“I want to talk with you tonight,” he said quietly so no one else could overhear them.
“Yes,” she whispered, her voice filled with regret. Sarah tried to send him a look of apology.
* * *
After they said good-night to Emma and Khalid, they remained in the living room. They sat on either end of the couch. Sarah felt her heart beating wildly in her heart. All day, she’d waited for this moment.
“Ethan? I—I need to apologize for what I did to you at Bravo.” Her hands were cool and damp as she clasped them in her lap, forcing herself to hold his warming gaze. “I was scared. Everything was moving so fast. I have such a hard time thinking I’m beautiful because I don’t feel that way inside myself.” Sarah briefly touched her stomach. “I don’t see how you can see me like that.”
Ethan sat very still. He heard Sarah’s soft, painful words and it made him want to cry for her. She looked like a young child right now, so wounded and hurt and so unaware of her own beauty. “Come here.” He extended his hand toward her. “Please?”
His low timbre flowed through her tense body, touching her aching heart. Sarah stared at his hand, unable to believe Ethan wouldn’t hold what she’d done to him against her. Hesitantly, she placed her hand into his, watched it be swallowed up, warm and strong. Scooting toward him, she held his hooded gaze. Felt how much Ethan wanted her. When she was close enough, their knees touching one another, he continued to hold her hand against his thigh, his gaze never leaving hers.
“I’m sorry for pushing you so fast, Sarah. I knew you were gun-shy of me...of a relationship with me.” Ethan gently squeezed her hand. “I did this—you didn’t. It was my fault.” He swallowed around his closing throat. “I’m sorry, Sarah. God, I knew better. You had enough courage to tell me about your past. I should have slowed down. I should have given you time to get used to being around me.”
Tears filled her eyes, and Sarah closed them, her lips compressing. “Oh, God, Ethan...” Her voice broke. She pulled her hand out of his, pressing it against her eyes, forcing herself not to cry. “I’m the one who did this. Not you.” She sniffed and her hand fell away as she stared miserably into his anguished eyes. “It’s me, Ethan. You called me beautiful. And I’m
not.
I’m not.”
“What do you mean, Sarah?” he asked, pain in his voice as he searched her eyes. “I don’t understand.”
How could he? Sarah barely got out, “I’m ugly inside. I don’t know why you don’t see it.”
Stunned, Ethan sat back, digesting her words. Frowning, his mind spinning, he said, “Who told you this?” Someone
had
to have told Sarah she was ugly inside and out. His hands slowly curled into fists, rage soaring through him because he saw the damage in her eyes, in her expression. The struggle in Sarah’s vulnerable face ripped him apart.
“Someone...” she managed. “M-maybe later I can talk about it, Ethan.” She gave him a pleading look. “Almost dying...I woke up knowing I’d run for all the wrong reasons from you, Ethan. But I’m still scared. I don’t see how you see me but...it’s so hard...I can’t—”
To hell with it.
Ethan pulled her gently into his arms, not knowing what to expect. He loved Sarah so damn much, wanted to protect her, give her that safe harbor to sort out the trauma she’d experienced as a young child. Ethan knew he could do this for Sarah, knew he had the strength, the love, to support and help her heal from those tragic wounds. She flowed into his opening arms, whispered his name, her arms sliding around his shoulders, face pressed against his neck. Her heart beat like a wild, trapped bird against his chest, and he pressed his face against her hair, dragging in her scent like a dying man just given a reprieve.
“Tell me what you want, Sarah. Just tell me,” Ethan coaxed huskily, a catch in his throat. He tightened his grip around her, relief flooding him because despite her terror, her distorted belief she was ugly, she’d come to him. He felt her tremble. Felt her breath against the column of his neck. She had burrowed up against him like a frightened child, not a woman. He was her protection against an inner storm only she could feel. That lived within her.
“You, Ethan. I want you. You made such beautiful love to me...I want that again if you could forgive me for what I did to you.” Sarah pulled out of his arms enough to lift her head and meet his stormy eyes. “I want to love you. I want you to love me. I’ve never felt so wonderful. So happy...”
Cupping her cheek, Ethan leaned down and brushed her lips. “There’s nothing to forgive, Sarah. I’m as much at fault in this. It’s not you. Just give me a chance to show you how beautiful you really are.” He eased away, holding her blue gaze, noting the tears swimming in them. He held back telling her he loved her. Sarah couldn’t be rushed. They would go at a pace that was right for her.
