Rich People Problems (44 page)

Nick stared at the journal, feeling utterly confused. None of this made any sense. His great-uncle Ah Jit was tortured by the Japanese, and his grandmother was there? But wasn't she supposed to be in India during the war? He leafed through a few more pages, and a loose letter fell out. As Nick glanced over the crisp but yellowing letter, a chill ran down his spine. He couldn't believe his eyes.

THE STAR TREK HOUSE, SINGAPORE

Eleanor paced around the room restlessly. “She's late. Maybe she changed her mind.”

“
Aiyah
, Eleanor, don't be so
kan jyeong
. She's not late. It's only two minutes past one. Don't worry, I'm sure she'll turn up,” Lorena tried to assure her as she lounged on one of the plush white sofas in Carol's enormous poolside bedroom.

“Traffic was hideous today! My driver had to take two detours just to get here! I don't know what is wrong. It seems like traffic is getting worse and worse these days. What is the whole point of all these ERPs
^*1
when everywhere is so damn congested? I'm going to have Ronnie call our local MP and complain!” Nadine tut-tutted.

Daisy went over the plan again like a battalion leader. “When she does come, everyone knows the plan, right? We'll serve the champagne first, and then I'll just speed through a very short Bible verse, something from Proverbs. Then we get interrupted for lunch. I had my cook put
extra
chicken fat into the rice today, so hopefully between the champagne, the chicken rice, and all the
nyonya kueys
, she'll get very full, tipsy, and drowsy. The perfect combination! Then while we're all eating, Nadine, you know what to do.”

Nadine gave a conspiring grin. “Yes, yes, I just sent the nanny very specific instructions.”

“Ladies, I'm going to say it again. I think this is a very bad idea,” Carol warned, grasping her hands nervously.

“No,
lah
! This is serendipity! How lucky are we that my niece Jackie just happened to be visiting from Brisbane this week? We might never have an opportunity like this again!” Eleanor rubbed her hands together excitedly as her niece reentered the bedroom. “Is it okay? They promised me that everything would be state of the art.”

“Don't worry, Auntie Elle, everything is all set up and ready to go,” Jackie said.

“Jackie, this won't be breaking the Hypocritical code, will it?” Lorena asked delicately.

“You mean the Hippocratic oath? No, not at all. As long as the person doesn't object, there is no issue,” Jackie replied.

Nadine flipped through the latest issue of
Tattle
idly. “Hey, are you all going to go to this costume ball being thrown by this Countess Colette? It seems like
everyone
from
everywhere
is coming to town for the big event.”

“Who is everyone?” Lorena asked.

“All these socialites from Europe and America, Hollywood celebrities, and the environmentalists. It says here that all the world's top designers are going insane trying to keep up with all the orders for costumes for the ball. Apparently everyone is going to dress up like Prowst.”

“Hahaha, I highly doubt everyone's going to dress up like Proust—he was a small, pasty little man. They are dressing up like characters from his books!” Lorena corrected.

“I've never read any of his books. Did he write that
Da Vinci Code
one? I saw the movie and didn't understand a thing!” Nadine said. “Anyway, there's a rumor that some British princess will be the surprise guest of honor! I heard that Yolanda Amanjiwo bought five tables—cost her half a mil.”

“That Amanjiwo woman can stand in her shower and tear up hundred-dollar bills all day for all I care, I wouldn't pay a cent to go to any costume ball!” Daisy huffed.

Nadine gave Daisy a pleading look. “But it's for the orangutans. Don't you care about the plight of the cute orangutans?”

“Ey, Nadine, when Ah Meng died, did you cry?” Daisy asked.
^*2

“Er…no.”

“I didn't either. So why on earth would I want to pay ten thousand dollars just to sit in a room full of
ang mors
eating
ang
mor
food to save a bunch of Ah Mengs?” Daisy argued.

“Daisy, you just don't have the heart for animals like I do. Beyoncé and Rihanna, my two Pomeranians, bring me so much joy you have no idea,” Nadine said.

Just then, a maid showed Rachel into Carol Tai's bedroom.

“Rachel, you came!” the ladies all said excitedly.

“Of course I came! Nick's told me so many stories about your Thursday Bible study, I've always been curious to attend! Sorry I'm late. I drove myself and got a bit lost trying to find the neighborhood. Google Maps didn't anticipate all the detours.”

