River's End (River's End Series, #1) (9 page)

When Jack mentioned she should expect more from her boyfriends, he didn’t realize his statement made her nearly lose her footing. It was so simple, so logical, so what most girls expected. But no one had ever said something like that before to her. No one. Not one person had ever said,
hey, maybe you should respect yourself a little more, and expect a little more out of men
. Her mother was worse than she was; and her brother? Well, he’d just as soon spit on her, hit her, trip her, or mock her, as he would glance at her. And as for a father? There never was a father. Only stepfathers. And multiple boyfriends for Mom.

She leaned back on the cool, lumpy river rocks as anxiety filled her chest. She hated her life and who she was. She hated her mother for sending her adrift in a world she could not navigate. How could her mother have done that to her? Her mother knew she couldn’t survive like other adults in the world, and still, she chose to kill herself and abandon her daughter.

She had to leave the ranch. There was no place for her there. And it wouldn’t be long before Chance did just as she warned Jack. Perhaps she shouldn’t have warned him, but she clearly saw Chance eyeing up the metal box. She’d seen that look before: when Chance stole from their mother and ran off. The only difference was their mother never had a lot of money, but the Rydells did.

She was hastening her own exile, but she couldn’t stand by without at least warning Jack.

Jack was suddenly very different to her than what she’d first thought of him. When she first arrived, he seemed so fierce, she avoided even looking at him. But now? Now she couldn’t take her eyes off him. As she watched him move and work around the ranch, it was like watching someone do what he was meant to do. Every muscle and movement were in sync. His face grew more handsome the more she knew of him, watched him, and talked to him. He became younger, and when he smiled, she felt a punch in her stomach. It stunned her. She didn’t know what it was or why. She didn’t know what to make of Jack being only nine years older than she. It changed everything somehow. He wasn’t quite so much her dad’s age, as she originally thought.

Maybe she preferred he be closer to her father’s age, because she was starting to find his personality utterly compelling, far more than any of the other brothers. Even Joey. And now she knew why. Joey was a kid. Joey was already bored with her. He never wanted to talk much to her. Or, as Jack noted, even do minimal niceties for her.

She needed to get a job. Her money was dwindling with every trip to the market she made to survive there. She was living about as cheaply as one could, but she still needed to get a job. She bit her lip and tears filled her eyelids. How could she get a job without her mother?

Who would fill out all her paperwork? Who could she ask to help her read and write out an employment application? Chance? If she had to ask her brother, she’d have to deal with his taunts, jeers, and name-calling. He loved to point out how stupid she was, for even he could read. Even the debauched asshole, Chance Poletti, could read a damn restaurant menu.

She needed a job in order to survive once her brother took off. And she needed someone to help her get it. She sat up on the rocks. She couldn’t ask Jack. She couldn’t face the humiliation of asking him. This man, who ran the ranch and raised two kids and his brothers, would never understand how stupid and helpless she felt in the world he nearly totally dominated. She could ask Joey, but she sensed Joey wouldn’t care enough to take the time to help her. Who then? Who could help her? Who would want to help her?

She sighed.
Ben.
Ben could read and write and he could help her. He might even have a crush on her, which just might make him want to help her more.

Ben was crossing the yard toward Shane’s shop when Erin caught up with him.

“Ben? Can I talk to you?”

Ben turned at her approach with a smile and his eyes ran over her. She hugged Joey’s jacket around herself, not intending to use Ben’s fascination with her to get what she wanted. “Sure. What’s up?”

“I need your help.”

“My help? With what?”

He was fifteen and probably wouldn’t understand an adult being illiterate. She couldn’t trust him with the knowledge; nor should she burden him to keep it a secret. Yet, she needed a job, and she needed money. She had to ask Ben to do this favor for her.

“I need to get a job.”

“Okay. There might be something in town. Or you could ask my dad. There’s always work around the ranch.”

The ranch? She’d never given that a thought. She might be able to work without filling out any forms. She could learn to do whatever Jack wanted, couldn’t she?

“Does he hire women?”

“He isn’t like a chauvinist or anything.”

“I don’t ride.”

“Oh. Well, in that case, town might be a better place.”

Erin licked her lips, closing her eyes before slowly opening them. “I can’t fill out the employment applications.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t—I can’t read, Ben.”

His eyes rounded. “Are you for real? Why not?”

She shrugged and glanced up towards the tops of the mountains. “We moved a lot and I got lost in so many schools, somehow, I never managed to catch up. Then I needed special help and was never in any one place long enough to get it. Eventually, I gave up. I finally got a job. I’m a hard worker. I just can’t read.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“I need someone to help me fill out the forms.”

“Why me?”

“Because my brother will mock me, and everyone else wants me to leave here. I thought maybe you would help me and not think I’m totally stupid.”

Ben’s face changed towards her. She wasn’t sure why. “I’ll help you, Erin.”

