Remembrance (22 page)

22

The family dinner that night was an event of intriguing auras and currents. Margaret sat at the head of the table in her sapphire-blue silk looking beautiful and charming. There was no sign of what had come before the meal, and if she avoided any conversation with Serena throughout it went unnoticed. At the opposite end of the table sat Charles Fullerton, pleased at having all three of his sons home at once, which was a first since the war, and he toasted all three of them handsomely, as well as the two young women, who were “new additions” to the family, as he put it. Greg seemed unusually expansive at dinner. Brad realized after the first course that his brother was drunk, and he looked searchingly at Teddy, wondering why. Was it the excitement of the impending wedding? Nerves? Or was he uncomfortable around Brad, because he was marrying Partie? Pattie herself chattered incessantly and was playing her “adorable” role, flirting with her big blue eyes and managing to take in all the men in the family each time she told a story. She was nauseatingly deferential to her fiance's mother, and she managed to ignore Serena completely. Only Teddy really paid any attention to Serena. Brad was seated too far from her to be of much help. She was seated between Teddy and Charles, and his father offered little conversation throughout the meal, so it was left to Teddy to make her feel welcome, which he was glad to do. He leaned toward her and spoke to her quietly, made her laugh once or twice, but mostly he noticed that she was far more withdrawn than she had been that afternoon in his study. He wanted to ask her how the private interview had gone with his mother, but he was afraid that someone might overhear him.

“Are you all right?” he finally whispered halfway through the meal. She had been staring into her wineglass and saying nothing.

“I'm sorry.” She apologized to him for being so dreary, pleaded exhaustion from the emotions of their arrival, and managed not to convince him.

“I think something's wrong, Brad.” Teddy looked at him with concern after dinner as they walked quietly into the library behind the rest of the family.

“I'll say there is. Greg is plastered out of his mind, Pattie is all caught up in playing Scarlett O'Hara, you look like you've just been to a funeral, and Mother's so busy running the show that Dad can't get a word in.” Brad looked discouraged by his first night back home.

“You mean you remembered it different?” Teddy tried to look amused. “Or were you hoping it had changed in your absence?”

“Maybe a little of both.”

“Don't hold your breath. It can only get worse over the years.” As he said it he glanced at Greg and Pattie. “Has she said anything to you at all?”

“Only thank you when I congratulated her and Greg.” And then, as he knit his brows, “She didn't say a single goddamn word to Serena at dinner, and neither did Mother.”

“I didn't expect Pattie to, but Mother …” Teddy looked troubled and then touched his brother's arm. “Brad, something was wrong with Serena at dinner. I don't know if she just wasn't feeling well because of the baby or what, but she was awfully quiet.”

“Do you think it was Mother?” The two brothers exchanged a glance.

“you'd better ask her. Did you see her after she was with Mother before dinner?”

“No. I didn't see her until we were all at table.”

Teddy nodded thoughtfully, with a worried look in his eyes. “I don't think I like it.”

But Brad smiled at the look on his younger brother's face. “Come on, old man, you worry more than all of us put together. Why don't you have a drink and relax for a change?”

“Like Greg?” Teddy looked at him pointedly in annoyance.

“How long has he been doing this number?”

‘Two or three years now.” Teddy spoke in an undervoice and his older brother looked shocked.

“Are you kidding?”

“Nope. Not a bit. He started drinking when he went in the army. Dad says it's boredom. Mother says he needs a more challenging job now, like something in politics maybe. And Pattie is pushing him to go to work for her father.”

Brad looked chagrined, and then met his wife's eyes and forgot what his little brother was saying. “I'll be back in a minute, Ted. I want to make sure Serena is all right.” He was standing beside her a moment later, and leaned down to whisper in her ear. “You feeling okay, sweetheart?”

“Fine.” She smiled up at him, but it was not the usual dazzling smile that left him aching to kiss her and almost breathless. There was something very subdued about her tonight and he knew that his brother was right. Something was wrong with Serena. “I'm just tired.” She knew that he didn't believe her. But what could she tell him? The truth? She had promised herself that she wouldn't do that, as soon as she had left his mother's room. She wanted to forget what the woman had told her, and shown her, the check, the paper, the unkind words, the accusations, all of it. For a moment, as she had left the boudoir, she had felt like a tramp, just from the assumptions that had been made. Now she wanted to forget it and put it behind her.

“Do you want to go upstairs?” he whispered to her, still with the same worried forwn.

“Whenever you're ready,” she whispered back. In truth, it had been a very depressing evening. Mr. Fullerton was precisely as Brad had described. Weak—a man with no spine. She had been literally unable to look at his mother, Pattie had filled her with terror as she had chirped and flirted her way through the evening, and Serena had been frightened that she would create a scene and call her some of the things she had called her from the terrace in Rome. Greg had been pathetic, drunk before the first course, Brad had been seated too far away to be of much help, and only Teddy had helped her get through the evening. Suddenly she had to admit that she felt drained, and for a moment as she sat there in her chair in the library, looking out over the park, she felt as though she might faint, or burst into tears. She had been through too much in the past three hours and she suddenly felt it.

“I'm taking you upstairs.” Brad had seen it too, and standing close enough to overhear him, Teddy nodded his approval.

“She looks beat.”

Brad nodded and offered her his arm, which she took with a grateful look as he made his excuses to the rest of the group, and a moment later they were on the stairs, and at last in their room, and as Brad closed the door behind them Serena lay down on the bed and burst into tears.

