“Nee Nee,” they said in unison and scampered out of their chairs to surround her, but had learned to stand and wait, while her weapons were put away in the safe by the door.
Weapons secured, Rainey hung up her coat and threw open her arms for hugs and kisses.
“Where’s mommy?” Rainey asked, at the end of the greeting rumpus.
“Mommy is puke,” Weather said, using the new word she learned during the stomach virus episode.
Melanie, Katie’s mother, came back from the refrigerator with more juice for the kids and filled in the blanks for Rainey. “She took down just after lunch. She’s upstairs in bed.”
“Oh, that’s not good,” Rainey said. “Maybe I should cancel this trip.”
“Katie wants you to go. Don’t worry about the kids. Wendy will be here, and Constance said she’d come help too.”
Rainey’s tenuous relationship with her mother had improved with the birth of the grandbabies but was still not the kind of mother-daughter connection Katie had with Melanie. Rainey had avoided her since the hallway striptease incident.
“Nee Nee, Mommy sleeped on da floor in da bafroom,” Mack said. He was still having trouble with his ‘th’ sounds.
“She did?” Rainey asked, and was immediately inundated with commentary.
Timothy said, “Her sick. She say go get Nana, an’ an’ I go get Nana.”
Weather’s account was more detailed. “Mommy said, ‘Get out.’ She goed bleck, bleccckkk, in the potty.”
“Okay, okay. Why don’t you guys finish eating and I’ll go check on Mommy.” Rainey said, feeling her stomach turn as Weather’s puking sound effects brought back the recent horror show of the triplets' gastrointestinal distress.
Rainey couldn’t understand her queasiness after all the crime scenes she’d walked. Katie couldn’t either.
Last week, as Rainey cleaned up yet another spewing while repeatedly gagging, Katie said, “You can examine a dead body with no head, and this makes you sick. You are too complicated for words.”
Rainey responded, “You can’t puke at a crime scene.”
Katie had warned, “You can’t puke on the dining room rug either.”
Timothy climbed back into his booster seat, saying, “Mommy say, ‘Dammit, dammit, dammit.’”
Melanie chuckled.
Rainey tried to stifle a laugh and said, “That’s not a nice word, is it?”
“Noooooo,” the three chimed together.
“I’ll tell her, okay?” Rainey said, still struggling to maintain a straight face. “But since she’s sick, I don’t think she should be in trouble, do you?”
Weather, who had experienced “trouble,” said, “She can be timeout when she feels better.”
“That will work,” Rainey said. “I’ll tell her.”
Melanie, who was hiding her smile behind the kitchen towel in her hand, suggested, “You go check on her. I’ll finish up here and then bring them up for bath time. Unless you want to eat first.”
Rainey’s stomach turned at the thought of what she might encounter upstairs. She waved off that idea.
“No, I think I’ll wait a bit,” she answered. “Eat your supper guys and then we’ll do baths and story time.”
Rainey climbed the stairs to the third floor and found Katie shivering with chills in the bed.
“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry,” she said, as she sat down on the edge of the mattress.
Katie responded, “Don’t shake the bed,” without opening her eyes.
Rainey stayed completely still, asking, “Is there anything I can get you? Do you need another blanket? Do you want something to drink?”
“Rainey, I love you, but stop talking. I just need to sleep.”
Rainey stood as gingerly as she could, trying not to shake the bed. “Okay, sweetheart. I’ll check on you in a bit.”
“Fine,” Katie said, seemingly unwilling to say more.
Rainey changed clothes in the walk-in closet and tiptoed out of the room.
#
Three hours after arriving home, Rainey finally sat down on the chaise lounge in the master suite. She had bathed the triplets with Melanie’s help, read If You Give A Mouse A Cookie twice, and tucked the kids into their toddler beds for the night. Mack wouldn’t go down without seeing Mommy, the love of his life. Katie came to the nursery door, pale and weak, blew kisses to each child, and said, “I love you.” She immediately ran to the bathroom in the master suite and had only settled back down a few minutes ago.
Rainey could have slept in one of the second-floor bedrooms, but thought the chaise would be okay for one night. She watched the comforter on the bed rise and fall with Katie’s shallow sleeping breaths. Freddie, Rainey's ever-faithful cat, now an old man prone to bed sleeping instead of the night wanderings of his past, curled up at Katie's knees.
