Authors: C. J. Cherryh
shower and I ain't up to deep philosophy after that. You interested?"
He was close now, not nice, trying to spook her. But maybe he had sense she
could be trouble. He backed up against the counter and leaned there with his
arms folded, just looking down at the deck.
"Get out of here."
Probably it was good advice. She started to take it, legs all ready to walk. But
he kept staring down like that, tight muscle across his jaw. So she stayed,
folded her arms, just stood there looking at him, and he stood up and looked at
her with pure venom.
"Get," he said.
"Hell," she said. "I do get the idea why you're not too popular."
He jerked away toward the door and went out it. She crossed the same space in
about as many steps and walked after him, down the corridor, him walking as fast
as he could like a damn kid on a tantrum, herself trailing, because his legs
were that much longer and she refused to run to catch him up.
They passed a couple of crew on some errand, maybe getting a couple of looks
from behind them. She didn't look. He didn't. He stopped, just past that
line-of-sight, about the time they reached the general stowage area, and glared
at her. "You're damn persistent."
She glared back. "So were you. You give me the whole come-ahead. Wasn't my idea.
And if I got a lunatic on my shift, I want to know it, mister."
He gave her a killing kind of look. But not quite. The not-quite became a saner,
thinking-something-over kind of scowl. "Name's NG. NDG."
She stuck out her hand. "Mine's Bet."
He looked at her like she was crazed. She kept the hand out. A long time.
"What're you after?" he asked.
"Fuckin' beer. Maybe both of 'em. Is that some big deal? Ain't to me."
He drew a shaky breath, took the hand, not handshake-like: hooked his cold
fingers on hers and closed, like, she thought, pulling somebody out of a pit.
All chilled down, she thought, man totally out of the mood, looking for
something else for a while.
But he didn't let go of her fingers, either. He pulled her up against him, body
against body, which she hadn't expected, backed her against the inside wall, and
stared at her, all the while she was thinking how her knees ached and her butt
ached and her back and her arms ached and her skull kept echoing the sounds
back, she was so tired.
Crazy man, she thought. Ought I to do something about this? What's he do then?
What's Fitch do, what's crew do, if I break his arm?
And NG was saying, up against her ear: "Do it the other way around, don't go
back there, go on back up to the shop, then a beer, if you want, you want to do
that?"
She was mostly numb. But what she felt so far, felt all right. He wasn't bad,
she thought, not bad at all, oh, really, not bad!—which was a relief to her, she
hadn't been sure there was feeling left anymore, since Thule. And what part of
her brain was working said a crazy man was trying to get her off somewhere there
weren't any witnesses, dangerous, dangerous as hell, he could very likely be
some kind of real major trouble, he could have kinks God only knew.
"Locker right here is real private," he said, breathing against her neck, with
his hand inside her collar.
I'm a fool! she thought. What do I even want 'im for? I don't want to get
tangled up in bed with some damn spacer case, don't want to sleep with this man,
don't even want his damn beer, I sure don't want to go in any locker with him.
But I don't want any trouble with him, either. I can take care of myself. I seen
crazier. On Africa, I seen crazier.
He opened the stowage beside them, shoved her in, pulled the door to and that
was the end of the light, black after that. She hoped to hell he wasn't fool
enough or rattled enough to let it lock: she was still worrying about that when
he pushed her back deeper into the zig-zagged recess, pressed her up against the
lockers and started unfastening her jumpsuit and running his hands over
her.—Hell, she thought, then, not thinking terribly clearly past the echoing in
her skull and the things he was doing: she unfastened his and they did a little
warm-up, real gentle, real polite, she thought, now that he'd calmed down a
little; but things came on him a little sudden then and they ended up sorting it
out on the stowage deck in the dark, rough, a few more bruises on her backside
and real pain, so she was thinking whether it was safe to say anything about the
way he was going, crazy as he was; criticism didn't help a man and it might set
a real lunatic off good and all.
But "I'm sorry," he said, then, between breaths, when he'd suddenly finished,
and sounded mortally earnest and embarrassed. " 'S all right," she said, and
fussed with his hair while he just lay on top of her breathing hard and
sweating, for a long time.
"Hope to hell nobody needs in here," she said finally, when his breathing had
calmed down, but he hadn't moved, and she wasn't sure he was collected enough to
think of practicalities. "You all right?"
He didn't say anything. He just started making love to her then, really making
love, nice and gentle a touch as could be, best man she'd had since Bieji,
except he was already done and he was doing it, she thought, just for
politeness, just a thank-you.
"Damn!" she said finally, not as exhausted for a moment as she'd thought;
"Damn…" and several other things. She held onto him awhile then, and he held
her, and when she'd gotten her breath back she said, "Thanks, mate. I appreciate
that. I really do."
He didn't answer. He just held her and rubbed her shoulder. And finally, after
she'd been comfortable a few breaths: "I got to get to bed," she said, not
wanting to talk, not wanting to think about moving. "I'm going to go to sleep
here if I don't."
So he politely helped her up and helped pull her clothes together, all in the
absolute dark. Then he put his own self in order, went and felt around after the
latch, and cracked the door carefully. She leaned on his shoulder, looked out
and listened too, and the two of them slunk out into the corridor and shut the
locker door.
"Better go on ahead," he said, then, tight-mouthed, the only words but two he'd
said during the whole business. "Find yourself a bunk. There's two vacant midway
up the loft."