“Baby … Serena … honey … what happened?” He looked stupefied as he stood staring at her. It took a moment to register what had happened and then he was instantly beside her, lying on the bed, cradling her gently, and stroking her hair. “Serena … darling … tell me. What is it? Did someone say something to you?” But she was determined not to tell him. She only lay there and sobbed, shaking her head and insisting that it was a combination of pregnancy and exhaustion. “Well, in that case”—he looked at her in growing concern when at last she stopped and wiped her eyes—”you're staying in bed tomorrow.”

“Don't be silly. I'll be fine after a night's sleep.”

“Nonsense. And if I have to, I'll call the doctor.”

“What for? I'm fine.” The prospect of being trapped in bed in his mother's house depressed her still further. What if Margaret came upstairs to torment her some more, or press her with another paper? But that was unlikely, Serena knew, what could she do now, now that she knew they were having a baby? “I don't want to stay in bed, Brad.”

“We'll discuss it in the morning.” But that night he held her tightly in his arms and she had cried out in her sleep several times, and by the morning he was genuinely worried. “That's it, no discussion. I want you in bed today. We still have the rehearsal this evening, and the rehearsal dinner after that. You have to rest up and get your strength.” Emotionally if not physically he was right, but the prospect of staying in bed still depressed her. “I'll come home this afternoon right after I see the tailor, and I'll keep you company.”

“Promise?” She looked like a beautiful child as she sat up in their bed in the sunny room.

“Absolutely.”

He kissed her before he left, and she lay in bed with her eyes closed for half an hour, just letting her mind drift, remembering their walks in the garden in Rome, moments in Paris, the day they got married, and she was so intent on her pleasant imaginings that she didn't even hear the knock on the door just before lunch.

“Yes?” She suspected that it might be Teddy, and when the door opened, she was already expecting him, with a warm smile. But her smile faded quickly when she saw that it was Margaret. She was wearing a perfectly simple black silk dress and she looked ominous as she stood there.

“May I come in?”

“Certainly.” She hopped quickly out of her bed and put on the pink silk robe Brad had bought her in Paris. Margaret said nothing as she watched her put on the wrapper, and waited until the girl was standing before her, nervous and expectant. She knew that her mother-in-law hadn't just come to see her to see how she felt. She could feel her heart pounding within her, and she indicated the two comfortable chairs at the far end of the room. “Would you like to sit down?”

Margaret nodded, and a moment later they both sat down. She looked at Serena inquiringly then. “Did you tell Brad about our little conversation?” Serena shook her head silently. “Good.” Margaret regarded that as hopeful. Surely it meant that Serena wanted to make some arrangement with her. If she were a decent girl, Margaret assumed, she would have been shocked and would have told Brad. “I have just spent two hours with my lawyer.”

“Oh.” Almost without warning, there were tears in Serena's eyes, but it happened to her a lot lately. The doctor had told her that crying easily wasn't uncommon in the first months of pregnancy, and neither she nor her husband should take it seriously. Until the day before she hadn't, nor had Brad. But suddenly she felt very different. She felt as though this woman was single-handedly out to destroy her. And she was right.

“I'd like you to read over some papers, Serena. Perhaps we can come to some agreement after all, in spite of the child.” She spoke of it like a handicap, and Serena began to hate her in earnest. She quietly shook her head and held out a hand as though to stop Margaret physically, if she couldn't stop her words.

“I don't want to see them.”

“I think you will.”

“I don't.” The tears began to spill onto her cheeks, and without saying a word, Margaret took the papers out of her handbag and handed them to Serena.

“I know this must be very difficult for you, Serena.” It was the first humane thing she had said. “I'm sure there are even some emotions between you and my son. But you must think of what's best for him, if you love him. Trust me. I know what's best for him.” Her voice was deep and powerful as she attempted to cast her spell over Serena, and in amazement Serena read what Margaret had handed her. It was extraordinary and like something in a nightmare, that this woman was so desperate to separate her from her son. It was worse than the very worst she had expected. She had expected tears, hysterics, names, accusations, but not this cold-blooded series of papers and contracts and dollar signs, in order to end their love. This time Margaret had come up with several alternatives. For one hundred thousand dollars, she and her unborn child were to relinquish all claim on Brad, and never to see him again. In addition there would be support in the amount of two hundred dollars a month until the child reached the age of twenty-one, which equaled an amount of fifty thousand four hundred dollars, the paper informed her. Or she could have an abortion for which they would pay, in which case she could have one hundred fifty thousand dollars immediately, all cash. Of course she'd have to, again, give up Brad. Margaret felt that that was the best plan, she told Serena, as Serena stared at her in disbelief.

“Do you really mean this?” She was stunned.

“Of course I do. Don't you?”

Quietly Serena handed her the papers. “I was so shocked last night that I didn't say very much, but I thought that you understood that I would never do anything like this. I would never give Brad up, like this, for money. If I did give him up, it would be for his own good, not for any ‘reward’ to me, as you put it. And”—she almost choked on the words—”I would never … never … dispose of our baby.” Tears spilled onto her cheeks as she said it. She looked up at Margaret Fullerton then, her eyes open and green and candid, filled with hurt and something very much akin to despair, and for an instant Margaret Fullerton was ashamed. “Tell me, why do you hate me so much? Do you really think I want to hurt him?”

“You already have. Thanks to you, he's staying in the army. He knows there's nowhere else for him now. Except the army, with crude men and their war brides, and their half-breeds. Is that the life you want for him if you love him?” Serena choked on her sobs and Margaret went on. “If it weren't for you, he'd have a magnificent life, a great career, and he'd be married to Partie.”

“But he didn't want her.” Serena sobbed again, almost unable to control herself now. “And I will make him happy.”

“Physically perhaps.” His mother withdrew into her shell. “But there are other more important things.”