Revival (29 page)

“Probably not,” I said, “but I doubt if he wore wedding rings, either, being a bachelor.”

He paid no attention. He paced back and forth like a man in a cell. Or the paranoids who circulate in any big city, the ones who want to talk about the CIA and the international Jewish conspiracy and the secrets of the Rosicrucians. “So I went back to the rings, and created a story that would make them . . . palatable . . . to my congregants.”

“A pitch, in other words.”

That brought him back to the here and now. He grinned, and for a moment I was with the Reverend Jacobs I remembered from my childhood. “Yes, okay, a pitch. By then I was using a ruthenium and gold alloy, and consequently the rings were much smaller. And even more powerful. Shall we leave, Jamie? You're looking a bit unsettled.”

“I am. I may not understand your juice, but I can feel it. Almost like it's putting bubbles in my blood.”

He laughed. “Yes! You could say the atmosphere in here is
electric
! Ha! I enjoy it, but then, I'm used to it. Come, let's step outside and get some fresh air.”

 • • •

The outside world never smelled sweeter
than it did as we strolled back toward the house.

“I have one more question, Charlie. If you don't mind?”

He sighed, but didn't look displeased. Once out of that claustrophobia-inducing little room, he seemed sane again. “Glad to answer if I can.”

“You tell the rubes your wife and son drowned. Why do you lie? I don't see what purpose it can serve.”

He stopped and lowered his head. When he lifted it, I saw that serene normality had taken a hike, if it had ever been there at all. On his face was a rage so deep and black that I involuntarily fell back a step. The breeze had tumbled his thinning hair over his lined brow. He swept it back and then pressed his palms to his temples, like a man suffering a monster headache. Yet when he spoke, his voice was toneless and low. If not for the look on his face, I might have mistaken it for reasonableness.

“They don't deserve the truth. You called them rubes, and how right you are. They have set aside what brains they have—and many of them have quite a lot—and put their faith in that gigantic and fraudulent insurance company called religion. It promises them an eternity of joy in the next life if they live according to the rules in this one, and many of them try, but even that's not enough. When the pain comes, they want miracles. To them I'm nothing but a witch doctor who touches them with magic rings instead of shaking a bone rattle over them.”

“Haven't any of them found out the truth?” My researches with Bree had convinced me that Fox Mulder was right about one thing: the truth is out there, and anyone in our current age, where almost everyone is living in a glass house, can find it with a computer and an Internet connection.

“Aren't you listening to me? They don't deserve the truth, and that's okay, because they don't
want
it.” He smiled, and his teeth appeared, the upper and lower sets locked together. “They don't want the Beatitudes of the Song of Solomon, either. They only want to be healed.”

 • • •

Stamper didn't glance up
as we crossed the kitchen. Two of the mail bins had been emptied and he was working on the third. The liquor box now looked about half full. There were some checks, but mostly it was crumpled currency. I thought of what Jacobs had said about witch doctors. In Sierra Leone, his customers would be lined up outside the door, bearing produce and chickens with freshly wrung necks. Same thing, really; all of it's just the kick. The grab. The take.

Back in the library, Jacobs seated himself with a grimace and drank the rest of his lemonade. “I'll have to piss all afternoon,” he said. “It's the curse of growing old. The reason I was glad to see you, Jamie, is because I want to hire you.”

“You want to
what
?”

“You heard me. Al will be leaving soon. I'm not sure he knows it yet, but I do. He wants no part of my scientific work; even though he knows it's the basis of my cures, he thinks it's an abomination.”

I almost said,
What if he's right?

“You can do his job—open each day's mail, catalogue the correspondents' names and complaints, put aside the love offerings, once a week drive down to Latchmore and deposit the checks. You'll vet gate-callers—their numbers are drying up, but there are still at least a dozen a week—and turn them away.”

He turned to face me directly.

“You can also do what Al refuses to do—help me along the final steps to my goal. I'm very close, but I'm not strong. An assistant would be invaluable, and we've worked well before. I don't know how much Hugh is paying you, but I'll double—no, triple it. What do you say?”

At first I could say nothing. I was stunned.

“Jamie? I'm waiting.”

I picked up the lemonade, and this time the melting remnants of the ice cubes
did
click together. I drank, then put it down again.

“You speak of a goal. Tell me what it is.”

He considered. Or appeared to. “Not yet. Come to work for me and get to understand the power and beauty of the secret electricity a little better. Perhaps then.”

I stood and held out my hand. “It's been nice to see you again.” Another of those things you just say, a bit of grease to keep the wheels turning, but this lie was a lot bigger than telling him he looked great. “Take care of yourself. And be careful.”

He stood, but didn't take my hand. “I'm disappointed in you. And, I confess, rather angry. You came a long way to scold a tired old man who once saved your life.”

