No, the agony twisting her had less to do with the stinky beast and everything to do with having to say goodbye in a few days. Goodbye to Robbie, who she spotted ahead, wrapped in his dad’s arms. Dirt streaked his face from his little hands rubbing his teary eyes.
She’d be leaving the Colemans, most of whom had opened their homes and their hearts.
And leaving…
God
, she couldn’t even think it without choking up.
Mike Coleman met her near the corral. He surrounded her with an arm and pressed his lips to her forehead. “You done good. You done real good.”
Blake gave her a hug of his own before taking Trigger and guiding him back inside the railings.
Vicki swallowed hard and set her resolve. It had been the most incredible experience of her life, being with the Colemans. They’d shown her how family was supposed to act. Well, Jesse’s actions proved even in the best of families, nothing was perfect. But she’d only been invited in for a short while, and as much as she wanted this to be real—it wasn’t.
Somewhere down the road, in a better location, after a fresh start, she hoped she’d find this again, and when she did? She’d do everything in her power to make it last forever.
She took in the slowly settling chaos. Karen was laid out on the ramp, her face tight with pain, one leg bent at an awkward angle. Hope, Matt and Travis were all there, supporting her. Marion, Beth and Jaxi had most of the children rounded up and were guiding them inside. Robbie remained in Daniel’s arms, the two of them talking seriously as Daniel carried him toward the barn.
Joel soothed the wary beast back into the yard even as an ambulance siren drew nearer.
It was like trying to memorize a sunset, every moment precious yet vanishing quickly. Watching him made all kinds of memories pop to mind, bringing both joy and tears of frustration.
He led the horse past her, and Mike took over, Blake at his side to ensure the animal went where he belonged this time.
Joel folded her against his body and kissed the top of her head. “Darling, that was the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen. I’m so proud of you.”
“I’ll start shaking once I go home. Oh my God, Joel, what did I do?”
“What had to be done.” He kissed her again then walked her toward the barn, his arm still draped around her shoulders. “What you were trained to do.”
She didn’t believe it when he brought her into the corral, to Trigger’s side and offered a leg up. “You want me to ride him bareback? Now?”
She glanced around at the turmoil-filled yard.
Joel nodded. “Trust me. Mount up.”
Heart and mind still a whirl, she followed his orders and found herself on Trigger’s broad back, fingers twisted in the stiff hair of his mane. A moment later Joel joined her, settling his hand around her waist and snuggling their torsos tight as he nudged Trigger forward. “First rule of horses. Get right back in the saddle.”
Swaying together as Trigger circled the yard, Vicki found it hard to argue with Joel, if only for the fact she got to be nestled in his arms once more.
And when Daniel appeared, leading Robbie on another horse, Vicki had to smile.
Joel rested his chin over her shoulder, their cheeks touching. “Be proud of yourself. This proves nothing’s going to stop you from doing your job this summer. You did it. Your dreams are coming true.”
If that was so, why did she feel as if her hopes and dreams were slipping from her fingers?
The ache between his shoulders wasn’t caused by any chores he remembered doing. Joel rubbed his neck with one hand briefly then gave up and poured his glass full to the brim.
“You drowning your sorrows or getting ready to fight?” His cousin Gabe spun the chair opposite him and sat in it backward.
“Both. Neither.” Joel gestured to the pitcher. “Help yourself. I asked Jesse to join me, but hell if I know if he’s going to show.”
“Your brother still playing that game?” Gabe shook his head. “Asshole.”
Joel laughed, the sound tainted with bitterness. “Yeah, have to agree with you there.”
Gabe glanced around the pub. “Slow night. Not a lot of the clan out.”
“Busy or broken. Calves are still dropping at our place and the Moonshine spread. I’m off until tomorrow noon, and Blake swore I get to pull for the next twenty-four hours straight. Whiskey Creek clan is going crazy trying to deal with Karen being laid up with that busted leg.”
Gabe eyed him far too knowingly. “And Vicki?”
“She and Hope are packing. Nothing but clothes left, and they said they didn’t want any guys around.”
His cousin sipped his beer then stared up at the ceiling. “I heard she’s leaving.”
Fuck. Joel couldn’t speak for a moment. It wasn’t that he didn’t know this was coming, but every time the reality hit, it hurt a hell of a lot more. “Yeah. She’s cooking for Karen’s crew for the summer.”
“She’ll be back in the fall?”
Joel swallowed hard. “Don’t know. Probably not.”
There was nothing to bring her back, and a lot to keep her away. Once she’d found a chance outside of Rocky, he couldn’t ever see her wanting to return.
“You okay with that?”
Joel glared at his cousin. “You interfering again? I thought your wife was curing you of your need to be everyone’s savior.”
Gabe grinned. “Once an Angel, always an Angel…”
Joel tossed a napkin in his face.
His cousin sobered. “I thought you two were good together. I’d hate to see you making some kind of mistake because you’re too afraid to go after what you want.”
A string of curses rose inside, but he held them back. He and Gabe were close in temperament. If he’d spent years saving Jesse, Gabe had done the same for most of the rest of the Coleman clan. Guardian angel was right.
He met Gabe’s eyes steadily and confessed the truth. “It’s not a case of being afraid, asshole. It was an act. Us being together. Couple reasons for it, but it was only meant to last until now. And if you ever share that with anyone I will call you a liar, and then I’ll bury you.”
“It was an act?” Gabe wiped his mouth for a moment, and Joel wasn’t sure if the man was trying to figure out what to say or hiding a smile. Definitely a smile. Gabe leaned forward. “Well, if you want to know a secret, me and Allison? Started out pretty much that way as well.”
