Rhythm of Us: Book 2 Of The Fated Hearts Series (6 page)

“About last Saturday night . . .,” he started in on me.

“Nothing happened, Chase.” I interrupted him before he could continue. I knew he loved Xavier with all of his heart, but I wasn’t ready to have a heart-to-heart with him. Everything I felt for Xavier was new and confusing, but still so fucking exciting. For once in my life, I wanted to be distracted from my work and have plans for my evenings that didn’t include a random hookup with meaningless sex. It was all Chase and Gray’s fault that I changed, and a small part of me was angry that I started questioning my simple lifestyle. “Besides, he’s a grown man.”

“I am well aware that he’s a grown man, Ben. I grew up with him and we’re the exact same age. What’s with your defensive tone? Did you think I came here to bust your balls? That isn’t why I’m here.”

I blew out a frustrated breath as I flopped down in my comfy desk chair. “I’m sorry if I came off rude just now. It’s just really complicated and I’m not sure I want to talk about it.” I began toying with the ink pen on my desk, rolling it back and forth on my desk. I finally looked up at Chase and asked, “Did you know that Xavier thinks I’m straight? I just learned that from Ellie.”

“To be honest, your sexuality hasn’t been brought up in conversation.” Chase grinned wickedly, but wisely held back his laughter when he saw the look on my face. “How can he
not
see how interested you are in him?” Chase pondered out loud. “It’s so damn obvious that a blind person could see it. You should’ve seen your face when Miller started flirting with him. Gray didn’t intervene to save Xavier from scary old Miller; he was saving Miller from the beat down you were about to hand him.”

“I’m not sure I like that I’ve been so obvious and that he’s the only one who hasn’t noticed. I don’t think he’s into me at all.” I sounded like a whiny, petulant teenage girl.

“That’s because you don’t know him well enough to know the signs. He’s definitely into you, but since he apparently thinks your straight he would do his best to fight his feelings. What good ever comes of letting yourself fall for a straight guy?”

“True, but what should I do here?” It seemed that I did want to talk to Chase about the situation after all. “I know he’s not in a good place right now and I don’t want to push him away, but I can’t let him go on thinking that I’m straight.”

“Just let things fall into place. You’ll have plenty of opportunity to get to know each other better. I’m sure you’ll find a subtle way to show him that you’re into dudes,” Chase offered.

Suddenly I had a vision of me not-so-subtlety showing Xavier how I badly wanted him. I wouldn’t be subtle when I pushed him against a wall and kissed him with every ounce of pent-up frustration I’d felt since I met him. I wouldn’t be subtle when I let my hands roam all over his lean body. I wouldn’t be subtle when I dropped to my knees and . . .

“Where’d you go just now?” Chase’s question interrupted my vivid daydream.

Having a creative imagination was a wonderful thing until you got sucked so far into your fantasy that you forget your surroundings and started to become embarrassingly aroused at work. I opened my mouth to offer some sort of answer that wouldn’t be anywhere close to the truth, but Chase held up his hand for me to stop.

“Forget I asked,” Chase amended with a smirk then rose to his feet quickly. “I’m pretty sure I know where your mind went. I’m getting out of here so you can get to work. I’d hate for the bosses to catch their new Creative Director being lazy.”

“And, as
your
immediate supervisor, I suggest you get back to your office and create something magical for that delicatessen client. I’m not sure how you’re going to make cold cuts and cheese look sexy, but I have faith in you.”

Chase saluted me saucily and left my office, leaving me to grin at his retreating back. We’d come a long way, Chase and I, since we first met when he came to work here last March. Admittedly, all of the issues between us were my fault. I did absolutely nothing to make him feel welcome, and even went out of my way to be a douche to him. I saw him as the competition and was insecure in my career for the first time in my young life. I behaved like a complete jackass until Chase had enough and called me out for it.

We formed a truce and have since become really good friends. In fact, the day he slammed into my office to confront me about my behavior was the very same day he introduced me to Xavier at lunch.
Hmmm, coincidence or another example of his Cupid skills?
Well, it certainly felt like someone shot me with something. I leaned my head back against my chair and closed my eyes in contemplation. I needed an action plan, because waiting patiently wasn’t an option. So the rest of the day was filled with work and brainstorming ideas for how I could make Xavier mine.

I HAD ANOTHER
nightmare about Damien and the night he attacked me; I woke up mad at the world. I was tired of remembering how helpless and defenseless I felt when he held me down and nearly choked the life out of me. He had never taken things that far before that night. He usually chose to throw things and yell, so I was completely unprepared for his attack. I would’ve died that night if my bandmates hadn’t overheard the scuffling and the threats he screamed at me and came to my rescue.

“You were a nobody until I came along. I created you, and only I get to fuck you, Cruz. You belong to ME!”

Damien had me pinned to the floor of my dressing room with his knees on my chest. He’d cuffed my hands to the base of a metal shelving unit that was bolted to the floor and was immovable no matter how hard I tried. The harder I fought him the tighter he squeezed my neck with his strong hands. My lungs burned with lack of oxygen and my chest felt like it was going to cave in from the pressure of Damien’s weight on my chest. Black dots had appeared in my vision and I started to welcome the darkness, but nothing could block the evil sound of his voice and his words from penetrating my soul.