“You will?”

“I will. And I won’t tell anyone. I promise.”

Impulsively, she got on her tiptoes and hugged Ben’s tall, lanky body. He awkwardly patted her back. She almost smiled at how uncomfortable and young Ben seemed. His entire neck and face turned red.

“I’ll go to town first thing tomorrow and see what I can find.”

“All right, just let me know.”

Erin turned to walk away, but first, she smiled at him. “Thank you, Ben, you have no idea how much this means to me.”

****

Erin spent all day in Pattinson, which was a far larger town than River’s End and even sported its own McDonalds. She was looking for employment and returned to the ranch mid-afternoon, carrying several application packets. Now all she had to do was figure out which job she could do while remaining an illiterate idiot. She was a good waitress. Everyone thought she was brilliant when she managed to remember all the orders and drinks without ever writing anything down. Little did anyone know it was purely survival; she simply couldn’t write it down under pressure or quick enough, so she had to remember it all. It was her best chance at work around there, or so it seemed.

That afternoon, and the following three, Ben ventured out to the trailer and helped her painstakingly make her way through four applications. She could write decently enough, it just took her an unreasonable amount of time. What she couldn’t do was read what to write. And Ben had to correct a lot of her words. When they finally finished, she sighed and closed her eyes in relief. The task exhausted her. She could never thank Ben enough for his help. He was kind and straightforward, with no comments about her stupidity or slowness. The next day, she couldn’t wait to turn them all in, hoping she got a call back. She had to use the Rydells’ phone number as her contact, along with the ranch as her place of residence. Ben promised to try and field the calls while not mentioning to his dad that she used the ranch address as her home.

Needing to relax, Erin changed from her skirt and sandals into her jeans and tennis shoes. She started to head out towards the barn when she heard her name being called. Joey was jogging towards her. She hadn’t seen him since discovering his young age. An uncomfortable warmth filled her and she felt more awkward with Joey now than before they slept together.

“Jack mentioned you’d never been around the horses. He kind of reamed my ass for not noticing that, but anyway… you want to come for a ride with me?”

Erin gulped back her fear.
Shit. Get on a horse?
Sure, she loved to reach into the horses’ stalls and pet their silky noses and necks. But stand right next to a horse? Or get up on one?

“I don’t know how to ride.”

“I know. It’s not hard. I’ll teach you.”

“Really?”

She felt a spark of interest. When would she ever get such a chance again? Perhaps she could learn to ride a horse? She licked her lips and straightened her shoulders. “Okay, Joey. I’ll try.”

He grinned and she blinked, still just as surprised by his blonde good looks and killer smile as before. No wonder she failed to notice how young his eyes were.

Joey led her into the barn and spent the next twenty minutes saddling his mount. Then he pulled Georgie out of the stall and saddled her. Erin watched with utter fascination. Staring up at Georgie, the horse she was supposed to ride, sent beads of sweat trickling down her back.

“Are you sure I can do this?”

“Sure. We’ve had lots of novice riders here. Georgie’s a stop and go horse. She doesn’t do much except follow my mount, or try and eat along the trail. All of our horses are trained the same. I’ll show you the commands, but with Georgie, you pretty much only need to hold on and keep your balance. Come here; I’ll help you up.”

Joey lifted one of Erin’s legs to help her mount Georgie before placing them into the stirrups, which he adjusted. He handed her the reins, showing her how to hold them and said to barely move her fingers when indicating which way she wanted to turn, or stop. She was amazed at the barely-there pressure she needed to exert on the reins before the horse responded. It was amazing how sensitive the horses were.

“Worse case, pull one rein as hard as you can, so the horse's nose is facing towards its butt. They can’t run if they’re going in a circle.”

She listened closely as Joey explained how to squeeze her knees, using firm, but gentle pressure against the horse’s stomach to match her steering commands. Her butt already hurt and her body was taut with nerves, so Joey told her to relax, as the horse could sense her anxiety. She tried to breathe as Joey advised, and focused far out in front of her, instead of on the horse’s ears, which felt more natural. Joey explained that watching their ears caused the horse to look straight down. However, if she looked ahead to where she was going, apparently, so did the horse. She had no idea horses were so sensitive, or that their massive heights and great muscles took so little to control. She felt sure she had to use more strength in holding back a dog than she did in prompting Georgie through the few commands Joey tested her on out in the corral. Finally, after fifteen minutes, Joey mounted his horse, which was named Commander, and started up the driveway with a click of his tongue. Georgie followed right behind Commander, and suddenly, she was riding a horse.

She gulped back the fear, and clutched onto the saddle horn with every ounce of her fiber. She told herself to breathe in and out, as if she were in yoga class. She ordered her stomach to cease cramping and churning with nerves. She was terrified. The horse was so high off the ground. Although Georgie plodded along as slowly and calmly as a golf cart, she could feel the awesome power beneath her. If the horse chose to take off, or turn, or abruptly stop, Erin would be at her mercy.

