Repressed (Deadly Secrets) (25 page)

Samantha chuckled.

Ethan gripped the hammer. Why the hell was the kid here? It wasn’t normal for students to check up on teachers.

“You, ah, need any help here?” Thomas asked, looking up at the broken window.

“No,” Ethan said quickly. “We’ve got it covered.”

Thomas looked Ethan’s way, and his gaze dropped to the hammer. His face paled, and he glanced back at Samantha before quickly stepping off the porch. “’Kay. If you need anything, Ms. Parker, I’ll, uh, be around this weekend.”

“Thanks, Thomas. I appreciate it.”

He moved down the path, paused, and looked back. “You gonna be at school on Monday?”

“Should be. Midterms are coming up. I hear your chem teacher’s a total hard-ass, so you’d better study for the exam.”

“I heard the same thing.” Thomas grinned. “Catch ya later, Ms. Parker.”

“Bye, Thomas.”

As soon as the kid disappeared around the corner, Samantha turned toward Ethan and lifted her brow. “What was with that look?”

“What look?”

“The one that scared the crap out of the kid and screamed, ‘I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you.’”

“I don’t trust him.”

Sam rolled her eyes and sat on the top step. Setting the dish towel on the wooden planks at her side, she frowned. “You worry too much, Ethan.”

“That’s because you give me reason to worry, Ms. Parker.” Ethan dropped the hammer into the toolbox he’d found in her garage, wiped his hands on his jeans, and sank behind her on the step, sliding his legs around hers as he pulled her back into the heat of his body.

She sighed and laced her fingers with his against her belly. “He’s a good kid, Ethan.”

“Yeah, you keep saying that.”

“Because it’s true.”

He didn’t want to fight with her about this again. He’d much rather focus on her than the damn juvenile delinquent down the street. He nipped her ear. “Whatever.”

She laughed and tipped her head to the side so he could kiss her. “I’m not stupid, you know. I know he’s got a troubled past. But . . . ” Her smile faded. “A lot of us do. That doesn’t make him bad. And I know you believe that deep down as well.”

He did. But when it came to Samantha, Ethan’s objectivity was shot. And he wasn’t willing to put her in any more danger simply because he wanted to believe the kid could be reformed.

“Fine.” He kissed her neck again. “We’ll just agree not to agree on this one.”

She frowned as he kissed his way back up to her ear. “It’s just . . . He reminds me of Seth. I think that’s why I don’t see the things you see.”

Ethan’s lips stilled against her ear, and for a heartbeat, nothing moved. Even the air seemed to come to a screaming halt.

“Maybe it’s the light-brown hair or that quirky grin. I don’t know.” Sam sighed again. “I’ve always kind of thought he looked like Seth.”

Ethan’s heart picked up speed, and he lifted his head. “Who’s Seth?”

“My brother.”

The air caught in his lungs. “Y-you said you were an only child.”

“I am. Now.” She squeezed his hand. “I should have told you sooner, and I wanted to tell you last night, I just . . . I have a hard time talking about him.” She drew a deep breath. “Seth was several years older than me, but we were very close. He died when I was ten. My whole life changed the day we lost him. My parents broke up, my dad moved away. Everything crumbled. The day he died was like . . . like the beginning of the end for my family.”

Sweat popped out on Ethan’s skin, chilling him down to the bone. It couldn’t be the same Seth. Fate was not that cruel.

“How . . . ” He swallowed hard, tried again. “How did he die?”

“He drowned. At the falls.” Her voice hardened. “He was murdered. I’m pretty sure it happened the same night Sandra Hollings was killed.”

Mother of God
. Sam’s voice turned to a jumble in Ethan’s head. Tugging his hands from hers, he stumbled back onto the porch.

Samantha shifted and looked up. “Ethan?”

Bile rose in his stomach. He had to get out. He had to get out right now.

“Keys,” he mumbled, turning a slow circle, patting his empty pockets. Where the hell were his keys?

“Ethan?” Samantha pushed to her feet. “Are you okay?”

