Rock Dirty (Rock Candy #2) (5 page)

Then she moved that little devil in a spiral around the head of my cock all while putting expert pressure on my balls. It was more than enough. I came like a freight train, surrendering to the force of the passion surging through me. Nikki swallowed everything like a pro and the more she took, the more I gave. Hell, the more eager I was to give it to her.

After what felt like forever, when maybe
all
the fluid was out of my body, I collapsed on the sofa, smiling when she curled up next to me.

Taking that detour in LaGuardia?

Best damn decision of my life.

CHAPTER FOUR

Nikki

Tucker reached over and brought the fresh strawberry to my mouth.

After I’d given him a blow job, we’d cuddled and snoozed on the couch for a long time, and now we were having lunch out on Claude’s balcony. The view was as breathtaking as always. From where we sat, enjoying fruit, crepes, and fresh cured meats, we could see the expanse of the Parisian skyline, which included Notre Dame and the Eiffel Tower as well as the other buildings and landmarks that were so famous around the world. Around us, cars honked and birds sang. Paris liked to think of itself as more refined, but it was a metropolitan city like any other. Today, in the middle of the week, people were rushing to and from work.

It was a living, breathing being around us.

And I loved listening to its heartbeat.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Tucker asked.

I was thinking how much fun I was having with Tucker, while at the same time pushing back thoughts that I was crazy. That I should be working preparing for my show, including all the smaller events leading up to it.

But I had to do something to release all my pent up stress, didn’t I? Doing Tucker was obviously something I’d found difficult to resist. Even now, I tried to imagine how the stellar cock I’d touched and tasted earlier would feel moving inside me. Hell, I almost couldn’t think of anything else. And no wonder. We were dressed, but I’d spent the last couple hours pressed up against him. He was lean but he was also cut. I loved the lines of his body, the rigid peaks and valleys of his six-pack abs and the broad expanse of his chest. I now knew that he had several other tattoos, including one over his left hip—a bright orange tiger leaping from crimson flames.

God, Tucker Benning couldn’t be more rock and roll if he tried.

Nothing like living the cliché, but I knew a lot about that. I’d lived it too, hadn’t I? I’d been a typical celebutante through most of my teens and too much of my early twenties, a predictable poor little rich girl. Partying hard and blowing money. First, to hide the fact all I wanted was my mommy’s approval, something I was likely never going to get. Second, to drown out the knowledge that I’d likely driven my father to an early grave.

I’d since put all that wildness behind me.

Was being here with Tucker, hooking up with a rock star—and an especially notorious one at that—the start of my downward spiral into self-destruction?

“Seriously, Ms. Lorenz, why are you so upset?” Tucker said.

I blinked back at him but those green eyes were sphinxlike, giving up very little. “My mom’s Anna Lorenz,” I said, as if that would make any sense to him. Of course it didn’t, but for me, it was truth and it was my burden to carry.

He frowned. “Yeah. So?”

“She’s the editor for the biggest fashion magazine in the States. I mean, I get it if it’s not your standard reading material.”

“Well I prefer
Rolling Stone
or
Maxim
. I’m not gonna pretend to be more pretentious than I am, princess.”

I liked that about Tucker. He was who he was and fuck anyone who didn’t like him. I pretended to have that same easy confidence but that’s all it was. An act. “Anyway, I guess you could say I grew up with all the fashion stuff. I was always drawn to it because it was Mom’s life. It definitely helped get me interested and, yes, I’d be lying if my name didn’t give me my first leg up. But I need to make it on my own now, prove I can be more than just my mom’s shadow.”

“I don’t know why you’re worried,” he said, green eyes wide and far too earnest for a guy who made his living singing his way into girls’ pants and snorting God knew what. “You’re one of the most gorgeous, powerful
and
amazing women I’ve ever met.”

I blushed and looked away. I didn’t believe in compliments. I
wanted
to believe in them, and I wanted to get used to receiving them but that was just a pipe dream. Nikki Lorenz had been a joke and a tabloid punch line for far too long. Hell, there were late night hosts who had earned second homes by making jokes about me. All my fault, of course.

