Victoria watched as the nuns began to clean up the campsite. She noticed Raela and her friends picking up discarded cups, but most of their effort, as usual, was directed towards gossiping. Victoria really couldn’t see what they could possibly be gossiping about, at all hours of the day, because last time she checked, they lived in a convent. Unless there was another secret society that she wasn’t aware of, Raela was likely just retelling the story of the farmer’s boy, from earlier. However, that didn’t stop Victoria from inching closer, instinctively. As much as she despised every inch of Raela, from her gap-toothed grin, to her pig squeal, she seemed to always be having a good time, and Victoria wanted to know why.
Victoria picked up a discarded cup from the ground, and crushed it between her palms, as she crept closer to Raela. Although the night was as dark as could be, Victoria could still see Raela’s two front teeth gleaming, like a great beacon of stupidity, in the darkness. “So, last night was fun. Really fun.” Victoria could see Raela wiggling her eyebrows, suggestively. One of her friends, the one with the long curly brown hair, gasped. Gloria, that’s her name, Gloria, Victoria remembered. Gloria leaned in closer to Raela, and the girl on the other side of Raela, whose name Victoria didn’t know, leaned in as well, nearly blocking Raela from view. “Just how fun was it?” One of them asked, and a slew of giggles followed the question.
“Well, it was my first time there. I wish I’d had something better to wear, but now I know for next time. Next time, I’ll get my parents to lend me some money, somehow.” Raela said, wistfully.
Victoria stepped back, in shock. She wasn’t quite sure that her ears were working correctly. She thought she had just heard Raela say something about going into the city, perhaps more than once, and that her parents were going to loan her money. Victoria wasn’t sure what baffled her more. The fact that Raela was allowed to go into the city, or that Raela had parents. Parents. As in, a mother and a father. The thought of having parents at all was rather bizarre to Victoria, as she of course, did not have any. Or rather, did not have any that she could truly refer to as parents.
She suddenly became overwhelmed with a rush of curiosity. It occurred to Victoria, that she had never really pursued the mystery of her own parentage. She had assumed that she was an orphan, as was everyone in the convent. She had also assumed that traveling to the city simply wasn’t what good nuns do. But, she thought with a chuckle, if the events of the last 48 hours were any indication; good nuns do many things they shouldn’t. Victoria made a mental note to question Sister Katherine about this, even if she would have to endure one of her withering stares.
As if on cue, Sister Katherine stepped into the firelight. She cleared her throat, and began to speak. Victoria, who had wandered away from the fire, strained her ears to listen.
“
Attention, Sisters. We’ve had a good night, tonight. Good food, good company, and an excellent showing, in terms of initiation rites. But now, it has come to an end. Have a good night everyone, and I hope to see you next time.”
Victoria absorbed Sister Katherine’s minute speech, but something struck as rather odd. Sister Katherine had mentioned that she “hoped” to see everyone there “next time”, as if everyone wasn’t a part of the convent, and weren’t about to return to the same exact place. Victoria’s curiosity intensified, and before she knew it, her feet were carrying her in Sister Katherine’s direction. She had arrived in front of Sister Katherine before she could even voice the million questions floating about in her head. She imagined she looked rather silly, standing so expectantly in front of Sister Katherine. She smiled a bit awkwardly, and opened her mouth to speak. It wasn’t quite the most elegant way she had ever posed a question, but at the very least, it was straight to the point.
“
Why does Raela get to go to the city?” Victoria blurted, and she almost instinctively clapped a hand over her mouth. It was not that she had never asked the tough questions before, because she had, but the campsite had gone deathly quiet, at an inopportune time. Raela and her friends, for once, had stopped chattering, and were now inching over, in hopes of eavesdropping on the conversation.
Sister Katherine smiled, and took Victoria by the arm. “Help me collect some of the trash around the edges, dear.” Victoria’s stomach dropped. Privacy was not something generally afforded in a convent, and the fact that Sister Katherine seemed to seek it, for this particular conversation, unnerved Victoria. As the two women moved towards the edge of the campsite, away from the glow of the fire, Victoria heard Raela’s giggling once more, and a snide “Of course she wouldn’t know.”
