When Goodparley said that about wanting to man and being made to boy it made me think on _Eusa 13_:
_13_. Eusa wuz angre he wuz in rayj & he kep pulin on the Littl Man the Addoms owt strecht arms. The Littl Man the Addom he begun tu cum a part he cryd, I wan tu go I wan tu stay. Eusa sed, Tel mor. The Addom sed, I wan tu dark I wan tu lyt I wan tu day I wan tu nyt. Eusa sed, Tel mor. The Addom sed, I wan tu woman I wan tu man. Eusa sed, Tel mor. The Addom sed, I wan to plus I wan tu minus I wan tu big I wan tu littl I wan tu aul I wan tu nuthing.
Goodparley said, "Every thing wants to man dont it. Wants to go from littl to big. Wants to be whats in it to be." He stil had the figgers on his hans and Punch pickt up the bag of yeller stoans. Goodparley said, "This here yellerboy stoan the Salt 4 it wants to be whats in it to be." He stept back inside the fit up. BANG! Punch and the goast gone flying. He made the noys with a clapper he workit with his foot.
I said, "It wants to be the 1 Big 1."
He said, "Thats it. 1 Big 1."
I said, "Thats going to move Inland frontways is it? Thats going to get us out of the mud? Thats going to get us boats in the air and picters on the wind?"
He said, "Them boats in the air it seams like they ben hevvy on my back longs I can member. What wer it put them boats up there in the air dyou think? Power it musve ben musnt it. Youve got to have the Power then befor youwl have the res of it havent you. Which theres Power in this here Salt 4 we know that much. Its 1 of the Nos. of the 1 Big 1. All weve got to do is put it to gether with the others. Weve got to work the E qwations and the low cations weve got to comb the nations of it. We ben looking for Eusas head 1 way and a nother this long time. We ben digging in the groun for it we ben spare the mending we ben tryl narrering for it we ben asking roun the circel for it. We never come this close befor we never had no Salt 4. Weare closing in is what weare doing Riddley it aint going to get a way from us this time. Where ever it is Iwl fynd it. Iwl fynd Eusas head and Eusas knowing. Iwl get it out of Belnot Phist if its in him Iwl get it out of the Ardship of Cambry if its in him."
I said, "You said befor hes jus only a poor simpo he dont know nothing."
He said, "Tryl narrer is what it takes you dursnt miss out nothing youve got to try every thing. Try the clevver try the simpl." His face begun to go sharp. He said, "You never know what levvils it myt be moving on you never know what common nations you myt be missing. May be Eusas 2 littl Sons 1 ben clevver 1 ben simpl. 'Off thay gon 1 with Folleree & 1 with Folleroo. 1 hedin tords the rivvr 1 a way frum it & each with � uv the Littl Shynin Man.' He wer looking at me diffrent from how he ben looking at me befor. He said, "2 littl sons. 1 of them not qwite clevver may be. 1 of them not qwite simpl. 1 heading tords the rivver which the Rivver Sour runs thru Cambry dunnit. 1 heading a way from it. Tords Widders Dump may be. Each littl son with � a pack of dogs. Folleree and Folleroo. Each littl son with � the Littl Shyning Man." He pickt up a bag of yellerboy stoan and shook it. "� the Littl Shyning Man," he said agen. "Whats that Littl Shyning Man say in _Eusa 26_? 'Yu ar lukin at the idear uv me and I am it. Eusa sed, Wut is the idear uv yu? The Littl Man sed, It is wut it is.' You see what I mean Riddley? '_It is wut it is._' Diffrent things at diffrent times may be. Its what ever it wants to be."
I said, 'Eusa wut is the idear uv yu?'
He said, "You know what the idear of Eusa is. Hes the 1 what goes thru chaynjis. If hes chemistery or if hes a man. Thats what hes for thats the idear of him."
I said, "He endit up with his head on a poal tho dinnee."
He said, "Riddley my heads ben on a poal this long time. My head ben cut off from the res of me it ben oansome and greaving in a hy place. Iwd like to get my head down off that poal is what Iwd like."
I said, "You dont have to be Eusa do you."
He said, "Coarse I have to be Eusa you do as wel and every 1 else weve all got to be Eusa and get him thru his Chaynjis. Dont you see its on all of us to be every thing. There aint nothing only us to be Punch and Eusa boath. Nothing only us to be Drop John and all and manys the time I ben him and riding on my oan hump."
I said, "Whatre you going to do now?"
He said, "May be its time to put that Eusa family to gether. 4 souls in the brazing boal."
I said, "Whos Eusas wife then?"
He said, "You know who she is Riddley shes that same 1 shows her moon self or she shows her old old nite and no moon. Shes that same 1 every thing and all of us come out of. Shes what she is and the woom of her is in Cambry which is the senter. It all fits you see. Old beleaf and new. Thats where the Spirit of God is coming down in the form of a dove."