Between bouts of sickness, Katie told Rainey to go on the trip as planned.
“It’s just one night,” she had said. “We’ll be fine. You need to do this.”
Rainey brought upstairs the case file she was presenting to her former colleagues at Quantico. She made herself comfortable, as best she could, and began to review the case once more. She knew every detail and had already prepared the visual aids for her presentation. Still, Rainey searched for the things she had missed, the ones she nearly paid for with her life. She opened the file folder and began reading.
Rainey woke sometime later from a deep sleep. She sat up quickly, suddenly aware that something was amiss. Katie had not moved. The comforter rose and fell slowly with her breathing. Freddie had left the room and was probably on his night prowl to the food bowl in the kitchen. Rainey stood and walked out into the hallway. She waited a moment, listening. She glanced back at the security panel by the bed. Her heart startled into rapid beating at the realization the alarm was disarmed.
Quickly she moved to the nursery door. The room was dark. The nightlights had been extinguished. Rainey rushed into the room, feeling of each bed to find them empty. Panic set in.
She screamed, “Katie! Katie wake up! The kids are gone,” and broke into a run back toward the master suite.
Rainey reached her side of the bed, where she kept a small gun safe.
“Katie, Katie, wake up!”
She looked down at the bed. Katie was completely covered in the comforter from head to toe and not responding to Rainey’s pleas. Movement at the door caused her to spin while feeling blindly for the fingerprint lock on the safe. A dark figure stood still in the hall.
“Katie, for god’s sake, wake up,” she shouted again.
Her finger hit the bio lock on the safe. The box sprang open. She fumbled for the pistol, keeping her eyes on the dark figure. She heard Katie move and turned her head to speak to her. The figure breathing slowly in the bed had not been her wife.
“Hello, Rainey. Thought you were rid of me, did you?”
Katie began to scream her name from somewhere in the house. The pistol was in Rainey’s hand now, but he was on her too fast. He smashed into her body, sending the weapon flying across the room. He sat on her chest and smiled down at her, while she swung wildly, hitting only the air between them before someone grabbed her arms and pinned them to the floor. She could only see a glint of the second attackers blond hair.
“Rainey! Mom! Help me,” Katie cried.
Rainey was in a fight for her life and couldn’t break free of the two men holding her down.
“I’m going to enjoy watching you bleed to death,” the one holding her arms said.
Suddenly, a scalpel appeared in the hand of the man sitting on her chest. He brought it down to her throat.
He yanked off the black mask he had been wearing to reveal his face, saying, “The cut will be deeper this time.”
“Rainey! ” Katie’s voice was close, but Rainey couldn’t see her.
All she saw was JW Wilson’s face inches from her own, as she tried to buck him off her chest. The triplets began to cry and scream.
“Oh God,” she thought, “Don’t let them see this.”
“Rainey! Please wake up.”
She heard Katie’s plea and in a flash her eyes opened.
“Rainey, it’s me.”
Katie was bending over her, trying to hold her arms down. Rainey was on the floor by the chaise lounge, the contents of the file she had been reading spread around her. The triplets were in the doorway, crying. Melanie was attempting to shield them from the scene in their parents’ bedroom. Rainey blinked a few times and realized her nightmare was over. She sat up and leaned back against the chaise, trying to calm her breathing.
Katie left Rainey and moved to the door to comfort their frightened children.
“It’s okay. It’s okay. Nee Nee had a bad dream. Nana is going to take you downstairs for a cookie and some milk. Okay?”
“Wait,” Rainey said and crawled to her feet.
She walked to the door and got down on her knees. She hugged her children close.
“I’m sorry I woke you. I had a bad dream. That’s all. I’m okay now.”
Timothy said between sniffles, as he touched her face, “You were scared, Nee Nee.”
“Yes, I was, but it was just a dream. Everything is all right now. Go with Nana. I’ll come down in a minute and have a cookie with you.”
Melanie looked down at Rainey, saying softly, “I hope this trip helps you, honey.”
Rainey hugged the triplets close to her and responded with a nearly inaudible, “I do too.”
Weather patted her on the back and whispered against Rainey’s neck, “You had a bad dream. You okay now,” just as her parents did when the little girl experienced a terror in the night.