“Charlie, what if this secret electricity of yours gets out of your control?”

“It won't.”

“I'll bet the people in charge at Chernobyl felt that way, too.”

“That's beyond low. I allowed you into my home because I expected gratitude and understanding. I see I was wrong on both counts. Al will show you out. I need to lie down. I'm very tired.”

“Charlie, I
do
feel gratitude. I appreciate what you've done for me. But—”

“But.” His face was stony and gray. “Always a but.”

“Secret electricity aside, I can't work for a man who's taking revenge on broken people because he can't take revenge on God for killing his wife and son.”

His face went from gray to white. “How dare you? How
dare
you?”

“You may be curing some of them,” I said, “but you're pissing on all of them. I'll leave now. I don't need Mr. Stamper to show me out.”

I started back toward the front door. I was crossing the rotunda, my heels clacking on the marble, when he called after me, his voice amplified by all that open space.

“We're not done, Jamie. I promise you that. Not even close to done.”

 • • •

I didn't need Stamper to open the gate
, either; it rolled back automatically as my car approached. At the foot of the access road I stopped, saw that I had bars on my cell, and called Bree. She answered on the first ring, and asked if I was all right before I could even open my mouth. I said I was, and then told her that Jacobs had offered me a job.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes. I told him no—”

“Well, damn, of
course
you did!”

“That's not the important part, though. He says he's done with the revival tours, and done healing. From the disgruntled demeanor of Mr. Al Stamper, formerly of the Vo-Lites and now Charlie's personal assistant, I believe him.”

“So it's over?”

“As the Lone Ranger used to say to his faithful Indian sidekick, ‘Tonto, our work here is done.'”
As long as he doesn't blow up the world with his secret electricity.

“Call me when you get back to Colorado.”

“I'll do that, Swee' Pea. How's New York?”

“It's great!” The enthusiasm I heard in her voice made me feel a lot older than fifty-three.

We talked about her new life in the big city for awhile, then I put my car in drive and turned onto the highway, heading back to the airport. A few miles down the road I looked into my rearview and saw an orange moonlet in the backseat.

I'd forgotten to give Charlie his pumpkin.

X

Wedding Bells. How to Boil a Frog. The Homecoming Party. “You Will Want to Read This.”

Although I talked to Bree
many times over the next two years, I didn't actually see her again until June 19th of 2011, when, in a church on Long Island, she became Brianna Donlin-Hughes. Many of the calls were about Charles Jacobs and his troubling cures—we found half a dozen more who were suffering probable aftereffects—but as time passed, our conversations focused more and more on her job and George Hughes, whom she had met at a party and with whom she was soon sharing accommodations. He was a high-powered corporate lawyer, he was African American, and he had just turned thirty. I was sure Bree's mother was satisfied on all counts . . . or as satisfied as the single mother of an only child can be.

Meanwhile, Pastor Danny's website had gone dark and Internet chatter about him had thinned to a trickle. There were speculations that he was either dead or in a private institution somewhere, probably under an assumed name and suffering from Alzheimer's. By late 2010, I had gleaned only two pieces of hard intelligence, both interesting but neither illuminating. Al Stamper had released a gospel CD called
Thank You Jesus
(guest artists included Hugh Yates's idol, Mavis Staples), and The Latches was once more available for lease to “qualified individuals or organizations.”

Charles Daniel Jacobs had dropped off the radar.

 • • •

Hugh Yates chartered a Gulfstream
for the nuptials, and packed everyone from the Wolfjaw Ranch on board. Mookie McDonald represented the sixties admirably at the wedding, turning up in a paisley shirt with billowy sleeves, pipestem trousers, suede Beatle boots, and a psychedelic headscarf. The mother of the bride was just short of eye-popping in a vintage Ann Lowe dress she'd gotten on consignment, and as the vows were exchanged, she watered her corsage with copious tears. The groom could have stepped out of a Nora Roberts novel: tall, dark, and handsome. He and I had a friendly conversation at the reception, before the party began its inevitable journey from tipsy conversation to drunk-ass dancing. I had no sense that Bree had told him I was the jalopy with the rusty rocker panels on which she had learned, although I was sure that someday she would—in bed after particularly good sex, likely as not. That was fine with me, because I wouldn't have to be there for the inevitable masculine eye-roll.

The Nederland group went back to Colorado via American Airlines, because Hugh's gift to the newlyweds was use of the Gulfstream, which would fly them to their Hawaiian honeymoon retreat. When he announced this during the toasts, Bree squealed like a nine-year-old, jumped up, and hugged him. I'm sure Charles Jacobs was the furthest thing from her mind at that moment, which was just as it should have been. But he never left mine, not completely.