He yanked the door open and walked through the house as fast as his shaky legs would carry him. Where had he left his damn keys? He fumbled through a stack of papers on the table in the kitchen, swiveled, and finally spotted them on the counter.

Samantha moved into the room. “Ethan? You’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

“I, uh, I have to go.”

He brushed past her, careful not to touch her in the process, unable to even meet her gaze.

“Wait.” She trailed after him through the hall and toward the open front door. Grimly followed at her heels. “Ethan. I don’t understand.”

He jogged down the front steps on legs that felt like gelatin. The ground tipped and swayed. Air whooshed out of his lungs as he crossed the yard, pulled the car door open, and fell behind the wheel. One look up told him Samantha was standing on the porch, staring after him with wide and confused eyes.

And in that one look, his heart crashed against his ribs and shattered at his feet.

“I’m sorry, Samantha. God, I’m . . . ” His throat grew thick, and unable to finish, he pulled the door shut and tore out of her drive.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Ethan stared out at the water beyond the dock on his parents’ property, barely seeing any of it.

The small lake was surrounded by homes with big yards and towering trees. Those trees were mostly empty now as he sat on the end of the dock with his legs hanging over the water, a lot like his soul. Wind rustled fallen leaves along the bank, but he didn’t turn to look. Couldn’t seem to do anything but sit and stare and think about all the ways the past had come back to nail his ass.

“Put this on.” Michael McClane’s voice echoed from above just as a coat dropped in Ethan’s lap. “Your mother’s watching from the kitchen window.”

Ethan looked down at the jacket, knowing it wouldn’t do anything to warm the cold place in his heart. But for his father—for his mother—he slowly shrugged his arms into the sleeves.

Easing down to sit on the end of the dock next to him, Michael braced his hand on his thigh and stared out at the water. He didn’t speak, didn’t ask, but that was just like Ethan’s dad. The man never pushed. Not once in all the years Ethan had known him had Michael McClane ever rushed anything. He let the problem at hand work its way to the surface. And considering he’d raised three juvenile delinquent boys and an emotionally screwed-up girl, there had been numerous problems. And altercations. Only, he’d never lost his cool, not once in all that time.

Not like Ethan was doing now.

“Samantha is Seth Raines’s sister,” Ethan finally said.

“Are you sure?”

No surprise. God, nothing rattled this man. Ethan’s heart contracted, and he closed his eyes. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Does she know who you are?” Michael asked softly.

“I don’t think so. We were at her house today, and she started talking about Seth, and I . . . shit, I bolted like a freaked-out thirteen-year-old. I couldn’t even breathe.”

He opened his eyes and looked out at the water. “I knew, dammit. I knew there was something going on with her, but I was so focused on helping her get through those nightmares that I didn’t even think it could be this. She changed her name, Dad. She never talked about her family. I mean . . . I was a kid then. I didn’t know where the Raines family lived. I never in a million years would have gone out with her if I’d thought there was a chance she was Lynne Raines.”

Michael placed a gentle hand on Ethan’s shoulder. “You need to tell her.”

“I know.”

“No.” Michael tightened his grip. “You need to tell her soon. I don’t think you understand the ramifications of this.”

“Ramifications?” Ethan looked toward his father. “What could possibly be worse than my telling her that I went to juvenile detention for killing her brother?”

Worry filled Michael’s eyes. “I know that seems bad, but there’s more to this, Ethan. At the end of the hypnosis session last night, Samantha was talking to someone. She said she didn’t remember who that was, but I could tell she was lying. She knows something more, Ethan. She just wasn’t telling us.”

“Why would she—” Ethan’s brow wrinkled. He’d assumed she’d been talking to Branson, that she hadn’t wanted to say his name because she didn’t want to implicate her friend. “You think she was talking to Seth?”

“I think there’s a strong possibility. Whoever she was with at the end was someone she trusted. And you and I both think Seth Raines’s death happened within days or even hours of this Hollings woman’s disappearance. Samantha was distraught at the end of that session. It was something more than witnessing that attack on Hollings. If it was the last time she saw her brother . . . ”

Ethan’s gaze skipped over the lake again. “Then that means he was involved.”