Sister Katherine bent down to grab a crumpled cup, which she stuffed into the garbage bag she was carrying. Victoria rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet for a moment, before mimicking Sister Katherine. “Victoria, you asked why Raela is allowed to visit the city.” Victoria nodded her head, although she doubted Sister Katherine could see it in the dark. “She is allowed to go to the city, because she is not confined here. But, neither are you.” Sister Katherine bent down again, this time picking up what looked like a crushed candy wrapper. “I’m…I’m not confined to this convent. I can leave whenever I want?” “You are confined legally, as you are a ward of the convent. But I cannot stop you from visiting the city, or anywhere else for that matter.” “But, what about the daytime work? And the night work? As in…the Other Sisterhood.” Sister Katherine stuffed another piece of trash into the bag. “You must do the daytime work, as we are a functioning convent. That is what we do. But no one is forcing you to take the vows of a nun, or for that matter, take the vows of the Other Sisterhood”, Sister Katherine added wryly.
“
What?”
“
What do you mean, what? Victoria, I’ve just told you what you asked. I thought I was pretty clear.”
“
No, no.” Victoria stepped forward. “Do you mean to tell me, that this whole convent thing, when it comes down to it, is a choice?”
At this, Sister Katherine turned to Victoria. Her eyes, although hardly ever filled with joy, seemed to be uncharacteristically sad.
“
Yes, Victoria. It is a choice, just like everything in life. You always have a choice.”
“
But, I’m a ward of the convent, you said. I didn’t have a choice in coming here. Where are my parents? Raela’s got some, and apparently, they send her money as well. She has some pretty nice things. Why don’t my parents send me money? Or is it because I haven’t got any?” The words came rushing out of Victoria’s mouth so fast, that she couldn’t stop them in time.
“
Victoria.” Sister Katherine stopped, and sighed. “Victoria.” She said again, as if she was trying to find the right way to word what she was about to say. “As I said before, Victoria. You always have a choice. I’m not sure if you were very observant tonight, but if you were, you might have noticed an unusual amount of so-called nuns.” Victoria nodded. “Not everyone in the Other Sisterhood is a nun, Victoria. As I told you, the Other Sisterhood is a choice, but so is joining the convent. I can’t speak for everyone you saw tonight, because many of them, I can’t say that I know very well. But I do know, that their reasons for joining the Other Sisterhood, as opposed to the traditional one, are likely not..honest. But, I cannot pass judgment, as I am a part of both. I do know that they must be looking for something, that they cannot find in the city, and perhaps in the world. As for Raela, Victoria, you must know that you are the only one here who is a ward of the convent. Ah, that is not a bad thing, dear, but that is how it is.”
“
But why me? Why is Raela here?”
Sister Katherine took a deep breath, and continued. “Raela is here, due to the wishes of her parents. They believed that sending her here, might give some direction to her life. And, to answer the question you are probably thinking, Raela’s parents do love her very much, but they believed that this is what was best for her.”
“
And my parents?” Sister Katherine was silent for a moment, and Victoria’s question hung awkwardly in the air. “Your parents, are very much alive. But it would be better for you, if you considered them dead.” Sister Katherine’s mouth tightened into a hard, thin line.
Victoria stumbled back, as if she had been punched in the face. “Best if I considered them dead? But why? If I have parents, I want to meet them. For all these years, I thought myself an orphan. Don’t I deserve to know my history? My real last name?” Victoria asked, her eyes ablaze.
“
Your parents had a choice. As a ward of the convent, they are no longer your parents.”
“
But I want to know them!” Victoria’s voice grew louder.
“
Unless something has changed with your mother, since the last time I met her, as long as I am living, you will never know her. If I have to give you my last name, to ensure that you are not judged unfortunately, I will. I mean your mother no harm, but I cannot see how meeting her will cause you anything but grief. I am sorry Victoria, but that is where I stand on the matter.”