I said, "Whats the Spirit of God?"
He said, "Thats chemistery and fizzics and all its what the 1 Big 1 come out of realy theres so many ways of saying it you see. A dove is a kynd of pigeon which a pigeons a messenger innit. Which this message aint being sent its _de-scending_ or you myt say unsending its going back where it come from which is Heaven. Now Heaven thats where hevvyness comes from innit. So that message or you myt say the trants mission its unsending its self back in to the hevvyness plus its _receiving_ them 4 souls. Receiving is what you do with a trants mission you read it you take it in but this here trants mission its the other way roun its doing the taking in its taking in them 4 souls back in to the hevvyness. Thats how you get your 1 Big 1 which is the hevvyness made hevvyer with the 4 souls."
He wer talking so many levvils at 1ce I dint all ways know what he meant realy I wisht every thing wud mean jus only 1 thing and keap on meaning it not changing all the time. I thot wewd be going to Cambry tho I dint know what wer going to be when we got there. I wunnert what wer happening with Belnot Phist and afeart to ask.
I dint have to ask. There come a yel. "Daddy!"
Goodparley says, "Ah! Talky talky."
I said, "You cunt."
He said, "Funny what peopl wil use for a hard word. The name of a pleasur thing and a place where new life comes out of. There ben times nor not too far back nyther when they use to offer to that same and very 1 what has her woom in Cambry. That same and very Nite and Death we all come out of."
I said, "Dont you push words at me you rat cunt."
He said, "Youre hard took by that yel are you. You dont want no 1 to suffer. Wel my boy I dont like herting no 1 but I wont be tol lys and you bes keap that in memberment. I cant stan lying I realy wont put up with it. It ben jus only a littl wyl back our yung Belnot said right here in this very same shelter he dint know nothing about that yellerboy stoan only I think hes parbly saying diffrent now. I cudve tol them to take him some place where you wunt hear nothing but you see what it is I wunt ly to you I wunt set up for no sof nunkel. Im what I am and youre seeing me how I am."
I dint anser him nothing I jus shook my head.
Never did the Good Luck brother
Tern a roun to help the other
Thats what wer saying its self in my mynd nor I wernt going to let it happen like that. Phist wer some kynd of brother may be even a moon brother like the other 2. Cernly a Trubba brother nor I wernt going to leave him in the shit. How come he wernt in that Eusa family Goodparley ben talking of I wunnert. Nothing for him to be. The Littl Shyning Man may be only Goodparley hadnt said nothing about him coming in to it with the brazing boal.
Wylst thinking that I ternt and run for the gate house. In my mynd I seen Phist with his arms out stretcht like the Littl Shyning Man. In my mynd he wer hanging black agenst a redness. Redness like a berning.
I gone up the ladder and in to the gate house no 1 stoppt me the hevvys wer all stood back from Phist and a clear space lef all roun him. His arms wernt out stretcht he had his hans tyd behynt his back and they ben pult up with a roap over a beam so he wer hanging by them with his feet off the floor. His head wer down and his wite hair hanging over his face. I grabbit a knife from 1 of the hevvys I helt Phist up and cut the roap then I cut his hans luce. He seen it wer me and he knowit me. He like pult me to him with his eyes and he hispert:
When the yeller boy
Fynds the pig shit
In the hart of the wood
He said it so qwick and qwyet I wernt even sure if Id heard him say it or if it ben jus only in my mynd. I waitit for the res of it but all he said wer, "Thats my onwith its yours now. He dint say nothing mor his pink eyes gone glazy and he wer dead.
1 of the hevvys it musve ben the 1stman of them he said, "We never done nothing to him Guvner only hang him up. We never done him no greavis at all." He wernt calling me Guvner it wer Goodparley behynt me.
Goodparley said, "Whatd he say?"
The 1stman said, "He dint say nothing only yelt for his daddy 1ce and jus now he hispert some thing to Riddley Walker here."
Goodparley said to me, "Whatd he hisper?"
I said, "He dint say nothing only that yellerboy stoan wud be my onwith then he dyd."
The 1stman said, "You can see he aint ben bloodyd nor nothing we never done him nothing only hang him up."
Goodparleys face lookit like he wer having a bad dream he cudnt wake up out of. He said, "Who cud know he wer that delkit? I never wantit him dead."
I said, "Parbly thats what Eusa said when he pult the Littl Shyning Man in 2."
Goodparley dint say nothing only shook his head. The hevvy Id took the knife from helt out his han for it and I give it back. Goodparley said to me, "You can have your weapons back and go where you like I wont keap you."
