Rhapsody on a Theme (2 page)

“Are you still going out tonight, darling?” Mum asked as they buckled in.

“Yep,” Jayden said. It was his Christmas treat: come home, see Mum and Dad and Rosie again, and collect Darren en route from London to Southampton. Stay a couple of days, then go back home with Darren and spend the rest of the week they’d booked off in bed, alone, recuperating from three months apart.

God, spending
nine
months
apart at Cambridge seemed a world away. And
impossible
.

It wasn’t just the
worry
, really. It was…when Jayden had transferred to Bristol, they’d spent every weekend together, pretty much, and in the holidays Jayden had more-or-less moved into Darren’s flat. They’d gotten closer, especially when Darren had started counselling (and then stopped, and then started again with another counsellor, and then switched
again
, and you get the idea) and they’d started him on medication last year. It had failed, but they had tried, and they had tried together. They were closer. There were less barriers between them. They were…

Rachel called them newly-weds. Jayden preferred to think of it as…well, no, he didn’t, because he hated the term ‘lovers’ but suddenly ‘boyfriend’ didn’t seem enough to describe Darren anymore. Suddenly, the idea that he’d had in sixth form, that they’d split up in uni, seemed downright stupid. They weren’t going to go their separate ways. They weren’t going to split up.

Darren…Darren was forever.

“We won’t get too drunk,” he promised Mum. “Just, you know, a few drinks and a few dances and everything, and then we’ll be home. Before three.”

“One.”

“Two.”

“Fine, but if you wake up Rosie, you’re in a world of trouble,” Mum threatened mildly. “
And
if Rosie sees you doing anything.”

“Like what?” Rosie piped up.

“Jayden and I have a game we play that Mummy doesn’t like,” Darren said, carefully colouring a square into an outlined circle.

“Like football?”

“It’s nothing like football.”

“Oh. Boring!” Rosie announced to Jayden’s relief, and pushed Darren’s hand away. “It has to be
lellow
!”

“What?” Darren asked.

“Yellow,” Mum said wearily, turning the car into Attlee Road. “Rosie, let’s go and show Daddy your lovely new trainers, shall we?”

“Yeeeeeeah!” she whooped, and Darren grimaced, hastily extracting himself from the car. He hefted his bag over his right shoulder before Jayden could take it, and offered his left hand as compensation; Jayden rubbed the knuckles, and walked his fingers around the slender muscles. Thinner than the other hand, but Rachel disagreed, so maybe it was just his familiarity with Darren’s hands.

“What’s my present?” he asked.

“You’ll see,” Darren said.

“I want it now.”

“Well, you can’t have it now,” Darren said.

“It’s Christmas Eve right now!”

“Tough shit,” Darren said slowly and pressed a light kiss to the corner of Jayden’s mouth (to the less-than-romantic music of Rosie’s outraged squawk) as some kind of peace offering. “Later,” he whispered in Jayden’s ear, and Jayden squeezed his hand, desire sparking off at the huskily voiced promise. He had missed Darren too much for distance and pleasantries and ‘later.’ Later was
now
.

He didn’t wait to say hello to Dad, yelling over his shoulder as he used the captured hand to drag Darren upstairs the moment Mum unlocked the front door. Mum had given up after Darren’s…overdose, and simply shouted, “Door!” after them. Jayden didn’t have a lock on it—in truth, he’d been reluctant after the overdose to get one, you know, just in
case
—but he’d acquired a chair to keep Rosie out, and wedged it under the door handle. It wouldn’t resist Dad battering the door down, but it easily resisted curious three-year-olds, and the moment it was in place, Jayden turned on Darren and seized his head in both hands again.

“You’re a
tease
,” he breathed against Darren’s mouth, forcing him backwards across the carpet, and retracted his tongue just in time to avoid being bitten as they tumbled down onto the bed together. “Tease,” Jayden repeated, straddling Darren’s waist and tangling both hands in his hair to keep him still. “Tease, tease, tease,” he repeated, peppering kisses onto random freckles, as if relearning them, and then he tired of the chase and pushed back past Darren’s lips, finding that edge of spearmint again, finding the way he shifted and moved, chin up and head back, almost nipping at Jayden’s skin.