Joel thought for a minute. Nope. Couldn’t see any connection between his cousin’s marriage, and his and Vicki’s little ploy. “Bullshit.”
“Not bull, but never mind that for a minute. You happy she’s going?” Gabe glanced at the nearly empty beer pitcher.
Joel sighed. “No. But it’s what she’s always wanted. Rocky is full of hurtful memories and stupid people who keep on tormenting her. How the hell can I ask her to give up on her dreams because I like having her around?”
“Oh, well, you can’t.” Gabe sat back and lifted his glass. “That would be totally stupid.”
The instinct to fight was rising. “Fuck off, Gabe, and tell me what you’re playing at.”
Gabe glanced down the length of the room at his wife who was perched on the arm of a chair chatting with her sister. Allison caught him looking and smiled back, the expression shining out like a rainbow. Gabe didn’t take his eyes off her as he spoke. “Liking someone is for when you’re in high school. Loving someone is what makes people change their lives for another person.”
Joel froze.
Gabe turned back. “Makes a huge difference, you know. You want to be like Jesse and sleep your way through all of southern Alberta for another couple years? Or are you grown up enough to know what you want is what you’ve already got? Worth fighting for.”
Joel ignored the question of Vicki for a minute, because what he wanted didn’t seem possible. “Jesse hates my guts right now.”
“So?”
Shit. “Didn’t expect that response.”
His cousin shrugged. “You need his approval to live your life?”
“Hell, no. Just seems as if he could not want to follow me and still get along. Instead he’s cut himself off from the entire family. I’ve lost my brother.”
“You haven’t lost him, he’s chosen to run off and be an ass.” Gabe paused. “You can’t blame yourself for others’ actions. You can’t fix them unless they want to be fixed, and even then they have to do the changing, not you. It’s a tough lesson, Joel, but it’s real.”
Joel pondered that for a minute. He’d been trying his best to be forgiving. He hadn’t given up on connecting with his brother even while he was damn pissed for the way Jesse had treated Vicki. Some day he hoped they’d be able to mend that situation. But he wasn’t going to change to make Jesse happy, which kind of meant, right now, Jesse wasn’t going to be happy. As sad as that truth was, it seemed to be the only choice.
But Vicki?
“I don’t want her to go,” he confessed.
Gabe stared over the table. “Then don’t. I mean, don’t let her go without telling her.”
“Asking her to stay somewhere she hates is damn selfish. I don’t want her to give up her dream.”
“What if you’re part of her dream? Why would you deny her, and yourself, everything you could have?”
Joel played with his empty glass. “There’s no easy solution.”
Gabe cleared his throat. “Not when you try to find the answers all by yourself, idiot.”
His raised brow was the final punctuation mark Joel needed to light the fucking fire under his ass. Good grief, Gabe was right. And Joel was wrong, in so much of what he’d focused on over the past two months.
He threw money on the table as he shoved his chair back. “You mind if I run out on you?”
Gabe shook his head. “Nothing to mind. Go get her, tiger.”
Joel pushed through the doors of Traders, his brain whirling with possibilities.
He and Vicki had started this with three goals. The first had been met beyond their expectations. The second, well, he’d learned small-town gossip refused to let up completely, but it was time to finish up the third with a bit of flair. Maybe he wouldn’t have to lose the best thing that had ever happened to him.
Only if he wanted to do it right in the short time he had remaining, it was going to take a little planning…
Chapter Twenty-Six
Joel’s cryptic voice mail had said nothing more than he wanted to meet her by the river at nine.
Vicki fought her sadness. Her life was packed into a shockingly small pile of boxes and the two panniers of clothing for her bike.
It seemed the final days of living in her hometown should be faced with more fanfare. Things still weren’t perfect, and her family continued to haunt her. The past memories burned, and the current snide comments and the accusations she didn’t deserve had slowed but not vanished.
Add in the icy-cold reception she’d gotten from Jesse Coleman the few times she’d been unlucky and met him while on her own, God, it was enough to make her crazy.
Even running into Eric Tell and having him pass by without attempting to rile her up wasn’t as sweet with the bitter taste of Jesse and Joel’s ruined relationship flavouring everything.
Getting out of Rocky was the only way to save herself and Joel more pain. It was as if she were cutting out her heart and leaving the best of her behind, though.
She’d debated this over and over. Saying something about how she felt would be horrid, and like hell would she give any indication she was dying inside. Two more days until she turned her bike north and left forever.
The tears she wiped from her eyes were the only weakness she’d allow.
She taped the lid of the final box. Wrote a note to Hope who had offered to store the boxes in the shed at her and Matt’s place. Hope hadn’t said anything in condemnation when Vicki had told her she was leaving, only her eyes had looked volumes. As if the woman knew this wasn’t what Vicki really wanted, no matter how much the words from her mouth insisted it was.
If Joel had been her first real best friend, Hope had become her first girlfriend. They hadn’t spent many nights together in the apartment before Hope and Matt got married, but enough that Vicki was going to miss her. And she felt like crap for not having shared more about her plans in the first place.
Another reality of having people you considered family? She’d hurt others without intending to.
She pulled the apartment door shut after her. Hope and Matt would grab the boxes later that night. Now, all she had were Saturday and Sunday in Rocky before her life changed for good. Joel had asked her to spend them with him.
One final weekend in his arms. It wasn’t just the sex they would share, it was him. Being with him, having him near. There was no way she could refuse the invitation even though she should have. She would have to hide her emotions the entire forty-eight hours.
She took the steep stairs down from the second-story apartment and made her way to her bike.
A bouquet of wildflowers was strapped to the handlebars.
Vicki stood without moving for a full minute before she threw the panniers into position and reached for the card poking from the foliage.