Road to Recovery (29 page)

She willed her feet to move in the
direction of her father’s study, stopped, and stood in the middle
of the room, hopeless and lost.

Tentatively, even a bit awkwardly, he
reached for her, and put his arms around her shoulders. “I’m
sorry,” he whispered in her ear. “You didn’t need to hear any of
that. Your mother loves you, in her own way. It’s just not the way
you or Mac need,” he tried to explain.

“
How can you defend her? And
if you are going to, then there is nothing left for me to say.” She
stared through the tears that gathered in her eyes. She fought to
keep them from falling, not wanting him to think she was weak. She
never dropped her guard around him, ever.

“
Come, sit down. I promise
not to defend your mother. There is no excuse for what she said.
But rest assured, she does love you and Mac. I don’t think she is
capable of showing her true self to anyone. Not even me. It’s the
way she is. She was right, though, she has given me almost
everything I’ve asked for. Just not the way I expected when I
proposed to her all those years ago. Honestly, Brooklyn, I wanted a
peaceful home at the end of the day. I was young and stupid, and
didn’t really look at how she was managing things. I was happy to
not have to deal with any stress at home. I took things for granted
and shouldn’t have.”

He looked at the room absently, cleared
his throat and paused for a moment. “I’m not the easiest person to
be married to. As you know, I wasn’t around much. I am more now,
but I lost so much of your and Mac’s lives. I never realized it
until your accident last year, when I thought I was going to lose
you. I had to take a good look at my life back then—and yours. I
didn’t like what I saw. It’s like I blinked and lost twenty-five
years along the way.”

His eyes started to gloss up, he looked
up at the ceiling, waited a minute, then spoke again. “I have so
many regrets. I never meant for you or Mac to be raised that way.
It wasn’t what I thought would happen. But it was easier to let
your mother have her way. I was too focused on my career. And I was
wrong. I never saw it, not until it was too late.”

Swallowing past the lump in her throat,
she asked, “Did you know about Robbie?”

Taking a deep breath, he nodded, but
then clarified. “Just rumors. But I was afraid they were true. We
don’t need to talk about it, if you don’t want to.” He pulled her
closer, squeezed her shoulder, she dropped her arms that had been
crossed firmly in front of her.

“
I don’t. Not now. Maybe
never.” She took a page from his book, looked up at the ceiling,
and fought the tears from falling some more.

He gripped her shoulders with both of
his hands, turning her to face him. “Be mad at me. Something. I
deserve your anger. I deserve your hatred. Don’t keep fighting
everything back,” he implored, giving her shoulders the barest
shake.

She shook her head. “Does it even
matter anymore? Does my being angry with you right now change the
last twenty-nine years of my life? Does it change the way you’ve
felt or treated me all those years?”

He released her shoulders, reached out
and wiped a tear from her cheek. “No. It doesn’t change anything in
the past. But what about the future? I want to make it right. I
want to do better by you. And by Mac. I can’t do that if you won’t
give me a chance.”

Not trusting herself, she moved a few
steps away. She wanted to believe him, he sounded sincere, but
instead she fought the urge. “I don’t know if I have it in me to
give you a chance. I don’t know if I have it in me to be let down
again. I stopped hoping you would change years ago.”

He nodded his head, but his voice
cracked when he spoke again. “Understood. Can I ask you a question?
You don’t owe me anything. You don’t have to answer if you don’t
want to. But are you happy? Did I do the right thing for once, at
least?” His eyes were full of hope.

“
Right thing? What are you
talking about?” she asked, confused.

He held her stare, then suddenly it
became clear and her face turned red. “My job. You got me that job,
didn’t you?” She moved further away from him, turned and glared. “I
found it odd that everything happened so fast. That a position like
that opened up and seemed to fall into my lap. It all seemed too
good to be true. How could you?” Another tear slipped down her
cheek, her chest rising and falling.

He held up his hand. “Stop right there.
It’s not exactly what you think. I overheard you telling Mac about
the position when you applied. I made a phone call. I didn’t pull
strings. I made a call to a colleague on the board there, nothing
more.”

“
Of course they weren’t
going to turn down
your
daughter,” she said in disgust.

“
I hoped they wouldn’t, but
if they did I would have dropped it. No one knows, Brooklyn. I
promise you that. Not your boss, nor Lucas. All I did was ask that
your résumé be pushed along to the right person, nothing more. You
got hired on your own. You deserved the job. I made sure they gave
you the chance for an interview. Nothing more,” he
repeated.

He continued to watch her, to look for
any signs that she might understand, but she didn’t. Didn’t
understand anything that was happening this morning. She was good
at keeping her emotions locked up. Her face hardly ever revealed
what was going on in her mind. She knew he could tell was angry,
and that was only by her stiff body language and the tears rolling
down her cheek, but she refused to give him anymore.

“
I’m not sorry I did it. You
deserve to be happy. And you couldn’t get there if you stayed here
in this town. I was trying to correct the wrong that was done to
you for so long. I hope in time you can forgive me.”

She nodded her head once. “I should
go.”

She walked to the door and then paused
when he called her name. She didn’t turn around though. “If it’s
any consolation, I think you found the person to make you happy.
And I hope that someday you will look back and maybe realize that
for all the wrong that was done to you, by trying to make it right,
I put you in the path of that happiness.”

“
I want to help her, Mom.
But she won’t let me in. She won’t let me help her,” Lucas pleaded
to his mother.

It had been three days since they
returned from Burlington. He could still remember Brooke’s face
when she returned to Mac’s late Sunday morning, hollow and
defeated.