Her lower lip trembled and then his heart melted as she tried to smile but failed.
“I need you, Ethan....”
* * *
Ethan picked Sarah up into his arms and walked her down the hall to their suite. Sarah gave a soft sound of surprise, caught off guard.
“I’m sweeping you off your feet,” Ethan rasped as he pushed the door open with the toe of his boot. Inside the suite, the darkness was chased away by the stained glass lamp on the dresser. After setting Sarah down onto the bed, Ethan walked over and shut and locked the door. Anyone looking at Sarah right now in the civilian world would think she was a college graduate, not the hell-bent-for-leather medevac pilot she was. Looks were so damned deceiving. And, regardless, she was his.
Sarah sat tensely on the edge of the bed, watching him, anticipation thrumming through her. All evening, her body ached, wanting Ethan. There was such incredible male grace about him she would never tire of watching Ethan move, dress or undress. He came over and eased her thighs apart, his hands remaining on each one as he knelt on one knee between them.
“I need a shower. Want to join me?”
Sarah hesitated marginally.
“What is it?” he coaxed, cupping her cheek.
Sarah drowned in his dark, searching look. “I’ve never taken a shower with a man, Ethan.”
He framed her face, his voice gentle. “You’re my woman.” He held her soft gaze. “And I want to show you just how much. A shower is just another way to love one another. You don’t have to take a shower with me if it doesn’t feel right to you. You’re in control here. And if you don’t, I won’t be upset about it. Okay?”
Sarah worried her lower lip. “No...it’s not that, Ethan.” She gave him a wry look. “I just don’t know what you expect of me.” Instantly, she saw Ethan’s expression soften.
“I want you to enjoy it, Sarah. I’ll teach you as we go along?”
The tender look, the patience in his eyes, swept away all her concerns. “Sort of like learning how to fly?” she ventured softly.
Ethan’s mouth drew into a very male smile. “Yes, exactly like that.” He released her.
Sarah moved her fingers through his very short, dark hair, allowing them to trail to his corded neck and come to rest across his broad shoulders. “I will go anywhere with you, anytime, Ethan.”
Sarah met his hooded gaze, which was stormy with desire for her alone. Settling her mouth against his, she felt his arm move around her waist, drawing her forward, taking her without apology, his lips driving hers open, his tongue sliding commandingly into her mouth. It sent a sheet of instant fire arcing down through her, and she sighed, surrendering to his arms.
Tearing his mouth from hers, Ethan urged her. “Come on. Let’s get undressed and get into the water.”
Her lips throbbed with the power of his mouth. “SEALs love water,” she teased, her voice a little breathless, husky with desire.
“Water is our home,” he agreed with her. Ethan stood and quickly opened his shirt and discarded it. He grabbed the ends of his tan T-shirt and pulled it over his head, exposing his deep chest, the muscles flexing across his broad set of shoulders. He got rid of his boots and trousers. Off came the socks and his boxer shorts. “Come swim with me,” Ethan teased, his eyes glinting with challenge. His heart would burst open, the joy so intense and powerful. He wanted to yell at the top of his voice that Sarah was giving him a second chance.
Sarah gave him a challenging look and took off her sneakers with shaky fingers. “If anyone is beautiful, it’s you, Ethan.” His body was ripped, tight and strong. She could see the vestiges of the huge yellow-and-green bruise on the left side of his chest. The light in the room accentuated the hard angles of his body.
Ethan stood naked before her. He eased his fingers through her silky hair. There was no guess about him wanting her. “Need some help undressing?”
Struggling out of her jeans, Sarah lifted her feet as she leaned back on the bed. He obliged her by pulling the jeans off. Sarah sat up and pulled off her tank top, revealing her white cotton bra. Before she could get to it, Ethan leaned over, sliding his hands around her back, his fingers quickly unfastening it. Her full breasts tumbled free, and she saw his eyes go feral as he slowly slid his hands around the curves. A soft gasp escaped her, and she closed her eyes, wanting even more of Ethan’s touch. Sarah leaned forward into his large, calloused hands. Her skin ignited with blazing fire as he grazed her nipples with his thumbs. A soft, delicious sound slipped from her lips and she automatically gripped his powerful biceps.
