Authors: Sammy King
That night we stopped at Harry’s chip shop and ate hamburgers and potato cakes out of the back of the panel van at the park, we watched as sweating and flustered mum’s snap at their kids who played lazily on the playground in the waning sun.
“I don’t want to go home yet, it’s still hot” I said as Dylan was scrunching up the salty chip paper to put in the bin.
“What do you want to do?” he called over his shoulder while he walked to the bin.
“Go up the mountain and watch the stars”
Dylan laughed, as he shut the back doors on the panel van, he called over the roof, as I got into the passenger seat.
“You know you never see any stars there, because of all the lights”
“It’ll be cooler there” I said, as Dylan got back in the car, and fired up the engine.
“Your right, let’s go”
The kids followed us with cheers, while the mothers looked on with distaste as Dylan spun the tyres, and covered them in white, stinking smoke. Laughter fell from my lips and I turned up the stereo, as we sped off up the Mountain, to the coolness of heights and the dazzling lights of city below us.
As we rounded the car park of the observatory, we saw Michael and Shelly sitting in their convertible red Volkswagen beetle, with the top down, and by the flickering of the lighter I knew they were passing the bong. Dylan pulled just short of the passenger window, honking his horn, as Shelly jumped and spun around, Dylan hung his hand out the window waving madly.
Shelly, got out the car, slapping the bonnet of the panel van with a laugh.
“What are you two up to then?” she said as she leant in the window, so we could see straight down between her bare breasts, her eyes red bloodshot and her breath stinking of dope smoke.
“Tilly’s gone away for the weekend. We are just trying to stay cool” Dylan said, I wound down the window for Michael to stick his head through.
“You babysitting mate?” Michael laughed, as he tussled my hair, I frowned at him, and looked over at Dylan, who winked at me.
“I might ask Shelly the same question mate” Dylan laughed, the look on Michaels face caused me to snort with laughter, a look of disbelief and anger. Michael shrugged, he strutted to the front of the van, where he rolled himself a smoke and lit up, leaning against the car, watching the lights.
We were all silent for what seemed forever, Michael and Shelly probably because they were off with the marijuana fairies, but for me, I watched the lights, the buzzing of the taillights up and down the highway. I hated it down there. It was too busy, too many people. I longed for a place where I could have space to move, a place where there was perpetual freedom.
I didn’t mean freedom from rules and laws, but to be able to dream, dance, and sing without someone hearing you, seeing you or questioning you, freedom without judgement. But there in the car that night, even despite being surrounded by people I had that taste of freedom. The silence was broken by Michael’s hacking cough from the front of the car. I jumped in surprise and felt Dylan’s hand on mine.
“You ok?” he asked, looking concerned.
I smiled, I was more than ok; I was feeling great.
“Yes”
“Wanna go somewhere else?” he said “Somewhere you can see the stars properly?”
I grinned and nodded.
“Youse goin’ already?” Shelly asked.
Dylan nodded as he fired up the car, there was no need for explanation with them, in fact they were probably glad to see us going; we were no doubt cramping their bong time.
Chapter Four.
We didn’t have to drive very far to find isolated places; the mountains are full of little dirt roads to hide in. One of our favourites was the dirt back road, and as we ambled and bounced our way down the narrow path, I could look up through the tree’s to glimpse the moon slightly crested and shining down. The road was beautiful but spooky all in one. The trees seem to loom over the road, their branches like the gnarled fingers of a mean old man. There were no street lights, just the headlights from the car, that seemed to cause shadows to dance in front and to the side of us and the moonlight that gave everything a slightly blue haze.
Dylan found a little cut out, where the trees were sparse enough that we could see the stars clearly, and as he killed the engine, the atmosphere seemed to thicken; the trees that were around us appeared bigger and more eerie than usual. I shivered involuntarily.
“You ok? You’re not cold are you?” Dylan asked as he rubbed my arm.
I shook my head.
“Just a bit spooked”
He smiled at me and put his arm out, touching my shoulder.
“Aww come here” he said pulling me into him.
He smelled so good; the smell of the river still lingered on his chest. I started to become a little nervous at my feelings. I felt safe, and it felt right here, but at the same time, I wanted him to take my face in his hands and kiss my lips. It wasn’t right; I knew that, Dylan was Tilly’s boyfriend and she hated me enough as it was. It wasn’t right. I shifted in my seat uncomfortable of the stirrings in my emotions that were going on, Dylan obviously mistook this as me still feeling spooked, as he held me tighter against his chest and kissed softly the top of my head. As intoxicating as the feeling was, it made me even more uncomfortable. Quickly I moved out of his arms, but he caught my hand.
“Mon, what’s wrong?” His eyes darkened, yet they twinkled in a wicked way that caused my heart to do flip flops.
Dylan still had my hand in his, it felt nice. He reached up and touched my face. I felt a tear begin to dribble from my eye. Dylan wiped it away with his finger, and let his fingers linger on my chin.
“Talk to me, Mon, what’s the matter? What’s making you cry?”
I shook my head; I didn’t know the words to tell him. How do you tell the man that’s in love with your sister, that you are falling in love with him? His touch lingered on my cheek, I could barely look into his eyes, as my heart ached, my fingers ached to touch him and the stirring that was building up between my legs was getting very hard to ignore.
“I, I don’t know what’s going on, I just feel weird”
Dylan ran his fingers through my hair and he shifted in his seat to come closer to me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and pulled me back against his chest, I could feel his face close to my cheek, his breath near my ear. He took my hand in his free hand, and entwined my fingers with his. Dylan pulled his face back, and then looked deep into my eyes. His eyes so dark, that I began to melt. I began to feel dizzy, my emotions were jumping about all over the place, and that was when I felt his lips, so gentle on mine. His lips opened my lips gently, as he pulled me in closer to him. I closed my eyes, taking in and trying to remember every feeling of my first kiss. His tongue touched my bottom lip. I tried to push away the guilt of knowing what I was doing was wrong, but I longed for it to never end.