She looked at him with a real clear idea now at least what part of his
spookiness was, and why he had no inclination to do anything in crew-quarters. A
man living in with everybody, where everything went on all the time without any
privacy, that bothered a lot of people who hadn't grown up with it: bothered
her, at first, on Africa. It bothered a man a lot worse, if he was inclined to
freeze up real easy, if he was on the outs, and people gave him a hard time, and
especially if he was straight off some family ship like Ernestine, where he
wasn't used to that. Merchanter. The war killed ships and scattered their
people. She knew that for sure, knew it the way she knew the breed when Africa
jerked some scared kid in off a merchanter deck and put him through the
Initiation, same as she'd gotten, same as everyone got.
But some of that breed cracked. Some suicided. Some just died.
"Muller make a habit of giving you a hard time?" she asked.
He drew a breath, hesitated as if words cost by the gram, and looked skittish at
the sound of somebody coming further around the curve. "Get. I'm doing you a
favor."
"Oddest damn favor I ever had." She stayed, he started walking, so she walked
and caught up with him, stride for stride, keeping ahead of whoever it was back
there.
"They'll give you hell," he said without looking at her. "They'll give you real
hell if you get caught with me, think it's real damn funny. Take your stuff
topside, 'bout third, fourth bunk up-ring." He reached over, gripped her
shoulder, friend-like, let it go with a sexy little brush at her arm that left a
tingle behind it.
Oddest man she'd ever had, she thought, except Ritterman. Two in one couple of
months. What'd I do to deserve this?
Blind tired, I'm going to screw up tomorrow, sure, hell of an impression I'm
going to make with Bernstein.
But she got inside, slipped up the ladder with her duffle and tied it to the end
of the second vacant bunk, fell down on top of the mattress, cover and all,
fumbled the safety-net across her and snapped it, and just went numb, out, gone,
till the alterdawn bell rang.
"I got to talk to you a minute, Yeager," Bernstein said when she reported into
Engineering, and then, beckoning her over into a corner: "We got a complaint,
Yeager, we got cleanliness standards on this ship, don't care how tired you are,
you don't fall into a bunk that isn't dressed and you be careful and shower
after duty, Yeager."
"Yessir," she whispered, feeling her face burning. "Not my habit, sir, I
apologize, sir. Just couldn't find everything right off, I didn't want to wake
people up."
"Not putting you on report," Bernstein said. "First and only warning."
"Yessir, I appreciate that, sir."
He looked at her odd, then, real strange for a minute, so she thought maybe
she'd reacted wrong, or spoken wrong, or something, and that made her nervous.
God, maybe somebody had spread the word about her and her associate.
"You just remember," Bernstein said, then took her the tour himself, what was
where, where the jury-rigs were, the special problems, told her what had to be
done, what had to be checked on what schedule.
Thank God, she thought, she'd done a lot the same for Ernestine, even to the
point Jennet let her sit alterday watch alone toward the end, taught her the
read-outs and told her in Jennet's sane, easy way what was critical and what was
an as-you-can. Walk the rounds with Musa, Bernstein said, and introduced her to
a small, dark man.
And introduced her to NG, who looked at her cool, smartass, and just inside
Bernstein calling him down. She felt the tension in the air.
So she gave NG Ramey a raised eyebrow and a cold stare for Bernstein's and
Musa's benefit, as if she'd just met somebody she had no trust of at all.
Which might be the case.
Musa had nine fingers. He was one of those people you'd never ask how that was.
Something had hit his nose once, broken it and scarred it right across, and that
same something, probably, had made a burn-scar across his temple and right on
into his cotton-wool hair, where there was a gray bit right at that temple: you
didn't ask him about that either. He looked about fifty, his skin was pale
brown, that shade really dark skin did when you went on rejuv, not a bad-looking
man at all, but his real age might be fifty or ninety-five or a hundred fifteen
for all she could tell.
But Bernstein was right: Musa was all right, Musa knew what he was doing with
any system on this ship, you could tell that right off, and Musa kept saying,
"Ask questions, I don't mind."
Musa truly didn't, she found out, and that was a relief. Musa said Bernstein had
put her on maintenance, plain scut to start with, and job one was a simple
matter of a dead pump that needed fixing as a backup.
She was positively cheerful then. It was mindless work, it was something she
understood backward and forward and it was sit-down work, at a bench alone in
the machine-shop—no matter that her arms hurt and her hands hurt and it was all
she could do to hold a wrench.
So a simple plastic diaphragm was shot. "We got one," she went back to
Engineering to ask, and it was NG she ran into, on the check-rounds, "or do we
make one?"
NG showed her the parts-inventory access on comp, turned up a backup in storage.
"Show you where to get it," he said, and showed her on the computer-schematic of
the storeroom.
Bernstein being in a briefing and Musa being on a check-see call in ops, they
were alone. He put his hand on her hip, not smartass, just kind of trying to see
what she'd do, she thought. She twitched it off.
"Not on duty, friend."
He glanced off at the comp then and scowled. Not a word.
"Didn't say never," she said, and frowned. "You make me damn nervous."
Not a word to that, either.
"Trade you," she said. "You tell me where the hell we are and what we're doing
out here, and we do a little private rec-time tonight."
"Don't need to do that," he said sullenly, without looking at her. "We're lying
off by Venture."
"What in hell for?"
"Hunting. Just hunting."
"Hunting what?"
"Mazian's lot," he said.
No hard work to guess that much—as long as you could guess which side a spook
ship was on.
"They got any notion who?" she asked.
He shrugged. "Australia, maybe. Not real sure right now."
Africa, she thought. Her heart beat higher. Thinking about her ship made a
little lump in her throat. "Watch-see, huh?"
"We just spot 'em," NG said. "Cripple 'em if we can. Run like hell in any case.
This ship hasn't got a big lot of armament."
"Wouldn't think," she said under her breath, thinking—thinking that she was on
the wrong side of everything. She was desperate to get home to Africa again, to