“You really want me to talk?” He faced me, sharing his dismay and disappointment. “Will you listen?”
I nodded.
“It’s not that I don’t want a baby,” he said, lowering his gaze and taking an audible breath. “It’s that I don’t want to lose us in the process. Sometimes I feel like nothing more than a stud horse, here to perform when the test says I should.”
“But—”
“No buts,” he interrupted. “
That
is how I feel. You asked, so listen and don’t try to justify what has been going on.”
I’d never thought of him that way. Had I?
No. I loved him. He was my world. Each and every time he touched me, I went up in flames. Sharing a total of ten years together had not put a damper on the way I felt about or reacted to him. I was simply working on what we both wanted. He was the one who had originally suggested that the moment was right to start a family.
“The only time you want to be together is when the test says it’s okay.” His gaze narrowed as he rubbed his fingers over his knuckles. “I don’t know what to think anymore? Have we already lost each other? It’s not the variety that’s the real problem. It’s the stud horse issue.”
The heaviness on my chest made it impossible to inhale, so I rolled my lips tightly, scraping my teeth over the bottom one till it hurt. My heart broke, and I whimpered in pain.
How could he think those things?
“I love you,” I whispered, unable to stop the tears from spilling down my cheeks.
He cupped my chin and wiped his thumb over the moisture. “I love you more,” he said, brushing his lips across my mouth. “And there is no way in hell that I’m going to let what we have fizzle out. You need to get used to the idea, and you need to trust me and in our future. Our relationship will grow and become a greater part of us with each day that passes.”
Resting my forehead on his shoulder, I agreed. The baby would come when the time was right. Neither one of us had issues in that department. The doctor had confirmed that little detail. We needed to make sure that we were good with each other and that we didn’t forget why we were together in the first place. Christian and I were a
WE
.
We loved each other. We’d play hard and laugh each day. We’d grow old together and enjoy the journey. That was our original plan and that was what I had to focus on.
“I’ll be done in a few minutes. Meet you in the kitchen.” Kissing the top of my head, he rose to his feet.
I sighed my relief that he hadn’t removed the lingerie and noticed Super Spermy. It was dark last night and thankfully he hadn’t seen it. I’d scrub it off before I made him feel worse. My tramp stamp was a thing of the past.
* * * *
Ally waved across the crowded dining room, beaming with joy. She had news to share and she was bursting to tell me about it. A quick hug and a flurry of kisses later, she took my hand and offered me the chair next to hers.
“I’ve met the man of my dreams,” she blurted out. “He is to die for.”
“Hold on, hold on,” I said, cautiously broaching the subject. Ally was bouncing back from a divorce and she was susceptible to being taken for a ride. “Start at the beginning and tell me where, who, and how.”
Zane had bumped into Ally on the Friday after Thanksgiving at the mall. Being crowded, like it always is on Black Friday, they shared a table at the food court. The rest was history as they say in the land of romance.
“I’m happy for you,” I said, squeezing her hand. “When do I get to meet him?”
“He’ll be back by Christmas day. Dinner?” Ally said, smiling her secret message.
“Good. What should I cook?”
“Zane is a vegetarian. He doesn’t eat meat or chicken. But other than that, he’s easy.” Sitting on her hands, Ally swayed side to side. She never cooked, other than to burn her scrambled eggs. So it was clear that dinner would either be at my house or out on the town. And since the holiday meant impossibly long table waits, I was cooking.
“You’re the best,” she added, grinning real big.
“Yeah, yeah,” I replied, shrugging my shoulders and mimicking her sway. “I can’t wait to meet him. Get back to me with the exact night.” I really couldn’t wait. I hadn’t seen my sister so happy in a long, long time. She practically glowed with excitement.
“Kat?” She placed her hand on mine. “What’s up?”
“Nothing.”
“Then why haven’t you drilled me, yet? You always ask a thousand questions when I meet a man.” Her forehead wrinkled in concern as she swept her thumb over my wrist.
“I don’t have to ask. Your baby blues are twinkling like nuts.” It was obvious how she felt. What I wanted to know was how he felt about her. Ally didn’t pick winners in the past, and I didn’t want to see her get hurt.
“Okay.” She sipped on her straw and eyed me over her glass, assessing the situation in her own logical manner. She may have been a bad judge of character when it came to her men, but nothing got past her when it came to me. “Tell me about that far away look in
your
eyes. Did you have a rough night?”
“Yeah, but not in a bad way.” The sigh that escaped my lips was an accident. I didn’t mean to concern her more. “The night was great. Didn’t get much sleep, though.”
“Oh, did you wear the new lingerie?”
I nodded. “New teddy, different location, funky positions, and even some spanking—”
Gagging on her Diet Coke, Ally covered her mouth with her right hand and raised her left palm out to me. “
“What?”
I rarely spoke about my sex life, but she’d never had a problem sharing. She couldn’t take offense. No way.
“Spanking changes the rules.” She covered her ears and shook her head. “I don’t need all the details about an old married couple’s night activities.”
“That’s the problem.” My voice cracked and I needed a moment to compose myself. “Christian wants to spice things up. He says things are good, but he’s scared we’re going to settle into a stale routine if we don’t vary things a little.”
“That isn’t a problem.” She waved her hand at the air and swatted away my distress. “We buy more lingerie, pick up a good read or two, maybe a video, and if you’re willing, go for a waxing. He won’t know what hit him.”
“There’s more,” I admitted and her shoulders drooped. “He wanted variety, so I tried. I tried seducing him in the living room—”
“Ew.” She shivered and shut her eyes. “Please tell me you didn’t do it on the red chair. I love that freaking chair.”
