Rock the Boat (20 page)

This time I grab the microphone when I speak, my head so clouded I can’t think of anything to say to the audience other than the usual. Like someone pushed the play button on a recording, I begin the show on autopilot. “Are you ready to get ROCKED?”

The usual roar from the crowd travels around the room, but I’m so stuck inside my own head, I don’t even catch the intro to the first song. Dom and the rest of the band play it again, the audience blind to my fuck up. This time, I catch it but I end up singing “Better Off Without
You” like each verse is a lie. And if I don’t believe what I’m singing the audience won’t either.

Dom walks over to me, his eyes full of concern. “We can cancel this if you’re not up for it.”

That’s our policy, cancel instead of half-assing it. Normally, I’d agree with him, I have no business being on stage, but the truth is, now that I know what’s wrong with Lark, I’m not sure how to fix it. Not when she’s already running from a guy who cheated on her. What could I possibly say to her to convince her I didn’t break the one promise I made?

“I’ve got shit on my mind, but I’m playing.” A lot on my mind or not, I let my body do what I do best. Running on pure adrenaline and muscle memory, my fingers pluck the strings of my guitar, my voice delivering words to songs I wrote to save myself from darker times.

We play for a good half hour before I decide to change the set list. “We’re nixing ‘Fallen Angel.’”

Dom looks shocked considering this song means more to me than any other. Shaking his head, he vetoes my idea immediately. “We can’t, East. It’s the finale—it’s the best song we’ve got. They go crazy for it every time we play it.”

I don’t care how much
they
love it. They don’t get what’s behind it—how long it took me to put Shay into words. The song is all I had left of our connection, and I was positive if I grabbed ahold of every emotion we shared, I’d have a musical time capsule that would exist for eternity. “I’m not feeling it tonight. Okay?”

“I swear if you don’t tell Lark about Shay, I’m going to do it for you. That chick has you so twisted up, she’s inside your head fucking with your music, and nobody messes with your music.”

If it was as simple as telling Lark I lost someone I loved, I would have done it already, but it’s not. There’s more to it—her feelings, mine, what we’ve already shared. It’s fucking complicated.

“Not that it matters, but I’d rather not sing about my dead girlfriend when the girl I’m currently seeing is somewhere on this ship believing I’m two-timing her with Gina.”

Dom’s eyes grow wide as he processes just how messed up this situation is. “Shit, I didn’t know. We can take it out and play ‘
Autumn’s Edge
’ instead.”

“You want me to sing about
your
ex-girlfriend?”

“No, I don’t
want
you to, but what else can we replace
‘Fallen Angel’
with that’s finale worthy?”

“We can’t. Just do the damn song, but this is the last time. I can’t sing about her the way she deserves when my head’s fucked up like this.”

Before he has a chance to argue, I turn around and get lost in the music for the rest of the show. Dom doesn’t end up playing my song though. He risks Gina’s wrath and sings the song he wrote for his ex instead. Even if he’s part of the reason I’m in the situation I’m in, I still owe him.

After one encore, the curtain closes. I can finally breathe again now that I know I can find Lark. Dom comes up behind me, clasping my shoulder the way a brother would. He’s always been able to tell when my mind is going a mile a minute. “You okay, East?”

I tuck my drumsticks into my bag and close my guitar case. I don’t even know how to answer his question. Am I okay? “I gotta stop thinking, man.”

“I don’t think you can hide from this one. Whether you wanted her to or not, she’s gotten to you. You won’t have another Shay, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have something just as good.”

“There you go sounding like Gina, again.”

He shrugs his shoulders, not even trying to deny it. “She’s fucking mine. I can’t help it. She owns me.”

Mine.
It’s been forever since I’ve been able to call anyone
mine
let alone have them own any part of me.

“Go find her, East.”

“I plan on it.”

I swing by my room to dump my sticks and guitar, the sticks still a reminder of Lark. It takes a cold shower to stop thinking about where they’ve been.
Fuck, that was a hot night
.

Despite my cold shower, I think about her naked body the entire walk to her room. Once I’m there, I hesitate for a second, trying to think of the right thing to say when she opens the door. I raise my fist and tap my knuckles against the door.

When it opens, I’m about to barge in without taking no for an answer. That is until I realize there’s a guy standing in front of me instead of Lark. For a minute, I think I must have the wrong room. I even almost walk away, but I double checked the number on the door before I knocked—twice. “Where’s Lark?”

Her roommate sticks her head under his arm and peeks into the hallway. “She’s supposed to be with you.”

“I haven’t been with her all day. Aki said she came back here.”

“Who’s Aki?” they both ask in unison.

“Never mind.”

“Easton, wait!” she calls after me.

I turn around, and see her whispering something to the guy she’s with. He disappears inside the room, and when she hurries to catch up to me, I notice she’s wearing a Midnight Fate T-shirt. “Nice shirt.”

She blushes like she forgot what she was wearing. “Sorry, big fan. And considering my best friend is banging the insanely hot lead singer, I had to start wearing it.”

