed like an
hour, I hopped up into the passenger’s side of the wagon and looked
down at Lara. Her red hair blew back in the light breeze of the
morning and her green eyes shone like emeralds in the sunlight. She
laid one hand on my thigh and gave it a good squeeze.

“Be safe,” she said. Now her eyes
shifted from me to my brother. “Brian, you make sure he get back
home to me. You understand?”

Brian nodded. “Don’t worry. I won’t
let anything happen to my little brother. I’ll get him back home
safe.”

“Go on now,” Lara said, stifling back
tears.

Lifting the reins, Brian snapped them
softly and got the horses moving. I felt a small pain in my lower
back when the wagon jerked slightly and then we were on our way.
Lara trotted beside the wagon a moment and then yelled, “I love
you, Matthew!”

As I watched, she slowed down and
came to a stop, her hand raised to block the sun. I looked on for a
moment, watching, as she grew smaller with distance as the horses
moved at a clip down the frigid dirt road. By the time we exited
the farm and traded dirt road for paved, I already felt
homesick.

I kept thinking about Wesley and how
we had left things. Anything could happen out here. I knew the
risks. I hoped that the last encounter with Wesley would not be his
last memory of me.

* * *

Just a tenth of a mile out of the
farm, we spotted the first crazies. Alerted by the sound of hooves
against pavement, I noticed heads begin to rise on my right. In the
field just west of Seamus Finnegan’s house, four or five of the
creatures rose and looked on after us, but did not give chase as we
had already moved beyond their range of interest.

“I didn’t realize they were so
close,” Brian said, echoing my own thought.

“I didn’t either.”

We sent patrols out daily to probe
the borders of the farm. With few exceptions, they reported no
sightings around the immediate property lines. The damn things were
under the snow, unseen and undisturbed from the distance at which
the patrols surveyed. But they were there, lurking just below the
thin layers of snow.

As we rode, we continued to observe
heads and shoulders rise from snow covered fields and hills.
Watching them rise and then fall back reminded me of the
Whack-a-Mole game the kids played at Chuck E Cheese’s or the like.
Some were in groups five or ten strong while others slumbered solo.
They still seemed affected by the cold weather. The abominations
were not as spunky as they had been early on just after the
outbreak.

“The cold does something to them,” my
brother said, matter-of-factly. “They hibernate in the winter, like
bears, to conserve their energy when food is more abundant. They
become active when they hear something around them and they wake to
eat. Right?”