Neither Mac nor he could get her to say
what happened. She hid within herself, said she was going to go
pack and would be ready to leave within the hour.

The drive home was even more somber.
Every attempt he made to cheer her up or smile had been wasted. She
had either nodded or gave short answers to his questions as she
stared out the window.

He thought for sure she would have
asked to be brought home when they returned to his house a few
hours later, but she didn’t. Together they sat on his deck and
watched the sunset in silence.

He had finally given up and decided to
wait her out, hoping she would eventually say something. Or at
least move on from the weekend and back to where they were before
the trip. But now, here he was at his mom’s house, praying she
could shed some light on what he could do to help
Brooke.

“
That’s the problem with you
men.” Michele patted him on the cheek in a loving gesture. “You all
think we need your help. We only let you think that,” she said with
as much humor as she could muster.

He pulled out a chair to sit down while
she worked around the kitchen preparing dinner. He was at his wit’s
end and felt he had nowhere to turn. Mac wasn’t having any luck
getting information out of Brooke, either.

“
I want to make her happy.
She deserves to be happy. You didn’t see her that day. She was so
dejected and withdrawn. I’ve never seen anyone look like that
before,” he explained, feeling both distraught and defeated at the
same time.

Michele stopped what she was doing and
stood in front of him. “You need to give her time. However much she
has told you about her life, the small part you witnessed this past
weekend doesn’t tell the whole story. I imagine it’s much worse
than you know. Mac turned out fine, but Brooke runs deeper. She
feels deeper. Just because she doesn’t show it, doesn’t mean it’s
not there.”

He reached up and pulled her into his
lap, wrapped his arms around her, and then laid his head on her
shoulder, needing his mother’s reassurance. “I love her so much,”
he whispered.

“
I know you do, honey.
Anyone can see it. Even her.”

When he lifted his head to look at her
imploringly, she repeated, “Yes, even her. Women know when someone
loves them. She has to decide for herself if she is ready. You’re
focusing on her whole life, but you’re forgetting what happened to
her in the last year. She hasn’t recovered nearly as much as
everyone thinks she has. Physically maybe. Emotionally, not even
close.”

***

By the end of the week, Lucas was
starting to get worried. Brooke was eating less and working harder.
She had lost a few pounds that she couldn’t afford to lose and he
was afraid she was going to make herself ill. Enough was enough and
it was time to address the situation.

She was in her kitchen preparing a
quick dinner when he walked in and gave her a kiss. The sadness in
her eyes was the last straw. Suddenly wanting to ease into the
subject was a thing of the past. Watching her break right in front
of his eyes and not being able to do anything about it was killing
him.

“
Brooke, you have to talk to
me, please.”

“
I’m fine.”

“
No, you’re not.”

***

She started to turn to get something
out of the refrigerator, but he reached for her arm before she
could step away. All Brooke felt was the hand on her arm turning
her around. She didn’t see Lucas standing in front of her. She saw
another man in front of her, one that hurt her deeply, one that had
lied, and betrayed her. Humiliated her. And she snapped.

“
I don’t owe you a damn
thing. Let go of me right now!” She jerked her arm out of his
grasp, spun around, her eyes wide.

He was stunned.

She fisted her hands and covered her
eyes, rubbed them a few seconds, then dropped them down, looked at
him, without really seeing. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled
for.”

“
You’re right. It was. But
why don’t you explain why you reacted like that? What is going
on?”

“
Why do you want to know?
Why does it even matter anymore?” she asked, tired of
fighting.

“
It matters because I love
you.” She froze, eyes wide in shock again. But that didn’t stop
him. “Yeah, that’s right. I love you. Why are you so afraid of
that? Why are you suddenly looking like you need to run for the
door because I said that? Is my loving you so bad?”

“
You don’t know who I am. I
can’t give you what you want.” She lowered herself onto the
barstool. “You deserve someone better than me. Someone who can love
you the way you want it, the way you need it. I don’t know if I
even have it in me to do that.” She saw the hurt spread across his
face. Hurt at her harsh words.

“
You don’t know that. You
don’t even let yourself try.”

Bitterly she shook her head. “Yes, I
have. I tried once. It didn’t work out.”

Threading his hands through his hair,
his arms and chest tense, he shouted back at her, “Why? Because
Robbie died? You loved someone and he died. So you think you can’t
love again? You won’t even talk about him, nothing. Why are you so
afraid to even say his name? I’m not going to be upset if you want
to talk about him, not if it helps you heal.”

Her laugh was humorless and cold. “You
don’t know anything about it.”

“
Because you won’t tell
me!”

Pushing herself off the barstool, she
started to walk away. She had enough of this. She’d taken two
steps, and then she stopped, turned back to him and blurted out.
“Because it’s my fault.” She slammed her fist into her chest. “It’s
my fault Robbie died.”

Lucas remained calm, even though she
saw the shock on his face. “How can it be your fault? You weren’t
even driving.”

“
No, I wasn’t. But if it
weren’t for me, we wouldn’t have been in the car in the first
place, let alone crashing. You want to know what happened so bad?”
she asked bitterly. “Fine, I’ll share my humiliation.”

The memories started to flood her brain
as she began. They were at Robbie’s parents’ house for a dinner
party. His father’s cigar smoke was giving her a headache, so she
excused herself for some fresh air.

Robbie had been nowhere to be seen for
at least twenty minutes. Nothing new there. He always seemed to
disappear, leaving her to fend for herself.

Walking the grounds in the quiet night,
she heard voices over by the gazebo, voices she recognized, and
went over to investigate. She could see them through a crack in the
bushes, but they couldn’t see her.