“Thank you, I think.” There was a time I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. I would have flirted right back, but I’m not that guy tonight.

“I was so shocked when you ended up being Lark’s match, I may have been a little jealous. But I’m glad she’s happy. Where is she anyway?”

“That I’m not exactly sure of. I worked most of the day in the lounge and then had a show. I was hoping you’d know.”

Noelle wraps her arms around her middle and mumbles, “Shit.”

“What is it?”

“I sent her away this afternoon because she said she had plans with you. I never would have asked for the room if she had no place to go.”

Luckily, there are only so many places she can go on this ship. It’s not like she could have gotten off considering we’re in the middle of the ocean. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll find her. Sorry I bothered you guys.”

She waves her hand in the air, dismissively. “Don’t even worry about it. This is more excitement than I’ve had all day.” Considering the guy who answered the door looked about as exciting as a math problem, I can see why. “And tell her she can come back to the room, okay? And tell her I’m really sorry.”

“I’ll tell her, but she’s staying with me tonight. We have a few things to clear up.” Lark’s going to hear the whole story whether I’m completely ready to tell it or not. She may have been dropped into my lap like a prize, but I don’t regret meeting her. I can’t. She’s the first one to make me feel something other than complete and total hate. And that’s not an easy feat.

Noelle hugs me, holding on tightly. “Thank you. She needs this more than you know.”

I’m pretty sure Dom would say the same exact thing about me if he were here, and once Noelle lets go, I walk down the hall, to where I’m not exactly sure. All I know is, I need to find her—wherever he may be hiding.

I search every inch of the ship, leaving no stone unturned. If there’s a chance Lark could be there, I make sure to check. Each café, diner, and lounge I enter, I come up empty. The sports deck, the library, even the boutiques have no signs of Lark. As a last resort, I check the pool where Aki said he was working. It’s dark and empty.

I keep walking, hoping I’ll stumble upon her eventually. But the longer it takes to find her, the more my tired brain begins concocting the worst case scenarios. Right now, I’m picturing her in someone else’s bed, and I wouldn’t be able to get mad at her because after seeing me with Gina, I would be the one who drove her there. Whatever trouble she’s in, it’s my fault.

I’m about to give up, so I sit on a chair in the solarium to come up with a new plan. Walking in circles won’t bring Lark back to me. That’s when a pair of familiar tan legs catch my eye. It could be almost anyone, but I’ve had those legs wrapped around me, and I’d know who they belong to no matter where I saw them.

Like a moth to a flame, I’m drawn to Lark. I walk closer, careful not to scare her. But when I’m next to her chair, I find her curled into a ball, her braided hair resting over her cheek and her hands tucked underneath her chin. She looks so young like this, not at all like the woman I met in the lounge. The night we met, she exuded confidence and sex appeal, and right now, she looks as innocent as they come—vulnerable and completely alone.

Without even trying to wake her up, I slide my arms under her and cradle her in my arms. The only move she makes is to snuggle against my chest, her fist grabbing tightly to my T-shirt. To think anyone on the ship could have come along and scooped her up the way I did, makes me furious.

I stay mad at her for all of a minute because when she opens her soft lips and utters my name, I realize she knows it’s me carrying her—even in her dreams. “I’ve got you, baby.”

And I do—for now. At least until she wakes up.

Day Four

Charlotte Amalie, St. Thomas

When I open my eyes, I expect to see the solarium surrounding me, but as I sit up my eyes dart around the darkened room the same time my hand hits a warm body next to me. I don’t even bother looking to see who it is—I’m too ashamed to be here. All I want to do is go back to my room and forget the last twenty-four fuzzy hours ever happened.

I claw at the sheets, pulling my tired body out from under them. When I stand up, I’m surprised I’m not naked, but the shirt covering me is as foreign as this moment. How did I get it? When did I get here?

My head’s thumping so hard, I can’t stand it. My mouth is so dry I can barely swallow my own spit. As soon as my hand finds the doorknob, my stomach churns painfully, and if I don’t get out of this room right now, I might throw up all over the floor. Bare feet and all, I hurry toward the elevators, stabbing at the button for my floor while covering my mouth with the back of my hand, forcing the bile to stay down.

A tear slides down my cheek when I realize the mistake I’ve made. I don’t have my clothes, my bag, my shoes, or my key, but once I’m standing in front of my room, I bang on the door with superhuman strength, desperate to get inside where it’s safe.

Noelle opens the door less than an inch, whisper shouting through the crack, “Who is it?”

I push on the door, knocking her backwards and onto the floor. “It’s me.”

“How did you get locked out?” she asks from the carpet.

I glance at the beds, praying she’s all alone. I need my friend right now. “I think I messed up last night. I don’t remember any of it, but I woke up in someone else’s bed. I can’t remember how I got there—what if he drugged me?”

“Weren’t you with Easton?”

“We’re not even talking, Noelle. He cheated on me yesterday—already. It didn’t even last a week.”