Having Lark here tonight made this show, different. She couldn’t see me when she walked into the theater, but as I was bending down to adjust the amp, she captured my attention. Her long legs in shorts were even more revealing than the dress she wore earlier. My eyes followed her all the way to her seat where she nervously looked around the room—possibly searching for me. Before she could find me, I ducked behind the curtain, suddenly needing a moment to get my shit together before the show started.
While we were talking at the bar, I never got the feeling I needed to impress her, but hell if I didn’t want to. From the second I stood underneath the spotlight, my eyes raked over every seat, just like they always do, but I skipped over her on purpose. Partially so I didn’t screw up the first song, and partially because I need her to crave me. It’s the only chance I have to see her again.
I screwed up the first song anyway, laughing it off when Dom gave me the look. I never mess up, but when I do, it’s always because of a girl. He knew right away someone had me by the dick.
After that mistake, we sounded better than we have in a while, probably because we took a much needed night off last night. Playing night after night in the same two places—the lounge and the theater, becomes monotonous. Even though we’re still traveling, it’s not the same as waking up in a different city, filing off a dirty bus, and getting recognized for all the hard work you put into your shows. But that was the chance I took when I gave up touring. Here, it’s easy to hide, and that’s exactly what I was looking for when I took this gig—a chance to breathe. A chance to get my head on straight.
“You coming for drinks, East?” Dom asks, as he pulls his sweat covered shirt over his head on the way back to the room.
“I did enough of that last night. My ass is going to bed.”
He nods his head, understanding the boundaries I now had. After I lost Shay, he would drag me to the bar with him almost every night. I didn’t care because I was already drinking so much at home, I was too numb to care about the world around me. As long as I was breathing, I was fine. At least that’s what I kept telling myself. But when I got to the point of blacking out in order to fall asleep without Shay next to me, it was clear I wasn’t living—I was merely surviving. Had I kept up that pace instead of taking this job, I might be dead by now. That’s how fast I was spiraling.
“We’ll be at the pub or up in the club if you change your mind.”
Last night we ended up drinking more than we should have while discussing the future of the band. The guys have been supportive, giving me multiple contracts at sea to take however much time I need before I’m ready to be under the scrutiny of the public eye again. It still terrifies me to go back into that world, especially without the person who grounded me, but I can’t live on a ship for the rest of my life either. They deserve more—I deserve more.
I won’t know if I can handle the real world until I’m back in it. And that’s a risk I’m cautious to take. By now, I thought I would have had some kind of awakening to know the time was right. Truth is, I’m no more ready now than I was when we got here. Time may heal all wounds, but mine are still pretty raw.
I still see Shay when I close my eyes at night.
I still wish she was alive.
I still miss her.
But I can’t stay selfish forever either. Accepting another six month contract would be fine, but like the alcohol, I’m using this ship as a crutch. I’m still surviving, but not really living.
Spending time with Lark today was probably the closest I’ve come to living since I’ve been here. I feel it, but I don’t understand it. If my heart’s still with Shay, how can I suddenly be so enthralled by someone else?
“Easton? Are you dressed?” Gina pops her head in my room, closing the door to the room she shares with Dom behind her.
“Why’d you ask if you were going to barge in anyway?”
“Oh shut up, I’ve seen your jewels before. Is Dominic in the pub for the night?”
“Yeah, the usual.” She leans against the wall with her hands clasped in front of her. She’s never this quiet. “What’s up?”
“Can we talk for a minute?”
“What’s on your mind?” I ask her, as I grab a cold bottle of water out of the fridge, offering one to her before I drink it, but she shakes her head. She’s being weirder than usual, so I’d put money on this conversation being about Lark. She set me up and now she needs the details like a typical woman.
“Nothing’s up. I thought you might be out drowning yourself in whiskey by now.”
“Did that last night.”
“Why not tonight? Do you have plans?”
She folds her arms over her chest protectively, and I realize this visit is probably to make herself feel better for tossing me into the dating pool. It’s a sympathy visit. “Shower and my bed. That’s about all I have planned.”