Suddenly, Katie took off for the bathroom.
“Go with Nana, now,” Rainey said and patted each one on the butt, before turning them loose. “I love you.”
Rainey watched them toddle off with Melanie, before returning to the chaise to pick up the pages of the reports and crime scene photos scattered on the floor. Once that was completed, she went to the bathroom door and knocked lightly.
“Katie? Are you okay?”
The door opened, revealing Katie wiping her face with a towel. Wet wisps of hair stuck to her forehead.
“I’m so sorry,” Rainey said before Katie could say anything.
Katie stared up at her for a second and then said, “You could have hurt me or the kids.”
“I would nev—”
Katie cut her off. “You have no idea what you might do and neither do I. The night terrors are worse now than ever.” She held out her arms for Rainey to see. There were red marks, where Katie had obviously tried to wake her. “I’m just glad I got away from you before you did serious damage. I can’t stop you when you’re like that, and that scares the shit out of me.”
Rainey stared at the marks on Katie’s arms and then moved her eyes to Katie’s. The fear reflected there tore at her heart.
She repeated the only thing she could think to say, “I’m so sorry.”
“Rainey, you started having these dreams again when they found John Taylor’s body. It’s triggered some form of delayed PTSD. If this plan you and Danny have doesn’t work, we’ll need to talk about some other sleeping arrangements. I have to think about the kids’ safety. I love you, but—”
Katie left her statement hanging. Both of them were aware something had to give.
Rainey stared at the floor, unable to look her wife in the eye. “Don’t give up on me, Katie.”
9:00 AM, Thursday, March 5, 2015
FBI Academy, Quantico, VA
“Good morning,” Rainey said into the microphone.
The large lecture hall at the FBI Academy was filled, every seat taken by agents and trainees, with still more standing along the back wall. They’d all come to listen to Rainey discuss the worst moments of her life. Tired from lack of sleep, the sunrise flight out of Raleigh didn’t help. Rainey's former BAU teammate and the triplet's godfather, Supervisory Special Agent Danny McNally picked her up at the airport in Washington, D. C. The hour-long drive back to Quantico, Virginia gave them a chance to talk. Danny took full advantage.
After catching up on news of his godchildren and some small talk, Danny said, “Katie called me this morning. She told me about last night’s incident. She’s scared, Rainey.”
“I don’t want her afraid of me, Danny.”
“She’s not afraid of you. She’s afraid of your memories and what they do to you in your dreams. Katie said that you’ve become more violent during these latest episodes. She’s worried, Rainey, for all of you.”
Rainey sighed, tears welling in her eyes. “I don’t want to lose my family, Danny.”
“I know,” he said.
Rainey stared out the passenger side window. The Virginia countryside flew by as they traveled south on Interstate 95. She left Carolina’s sixty-degree weather for freezing temperatures and rain. Snow and ice were on the way. The clouds overhead mirrored how Rainey felt inside, dark and foreboding.
After a moment, Danny continued, “I’ve talked to the psychologist you saw after the attack. She believes what we are doing today will help.”
There was no one on earth who knew Rainey Blue Bell like Danny. He was privy to details about her life that even her wife did not know. Rainey never discussed the specifics with Katie of the night JW Wilson raped and scarred her for life, but Danny had been there and seen the aftermath. She remembered only bits and pieces right after the assault. One of the clearest images she retained was of Danny cutting her bindings loose with tears in his eyes. He loved her and she him. It was never a romantic love, but they shared an unbreakable bond. If anyone could help Rainey, it was the redheaded Irishman in the seat next to her.
When she didn’t respond, Danny asked, “Are you okay with this?”
She had turned to him, forcing a smile. “I trust you, Danny. If you say this will help, then I’m willing to try.”
Now, she stood at the microphone, facing old colleagues and new faces, about to bare her soul, in an attempt to bury the demons that haunted her dreams.
“My name is Rainey Bell,” she said, as she picked up the remote on the podium.
She smiled at the audience and pushed a button. The screen behind her came to life, displaying the last identification photo she took while still with the Bureau. Her once long curls hung over one shoulder, as she sat in front of the FBI seal and an American Flag.
“Some of you will remember me as SSA Bell, when I had a lot more hair,” she chuckled. “Some of you had more hair the last time I saw you too.”