I near larft when he said that. Becaws I knowit we wer tyd to gether from then on and Belnot Phist like Drop John on boath our backs. Goodparley wer terning me luce to let me happen but he knowit I cudnt get a way from him no moren he cud get a way from me. We myt do our diffrent moves and try new 1s if we cud but there wer jus only so much doing to go roun and if 1 of us done 1 thing the otherwd have to do the other.
When they give me back my gear Goodparley said, "You myswel have your onwith and all" which he give me the bag of yellerboy stoan. Then I did larf and off I gone.
I wer glad to be vacking my wayt befor the jobbing rota from How Fents ternt up I dint want to see none of them right then I jus wantit to road oansome to Cambry and my other moon brother qwicks I cud.
I lookit up at the gate house when I gone out and Goodparley wer looking down at me. He said, "Iwl see to it Belnot gets a parper berning."
I noddit and put my foot tords Cambry. Soons I crost the clearing them dogs wer all roun me agen they wer like my oan pryvit nite in the morning of the day.
15
Roading with _Eusa 7_ in my mynd:
_7_. Thay dogs stud up on thear hyn legs & taukin lyk men.
Folleree sed, Lukin for the 1 yu wil aul ways fyn thay 2.
Folleroo sed, Thay 2 is 2ce as bad as the 1 . . .
I cud feal it in the guts and barrils of me. You try to make your self 1 with some thing or some body but try as you wil the 2ness of every thing is working agenst you all the way. You try to take holt of the 1ness and it comes in 2 in your hans. Jus the same as the Littl Shyning Man done when Eusa took holt of him. Orfingd said the Littl Shyning Man wer what ever cudnt never be put to gether and I wer beginning to think he wer right. And yet it lookit to me like the Littl Shyning Man wer jus and very what _wantit_ to put its self to gether and trying its bes to do it. Not Goodparleys Littl Shyning Man that wer a nother thing and tirely. What I thot the Littl Shyning Man wer I thot he wer right doing. I thot the Littl Shyning Man wer what I ben putting to gether when I brung that yellerboy stoan to Belnot Phist and look what happent. If Id kep wide of him he myt stil be a live. Poor Belnot Phist parbly his hart give out on him. Hart of the Phist Hart of the Wud. I ben the 1 as made that happen and now I wer coming in 2 with it. Saying in my mynd over and over: Whatd I do whatd I do?
Now I wer trying to hol fas to being 1 with Lissener and I knowit wel the 2ness wer hot on my foller it wer out to get its teef in me and arga warga. That 2ness be come jus as real to me as if it ben a pack of dogs. I wer frendy with the dogs now but I dint know how to get frendy with the 2ness. Trying to lissen in my mynd for Lissener but nothing come. My mynd wer all roylt and turbelt and muddy with every thing going roun in it. Trying to progam my self for Cambry yet at the same time trying not to get in front of my self.
Plus all the res of it it took me strange roading with them dogs by day pas all them lookouts be twean Widders Dump and Cambry. Dint realy matter nothing how many lookouts seen me dint matter nothing how many pigeons flew that message 1 form to the nex or to the Ram there wernt no body going to stop me longs the Pry Mincer wantit me luce and walking out my happenings. Stil and yet I dint want no 1 seeing me I wisht it wudve stayd nite. I dint want to be tol of every where. Riddley Walker the dog clevver or Riddley Walker running with the Black Pack. I kep out of site as wel as I cud but I knowit I wer seen time and agen becaws I wunt put no exter time nor faggers on to my road with going wide and slying roun I jus gone the straites way to Cambry trying to get to Lissener fas as I cud. Trying to get there befor the 2ness got me.
Coming up a long the rivver arper sit Good Mercy Form I seen the userel blue smoak hanging in amongst the aulders. I ben singing unner my breaf like youwl do some times roading a long I wer singing:
"When the yeller boy fynds the pig shit
(Dont you wish he cud)
When the yeller boy fynds the pig shit
In the hart of the wood"
I heard some 1 else singing and I stoppit to lissen. It wer a crackt old mans voyce and singing:
When the yeller boy comes hoam
Wewl make such a noys
Such a noys
Such a noys
When the yeller boy comes hoam
My good old boys
There come like a rushing and a tingling all thru me my head gone lite my legs gone wobbly. I stood there looking and I seen a littl old bloak zanting a bout on the out side of the chard coal berners fents. He stoppit singing then and he come out where I cud see him plain. Littl wite hairt bloak with a hook nose and a hook chin in his red jumper he lookit jus like Mr Punch only no hump. The dogs dint take no special noatis of him it lookit like they knowit him. The 2 nexters ruft and the littl old bloak said, "Trubba not" and peed agenst the fents. The nexters sniffit his syn then they peed and he sniffit ther syn.