As the hour grew late, I saw Mookie whispering to the leader of the band, a very decent rock-and-blues combo with a strong lead singer and a good backlog of oldies at their command. The bandleader nodded and asked if I'd like to come up and play guitar with the band for a set or two. I was tempted, but my better angels won the day and I begged off. You may never be too old to rock and roll, but skills fade as the years stack up, and the chances of making a fool of oneself in public grow better.

I didn't exactly consider myself retired, but I hadn't played in front of a live audience in over a year, and had only sat in on three or four recording sessions, all cases of dire emergency. I did not acquit myself well in any of them. During the playback of one, I caught the drummer grimacing, as if he'd bitten into something sour. He saw me looking at him and said the bass had fallen out of tune. It hadn't, and we both knew it. If it's ridiculous for a man in his fifties to be playing bedroom games with a woman young enough to be his daughter, it's just as ridiculous for him to be playing a Strat and high-stepping to “Dirty Water.” Still, I watched those guys kick out the jams with some longing and quite a lot of nostalgia.

Someone took my hand and I looked around to see Georgia Donlin. “How much do you miss it, Jamie?”

“Not as much as I respect it,” I said, “which is why I'm sitting here. Those guys are good.”

“And you're not anymore?”

I found myself remembering the day I had walked into my brother Con's bedroom and heard his acoustic Gibson whispering to me. Telling me I could play “Cherry, Cherry.”

“Jamie?” She snapped her fingers in front of my eyes. “Come back, Jamie.”

“I'm good enough to amuse myself,” I said, “but my days of getting up in front of a crowd with a guitar are over.”

Turned out I was wrong about that.

 • • •

In 2012, I turned fifty-six.
Hugh and his longtime girlfriend took me out to dinner. On the way home I remembered a bit of old folklore—probably you've heard it—about how to boil a frog. You put it in cold water, then start turning up the heat. If you do it gradually, the frog is too stupid to jump out. I don't know if it's true or not, but I decided it was an excellent metaphor for growing old.

When I was a teenager, I looked at over-fifties with pity and unease: they walked too slow, they talked too slow, they watched TV instead of going out to movies and concerts, their idea of a great party was hotpot with the neighbors and tucked into bed after the eleven o'clock news. But—like most other fifty-, sixty-, and seventy­somethings who are in relative good health—I didn't mind it so much when my turn came. Because the
brain
doesn't age, although its ideas about the world may harden and there's a greater tendency to run off at the mouth about how things were in the good old days. (I was spared that, at least, because most of my so-called good old days had been spent as a full-bore, straight-on-for-Texas drug addict.) I think for most people, life's deceptive deliriums begin to fall away after fifty. The days speed up, the aches multiply, and your gait slows down, but there are compensations. In calmness comes appreciation, and—in my case—a determination to be as much of a do-right-daddy as possible in the time I had left. That meant ladling out soup once a week at a homeless shelter in Boulder, and working for three or four political candidates with the radical idea that Colorado should not be paved over.

I still dated the occasional lady. I still played tennis twice a week and rode my bike at least six miles a day, which kept my stomach flat and my endorphins flowing. Sure, I saw a few more lines around my mouth and eyes when I shaved, but on the whole, I thought I looked about the same as ever. That, of course, is the benign illusion of one's later years. It took going back to Harlow in the summer of 2013 for me to understand the truth: I was just another frog in a pot. The good news was that so far the temperature had only been turned up to medium. The bad was that the process wouldn't be stopping anytime soon. The three true ages of man are youth, middle age, and how the fuck did I get old so soon?

 • • •

On June 19th of 2013
, two years to the day after Bree's marriage to George Hughes and a year after the birth of their first child, I arrived home from a less-than-stellar recording session to find an envelope gaily decorated with balloons in my mailbox. The return address was familiar: RFD #2, Methodist Road, Harlow, Maine. I opened it and found myself looking at a photograph of my brother Terry's family with this caption:
TWO ARE BETTER THAN ONE! PLEASE COME TO OUR PARTY!

I paused before opening it, noting Terry's white hair, Annabelle's expanding paunch, and the three young adults who were their children. The little girl who had once run giggling through the lawn sprinkler in nothing but a saggy pair of Smurfette underpants was now a good-looking young woman with a baby—my grand-niece, Cara Lynne—in her arms. One of my nephews, the skinny one, looked like Con. The husky one looked eerily like our father . . . and a little like me, poor guy.

I flipped the invitation open.

HELP US CELEBRATE TWO BIG DAYS

ON AUGUST 31, 2013!

THE 35
TH
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY OF
TERENCE AND ANNABELLE!

THE 1
ST
BIRTHDAY OF CARA LYNNE!

TIME: 12 NOON to ?

PLACE: OUR HOUSE TO START, THEN EUREKA GRANGE

FOOD: PLENTY!