“
You thought you could sneak around behind my back and meet another man? I found all of your emails to Kevin Smithson, Cruz. Were you planning on fucking him behind my back? Were all those sweet little exchanges about helping you get clean so he could fuck what belonged to me? I will be the last man you ever fuck, do you hear me? I’d rather kill you than ever let someone touch what is mine.”

I had accepted that I was going to die that night, and almost welcomed it, but then my bandmates kicked down the dressing room door and pulled Damien off of me. By that point, my once tight-knit relationship with my bandmates had deteriorated until they felt like virtual strangers to me. I had harbored a lot of resentment toward them, because at times I blamed them for my predicament. It was my band who talked me into coming back to LA by promising me that things would change and that Damien promised to accept that things were over between us.

I had been stupid to believe any of them and had quickly learned my mistake when I arrived the first night to find them all stoned out of their minds together. It was easier to blame my bandmates than myself for falling back into Damien’s arms. Not a single one of them made me take Ecstasy that first time nor any of the times after. None of them forced me to smoke weed to bring myself down from my high. Even though things were strained between us, I had never been so glad to look up and see Pax and Stix pulling Damien off of me. But, in my most recent nightmare they didn’t pull Damien off of me. Instead, they stood over me and laughed with him while the life faded from my body.

I was determined to do something about my fear, beat it down like I did my addiction to E. So, I signed up for kickboxing classes at the local gym and just doing that simple task made me feel so much better. It cleared the lingering cobwebs of the nightmare from my brain and let me focus on the here and now rather than the then and there.

I decided to go to the store and pick up a few things for Ellie, because she didn’t look very good this morning. I begged her not to go to work, but she insisted she was fine and didn’t need to stay home. I remembered Gram giving me chicken noodle soup, Sprite, and crackers as a child when I didn’t feel good. I figured Ellie’s stomach wouldn’t be able to handle much, but she should surely be able to keep that down.

I was walking toward the checkout lanes when I saw a familiar dark-haired lady scanning the paperback novels. Some kids had heroes who were larger than life, cape-wearing men who had secret powers they used to try and save the world. My hero was a tiny angel with curly dark hair and cornflower blue eyes. Her super power wasn’t laser beam eyes or the ability to climb the side of a building. No, her super power was unconditional love and the ability to give hugs that took away a kid’s pain. My hero was named Miss Annette and she was the preschool teacher who, along with Gram, saved my life.

“Miss Annette,” I said softly behind her, not wanting to scare her.

She spun around at the sound of my voice, a huge welcoming smile on her face. “Xavier,” she said in pure delight. Time had been very kind to Miss Annette, who I suspected was in her late forties. Her skin was as flawless as I remembered and her smile could still light up my heart. Miss Annette threw her tiny arms up around my neck and pulled me down for a hug. I had forgotten how tiny she was until she stood on her tiptoes to give me a kiss on my cheek. “I’m so excited to see you and my goodness you appeared at just the right time.”

“I did?”

“You did, sweet angel.” Miss Annette clasped her tiny hands to her chest and looked at me with earnest joy. “I have a student this year who reminds me so much of you at his age. He’s really confused about the way he’s feeling and his sweet mother could really use your guidance.”

“Miss Annette, I’m not sure I’m the one this kid needs to talk to. I mean, my life hasn’t been exactly role-model material and . . .”

“Xavier,” Miss Annette said seriously, “I’m not asking you to be Max’s life coach or father figure, but just maybe you could listen to him and maybe share the things you felt when you were his age.”

“I don’t know, Miss Annette.” I just didn’t see how I could offer the kid or his mother any help in my current fucked-up state.

“Here,” Miss Annette said, pulling her phone out of her purse and pushing a few buttons. “Look at his sweet face and tell me you can refuse him.” She held up the phone in front of my face and I saw a sweet little boy sitting in a circle of girls playing with dolls and a playhouse. He was wearing a tiara, a pink feather boa, and lacy gloves up to his elbows. It was like looking at a picture of me at his age, except this sweet kid had blond hair and blue eyes. “Tell me Max doesn’t look familiar to you, Xavier. That you don’t see and know how confused he is right now. Tell me you can’t offer his mom an encouraging word or maybe a hug, Xavier.”

I caved. After all, Miss Annette was one of my real life heroes and I couldn’t let her or little Max down. “What day and what time works best?”

“Lindsey picks him up at 4:30 so maybe you could come at that time one day this week to meet her and talk to Max.”

“I’ll be there, Miss Annette.”

She dropped her phone back in her purse and cupped my face with both tiny hands. “I love you, Xavier. I always have and I always will. You have the purest heart of anyone I’ve ever known and if anyone can help little Max it’s you.”

“I love you too, Miss Annette.” I gave her a big hug, feeling at once lighter than I had in a long time. I was loved by a lot of people and it was past time I focused on them and my future, not the hateful people from my past. “I will see you sometime this week.”