Sister Katherine abruptly turned and continued to pick up trash. Victoria said nothing for the rest of the night; the only companion to her self-imposed silence was the soft stirrings of nighttime creatures, hunting for their next meal.
The following days came and went with no sign of Roman, or the Other Brotherhood. Victoria slipped back into her daily routine as activity in the Other Sisterhood also came to a screeching halt.
It was if the events nearly two weeks ago, had never even happened, Victoria thought, as she scrubbed the back of yet another, dirty orphan. It was nearly 12 in the afternoon, and the sun was beating down harshly onto Victoria’s forehead. She wiped her head with the sullied rag she always kept in the pocket of her day robes. Her night robes, she remembered wistfully, hadn’t been put to good use in a while. As she scrubbed away mindlessly, she wondered what she missed more; the rush of the Other Sisterhood, alone, or the rush she got when she found herself face to face with Roman. Victoria didn’t like the idea of depending on someone else for her thrills, but she couldn’t deny that something about Roman made her feel very much alive.
As the afternoon wore on, Victoria found herself wandering over to Grace’s area, in great need of a break. Grace, as large as ever, but equally as kind, watched her approach. “You’re looking worse for the wear” Grace said, as she focused intently on wrapping the leg of a particularly small orphan. “I don’t mean to pry, but what’s the matter?” Victoria took a sip of lemonade from a cup she had picked up on her way to Grace. “It’s just…” She paused, uncertain of how to put what she really wanted to say, in the most delicate of terms possible. Sister Katherine had not yelled at her, but the disappointment radiating from her had been enough. Most surprising of all, was that Victoria had actually felt a moderate amount of shame, and she couldn't exactly put her finger on why. Only a short time ago, she hadn’t cared what Sister Katherine thought, but for some reason, one that Victoria had yet to discover, her opinion now mattered.
“
It’s just…I never knew that this whole other world existed.” She tilted her head in Raela’s direction, and Grace nodded, apparently surmising what she meant. “I want to be a part of it.” Grace nodded again, her brown eyes filled with consideration. “And my parents. They’re part of that world too. I didn’t know I had any, or that anyone here had any, for that matter. I just feel cut off.” “Lost.” Grace finished for her.
Victoria looked up, as she had been looking at her feet while she admitted all of this to Grace. It wasn’t that she wasn’t comfortable with Grace. She was as comfortable with Grace as she would be with anyone she knew, but voicing her feelings out loud made her feel exposed.
Grace seemed to understand her sentiments, as her response was not overly sugary and “sympathetic." Instead, she just shrugged her shoulders, eyes focused on the leg she was wrapping, and remarked, “If you’re so interested in this other world, it’d serve you well to take a visit.”
Victoria sat there for a few more minutes, taking in the advice Grace had given her. It wasn’t a bad idea. It was all so simple, really. Sister Katherine had told her the other night that nothing was stopping her from visiting the city. If that was the case then, why was she still here? She sat up straight, her mind racing. It was nearing dusk, and the sky was just faintly tinged with pink. She could see buildings rising up, blocking her view of the rapidly sinking sun. It seemed wrong, somehow, that the city itself had grown to the point where it was blocking the most beautiful thing in the sky. But, Victoria supposed, the city must have a beauty of its own, or else no one would want to live there.
When the sun had finally set, Victoria hurried back to her room, and put on her night robes. If the Other Sisterhood wasn’t going to come a calling, she’d have to find something else to do in her spare time. That something else, Victoria thought, with growing excitement, would be the city. She wasn’t sure if Sister Katherine would try to stop her from going, or worse, accompany her, but she wasn’t taking any chances. Victoria fell asleep, planning to leave even before the sun could rise the next day.
V.
It was just before dawn when Victoria awoke. She spent several minutes rifling through her closet, looking for something suitable to wear. She wasn’t sure what “suitable” meant, to the city dwellers, but she was almost sure that black robes, down to the ankles, weren’t considered stylish. After a few more minutes of indecision, Victoria settled for her robes, intended for the Other Sisterhood. They were just as long, but the silky material made them look more…desirable. And for the length, she could fix that.