“You’re the one on top of me,” Darren said, slightly breathlessly, even though he’d locked an arm around Jayden’s back, and Jayden grinned.

“What’s my present?”

“No.”

“What is it?” Jayden coaxed, kissing the spot under Darren’s ear. Darren shivered, but shook his head. “Come on,” Jayden wheedled, kissing his neck. “It’s already Christmas Eve. You know you want to tell me. Come
onnn
…”

“Fuck you,” Darren muttered, squirming; Jayden held him still and started attacking the other side. Darren groaned, and Jayden wrapped his teeth around the jugular and sucked
hard
until the groan cut off in the middle with a choked sort of noise. He was getting hard; Jayden could feel it. He broke off, kissing the bruise, and smiled against the damp skin.

“Tell me,” he whispered.

“Fine, Jesus,” Darren caved; Jayden shifted off his lap, ‘accidentally’ brushing his hand over the front of Darren’s jeans. Darren’s much-tighter-than-they-were-at-the-station jeans. Darren scowled at him, the effect kind of lost between the swollen mouth and the ruffled hair, and swung his legs gingerly off the bed. He’d dropped his bag by the door, and Jayden watched from the bed as he rummaged through it before producing an envelope and returning, handing it to Jayden and toeing off his shoes to sit cross-legged by the pillow, looking laughably lanky on the narrow single bed.

“A card? That’s it?”

“Open it,” Darren said, extending a leg to prod Jayden with his foot.

Jayden tore into the envelope, finding the usual poor-sense-of-humour card that Darren got him (this one, appropriately, involved a sulky-looking little girl in a party hat on the front) and a piece of paper folded up inside.

“What are you doing?” Jayden asked suspiciously.

“Just open it.”

Jayden dropped the card into his lap and unfolded the piece of paper. Darren’s small, spidery handwriting covered it in wonky lines, and Jayden smoothed it out over his knees to read properly.

Jayden:

So I’m guessing we don’t have long before the new doctor and the next round of Medicating The Madman…

“You’re not mad, Darren, stop it.”

“
Read
, don’t give a running commentary.
I
know what it says.”

…and we both know apparently my dick isn’t too keen on the anti-ds. So this is a double present. 1) It is a voucher, for sex, redeemable for wherever and however you want it. And by however I mean who takes it, not some weird kinky fantasy! And 2) the proper present part. It can also be redeemed (at the same time or again) for sex without a condom. I know you’ve wanted to try it without for ages, so, merry crimbo and whathaveyou.

Love you,

Darren.

Jayden stared, smoothed it, re-read it, stared some more, then dropped it to push Darren back into the mattress and settle over him, staring at that calm, open face. He looked sincere, and it was bizarre because…because it was
this
. “Really?” he said.

“Mhmm.”

“You’d really…you’d be okay with it? Without protection?”

“Well, it’s you,” Darren said simply, draping his huge hands around Jayden’s waist and tracing patterns into his jumper with his thumbs. Idle and relaxed. Trusting. “I figure I can trust you. It’s been a while.”

Jayden laughed. “Yes, but that’s not why you don’t want to.”

Darren shrugged. “Maybe I need to get over myself.”

Jayden smiled again almost nervously and kissed him gently. Technically, he supposed, they’d done it once without, but he had taken it, and he’d kind of liked it. It was messy, but he’d liked the closeness of it. But Darren’s one and only experience with it had been when the condom broke that one time, and he’d
hated
the feel of that, he’d been really grossed out and for ages, Jayden hadn’t had the nerve to ask him to try it bareback. Darren wouldn’t have wanted to, he figured, and maybe it was better to give him the time.

But the time hadn’t worked. When he’d finally gotten curious enough to ask, Darren hadn’t wanted to. It felt wrong, he had decided, and he would do it to Jayden if Jayden really wanted him to, but no way otherwise. Jayden hadn’t been able to change his mind, not with all his arsenal of wheedling and begging and bribery, and in the face of Darren’s disgusted vehemence, he hadn’t had the heart to try too hard anyway. So this…

This was…

“You’d…really, though?”

“Really. You might not ever get another one of those vouchers, so look after it.”

Jayden kissed him again, mouthing gently around the edges of his lips, before pulling back just a little and saying, “I love you, you know. I really, really love you.”