“No. Not the chair.” I didn’t elaborate on where. She didn’t need to squirm when she placed a mug on the coffee table. “Anyways, we had an awesome time. The best in months. But this morning, he told me he felt like a stud horse and implied that I was only being physical to conceive. As if I don’t care about or love him.”
Ally let out a loud breath and rubbed her temples. Her lips twisted in dismay as she looked everywhere but at me. After a long time, she stretched her arms behind her neck, lifted her long brown hair, and met my gaze.
“You’re obsessed with getting pregnant,” she said.
“No,” I objected. “I mean, it’s important to me, but I’m not obse—” Damn, I sucked at lying. My cheeks were flaming and I could barely put two words together. “Yeah, I guess I’m obsessed.”
Waving off the waiter, she used the menu to shield us from the neighboring table. “Go back a few years and heed your own advice.”
The sad thing was that I knew exactly the moment in time she was talking about, and I knew the advice. When she’d confided in me about how miserable she had been with her ex, I’d told her to leave him and live her life. Ally had tried to justify staying with the jerk because she was getting too old to start over. She wanted children before she was too old to enjoy them.
“If a mom and dad aren’t happy together, it only hurts the children,” she said, reminding me of my closing argument. “Do you love Christian?”
“More than I thought possible,” I whispered.
“Then, tell me. What should we do?”
“Make the waxing appointment and go shopping,” I said, determined to show my husband how much I really did love him.
After two days of sexy shopping (or was it shopping for sex?) and many hours spent searching websites on erotic fantasies, I finally finished wrapping all the gifts and placed them under the tree. Christian’s present wasn’t there, yet. But, the framework was. It was a personal gift that wouldn’t do well with ornate wrapping and fancy ribbons. There were no ribbons included, but it would have bells and whistles the other presents couldn’t ever have.
I was going out on a limb, practically risking my sanity, but I knew he’d more than like it. After all, all my research said men were visual creatures.
Hiding the camera inside the only gift box without frilly ribbons was a sure way I would differentiate it from the real presents. Hopefully, Christian would be too occupied to notice the discrepancy. The massive amount of candles supplied ample lighting while still filling the room with a sensual glow. And, I’d moved the red chair a little closer to the tree for a better view.
Santa Clause is Coming to Town
played on my cell phone, letting me know I had ten minutes till he arrived. Pressing my palm against my tummy, I tried to soothe the fluttering sensation. I hadn’t felt like that since the first time I had sex.
Sitting on the edge of the couch, I finished off my Baileys. With my hands leaving a permanent imprint on my midsection, I waited, poured a new drink, finished it, and waited some more.
He was late, and the camera was recording. What if it ran out of juice before we were done? What if he was still mad at me?
We hadn’t talked about the baby since the morning after our amazing marathon, but we hadn’t made love either. In a massive expression for my conviction to our marriage, I’d thrown away the ovulation test. If we were meant to have a baby, we would. The doctor had said everything was okay and that we should enjoy the process.
But, how the hell was I not supposed to worry? We’d been together for ten years and there had never been a false alarm. We’d been
trying
for months, and still nothing. Covering my face, I allowed myself a single whining sigh. I had to trust in us and what we had, otherwise nothing would be right. Ally was correct; bringing a child into a strained marriage was not healthy. I had to focus on strengthening my relationship with Christian before I considered any thing else.
He was over an hour late, and he wasn’t answering his phone. I carefully unwrapped the box with the camera, changed out the battery, angled it so the lens was clear of the cardboard and paper, set it on standby, rewrapped the darn thing, and placed the remote control on the table. Since I blew out the majority of the candles, I programmed the tree lights on a steady illumination rather than flashing, and hoped between the tree lights and the candles in the glass jars there would be enough lighting to capture us on tape.
The news was on, so I pulled a throw over my shoulders and lay on the couch.
When the jingle indicating the end of the program woke me, Christian was sitting in the red chair by the tree, a towel wrapped around his middle, grinning at me.
“You’re so beautiful when you sleep,” he said, tucking a tendril of hair behind my ear. “When we started living together, I used to watch you for hours.”
“No, that’s impossible.” I sat up and took a watered down sip of Baileys. “How could you have been watching me, if I was watching you?”
His laughter warmed my chilled bones, reminding me how much I loved the man before me. He held out his arms and I walked into them, sitting on his lap. Every Christmas Eve, at midnight, we opened a special present we had for each other. It was just after eleven-thirty, so I still had time to
prepare
his gift.
“I made sugar cookies. Can I get you some?” I snuggled against him and kissed the side of his neck. Freshly shaven, he smelled clean and spicy. Our plans must have coincided, for the twinkle in his eyes was brighter than the tree lights.
“I have all the sugar I need right here,” he said, lowering his head and capturing my lips. His tongue gently caressed my mouth, stoking my desire and heating every cell in my body.
“Love the new baby doll,” he said, lifting the see-thru fly away material which was separated down my middle. “Very festive.”
“It’s red. Your favorite color.”
His lips trailed down my neck, around my collar bone and directly to my chest. Taking my nipple into his mouth, his tongue twirled over the sheer material, raising my excitement and making my pussy ache for his touch.
But, it was time to make his present. I’d done a lot of research on male sexual fantasies and one thing that topped all the lists was them receiving oral sex. With his face still against my chest, I reached for the remote control and turned the camera on, then looked at it and licked my lips like I was parched.
Christian pulled the satin ribbon holding together my lingerie and the material fell to either side of my breasts, exposing the sheer g-string thong that barely covered my swollen folds. It was real hard trying to choreograph the blow job when my body wanted him so bad. I arched my back and he suckled my nipples. First one, then the other, and eventually palming the sides of my breasts, he brought them together and paid homage to both nipples simultaneously.