Michael nodded. “I think it’s entirely possible that he either knew about or was a party to what happened to the Hollings woman. You said you never understood why those boys turned on him that night up at the falls. What if—”

“Oh shit.” Ethan scrambled to his feet.

“Who else was at the quarry that night?” Michael asked, standing.

“Saunders.”

“And he’s dead now. Who else?”

“Will Branson and Jeff Kellogg.”

Ethan was frantic to find Samantha and warn her.

His heart pounded hard as he pulled into the high school parking lot an hour later. He’d swung by her house first, only to find her driveway empty. Fear had nearly closed his airway as he’d driven around town in the fading light, searching for her. Until, that is, he’d passed the school and spotted her car in the lot.

He glanced at his phone, willing it to ring. Alec had dropped everything to help him but had yet to call with the information Ethan needed. Ethan knew the smart thing would be to wait and talk to Samantha after he had all the facts, but he couldn’t wait. He had to see her. He had to set at least part of this right. And, most of all, he had to make sure she didn’t go within a hundred yards of Branson or Kellogg.

He pushed the car door open and crossed to the front of the school, only to find it locked. Skirting the building, he headed for Samantha’s wing and stopped to peer through her classroom window.

His heart turned over when he spotted her seated at her desk, head bent, hand furiously moving over a paper. A lock of curly hair fell across her face, and she reached up, twirled it around her finger, then pushed it back from her flawless cheek.

Warmth spread through his chest. God, he loved her. Loved her more than anything. And in a minute she was going to hate him forever.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he lifted his hand and tapped on the glass. She sat up straight and glanced toward the window. A heartbeat passed before she dropped her pen and motioned toward the hall.

Ethan picked his way through the brush along the edge of the building and headed for the back hall entrance. Just as he reached it, the door pushed open, and Samantha’s familiar scents of lavender and warm vanilla swept over him, igniting a rush of memories of the two of them wrapped together at his house just last night.

“I’m a little surprised to see you here, Ethan.”

She was hurt. She had every reason to be. “I went by the house. You weren’t there.”

She turned back for her classroom. “After you ran off, I decided to finish some grading.”

She didn’t want to be alone at that house. He didn’t blame her. Steeling his nerves, he followed. “Where’s Grimly?”

“At home. Sleeping.” She turned into her room and crossed right to a lab station. Picking up a rag, she wiped down the counter, a nervous attempt to do anything to keep her hands busy and not look at him.

His heart pinched as he watched. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and reassure her that everything would be all right. But he couldn’t, because he had to tell her the truth. Even if it meant watching everything she felt for him harden into a cold, dark cinder, he had to finally be honest with her. It was the only way he could keep her safe.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” he said softly.

“It’s fine.” She lifted beakers out of the sink and placed them in the cabinet above her head.

“No, it’s not fine.” God, he hated this. “It’s not anywhere close to fine. And it’s all my fault.”

“You’re right, it’s not fine.” She moved test tubes into a rack. “It took a lot for me to open up to you, and you just ran off like it didn’t mean anything.”

“It meant everything, Samantha.”

She huffed a sound that was both exasperation and disbelief. “Well, you have a funny way of showing it.”

His heart stuttered, because she was right. “I’m in love with you.”

Her fingers stilled against the test tubes, but she didn’t look over. And he knew he deserved that too because she’d told him she loved him last night, and he hadn’t said the words back. He’d wanted to say them, felt them all the way to the depths of his soul, but something had stopped him. At the time, he’d thought it was worry over her future and what she would do when she finally sold her mother’s house. But now he knew that what had stopped him was fear. Fear that if he said the words and she found out about his past she’d run and he’d be left hurt and alone. But now there was nothing stopping him. And before he ruined this for good, he needed her to know how he truly felt.

“I am,” he went on. “Head over heels in love with you. I have been since the day you knocked me on my ass on that football field.”

She let go of the test tubes and finally turned to face him, hurt reflecting deeply in her chocolate eyes. “And you realized that today and couldn’t get away from me fast enough?”

“No.” He hated that she thought that. “I’ve known I love you for a while. I just haven’t been able to tell you.”