She sits down on the bed and starts picking at her nail polish. When that bores her, she runs her nails over the sheet on the bed. I’m pretty sure she would sit there in silence all night if I let her. Finally, the question I’ve been waiting for is spoken. “Are you going to see your match again?”
“I left it up to her, but she was at the show tonight. That’s probably a good sign.”
Her eyes widen and she looks a little hopeful that maybe she didn’t blow it by forcing me to meet Lark. “Really? That’s great.”
“We hooked up earlier.” I’ve never lied to Gina since I met her, and I’m not about to start. She may not like what happened, but she’s going to have to live with it. I promised her I would try. I didn’t promise I would keep my hands to myself.
She smacks her palms against the bed, her frustration busting out of her little body in the form of a tantrum. “Easton, no! You’re killing me—actually shoving a knife through my heart. I thought that maybe for once you could try to go on a real date. One that didn’t end with you two in a bed. Don’t you get it? A beautiful woman is here solely for you, and you’re treating it like she’s nothing more than a fuck buddy.”
“We didn’t have sex, Gina.”
She sits up so fast I’m surprised she’s not dizzy. She pushes her hair out of her eyes, her mouth opening and closing twice before she gets actual words to come out. “But you said you hooked-up.”
“I may fuck up sometimes, especially when it comes to beautiful girls, but one look at Lark and I could tell she’s not used to my world. I wouldn’t play her like that.”
“So, you’re really trying? You’re taking her seriously like I wanted you to do all along?”
“I guess you could say I’m trying, if you consider not being an asshole a step in the right direction. We had a little fun backstage, and I left her with an open invitation. It’s her call if she comes back for more or not.”
“More? As in a date? Or sex?”
“That’s up to her, too. I have no problem taking her out on the ship, but if all she wants is the physical shit, then I’m down for that.”
“You don’t care one way or another?”
I toss my empty water bottle in the trash before dousing her with another dose of reality she may not like. “She’s fuckin’ hot Gina. My dick cares.”
I’m rewarded with an aggravated roll of her eyes. “That’s the least romantic thing you could have possibly said. A girl wants to feel special—she wants you to work for it. Not tell her to show up for some fun.”
“What can I say? I’m a sure thing, Gina. If she wants me, all she has to do is say so.”
“And what if she wants more than sex? What if she wants you more than seven days? She may not be used to your world, but underneath the attitude, occasional alcohol binges, and when you’re not hiding, you’re a catch.”
I interrupt her because I’m not hiding—not from Lark. All I have to hide from now is guilt. “I’m not going to hurt her if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“I’m not worried about Lark. I’m worried about you, and what you’re constantly passing up. You’re so worth it, any single girl on this ship would be lucky to have you. If you let her see the real you, she’s going to fall for you. You don’t need the persona on stage to make that happen.”
I stare at her, not able to come up with a single response for her that isn’t negative, so I stop trying. “I appreciate that, but she has no reason to want me. I guarantee you if it wasn’t for The Perfect Match, she would never give a guy like me a second glance.”
“A guy like what? A decent human being who has the capacity to love her so hard she’d be deliriously happy? You can make all the excuses in the world, but eventually, you have to let someone in.”
Before I can argue that I am trying, there’s a soft rapt against the door. I stand from the couch, wondering if it could possibly be her. If it is, her ears must be burning after the way we’ve been talking about her for the last ten minutes.
I look through the peep hole, smirking when I see a very nervous Lark on the other side of the door. She’s fixing her hair and smoothing her shirt out like she’s trying to make nonexistent wrinkles disappear.
“Who is it?”
“Lark.”
Gina practically squeals, clapping her hands together before realizing Lark might hear her. “I’ll be in the pub with everyone. Don’t fuck this up, East.” She scrambles through the adjoining door to Dom’s room, grinning from ear to ear.
I wait for her door to close before I open mine, which must have taken a little too long considering Lark’s a few steps away already, walking with her head down like she’s disappointed I didn’t answer. I wait a couple more seconds, because I’m an asshole and want to stare at her ass a little longer before she turns back around. When I’ve had my fill, I clear my throat. “Going somewhere, gorgeous?”
