River's End (9781426761140) (6 page)

“I understand,” Anna said as Clark eased the boat away from the dock. “But I really do need you to help me around the inn this summer. And that means you need some work clothes.”

Sarah sat in the back of the boat, folding her arms across her front and making the same expression she used to wear as a child, on those rare occasions when she didn't get her way with Anna. It was almost amusing. However, Anna was curious what was behind Sarah's strong resistance to getting new clothes. She could appreciate that Sarah loved her patchwork dress, since it had belonged to her friend Misty.

At the same time, Anna remembered back when Sarah had loved creating new clothes—and she'd been quite clever at it, too. Anna wondered what had squelched that enthusiasm. She decided to gently pursue an answer. She moved to the back of the boat, sitting down next to Sarah. “I was just thinking about that summer when we did tie-dye,” she began. “I
think you were about ten. Do you remember how we started out by experimenting on Clark's old T-shirts? Some of them looked pretty silly at first, but then we slowly improved our technique.”

“I used some of those old T-shirts as nightgowns when I was little,” Sarah added. “In fact, I even wore some of them in high school.”

Now Anna brought up some of the other projects she and Sarah had worked on together. “You were always so talented at designing clothes,” she said carefully. “Do you ever get the urge to sew anymore?”

Sarah just shrugged.

“You know, instead of only buying ready-made clothes, we could get some fabric and patterns if you like.”

Sarah's eyes flickered with a glimmer of interest. “Is that secondhand shop still around?”

“I'm sure it is.”

“Do you think we could look there?”

“I don't see why not.”

And so, after Clark dropped them off on the dock, they went directly to the secondhand shop and Sarah seemed almost like her old self as she meticulously went through the racks, examining one item after the next as if searching for treasure. She found a number of interesting pieces, and Anna didn't question any of them. After that, they went to regular clothing store where Anna insisted on getting Sarah some blue jeans.

“I don't know if I will wear those.” Sarah fingered the denim with a creased brow.

“Why not?”

Sarah frowned. “Women aren't supposed to dress in men's clothing.”

“What?” Anna studied Sarah closely, wondering if she'd heard her correctly.

“It's in the Bible or some other religious book,” Sarah said in a flat tone. “Women are not to wear men's clothes. It's wrong. Women are supposed to look like women, not men.”

Anna blinked. “But these jeans are made for women.” She showed her the tag. “And if you work in the garden or go fishing, you'll probably want them.”

Sarah just shook her head.

“Well, I'm getting them anyway,” Anna told her. “Just in case.” She also picked up some T-shirts, although Sarah looked unenthused about them as well. Did she think they were sinful, too? Anna wondered if Sarah had been somewhat brainwashed at the commune. What sort of people were they?

“Maybe you'll want to transform these pieces into something else too,” Anna said as they exited the store with their purchases. “But at least you'll have something to wear to work in besides your patchwork dress.”

“Can we still go to the fabric store?” Sarah pointed across the street with what seemed a small spark of enthusiasm.

“Absolutely,” Anna gladly agreed. And for the next hour, they shopped for fabric and trims and ribbons. And it almost seemed that Sarah was enjoying herself. Finally it was time to meet Clark at the dock. He and Anna exchanged looks as they boarded the boat loaded with all their bags. “Looks like you girls had successful shopping,” he said as he helped stow their purchases.

“We really did,” Anna told him. “And Sarah's going to work on some new creations.”

“Can't wait to see that,” he said cheerfully.

Soon they were heading upriver, but Sarah seemed back in a sullen mood again. Anna made attempts at small talk, but Sarah was not responding. They were about halfway home when Sarah turned to Anna with a worried expression. “Do you think it's evil to look pretty?”

“Evil?” Anna repeated. “To look pretty?”

“Isn't vanity wicked?” Sarah tried again. “And wanting to be pretty is like vanity, right? So is it evil?”

Anna was trying to think of a response when she suddenly thought of her grandmother. “You remind me of my grandmother,” she told Sarah.