Opening her eyes, she watched Ethan give her that stalking look of a hunter coming after his prey—her.
Chapter 16
“C
ome on,” Ethan urged, his voice thick. “Let’s get your panties off and we’ll go get in that shower. Otherwise,” he growled, “I’m taking you here. Right now.”
Sarah’s knees felt incredibly shaky as they walked into the huge bathroom. Within minutes, the shower nozzles were like warm raindrops sliding softly across her hair, soaking the strands and then her. Ethan quickly washed himself, and the dirt and sweat slid off his hard, lean body. After he washed his hair and rinsed it, he turned to her.
“Your turn,” Ethan said, sliding his hand around Sarah’s waist, drawing her close so he could nibble her delicate earlobe. Ethan felt her respond and arch against him. He released Sarah and allowed her to lean against the warm, wet tiles of the shower. Smiling down into her half-closed eyes that were already drowsy with arousal, Ethan took the soap, lathered it between his large hands and gently moved the bubbles across her face. Sarah closed her eyes, her hands coming to rest on his narrow hips, leaning languidly against the tile wall.
A look of satisfaction flared in her expression, telling him she was enjoying his hands as they teased her brow and slid down across her high cheekbones. He ached so damn much, but he placed steel control over his own desire. Sarah came first. Always.
Sarah opened her eyes, beads of water catching on her lashes as Ethan began to lather the soap and follow the slender length of her neck. Then, his fingers kneaded her shoulders, erasing the tension. She moaned, feeling his fingers work magic against her tight muscles. Ethan’s gaze moved to the reddened, puckered flesh of her arm where she’d had surgery. A flash of pain came into his eyes. His fingertips grazed the area as he carefully washed her skin. Neither of them would forget the night it had happened. Ethan leaned down, placing a soft kiss across the healing area after he rinsed it.
Sarah’s breath hitched, and her eyes shuttered closed as Ethan kissed her injury. It was as if his love were strong enough to pull the experience of her almost bleeding to death before she landed at Bagram out of her memory. His hands then glided across her torso and gently cupped her shoulders. She felt incredibly cherished in that moment, the warm water falling around them, the steam beginning to gather like fog between their bodies.
Ethan lifted his head and took her parted lips, wanting to give back to Sarah. The water slid into the corners of their mouths, the heat inside them building like a wildfire, their breathing changing. He tunneled his fingers through her wet, glistening hair, watching her blue eyes open, seeing the feverish, smoky quality awaken in them. He realized once more that Sarah had almost died. His heart wrenched in his chest. She was such a damned courageous woman. Fearless. As Ethan held her melting gaze, he kissed her gently. Tenderly. With all the love he had inside him, trying to share it with her as their mouths met wetly in exploration. He silently promised her he would make her feel the beauty he saw and felt inside and outside herself.
Ethan’s mouth possessed hers; his hands trailed splintering paths of fire around the curves of her aching breasts. Then Sarah felt him anchor her, his arm supporting her lower back, positioning her so that she could use the wall to lean against, as well as his body. His fingers followed the glistening curve of her thigh, and she shuddered in anticipation. A hungry gnawing began in her lower body. His fingers slid inside her thigh and she automatically opened to him, wanting him, wanting his incredible touch. Already she was trembling, barely able to stand.
Sarah’s entire body melted around him as he teased her. He felt the wetness surrounding his fingers. She nearly collapsed against him as he explored her a little more deeply, barely inside her. A whimper tore from her lips as he pressed his fingers slowly within her. Her sweetness sent a shaft of rocketing need firing through him. The instant he slid more deeply into her depths, she cried out, her entire body convulsing with the orgasm. Her knees nearly gave way, and he anchored her with his arm. Humbled by her trust of him, Ethan silently promised Sarah he would always consider her sacred to him, to never give her pain, only pleasure.
Sarah’s world flew apart; her knees were so damned weak. Ethan’s strong, stabilizing arm stayed around her waist. And then he slowly eased out of her wetness. She gave him a desperate look, her breathing uneven.
He held her aroused look, her lips parted. “Trust me,” he whispered against her lips. “It’s only going to get better.”
Ethan hooked his arm beneath her left knee, lifting her up, using the wall as support for her back. “Bring your legs around my waist,” he told her. Moving his hands beneath her as her long legs slid around his hips, he smiled. “Now, relax against the wall. Put your hands around my shoulders, angel. I’ve got you.”