BAND: THE CASTLE ROCK ALL-STARS

BYOB: DON'T YOU DARE! BEER & WINE WILL FLOW!

Below this was a note from my brother. Although only months from his sixtieth birthday, Terry wrote in the same grade-school scrawl that had caused one of his teachers to send him home with a note reading
Terence MUST improve his penmanship!
paperclipped to his rank card.

Hey Jamie! Please come to the party, okay? No excuses accepted when you've got 2 mos to arrange your schedule. If Connie can come from Hawaii you can manage the trip from Colo! We miss you, little bro!

I dropped the invitation into the wicker basket on the back of the kitchen door. I called this the Sometime Basket, because it was full of correspondence that I vaguely believed I'd answer sometime . . . which actually meant never, as you probably know. I told myself I had no desire to go back to Harlow, and this may have been true, but the pull of family was still there. Springsteen might have had something when he wrote that line about nothing feeling better than blood on blood.

I had a cleaning lady named Darlene who came by once a week to vacuum and dust and change the bed (a chore I still felt guilty about delegating, having been taught to do myself, back in the day). She was a morose old thing, and I made it my business to be out when she was in. On one of Darlene's days, I came back to find she had fished the invitation out of the Sometime Basket and propped it open on the kitchen table. She had never done such a thing before, and I took it as an omen. That night I sat down at my computer, sighed, and sent Terry a three-word email:
Count me in
.

 • • •

That was quite a Labor Day weekend
. I enjoyed the hell out of myself, and could hardly believe I'd come close to saying no . . . or saying nothing, which probably would have severed my already frayed family ties for good.

It was hot in New England, and the descent into Portland Jetport on Friday afternoon was unusually bumpy in the unstable air. The drive north to Castle County was slow, but not because of traffic. I had to look at every old landmark—the farms, the rock walls, Brownie's Store, now closed and dark—and marvel over them. It was as if my childhood were still here, barely visible under a piece of plastic that had become scratched and dusty and semi-opaque with the passage of time.

It was past six in the evening when I got to the home place, where an addition had been built on, nearly doubling its original size. There was a red Mazda in the driveway that screamed airport rental (like my Mitsubishi Eclipse), and a Morton Fuel Oil truck parked on the lawn. The truck was garlanded with enough crepe paper and flowers to make it look like a parade float. A big sign propped against the front wheels read THE SCORE IS TERRY AND ANNABELLE 35, CARA LYNNE 1! BOTH WINNERS!! YOU FOUND THE PARTY! COME ON IN! I parked, walked up the steps, raised my fist to knock, thought what the hell, I grew up here, and just strolled in.

For a moment I felt as if I had flipped back in time to the years when I could tell my age with a single number. My family was crowded around the dining room table just as they had been in the sixties, all talking at once, laughing and squabbling, passing pork chops, mashed potatoes, and a platter covered with a damp dishtowel: corn on the cob, kept warm just as my mother used to do it.

At first I didn't recognize the distinguished gray-haired man at the living room end of the table, and I certainly didn't know the dark-haired hunk of handsome sitting next to him. Then the ­professor-emeritus type caught sight of me and rose to his feet, his face lighting up, and I realized it was my brother Con.

“
JAMIE!
” he shouted, and buttonhooked around the table, almost knocking Annabelle out of her chair. He grabbed me in a bearhug and covered my face with kisses. I laughed and pounded him on the back. Then Terry was there as well, grabbing both of us, and the three brothers did a kind of clumsy
mitzvah tantz
, making the floor shake. I saw that Con was crying, and I felt a little bit like crying myself.

“Stop it, you guys!” Terry said, although he was still jumping himself. “We'll wind up in the basement!”

For awhile we went on jumping. It seemed to me that we had to. And that was all right. That was good.

 • • •

Con introduced the hunk
, who was probably twenty years his junior, as “my good friend from the University of Hawaii Botany Department.” I shook hands with him, wondering if they had bothered to take two rooms at the Castle Rock Inn. In this day and age, probably not. I can't remember when I first realized that Con was gay; probably while he was in grad school and I was still playing “Land of 1000 Dances” with the Cumberlands at the University of Maine. I'm sure our parents knew much earlier. They didn't make a big deal of it, and so none of us did, either. Children learn much more by mute example than by spoken rules, or so it seems to me.

I only heard Dad allude to his second son's sexual orientation once, during the late eighties. It must have made a big impression on me, because those were my blackout years, and I called home as seldom as possible. I wanted my dad to know I was still alive, but I was always afraid he might hear my oncoming death, which I had pretty much accepted, in my voice.

“I pray for Connie every night,” he said during that call. “This damn AIDS thing. It's like they're letting it spread on purpose.”