The
last
thing I felt was amazing or powerful.

Most of the time, I felt like a small boat in the middle of a tsunami. Still afloat, but just barely, and any damn wave at any moment could send me crashing to the ocean floor.

Just like my mother no doubt expected.

“I’m not that amazing,” I said, pulling the comforter around me. “I’m flattered you think so, but being skilled at blow jobs doesn’t an amazing person make.”

“I meant what I said,” Tucker said, clenching his jaw. “And just for the record, I’ve had better blow jobs.”

It should have pissed me off. Instead, I burst out laughing. “Thanks?”

“You’re welcome. Because I have no doubt that given some time, you’ll be the best I’ve ever had. In the meantime, you’re still the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. You’re a force of nature. I see it in how you can pull off shoes that should leave you in traction. I see it in how you have a store opening in Paris and you’re not even thirty yet!”

“So Google gives out my age now? Perfect.”

“Stop trying to derail me. I’m serious here. Being amazing at life is about passion, and trust me, you’re a passionate woman, Nik. There’s really something special about you and I knew that before we ever even met.”

“Wow. Okay. Well…you don’t really know me. Not the real me. And you don’t know what you’re talking about.” I hadn’t meant to sound so harsh, but his words were weakening my protective walls even more than he already had. Soon, they’d shatter into dust and I’d be left utterly defenseless. I couldn’t let that happen.

Still, it was hard to see him hunch down on himself and frown at my words. I’d wounded him when he was just trying to be kind. But I couldn’t make myself believe what he was saying. Not after all the times I’d embarrassed myself and my parents. Not after all the times Mom had raked me over the coals for being such an utter and total disappointment. “It’s just so hard when you have to live in someone’s shadow,” I said with one last lame attempt to explain.

He snorted. “No kidding.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means I know exactly what how you feel, Nikki.”

“Really? You’re like
the
rock star out there. There’s no band hotter than Point Break.”

He rolled his eyes. “Assuming that might be true for the moment, it won’t be true for long. We’re about to be on a very long hiatus. Kids have short memories. They’ll find the next hot band next month, and we’ll start back at the bottom. Either way, I’m not
the
rock star out there and I never have been.”

“Huh?”

“Liam Collier is the band’s front man. The singer. He’s the one the fans love most.”

“Oh, right. You mentioned Liam earlier. So you hate him?”

Tucker flinched back. “What? Hell no. Liam’s my best friend. But it was my idea to start the band in high school in the first place. And at the time, I was a much better drummer than Liam was a singer. Hell, he couldn’t even read notes when I first got the idea. Not saying Liam didn’t learn fast or that he’s not amazing now, but I wanted this from the beginning. I wanted it so much, but he’s the one that’s the heart of the band. He’s the one girls go after the most. He’s the one that the media covers twice as much. I love my best friend, I do, but he casts about as big a shadow as the damn Empire State Building.”

“Oh my god, you’re right. That’s exactly how I feel about my mom!” I exclaimed.

“Yeah, well don’t look too happy about it, will you?”

For a moment I froze, feeling like a bitch, but when he laughed and pulled me in closer, I breathed a sigh of relief. For the first time in a long time, I felt like someone got me, I mean really got me.

Maybe Tucker did know what it was like, to always feel like you had to measure up to someone else’s legacy. It was this impossible hamster wheel of trying to catch someone else’s star, but
knowing
that you never would, no matter how hard or how fast you ran.

“Does Liam know how you feel?” I asked.

“Probably not. How about your mom?”

I shrugged and he shook me a little.

“Keep talking to me. Tell me how you feel about it. Why you feel you can’t measure up to her.”

“It’s just always been that way. Everyone goes to my shows and they don’t just expect new or different, they expect the best. It’s like they all think Mom started giving me fashion lessons in the womb, and God forbid I design anything that isn’t outrageous and innovative. I like fun and flair, but I like combining that with function. I like that challenge. That restraint. But there’s always this part in the back of my mind, this voice telling me, ‘They’re not going to like it’ or ‘They’re going to ask what my mom thinks of it.’ or ‘They’re going to think they’re boring. You’re boring.’”