She was very aware of the four heavy hooves that stomped down, and how easily they could trample her if she fell. She barely registered her eyes on the trail Joey followed. So busy remembering all the instructions on how to ride, there was no way she could enjoy the beautiful landscapes they were traversing. Until they began to climb. Looking around, she saw they’d taken off from the dirt road and were now… nowhere. Not on any trail or road. They were crossing over sagebrush and fresh, untrodden grasses. There were pine trees all around them and nothing else. They climbed up one hill, then another. However, Erin nearly closed her eyes through it all. She held the reins tightly around the saddle horn and her breathing increased. She thought she was going to faint if she looked down.

They were climbing up a freaking mountain!

Being directly over the ranch now, she looked below, and saw the most incredible view of her life. The ranch, in all its glory, spread out over the valley and the river was now only a small, shiny line, stretching this way and that across the valley floor. She was on what felt like the top of the world. The sky seemed much closer, and the world below oh so tinier.

If her horse misstepped, even by six inches, she would surely plummet to her death down the mountain, which dropped precipitously below her. Having come up the mountain from one side, the one which was a gentle rise of hills, now they were nearly at the top of the mountain. It dropped a good two hundred feet to the road, straight below them.

She wanted to turn around. But there was no way she could. She was stuck. The only escape from this stretch of trail was to continue forward. Her throat felt so swollen with the anxiety lodged there, she couldn’t even yell at Joey. Her breathing grew more rapid as her head felt lighter; she was getting dizzy. She was going to die. That’s all she could think of as she stared straight down. Then she saw the small, dirt footpath her massive horse was supposed to follow. It was no more than a deer trail, if that.

She knew she was going to faint. She could feel her chest tightening, and her breathing grew more difficult. Something was wrong.

“Joey,” she finally managed to croak out through her ever-tightening throat. “Joey, help me.”

Joey turned in his saddle. He hadn’t so much as glanced at her once while they rode. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped when he finally saw her. He stopped his horse, dropping the reins and jumping down. The horse didn’t move a single step. Joey walked uphill from her until he was right next to her.

“Shit, Erin, what’s the matter?”

“Can’t breathe,” she said, starting to really panic now.

“You’re white as a sheet. Okay, okay, Erin, calm down, and take some deep breaths. Are you scared?”

She nodded, but wanted to scream.
Was she scared?
She was terrified. She was about to die from plunging down a steep mountain. After being thrown from a five-hundred-pound animal. And Joey wanted to know if she was scared?

He looked genuinely surprised by her reaction. “Okay, let’s get you down. It’s okay, Erin. Really, you’re fine.”

He helped her down off her horse and pulled her uphill from the horses by a few feet before setting her down on the grass. They sat fifty feet from the top of the mountain, and when she looked down, she saw they were crossing a narrow, flat section before the land completely became a steep rock that dropped straight down. There wasn’t a hint of humanity, and only the strange, far-off sound of wind moving over the grasses. It was almost eerie in its silence.

“I think you’re having a panic attack.”

A panic attack?
She put her head in between her knees. No way. It had to be more than that. She had to be dying, judging by the pain in her chest, and the dizziness of her head. Joey kept encouraging her to breathe. Then to slow down her breathing and just think calming thoughts. She did that until she opened her eyes and saw the view: she was indeed
on top of a mountain
with two horses grazing not twenty feet from her. There was no way down. She was petrified. It felt like concrete had been poured around her ass.

After another ten minutes, Joey quit talking. Finally, he asked, “Are you okay?”

She shook her head no. Joey looked around, utterly lost. “Maybe I should go get Jack.”

Erin lifted her eyes. She didn’t want Jack to know, but her head was swimming and she couldn’t speak. Joey looked into her eyes. “Yeah, I’d better go get him. I’m not sure what else to do. You have to get on the horse, or walk down; you can’t stay here.”

She shook her head adamantly in fear. She wasn’t moving.

Joey stood up over her, running his hands through his hair. “I’m going to get Jack. I’ll be back as fast as I can. I promise. Okay?”

No!
So not okay. He intended to leave her on top of this mountain all alone? She thought she’d pass out from the dizzying fear of that suggestion. She couldn’t look down. She had to turn her head towards the upside of the hill. Joey finally patted her shoulder with more banal words of comfort. Then he left her there, all alone, dragging Georgie by a lead rope behind him. Erin pulled her legs up to her chest, and curled up into a ball as tears flooded over her eyes and she tried to remember to breathe in and out.

****

Jack was finishing up some invoices in the office when he heard the stomp of horse hooves and loud yelling. He stood up and ran out of the office, through the barn and into the yard to find Joey riding hell-bent down the driveway towards him with Georgie right behind him, saddled and riderless.
What the hell?