Sarah looked confused. “Huh?”

“My grandmother was creative like you,” Anna explained. “She was very good with her hands, and she liked making pretty things with beads and embellishments, like the native cape that's hanging in the living room. Do you think that's pretty?”

Sarah nodded.

“And I remember my grandmother telling me that we should imitate the birds and flowers.”

“What do you mean?”

“She knew that Jesus had said we should be like the birds and flowers in that we shouldn't worry about clothes and food because God provides for us. But my grandmother took it a bit further. She used to say that we should imitate the birds and flowers by wearing colorful clothes, pretty like petals and feathers. She said that was like complimenting God on his fine workmanship. Because we were imitating God's creativity.”

Sarah's mouth twisted to one side as if she was mentally chewing on this. “So you don't think it's wicked to look pretty then?”

“Do you think birds and flowers are sinful?”

“No, of course not.”

“Yet they are pretty. So why should people be any different?”

“I don't know . . .” Sarah looked down at her patchwork dress, fingering a section of floral fabric.

“And your dress is pretty,” Anna told her.

Sarah looked up with troubled eyes. “This dress caused a fight and Daniel said that it was because of vanity. And that vanity is wicked. And wickedness must be punished.”

Anna thought she didn't care much for this Daniel fellow. “But you still wear this dress,” she said quietly. “Do you think that means you're wicked?”

Sarah shrugged.

“I think I would define wickedness the same way I define sin. It's doing something that hurts you or someone else or doing something that comes between you and God.”

“Like vanity,” Sarah said.

“Well, I guess I'd have to agree that vanity isn't a good thing sometimes. Especially if people get too caught up in outward appearances.” Anna remembered how Lauren and Eunice used to be sometimes. She certainly didn't wish that for Sarah. “I don't think too much focus on one's self and one's appearance is healthy.”

“Do you think it's wicked?”

“I suppose it could be if it hurt you or someone else,” Anna admitted. “Now I have a question for you, Sarah. Do you remember how you used to feel when you created a special piece of clothing?”

Sarah nodded slowly. “Yeah . . . I felt pretty good.”

“You enjoyed creating something pretty, didn't you?”

She nodded again.

“Did that seem wicked or evil to you?”

“No . . . I guess not.”

Clark was slowing down the engine and easing the boat up to the dock. Anna wanted to say more, but at the same time, she wanted to be careful not to say too much. She knew that Sarah was processing a lot right now . . . and Anna didn't want to interfere with it. All this talk of wickedness and vanity was
very illuminating. The commune Sarah had left behind obviously had some strange religious roots.

Anna had heard stories of various communes where “spiritual” leaders would concoct their own brand of religion in order to keep the members under their control. Anna suspected that Daniel had been a leader like that. It sounded as if he'd used portions of religious teachings to shackle his followers, to ensure that he kept the upper hand. He'd probably kept a pretense of caring for them but had actually crippled them instead. Like a wolf in sheep's clothing. Anna was so thankful that Sarah had escaped from that place. Now if only she could escape the twisted thinking as well.

Anna had reason to feel hopeful during the next week. Sarah was not only good help around the busy inn; she seemed to be happier, too. But as the weekend rolled along, Anna realized that Hazel would be home on Monday.

“I thought you might like to move back into your old room,” she told Sarah on Sunday morning. They were cleaning up after breakfast.

Sarah frowned. “My room in the house?”

Anna gave the table a last swipe. “Yes, because Hazel will be back from her trip tomorrow.”

“And she'll want the cabin back,” Sarah said glumly.

“You used to love your room in the house,” Anna reminded her. “I remember how you'd run to it with your bags and—”

“When I was a child.”

Anna wanted to point out that Sarah wasn't much more than that now but knew she'd take that as an insult. “I wish we had an available cabin,” Anna told her. “But we're full up clear into September.” She knew that Clark had been considering building more cabins back toward the woods, but she'd felt they had more than enough on their hands already. Now she
wished he had time to build just one more. “There's room at Babette's house,” she said tentatively.

