He shakes his head. “No, it was you that was torn out. I got confused. I never realised there’s a place in the centre of my heart that’s empty without you.”
I chew a nail, eyes filling with tears because Bryn’s describing how I’ve felt the last weeks. “I missed you. I loved you and I didn’t think you wanted me anymore, that you’d gone back to the girl you once told me was your soul mate. How could I compete with that?”
In his familiar way, Bryn holds my face in his cold hands. “If anybody is my soul mate, it's the inept waitress who makes an awesome teacher.”
I scowl at his teasing but how can I be angry with him and his heartfelt words? “Do you really think that?”
“In my crazy world, I’ve met thousands of people – girls – and not one of them had any effect on me. Nobody has touched my life in the way you do, not even Hannah. I know I carried Hannah in my heart for too long, but don’t we always carry a part of our first love? I just needed to realise that’s all she was.”
I swallow, wishing he wouldn’t mention her but know he needs to.
“When you walked away from me into the snow that night at Liam’s wedding, something changed. I had to see you again because somehow, I already knew you. I met the person who’d change my life forever.”
I smile at the memory of Bryn gate crashing my night out the following evening. “And you did it spectacularly.”
“As always, cariad. I never do anything by halves.”
“And that’s why I love you even when I don’t,” I say. “Please don't break my heart again. You've done it twice already.”
“I won't. Ever.” In the cold of the evening, I shiver and Bryn pulls me close, wrapping his jacket around us both. “Come with me. I don't want another night without you in my arms.”
I bury my face into Bryn's neck, inhaling the scent of leather and sandalwood, losing myself in memories of us. “But Australia?”
“Yes. We can do some touristy shit while we're there if you like. I'll take you to hold a koala if you want, as long as you promise not to drop it.”
“Ha-ha.”
He rests his chin on my head and I wriggle out of the way. “Sometimes I hate you’re so much taller than me.”
Bryn takes my hand and places my palm against his chest, the steady beat rapid against my skin. “You’re closer to my heart down there, so every time I hold you, there’s a reminder you have my whole heart for your whole life.”
“Down there’!” I smack the place on his chest where he holds my hand. “I’m not that small.”
“Oh, but you are, cariad. Small and cute…” He skilfully sidesteps my attempt to retaliate and grabs my arms. “…and the person my world revolves around.”
I smile and bury my nose into his shirt. Bryn rests his chin on top of my head again. We fit together in our own way, the strange couple from opposite worlds pulled together; our connection taking each other to a place nobody else belongs.
“Maybe I’ll come with you then,” I say nonchalantly. “I guess the weather is better over there.”
“Huh! And your hot rock star is over there too!”
I run my finger along his cheek. “I guess he is my hot rock star.”
“I always was, cariad.”
In the darkened shadows of the school, our mouths connect with the weeks of passion and longing we've missed as we discover each other again. Why do I always find myself back in his arms? Because he knows me in a way nobody ever has, in a few short months showed me I can believe in myself, and gave me the strength to strive for what I wanted when I wasn’t sure I could.
Even when Bryn isn’t around, I feel him in the beat of my heart and the centre of my soul. We click back together like magnets, every time we get close, and the idea soul mates could be real makes sense because something in Bryn holds onto something in me, and we’re unable to let go.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
EIGHT MONTHS LATER
BRYN
Avery slips off her sandals and steps onto the warm sand, holding my hand as we head along the beach back to the house. The late afternoon breeze takes the edge off the unusual winter heat and I wrap an arm across her shoulders as we walk along the shore of the Indian Ocean, warm water lapping our toes.
“How was Connor today?” she asks.
“Pretty good. He's doing okay at school now, settling down.”
“That's good to hear.” She rubs the side of my head. “Is his hair growing back too?”
“Curlier than mine!”
Laughing, Avery lifts my hand up and kisses my fingers. “Aww! Poor Bryn! I'm sure your lovely locks will be back soon.”