Trusting him completely, Sarah wrapped her arms around his shoulders, trembling violently. She felt his erection barely graze her ravenous body. He teased her aching entrance. Her breath exploded in shallow gasps as she tipped her head against the wet tiles and Ethan pressed more firmly against her entrance.
The soft raindrops fell around them. As his lips captured one of her hardened nipples, Sarah arched, her fingers digging deeply into his shoulders, her hips thrusting against him. The electric bolts coursed wildly between her nipple and womb, making her sob out his name. She writhed against Ethan, wanting him inside her.
When he slid into her yielding body, Sarah’s spine arched outward off the wall, head thrown back, a hoarse cry ripping out of her. She felt the hard muscling of his taut shoulders beneath her restless hands; her nipples were crazed with delicious, ongoing shocks. He held her easily, moving her hips slowly, allowing her time to accommodate him. He teased her nipples unmercifully, building her toward another wave of pleasure.
Ethan took her mouth, drawing Sarah deeper into the vortex of his body, his hands and lips. She quivered violently as he began to thrust rhythmically, more deeply into her with each stroke. The sensations made her mewl; the sound was absorbed by his mouth over hers. He deepened his kiss, sliding his tongue into her mouth, feeling her fiery reaction, wanting her in every possible way.
Their breaths unraveled and Sarah began to feel her flesh dissolve into his.
The warmth of the trickling water against her sensitized skin, his mouth suckling her hard nipple, moving her into a mounting rhythm, took her even deeper into the consuming fire racing through her. Sarah felt boneless in Ethan’s arms, held captive between his hard, demanding body and the slick wall. The screaming pressure of an orgasm rose like a tsunami, and her entire lower body seized up. She jerked in a breath. As Ethan thrust hard and deep, she was consumed by the rippling implosion of an almost painful release competing alongside the most intense pleasure she had ever experienced.
The wild undulations of her body tightened repeatedly around him, and all Sarah could do was arch against him, hoarsely crying out Ethan’s name. The intense fever pulsated through her mind, erasing it, connecting her only with the spasms of pleasure in their joined bodies.
And just when Sarah thought she could take no more pleasure, she heard Ethan’s animal-like growl as he pulled her savagely against him, his face pressed between her glistening, wet breasts. A deep shudder worked its way through him. He rasped her name, clenched his teeth, eyes tightly shut as he rocked powerfully into her, taking her with him. Awed by her own body’s response to his climax, Sarah felt fused into Ethan’s flesh, into his soul as he held her tightly afterward, breathing in harsh gasps, his entire body quivering powerfully with release.
Barely opening her eyes, Sarah weakly leaned forward, kissing his wet hair, his temple, jaw and neck. She felt absolutely ravished in the best of ways. She rested her brow against his; the water like warm fingers soothed their trembling bodies. It was a delicious experience.
Sarah slid her hands up across his bearded jaw, drowning in his dark gray eyes. “I love you, Ethan.” Sarah saw his face crumple with joy, saw a sudden glimmer in his eyes that could only be tears. And then Ethan gave her a smile that infused her heart with such happiness that she thought for a moment she would die from this heaven.
Ethan slowly lifted her off him and allowed her feet to gently touch the tiled floor. He held on to Sarah as her knees nearly buckled. Her blue eyes were lustrous, fulfilled. She stared up at him in wonder. Her mouth was soft, pouty and well kissed by him. Ethan leaned against her, aware of his weight pinning her gently against the drenched wall.
“Sarah, you are beautiful,” he told her. His whole body was hotly collapsing in on itself. Glowing coals of desire burned his lower body with satisfaction. He eased wet strands of her hair away from her flushed cheeks and smiled into her eyes. “I love you, Sarah Benson. I see you, angel. And you are perfect and beautiful inside and out to me.”
* * *
Sarah awoke slowly. She didn’t know what had awakened her. Content and wrapped within Ethan’s arms, their bodies pressed warmly against one another in the bed, Sarah sighed softly. Her head was nestled beneath Ethan’s jaw, her cheek against the soft hair of his chest. Feeling the slow pound of his heart beneath her palm, she felt a wave of such intense love for this man. It literally made her want to weep for joy. How long had she waited for someone like Ethan? She never thought a man like him existed at all. And then she’d pushed him away because she felt so ugly inside.