Tucker squeezed my shoulders tightly to his chest. “So that’s why your designs are so extreme? Because then there’s no chance anyone can say you or they are boring?”

I shrugged. “The only designs my mom even comes close to complimenting are the more outrageous designs.”

“But your mom hasn’t ever designed anything, has she? She critiques, sure, but that’s like music critics too, you know? It’s easy to tear something down, but it’s fucking hard and scary as hell to put your own stuff out there. You do. You do it every day and you need to get credit for that.”

“No points for trying, only succeeding. Words courtesy of Mom. And I’ve always been an utter disappointment to her.”

Tucker kissed my cheek. “Then this is the part that I don’t get, I guess. I mean Liam and I compete but I’d do anything for him. You make it sound like your mom is basically Satan in heels.”

“In some ways, she is,” I said, and then laughed. I wanted him to think I was joking even if the pressure from her was overwhelming. “But, jeez, talk about a downer. Enough about my Mommy Dearest issues. You mentioned reading about my new boutique.
Chez Lorenz
is celebrating its grand opening tonight. It’s almost one and I have so much to do before eight.”

He pulled back and frowned down at me. I looked up at him and tried not to flinch under the scrutiny of those moss green eyes. “Are you trying to give me the bum’s rush?”

Yes, because I feel like I’ve poured my heart out to you and I just want to keep doing it.
I was in damage control mode, but I didn’t want him to know that.

“No, but I need a serious shower, then I have to get things ready for the party.” I stood, as did he. I mock sniffed his arm pit. “You can use a serious shower yourself, mister.”

“If that’s an invitation…”

“It’s not. Go get showered back at your place and put on something nice.”

“Nice? Why would I do that?”

“So you can be my Plus One at the opening.”

I could tell that he was surprised. That he’d been expecting me to blow him off until the next time I wanted to hook up. Maybe that would be the smart thing to do, but bottom line, I didn’t just enjoy Tucker’s company in bed. He had a way of making me feel as amazing as he said I was, and I could definitely use that boost of confidence tonight. I just had to remember that Tucker was a temporary fix. I could enjoy the heck out of him for a short time, but anything more than that and I’d get addicted to him and it would only be a matter of time before I crashed and burned.

Leaning up on tiptoe, I gave him a huge kiss, gratified when he took it to another level. Once again, fantasies of getting naked and getting Tucker inside me flooded through my head. He had me practically panting with desire in seconds, but somehow I managed to pull back. “I’m sorry, I really do have to get ready. There’s so much to do and if I take any more time, I’ll be stressed. Maybe afterward…?” I bit my lip.

He grinned and tapped the end of my nose. “No maybe about it. Afterward is going to definitely happen. And I can’t wait.”

I breathed a sigh of relief that even as he seemed to want me as much as I wanted him, he was also going to be a good sport and let me do my business before he did me. “Give me your phone number,” I said.

He did, and we exchanged numbers. Feeling almost giddy, I gave him another quick kiss then patted his ass. “I’ll see you there.”

I watched him walk out the door feeling happier than I’d felt in a long time.

Once he was gone, however…

The more time passed, the more I started stressing about the opening, and the more I felt like a puppet that had been cut from its strings. I returned to the balcony, hoping to recapture the feelings of contentment I’d felt with Tucker, but they escaped me. I sat back heavily in one of the heavy iron chairs on the balcony, suddenly plagued by insecurities and fear. Worrying not only about the opening tonight, but about the upcoming show, as well. Tucker had said I was amazing. Passionate. But he barely knew me. He had no idea what a fuck up I’d been most of my life. That I’d still been a fuck up when my dad had died. It was something I’d always regret, that my dad hadn’t seen me move on to better things. My mom had, but she didn’t exactly see it that way and you could bet she’d be the first in line to write a scathing editorial if my shoe designs were lacking in any way at all.