“Yeah, don't think I'll cut my hair again in a hurry.” I slosh the water and run a hand through the regrown curls.
“Good,” she says with a smile.
“I knew you didn’t like it!”
“I love the reason you cut your hair, Bryn. But you’re right, I prefer when I can pull your hair.” Avery digs her hands into my curls and tugs with a giggle.
“Careful,” I say and raise an eyebrow.
A month alone with Avery following weeks of separation, and I face losing her again. The last few months, I’ve lived in Perth and she’s worked in London until the English summer school holidays gave her a chance to stay with me in Australia. I bought my own place drawing a dividing line between my duty to Connor and my relationship with Avery. The trust has returned. I’ve learned not to slip into guilt-induced obligation and put the person who means the most first. Myself. And by doing that, the person I love, who’s a part of who I am, comes first too. Avery.
“School starts again for me in a week,” she says cautiously.
“Yeah, I know.”
She stops. “And?”
“And what?”
“Are you staying here or coming back to England?”
Avery’s hair obscures her face, blown by the breeze and I push it away. “I'm coming home with you.”
Home. Once over, the word meant little. I had places I stayed, went back to my parents sometimes, own several houses, but was never home. These days, home means anywhere Avery is. I’ve spread myself between Australia and the UK for the last nine months, unsettling for most people but natural to me. The months away from Avery are tough and I’ve had enough of being apart from her too long.
“Thank you,” she says.
“Thank you? No reason to thank me. I love you and want to be with you.”
Resting her head against my arm, Avery curls her small hand in mine and we continue along the beach, home.
My new place in Perth isn’t beachfront but private and close by, the balcony allowing spectacular views of the sunset, which we’ve sat and watched almost every evening. Stepping through the double doors into the expansive hallway, onto the cool tiles, we drop our sandy shoes on the floor. Avery pads into the kitchen and heads to the fridge for water.
“I’ll miss this place,” she says, pouring two glasses.
“We’ll come back.”
“You’re definitely not staying here?”
I pick Avery up and set her on the kitchen counter. “No, I just told you I’m coming home with you. I’ll come back to see Connor soon, but I need you to know you’re the most important person to me.”
The tension leaves her face, and I realise she’s been carrying the weight of worry about this. Avery told me being in Australia is a strange dream, cut off from her real life, and I understand what she means. The thing is, Avery is my life now and I explained this to her. I need her to understand that my world revolves around us. How one person can bring a shared peace and happiness into another’s life always seemed strange to me, even though I’ve seen it happen with the other guys.
“I’ve been thinking,” I say as she passes me a glass.
“Uh oh. Bryn style thinking?” I frown at her and she pushes my forehead. “As in five-minute decisions on what to do.”
“Ah. No.” An envelope lies on the edge of the counter and I slide it toward Avery. “This was at least twenty-four hours.”
“What is it?”
“Open.”
A line creases between the eyes of my beautiful girl as she opens the envelope, and I bite my lip waiting for her response as she pulls out the plane tickets.
“Are we going back to France?” she asks, flipping them over.
“No.”
The crease deepens. “Las Vegas? Tell me you’re kidding!” She looks up.
“No.”
She looks back at the ticket. “Tomorrow? Bryn!” As usual, her smack in my chest is no more than a tickle. “I’ve told you before that I need notice about these things. And for you to ask me if I want to go!”
“Cariad, will you come to Las Vegas with me and get drunk?”
For a moment, I think she’s forgotten, but Avery’s memory absorbs everything. Her hand trembles slightly as she puts the ticket back in the holder.
“I once said I wouldn’t go to Vegas and get drunk with you, because God knows what we’d end up doing if you had one of your bright ideas while we were there.”
“And I’m asking if you will.”
“Bryn, don’t mess with me. What’s this about?”
I kiss her nose. “What do you think?”
“Is this the crappiest marriage proposal in history?” she asks cautiously.