“Why not?”

“Because I was scared.”

“Of what?”

His heart cinched down so hard that pain radiated all through his body. “Of this.”

“Ethan, I don’t—”

“You changed your name, Samantha.”

“What?”

“Your name wasn’t Samantha Parker, it was Lynne Raines.”

Her brow wrinkled. “Lynne is my first name. It was my grandmother’s name. I didn’t change it, I just never went by it. Everyone has always called me by my middle name.”

“And what about Parker?”

“I . . . ” Her gaze skipped over his face in clear bewilderment. “I told you I got married in college and then quickly divorced when I realized it was a mistake.”

“You never changed your name back? Why not?”

“Because I was lazy. Because . . . ” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Having a different last name was like separating myself from everything that happened to Seth.”

Seth.

A hollow ache filled Ethan’s chest. Everything came back to Seth. Eighteen years later and Ethan’s life was still being defined by that one horrendous moment.

“If I had known Seth was your brother, Samantha, I swear to God I never would have walked into your classroom. I’d have turned around and found someone else to handle Thomas’s case.”

Unease flashed in her eyes. “What do you know about—”

Do it. Just get it out.
“You never asked me why I was sent to Bennett.”

Several heartbeats passed in silence. “I figured you’d tell me when you were ready.”

“You never wondered? A year is a long time for a thirteen-year-old boy to spend in a detention center. Only kids who’ve gotten into serious trouble get locked up that long.”

“I—I didn’t know that.”

She gripped the counter behind her with shaking fingers, and he fought the urge to move toward her. “I don’t usually take cases this far outside Portland. I told you I agreed to work with Thomas because a judge asked me to. That was part of the truth. The whole truth is that I took this case to put the past behind me. I thought it might be therapeutic.” He drew a breath for courage. “Samantha, I used to live here.”

“You did? W-when?”

“When I was thirteen. Social services dumped me with a foster family here in Hidden Falls after I’d gotten into some trouble in the city.”

Her gaze skipped over the classroom. “I—I don’t remember you.”

“We never actually met.”

She didn’t look at him. Kept glancing over the desks. And he knew she was thinking back, trying to fit puzzle pieces together.

“I knew Seth,” he said quietly.

Her gaze shot to his, and she gripped the counter tighter. But she didn’t speak. And though it nearly killed him, he forced himself to finish what he’d started.

“He ran with a group of kids I’d started hanging out with at the rec center. They were older than I was, in high school. Back then, I thought they were cool. I just wanted to be a part of their group.”

She still didn’t say anything, just stared at him with wide, frightened eyes.

“Samantha,” he said, desperate to get the words out, “I changed my name too. After I got out of Bennett. After I was adopted. My last name wasn’t McClane. It was Coulter. James Ethan Coulter.”

For a heartbeat, she didn’t react. Didn’t move. Didn’t speak. Then her face paled, and she jerked to the side, sliding down the counter away from him. “No. That’s . . . that’s not possible.”

“Wait.” Panic rushed through him, and he stepped toward her. “Just let me explain.”

“No!” She swatted at his hands so he couldn’t touch her and stumbled backward. Tears filled her eyes as she covered her mouth with her hand. “Oh my God. Please tell me you’re joking.”

“It’s not what you think. I—”

“Not what I think? You? You’re James Coulter? Oh my God. I saw you. I was at the falls that night. I followed Seth. I saw you holding him under the water.”

“No. I jumped in to help Seth. I—”

“You lie! You had marks all over your face where he fought back.”

“The marks weren’t from Seth. My foster father tore into me because I’d been ditching school. I was late getting to the falls because of him. By the time I got there, Seth was already in trouble.”

“No.” She shook her head, her eyes wild and shimmering with tears. “That’s not right. That’s not what I remember.”

“I wouldn’t kill anyone, Samantha. I had no reason to hurt Seth. I barely knew him. He was four years older than I was. You have to believe me. It was a misunderstanding. When I saw what was happening, I ran in to help Seth, not hurt him.”

She stared at him as if she didn’t know who he was. Tears rushed down her cheeks, forming tracks on her perfect skin.