She spins around so fast, her own hair whips her in the face. What I wouldn’t give to grab that ponytail and hold onto it while I pound into her from behind. Fuck, she’s beautiful.
Her hands twist nervously in front of her, her knuckles cracking loud enough for me to hear. “I didn’t think you were back yet. I mean, I was hoping, but your show just ended.” Instead of walking closer, she stays a couple feet away. If she thinks I’m going to send her away, she’s crazy.
“I haven’t been back long. Actually, I need a quick shower.” I hold the door open a little wider, silently inviting her inside. “Are you coming?” She stares at me, like she’s not sure what to say
“Inside, Lark. Not the shower.” Her eyes fall to the hallway carpet, her cheeks turning the pretty shade of pink I remember. I wasn’t trying to embarrass her, but I like the way she thinks. “Hey.”
She lifts her head and as soon as I see her eyes, I want to move closer to her, but if I do, the door will close behind me and I’ll be locked out. So I hold out my hand, hoping she’ll take it.
Hesitating for only a split second, she finally says, “Okay.”
I pull her to me and she rests her hands on my still sweaty chest. I grab the end of her long ponytail draped over her shoulder, and twirl the end around my finger instead of pulling it like I envisioned. “I like this.”
She smiles, sliding her hands down the front of my body until they’re hanging by her side. “Thank you.”
As she slides past me, she smells like a day at the beach. I watch as she sizes up my room, probably wondering how I can stand to live in such a small space for so long. It’s not impressive, it’s the same as everyone else on the ship, and I’ve been here so long, moving back into an actual house would overwhelm me. You don’t realize how little you can live without until you’re forced to.
“It’s not much bigger than mine.”
“I’m lucky the band didn’t have to take staff quarters. I made sure it was in my contract before I signed.”
“That was smart.” She crosses her arms over her chest, pushing her tits up like a welcomed invitation.
I point to the edge of the bed. “You can sit down.”
“Okay.” She sits on the very edge, like if she’s not careful, the entire bed will suck her up and hold her captive. There’s no chance that’ll happen, even if I want nothing more than to get her between my sheets.
“So, what’d you think of the show?”
“You guys are amazing,” she blurts out.
“You’re not just saying that?”
“No, of course not. It’s a lot different than I usually listen to, but I enjoyed it. Noelle’s already in love with your band—and I’m pretty sure, you.”
I smirk after hearing the small amount of jealousy in her voice, intentional or not. “She didn’t want to join us?”
Lark pauses, unsure of what exactly I mean. I know how it sounded, and that’s exactly the effect I was going for. “I’m kidding.”
She sits back a little farther on the bed, her legs uncrossing and then recrossing. “I’m so bad at this. I haven’t dated in forever.”
“Is that what this is? Dating?”
“Well, no. I guess not. You said you’re not looking for anything.”
“You said the same thing, yet here you are.”
She tilts her head to the side, her eyes narrowing. “But you said at the bar—”
“I know what I said. Is that why you’re here? To fuck me?”
She gasps, her hand covering her mouth.
“You can say it, Lark. Don’t be ashamed.”
“I–,” she starts, but then quickly stops. Her shoulders tense and she begins to stand.
I hold out my hand to stop her. “I’ll give you a little time to think about exactly why you’re here, but when I get out of the shower, I’m going to ask you the same question again. Unless you want to go now?” I shouldn’t have even given her the option because the last thing I want is for her to leave.
She swallows and I can tell she’s trying to figure out if she’s in over her head. Based on her expression, she’s most likely going to bail—though it’d be sexy as fuck if she stayed.
The entire time I’m showering, I picture what she’d look like coming with the light on. It was a pretty picture in the dark, but I didn’t get to see enough of the details. It’s been awhile since I’ve been around someone as down to earth as Lark, but from the glimpse she gave me earlier, she has a wild streak she has yet to explore. I’m guessing her curiosity is the reason she’s back for more. If she’ll let me, I’ll take her to places she’s never dreamed of going. I’m pretty sure I already have, but I want her to be at my mercy—completely.