Sarah blinked back tears, realizing how rare Ethan was. He’d forgiven her. How lucky she’d been, thinking that her life was doomed to men who were selfish and self-serving. Even now, her body glowed; Ethan was drawing out the fractured feminine part of her that had remained hidden until now. Sarah felt him stir. It was that SEAL alertness. She lifted her head, looking into his half-opened eyes.
“I didn’t mean to wake you,” she whispered, reaching up and kissing his mouth. What a mouth Ethan had. It was so sensual, strong and cherishing all at the same time. Sarah felt like she was a goddess being worshipped by him as he groaned, rolled onto his side and took her mouth more deeply. She could feel him growing hard against her belly, and heat skittered through her core, wanting him all over again.
Easing from her mouth, Ethan rasped, “Waking up anytime with you, angel, is a miracle to me.” He kissed the tip of her nose. Ethan settled back, gathering her into his arms, drawing her one leg over his, holding her close.
Sarah slid her hand against his jaw. “I just woke up,” she whispered. “And I was thinking, how did I ever manage to meet you? I’ve never met a man like you, Ethan. I’d always dreamed of someone like you existing, but after a while, after several forgettable relationships, I gave up.” Sarah pressed a kiss to his chest, feeling his muscles flex beneath her lips. She trailed her fingers languidly through the soft strands of hair across his powerful chest. She felt Ethan’s calloused hand move in a caressing gesture across her shoulder and down her good arm.
“And here I was thinking the same thing.”
She laughed softly, hearing the thickness in his voice. “You can’t tell me women don’t fall all over you.”
Ethan stirred, sifting strands of her dry, silky hair through his fingers. Her hair glinted like black diamonds in the soft moonlight peeking around the floor-to-ceiling drapes. “I never found the woman I was looking for,” he admitted huskily, “until I met you. And I knew you were the one.” One corner of his mouth pulled up in a wry smile. “And with your reputation as a man killer, I was trying to find some way to meet you without you nailing me with one of your karate black belt moves.”
“Man killer. Really, Ethan, that’s over the top.” Sarah sniffed, her feelings hurt.
He heard her protest and lost his smile. Easing her head onto the pillow so he could look deeply into her slumberous eyes, he said, “I understand now why you closed up when you were around men at the canteen and at the chow hall.” Seeing the pain he’d caused by his words, Ethan gently pressed his lips to her hair, inhaling her sweet, womanly scent. “You were protecting yourself, Sarah. And I can’t blame you.”
“I wish,” she said, her throat tightening as she became lost in the tender look in his gray eyes, “that I could just forget those first twelve years of my life.”
The anguished admittance caused his heart to contract with pain for her. “I wish I’d known you then. I’d have realized something was wrong. I might have been able to protect you.” Ethan wondered how many times Sarah, as a young, scared little girl, had fallen through the cracks of the state child protection system. Hadn’t the social worker seen a change in her behavior? Seen the frightened look he now saw deep in the recesses of her shadowed blue eyes? Why the hell hadn’t some adult cared enough to see Sarah was being sexually abused by her foster father for all those years? He felt rage, and he wanted desperately to erase the painful beginning to her life, but he couldn’t.
Sarah fought back the tears. Ethan’s face was open and vulnerable, his words a balm for her wounded psyche, her fractured soul. Just the look burning in his eyes, the care he bestowed on her, the love he shared, had a healing effect on her whether he knew it or not.
“I tried running away so many times, Ethan. I was so scared. I tried to be a shadow, tried not to get Bill’s attention. There were three of us girls there and...” She shut her eyes, her voice broken. “And he took turns with us. I knew when it was my turn. I could feel him hunting me. I ran. I always ran.”
A sob caught in her throat. “Every time, he found me. Every time, he picked me up in his arms, say hello to the neighbors, as if out for an evening walk as he took me back into the house. After a while, I couldn’t even cry. I just...left my body. I wanted to die.” Sarah covered her face with her hand, feeling a huge upwell of grief surging through her.
Ethan cursed softly, pulling Sarah into his arms, rocking her, holding her. “That sick sonofabitch,” he snarled. “I’m so sorry, Sarah...God...” His voice trembled with emotion. “It won’t
ever
happen again, Sarah. Not ever.”