[Roger the Chapman 06] - The Wicked Winter (32 page)

'I shan't be leaving you again for a while,' I assured Margaret Walker, but she only smiled.

'Perhaps not for a month or two,' she agreed. 'But when the warmer breezes blow and the days get longer, when the spring comes, then it will be a different story. The wanderlust will take you by the scruff of the neck and shake you as it always does.' She stopped spinning and slewed round on her stool to look at me, her face serious. 'I've told you, you should think about marrying again. I'm a lot older than you. I shan't always be here to take care of Elizabeth. Besides, a man needs more than one child if he can beget them. A man needs a son to carry on his line. So think about it.' I had not heeded her former words, nor intended to marry again so soon. I was young and selfish and wanted to enjoy my freedom. I had mercifully been delivered from the bonds of matrimony after being enmeshed against my will, and until now had seen no good reason why I should voluntarily embrace them for a second time. Later, perhaps, in a year or two, or maybe three, I might be tempted. But, stupidly, reprehensibly, I had not considered what would happen to Elizabeth if Margaret were to die; the responsibility which would fall upon me, the curtailment of freedom.

It was a consideration which continued to haunt me over the ensuing months; a thought which made me nervous and jumpy each time my mother-in-law coughed or complained of an ague. Once or twice I remembered Audrey Lambspringe, a gentle girl who would no doubt prove biddable enough were I to return to Cederwell and offer her marriage. But I did not love her any more than I had loved Lillis, and I resolved that next time, for my bride's sake as well as my own, there must be more than mere liking between us.

Moreover, I knew that I could never go back to Cederwell for any reason whatsoever. I was unable to dissociate the place from the evil spell which, for me at least, Raymond Shepherd had cast upon it. I knew nothing of what had happened after I left. I had made no inquiries and was happy to remain in ignorance. Meantime, spring lay just around the comer and every day the need to be up and doing, to be on the road again, grew ever stronger. I saw Margaret Walker watching me, an anxious expression in her eyes.

I knew that I must marry again, and soon.