But the kiss had to end. It had to stop. Dylan pulled away from me and turned to stare out his window into the darkness.
“I’m sorry Mon, I shouldn’t have done that, let’s just go home, ok?” he said, as he turned the key in the engine, bringing the panel van to life.
We were silent on the way home; I watched the world pass by, still able to feel Dylan’s lips on my lips, his tongue running across my bottom lip. There was a feeling deep down inside of me that I had never felt before and excitement like that which I had never experienced. When we pulled into the driveway, Dylan got out of the car without saying a word. It wasn’t until we were inside the flat, that he turned to me. He took my hand, and with his other hand touched my face again. That excitement began to mount, in anticipation of another kiss. But as quick as it came, he dropped my hand and turned away.
“Night Mon”
Dylan walked away and shut the door to his room. My heart sunk as the gravity of my actions, of my feelings, set in. I didn’t know how I would ever look at Dylan the same. And what if he hated me now? My mind was a spiral of thoughts, of self-doubt, guilt and lust. That night I hardly slept, I couldn’t stop thinking about my first kiss, but what it would mean for us, for all three of us.
I lay there looking at the roof of my make shift bedroom in Dylan and Tilly’s house, thinking about my first kiss. It wasn’t how I imagined it. I was sixteen years old, and had never found a boy that wanted to kiss me, I figured it was because of my clothes that were always dirty and the smell of smoke and bong water that seemed to constantly ooze from my pores even though I never touched either drug. No boys had ever been interested and I had never found a boy that I was interested in. But what Dylan did to me, the way he made me melt into a puddle. I had never felt it before with him, I always liked him and I wanted to be close to him as often as possible, because he made me feel safe. But what I felt there in the car on the back road of the mountain caused my insides to ache with desire. I wanted more than a kiss from him. I wanted to do all the things that I had been taught about in sex Ed; all the things that I had seen in the magazines that the boys at school stole from their dad’s. I wanted to feel every part of Dylan, I wanted to taste every inch of him. At that moment in the darkness of the room, Tilly never even existed as I fantasised what a life with Dylan would be like.
The next morning, as I came out of my room, I rubbed my eyes; exhausted from my fitful night’s sleep I could hear Dylan on the phone.
“Yep, ok, yeah I love you too”
I peeked around the corner, his face in a frown; he ran a hand over his face. He glanced up and gave me a small smile; I smiled back and went into the bathroom.
“Mon?” Dylan’s voice came through the toilet door.
“Yeah?”
“That was Tilly; she said that she’s going to stay on for the rest of the week”
My stomach almost did a backflip with excitement that meant a week more alone with Dylan. It would be a week without the wicked witch of the west. Maybe it meant another kiss.
“Mon?”
“Sorry, yeah, why is she going to do that?” I asked trying to keep the excitement out of my voice.
“I dunno, something about some special deal or something, I dunno, anyway she said she’s gonna ring you tonight”
“Ok”
I waited until I heard his footsteps away from the door, and I snuck out into my bedroom. I didn’t want him to see the big grin on my face that I couldn’t get rid of. When I thought that I could contain my excitement enough to face Dylan. I went and made myself some cereal, and plonked down on the couch in front of the television. Dylan was sprawled out in his favourite spot, on the floor, the black bean bag wedged under his head. His bare tattooed chest glistened with the sweat that reflected the hot morning; he ran his hands through his dark shoulder length curly hair. I couldn’t peel my eyes away from his chest; I wanted to trace the dragon tattoo on his chest with my tongue. I shifted in my seat, as I reminded myself that this was Tilly’s boyfriend. I could tell that he was feeling uncomfortable, but I didn’t know what to say to soothe it.
“Dylan? I’m sorry”
Dylan stopped running his hands through his hair, but didn’t say anything. I just stared down at my cereal, as if by some sort of prophecy it would give me the answer that I needed. Dylan shifted in the bean bag, and when I looked up, I saw that he was on his knees facing me. He came over to where I sat, and put his hands on my thighs. His eyes had darkened, and began to dance seductively. I felt my insides begin to flip flop again, as my body threatened to melt into a puddle in front of him.
“I don’t want you to be sorry Mon.” his voice gravelly and deeper than usual.
I stared down into my bowl and with one finger Dylan lifted my head and looked into my eyes. My excitement began to grow again, as I stared into his dark brown eyes that almost growled with sex appeal.
“If I didn’t want it to happen, I could have stopped it” he said his voice so thick, that I couldn’t sit still on the couch.
“But Tilly”
“I know, I know, let’s worry about that later, let’s get us right first” he said with a smile, he took my bowl from my hands and put it on the table beside him. I clamped my thighs shut, when I felt the whips of pleasure that was building and threatened to overflow.
Dylan moved my legs, so that he could get between my knees, I felt the warmth of his hands under my pyjama legs. He slowly moved his hands, up my thighs to my hips and sides and to my back. His touch was electric, and I could feel the heat of his body against mine. I closed my eyes with intoxication. I felt his lips, touch gently my chin, my cheeks, and brush past my lips. He hungrily moved his way over my neck and to the opening of my pyjama top. His hands moved from my back to the bottom of my pyjama top, and with the tips of his fingers began to explore the skin of my sides.
I sucked in my breath with pleasure, his fingers felt warm and his lips on my neck made my head spin with ecstasy.
“Have you ever?” he asked muffled against my neck.