“
Alamak
, why didn't you have Ahmad drive you? He's so free shaking legs all day at Tyersall Park now that the old lady is gone,” Eleanor remarked.

“Oh, I didn't even think of it!” Rachel said.

“Well, Rachel, come meet my niece Jackie. She's a doctor that lives in Brisbane,” Eleanor continued.

“Hello. It's a pleasure!” Rachel said, shaking hands with the pretty thirtysomething woman and sitting down beside her on the chaise lounge. A maid immediately thrust an oversize flute of champagne into her hands. “Ooh, I didn't know you ladies drank during Bible study!” Rachel said in surprise.

“Of course we do! After all, Jesus turned water into wine,” Eleanor said. “Rachel, this is very expensive champagne from the
Dato
's wine cellar. You mustn't waste a drop—drink it all up!”

“Twist my arm,” Rachel said merrily, as Carol handed her a Bible.

“Sister Daisy is going to lead us in the Scripture reading today,” Carol began, as the ladies quickly flipped their Bibles open to Proverbs.

“Yes, okay, Proverbs 31:10: ‘A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.' What does this mean to you all?” Daisy asked.

“The only thing that is worth more than rubies are good Bolivian emeralds,” Lorena remarked.

“Well, you haven't seen my new ruby earrings from Carnet! They are drop-dead, and worth far more than my emeralds,” Nadine interjected.

“Nadine, are you still buying jewelry at your age? Don't you have enough at this point?” Daisy chastised.

Nadine gave her a sharp look. “Pardon me, what do you mean by ‘enough'?”

Just then, an army of maids entered the room, each carrying a lacquer tray containing a bento box filled with Hainanese chicken rice. “
Aiyah
, they're too quick with lunch today. I told my butler we wouldn't be ready to eat until one thirty at the earliest!” Carol pretended to complain.

“Well, we mustn't let the food get cold!” Lorena commented.

“Okay!” the ladies said, throwing their Bibles aside and digging in to their individual bento boxes with gusto.

“Wait, that's it?” Rachel figured that Bible study with these ladies probably wasn't going to feature any probing theological discussions, but she was surprised it was over this quickly.

“You're very lucky, Rachel. Auntie Daisy heard you were going to come to Bible study today, so she
personally
had her cook Swee Kee make her famous Hainanese chicken rice,” Eleanor explained, as she quickly shoveled a tender, juicy piece of sliced chicken into her mouth.

“Oh wow, thank you, Auntie Daisy. I've become addicted to chicken rice ever since Nick first introduced me to it! I wish we could find authentic chicken rice in New York,” Rachel remarked.

Right on cue, Nadine's iPad started buzzing. “
Alamak
, I totally forgot! It's time for my daily good-night call with my grandson in London.” She took her iPad out of her large Bottega Veneta Hobo bag and turned on FaceTime. “Joshie, Joshie, is that you?” A moon-faced blond girl appeared on the screen. “Mrs. Shaw, I just got your urgent e-mail. You wanted me to put—”

Nadine quickly interrupted. “Yes, yes, Svetlana, you don't have to mention anything in the e-mail! Just put Joshua on the screen.”

“But we're in the middle of his bath now.”

“It doesn't matter, put him on,
lah
!” Nadine insisted.

The nanny tilted her phone and a little naked toddler appeared on the screen, sitting in shallow water in the middle of an enormous marble bathtub.

“
Alamak
, what a cutie he is!” the ladies all gushed in unison.

“There's my little Joshie!” Nadine cooed.

“He's not that little. Don't you think he has an
enormous
coo-coo for his age? My boys were never that big,” Daisy whispered to Lorena.

“Isn't the father Arab? Arab men are supposed to be hung like camels,” Lorena whispered back.

“The father's not Arab. He's a Syrian Jew. And we shouldn't be talking about such things at Bible study!” Carol glared at the women distastefully.

“
Aiyah
, what's the big deal? The Bible is filled with penises! There are so many scriptures about circumcising your boys and all that nonsense!” Daisy said.

“You know, in Australia we don't customarily circumcise boys anymore,” Jackie interjected. “It's seen as an outdated practice, and a human rights issue. Boys should be given the right to make a decision about their own foreskins.”