“You mean where Lauren stays?”

Anna nodded as she dropped the washrag into the bucket of sudsy water. “There's a nice spare room there and—”

“You want to shove me off onto Lauren now?” Sarah looked at Anna with wounded eyes.

“No, I wanted you to move back into your own room. But you don't seem to want that.”

Sarah swept the last of the debris into the dustpan then dumped it in the trash. “Maybe I don't belong here.” Anna went over to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Of course, you belong here, Sarah. This is your home.” She waved her hands. “Someday it will all be yours, for you and your children and grandchildren and—”

“I never want to have children,” Sarah said sharply.

Anna frowned. “Why?”

“Because this world is a horrible place to bring children into.”

Anna looked out the window toward the peaceful river. “I happen to love this world, Sarah. You used to love it, too.”

“That was before I knew how much evil there was in it.” With a grim expression, Sarah carried the broom and dustpan to the kitchen.

Anna followed her in, emptying the bucket of water into the sink. She rinsed it out then turned to look at Sarah, carefully planning her next words. “I don't understand all that happened while you were living at the commune,” she said, “but I worry that some of the things you learned there may have been wrong.”

Sarah pressed her lips together. “I'll admit that Daniel taught some things that sounded wrong, but not Aaron. Aaron was a good man. He was very close to God.”

Anna really didn't want to argue about this. Mostly she wanted to resolve the question of where Sarah would stay once Hazel returned. “So . . . do you really have a problem with your old room?” she asked.

Sarah shrugged. “I'll move back to my old room. Hazel can have the cabin.” But something in her tone still sounded hurt.

“I want to ask Clark about building some new cabins,” Anna told her. “Then you could have one of your very own. Just like Hazel.”

Sarah seemed to brighten at this. “How long would that take?”

“I'm not sure exactly. Probably a month or so. But you could ask Clark.” She turned off the light in the kitchen. “I can help you move your things into the house, if you want.”

“That's okay. I don't have much.”

“And I'll ask Diane to give it a good cleaning before Hazel arrives. I think she's not due until late in the afternoon. I thought we could have a little welcome home party for her. You know she's retired from teaching so she'll be living here full time from now on.”

Sarah just nodded.

“And I'll ask Clark to get started with a cabin as soon as possible,” Anna told her.

“I told Janelle I'd help her in the kitchen this afternoon,” Sarah said. “I better go.”

Anna wanted to tell her one more thing, but she just couldn't force the words out. Not yet. She wanted to gently warn Sarah that Lauren was due to return to work in a few days. Anna had tried to talk Lauren into taking a third week off, but she'd insisted that she missed the inn and everyone . . . too much to stay away. “I'm already counting the days, Mom. I'm homesick,” she said sadly. “I've painted and cleaned and gardened,
and I want to come back to work at the inn. Please, don't banish me for another week.”

“You're not banished, Lauren. Of course you can come back. It's just that it'll be a bit of a challenge. For Sarah, I mean.”

“I'll try not to cross Sarah's path,” Lauren promised. “I'll probably be in the office most of the time anyway. I'm sure there's plenty to catch up on in there.”

“Yes, and Sarah is doing better.” Anna told her about some of the clothes Sarah had created. Of course she didn't mention Sarah's anxiety about wearing jeans. And, really, what did it matter if she only wore dresses? “But you need to understand that she's still not the same as before. I can tell she still needs time . . . to work things out . . . and to heal.”

“And I won't force her to talk to me,” Lauren assured her. “I've thought this whole thing through, and I'm beginning to understand her feelings. Honestly, I don't want to make things worse for her. I've messed up enough where she's concerned. I realize this.”

“Good.” Anna sighed. “And somehow we'll get through this, Lauren.”

With so much going on at the inn, caring for the multitude of guests, planning a little welcome home party for Hazel, Anna didn't have time to be overly concerned about Sarah and Lauren's upcoming reunion—and when worries assaulted, she simply prayed them away.