“I know, right? No condoms and everything.”

Jayden laughed, pressing his nose into Darren’s cheek and kissing the faint traces of stubble coming through after a long day. “I’ll redeem my voucher later. Right now, I want you and me and no vouchers, just…you know, us, like we always are, and always should be, and…”

Darren’s arms locked around his back and he was twisted to the side—and there they lay, in a pool of dying December light, joined at the mouth and exploring in a slow and idle way that was not really going anywhere, and for a brief moment, perfectly content with their own tiny corner of the world, until Mum called for dinner and the spell quietly died away.

“Mum!” Jayden called from the hall as Darren shrugged into his leather jacket. “We’re off!”

“Stay safe, darling!” she yelled back. She was upstairs putting Rosie to bed; Jayden shut the door behind them before Rosie could kick off that they were going out without her, and slid his gloved hand through Darren’s at the gate.

“So how
was
the secondment?” he asked.

Darren swung their joined hands lightly. “Pretty good,” he decided eventually. “The work was heavy, but it was pretty good, all things considered. And I’m not going to complain about free room and board in London. Missed you, though.”

Jayden smiled at the icy pavement and squeezed the caught hand. “But you were good,” he said gently. “I mean, you were doing really well, when you think about it.” The secondment had been offered to only a few of the crime scene officers, and Darren had been eager to go, even as Jayden had been afraid to let him. The force had offered it in the dreary summer; at the same time, Darren had been taken off his antidepressants, and Jayden had been worried sick about the upheaval in case it triggered one of his episodes. A bad one. A
really
bad one.

But they’d been lucky.

“Not looking forward to the new doctor,” Darren admitted quietly.

“We’ll be fine,” Jayden reassured him and let go of his hand as they reached the main road, putting his own back in his coat pocket. “Especially now you’ll be back in the house and I can keep an eye on you.”

“That sounded distinctly like a threat.”

“It is,” Jayden confirmed, and Darren groaned. “Oh, shut up. You’ll love it.”

“I won’t.”

“You will. And,” Jayden bumped their shoulders, “you never know when I might redeem those sex vouchers.”

Darren snorted as they crossed the road towards the bus stops that marked the edge of the town centre. There were a few people about, but not too many. It was a Friday night, but still early: Jayden had voted for having a few drinks in
The Queen’s Head
, maybe a game of pool if Darren’s shoulder was up to it, maybe the quiz machine if not, and then wandering home with food from the chippie in Market Square afterwards. Mum had fed them (apparently she agreed with Jayden that Darren had obviously lost a bit of weight in London) but there was always room for chippie food. (Darren was a dustbin anyway, so if Jayden couldn’t finish the chippie food, he could pass it off. Waste not, want not.) More than anything, Jayden just wanted a little time to be them, alone, before settling in for Christmas with his family, and then New Year with Rachel.

“Knowing you, at the most inconvenient time possible,” Darren opined; Jayden laughed.

“Maybe,” he said. “Or maybe next time you decide drip-drying around the house with nothing on is a good idea. I mean, come on, you do know Rachel is this close to guessing your measurements, right?”

“Depends what she’s measuring.”

“Darren!”

“Anyway, it changes when it’s…”

“Darren!”

Darren chuckled as they reached the pub door. Jayden pulled his ID from his back pocket as they approached the bar—he
always
got checked, and it was getting embarrassing—but Darren waved it away. “My round,” he said simply. Jayden squeezed his elbow lightly and smiled.

“You might be earning points here,” he said. “Maybe. I mean, maybe not, depends if you let me win at pool or not, but you
might
be.”

“What if I buy the takeaway too?”

“Oh, that’s worth, like, a hundred points. Maybe even two hundred.”

“What are these points
worth
, exactly?”

“We can work out a conversion rate on the way home,” Jayden said loftily as Darren passed him a bottle of pear cider and handed off a tenner to the barman. “And what I’m supposed to do with you when we get back on Sunday, because Rachel said she’ll probably still be out when we get back, so…”

“I can think of a few things,” Darren said with a smirk and held out his pint of lager. “Merry Christmas.”

“And you, I suppose,” Jayden said, clinking their drinks together. He had a sip, then frowned at Darren’s glass. “How many are you going to have?”