Rachel had been enjoying her lunch immensely, but all this foreskin talk was suddenly making the glistening bits of chicken skin on her dish look particularly unappetizing. After the ladies had taken turns passing around the iPad and oohing and aahing over the chubby little toddler, Nadine ended the call as the maids brought in trays filled with sinfully delicious
nyonya kueys
.

Daisy spoke up as she ate a piece of
kuey dadar
.
^*3
“That grandson of yours is just tooooo cute! I look at him and I want to pinch those fat cheeks!”

“Next to Beyoncé and Rihanna, he is the greatest joy of my life,” Nadine said.

Rachel glanced at Nadine curiously, wondering if she had heard her correctly.

“Really, Nadine, you should be in London enjoying your grandson. He's at the most adorable age right now!” Carol suggested.

“I loved my grandkids when they were at that age. After they were potty trained, but before they started getting potty mouths!” Daisy laughed.

“How about you, Rachel? When are you going to make Eleanor a proud grandmother?” Lorena asked point-blank.

Rachel saw that all eyes in the room were suddenly glued on her. “Nick and I do hope to have children someday.”

Lorena cocked her head. “And when might that someday be?”

Rachel noticed that Eleanor was staring at her intently but staying absolutely silent, so she chose her words carefully. “Well, the last few years have been…so eventful…we're just waiting for the right time.”

“Trust me, there's never going to be a right time. You just have to do it! I had three sons in three consecutive years. Got them out of the way in one go,
lah
!” Daisy said breezily.

“It's a lot more challenging to have kids these days than during your time, Auntie Daisy. Especially raising children in New York, you really have to—”

“So have your baby in Singapore. You can have your pick of nannies here—Filipino, Indonesian, Sri Lankan—or even splurge on an eastern European,” Lorena chimed in.

“And all of us will gladly help to babysit!” Nadine volunteered.

Rachel was quietly aghast at the thought—Nadine couldn't even babysit her own shopping bags. She smiled at the ladies and said diplomatically, “Thank you for all your advice, aunties. I really will take it to heart and discuss this with my husband.”

“Is it Nicky who's stopping you from having a baby?” Daisy inquired.

“Um, no, not exactly…” Rachel said awkwardly.

“Then is it you? Are you concerned about being not able to bear a child at your age?” Daisy prodded.

“No, that's not a concern.” Rachel took a deep breath, trying not to get annoyed by all this probing.

“
Aiyah
, aunties, stop putting so much pressure on poor Rachel!” Jackie suddenly spoke up. “A woman's decision to have a child is the most important decision she can make.”

“Okay
lah
, okay
lah
, we are just so eager for Eleanor to join us in the grandmas' club!” Daisy laughed, breaking the tension in the room.

Rachel shot Jackie a grateful look.

Jackie stood up and said to Rachel, “Here, come with me. Let's get a little fresh air.”

Rachel put her tray aside and followed Jackie out of the bedroom. Jackie made a quick turn around the corner and opened the door to what was Carol's private prayer room. “Let's go in here.”

Rachel entered and the first thing she saw was a medical examination table in the middle of the room, the kind with raised footrests found in gynecological clinics.

“You know, Rachel, I'm an ob-gyn in Brisbane, and if you have any medical concerns at all about your reproductive system, we can address them right now,” Jackie suggested, flipping on a switch. The room was suddenly flooded with harsh white fluorescent light.

Rachel stared at her for a few seconds, too stunned to speak.

Jackie smiled as she handed Rachel a pale green patient gown. “Here, why don't you put this on and get on the table, and I'll perform a quick pelvic exam?”

“Um, I'm quite all right, thanks.” Rachel began backing away from her.

Reaching into her pocket, Jackie pulled out a pair of surgical gloves and began to put them on. “This will just take a few minutes. Auntie Elle just wants to know how those ovaries of yours are doing.”

“Get away from me!” Rachel cringed as she turned toward the door. She ran into Carol Tai's bedroom and grabbed her purse without a word.

“
Aiyah
, so fast?” Nadine commented.

“Is everything okay?” Carol asked sweetly.

Rachel turned to Eleanor, her face red with fury. “Just when I thought you might be a semi-normal mother-in-law, you go and pull this stunt?”

“What are you talking about?” Eleanor said innocently.