I pull myself onto the counter next to Avery and take her hand in mine, tracing the lines of her palm with my fingers. “I don’t always do the first thing that comes into my head. Sometimes I plan, and I plan to spend my life with you.” She stares back at me. “Well, I kinda planned but not well enough. I haven’t bought a ring.”
“What?” she asks hoarsely.
“You can choose one. I doubt I’d get the right one anyway. I’m not great with that girlie crap.” I wave my hand dismissively. Great, now she’s pale, gripping the envelope in her other hand. Did I screw up? “Avery?”
“Are you asking me to marry you?”
“I guess.”
“I guess?” she says. “Bloody hell, Bryn. Tickets to Vegas with a vague hint and no ring? That’s not really a proposal.”
I raise a brow. “I didn’t think you’d go for the ‘down on one knee’ thing.”
She chokes a laugh. “Asking somebody to marry you with the words and giving them a ring is normal, on one knee or not.”
Yep, I fucked up. “Right.”
“But, I guess this is Bryn Hughes I’m dealing with.” Avery curls her hand around my neck and pulls me closer so her forehead touches mine. “You are a strange man.”
“If I didn’t ask properly, you couldn’t say no. I could pretend I meant something else,’ I admit.
“Bryn…” She places her lips on mine. “You’re funny. I love you with every ounce of me. Why would I say no?”
Pulling my head back, I smooth her cheek with the back of my hand, heart thumping loudly, realising sometimes being serious is the only way. “Avery, will you marry me?”
Her breath rushes out. “In Las Vegas?”
“Yeah.”
“Tomorrow?”
“We have a few days, doesn’t have to be the first night.”
“Well, that’s kind of you; maybe I might be able to buy a bloody dress!” Avery’s eyes shine with tears, but she smiles.
“Can I get an answer, cariad?” Normally, I can read Avery, but this is tough. When a chick gets teary, it could be any number of reasons.
Avery looks into my eyes for a long time and whatever answer she needs from in them, she finds. “Yes. I will but…”
I tense. “But?”
“What about my family? Your family?”
“We can have another ceremony for them. I want this to be about me and you.”
“Jesus,” she mutters and stares at the envelope. “I don’t know about Vegas, or so soon.”
“Fine. Doesn’t have to be. I just didn’t want to wait any longer to spend the rest of my life married to you.”
Avery takes my hand. “You know what? What the hell. Let’s get married Bryn-style.”
Seizing hold of Avery, I squeeze her too hard and she pushes at me. I shower her head and face with kisses until she giggles and covers her head. “Love you.”
She smiles. “I always hated that I wasn’t your first love; but now I know I have something better. Being your last love, that’s pretty awesome.”
“My one and only. Every day I fall in love with you all over again. I don’t know what you put in that pumpkin soup, but you got me.”
Avery scowls. “You never ate the soup.”
“That’s right, I remember; you were too busy trying to get my clothes off. As usual.” I roll my eyes and Avery tugs me to her by the t-shirt. “See what I mean!”
“How am I ever going to live with your humour for the rest of my life?”
“Because it’s me?”
“I must be completely mad,” she says and jumps down from the counter.
“Madly in love with a hot rock star?” I ask.
“No, just mad to love you.” I pout and she laughs, settling herself between my legs as I face her on the edge of the counter.
I stroke Avery’s face, tracing her features with my fingers, relieved. I’ve wanted to ask Avery many times but never found the words, and a couple of times when I made a joke about marriage, she joined in, so I decided she wasn’t interested. I want to commit to a life with Avery because I followed my heart and it led me to her. Avery took more than my heart; she took away the confused guy who wouldn’t grow up and replaced him with a man no longer afraid to move on and love.
I feel Avery in the deepest parts of me, on my mind constantly, in my heart always. Holding her hand is like plugging into the sun, the energy and warmth flows between us and burns through the shadows. With her, there’s never darkness.
Avery is locked inside my heart and buried in my soul, and nothing can pull her away. Loving Avery forever won’t be enough, but it’s a start.