Rogue Soul (The Mythean Arcana Series Book 3) (24 page)

She winced when her hand started to hurt and looked down to see that she had a death grip on her bow. The sound of Cam requesting the now-worthless potion that he’d used to Fall from Otherworld echoed through the fog in her brain. Why would they even need it if they couldn’t find Logan?

At the request, Druantia’s eyes widened, then her features went blank. “Of course. I have a bit that I could sell you.”

Cam paid for the potion—because Ana couldn’t seem to function—and turned to leave. Ana snapped back to attention and turned to face Druantia.

“Is there any other way for a god to Fall from Otherworld? Without a replacement?”

Druantia looked at her thoughtfully and Ana’s heart thudded with hope.
 

“No,” Druantia finally said. “To my knowledge, there isn’t.”

“Not a spell or a potion or anything? Something to hide me from the eyes of other gods, at least? Like a version of Cam’s tattoo?”

Druantia shook her head, the thoughtful gleam still in her eye. “No. I’m sorry. Gods follow different laws than other Mytheans. Most of my magic won’t work on you.”

A low buzzing sounded in Ana’s head and her vision blurred. This was it. There was no way out. As if from outside of herself, Ana felt Cam’s hand at the small of her back as he nudged her toward the exit.

They stepped out into the alley and were hit with a downpour.
Damn it.
Just her fucking luck. Her hair was soaked and clingy in seconds, her clothes not far behind.

“Come on.” Cam hustled her to the car.
 

She scrambled into the seat and sat with her bow pulled up to her chest. Eyes squeezed shut, she counted to five while he rounded the car to get into the driver’s side.
 

By the time she’d opened her eyes, she’d gotten rid of the worst of the knot strangling her throat and the burn in her sinuses. She wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t.

“So, you’ve got your charm.” She tried to inject a note of cheerfulness into her voice and came out sounding half deranged.

“Yes.”

“When do you head back to the jungle?” Her grip tightened on the bow. Now that he was going back, she realized how much she’d started to care for him. More than care for him. Real, scary, horrible feelings that scrabbled around inside her chest like a wild animal. How could he possibly feel the same? It was insane.

“What?” Cam turned to look at Ana. He hadn’t even considered leaving, he realized. Technically, he’d done what he’d come for—gotten his charm renewed. So he should be heading back soon. “I’m not leaving. I told you I’d help you.”

Her overly bright eyes—tears, he just now noticed—widened. A fist closed around his heart and squeezed. He cared for her, too much and not enough.

“You thought I’d leave you?” That pissed him the hell off, actually.
 

“Well, I—”

“Let’s get something straight, Ana. Shit’s complicated between us. That’s true enough. But I said I’d help you get out of Otherworld. I owe you and I fucking care for you. We’re going to figure this out together.”

A shuddery breath escaped her lips, and her fist relaxed infinitesimally on her bow. He dropped his head back on the seat and stared at the ceiling. Shit, he was in deep.
 

“We don’t know where the hell this bloke is, so I’m going to call Fiona,” he said.

“You think she’ll be able to find him again?”

“Don’t know unless we try. And she’s got a stake in finding him too. If I offer to retrieve the bow and arrows for her, it might grease the wheels. It’s our only resource right now.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

“We’ve got a little while until Fiona calls back with something,” Cam said to Ana when she walked out of the bathroom wrapped in the hotel robe.
 

The clouds had finally parted and sunlight streamed through the window to glint off her blond hair. They’d checked back into the hotel because it was the safest place to be while they sorted out their next move.
 

“You reached her?” Ana asked.

“Yeah. Took a while to convince her to share any info she finds, but she really wants that bow. I promised to try to retrieve it. She’s going to call in a favor with the witches, which I’ll have to pay, but they should be able to locate him. We’ll wait here until then.”

“Okay.” Ana grabbed her clothes from where she’d set them on the chair, upsetting her quiver of arrows in the process. It tumbled to the floor and several arrows slid out. A flash of blue caught his eye, and he swooped down to pick up the quiver.
 

He reached in to withdraw an old arrow that he hadn’t seen in millennia. He stared at it for a second, an odd feeling welling in his chest. Ana was watching him when he looked up. “You kept it?”

She nodded.

“Why?”

She looked away, tightening the robe around her throat, then shrugged.

“Why’d you save this for two thousand years?” He found that the answer had suddenly become very important to him.

Her eyes met his, exasperated. “What was I going to do? Shoot a god’s arrow? The god of war?”

He gently grabbed the front of her robe and drew her to him. Her wide eyes met his as he said, “You’re that god now.”

She shook her head, suddenly looking smaller than she ever had. “I wasn’t, Cam. I wanted to prove myself as a warrior, but not like that. You were the war god—I am a placeholder.”

Placeholder.
Because he’d run.
 

“You did a good job,” he said, trying to imbue his words with enough truth that she’d believe him.

She smiled. “I know. I’m good at whatever I put my mind to. I just wasn’t meant to be a goddess. I’m not cut out for that life.”

He heaved a sigh, shook his head. “Neither was I.”

“Sure you were.” She dragged him toward the bed and sat next to him, turning herself so that her knees pressed into his thigh. She reached out and stroked his cheek, and somehow that touch meant more than what they’d done in the darkened pub last night.

“Maybe at first,” he said. “When I still acted like a god. But then I saw you. And everything changed. I became… different. I
felt
things.”

“Maybe that’s not so bad.”

He laughed, low and bitter. “It puts me halfway between god and mortal. I’m neither one, not fully.”
 

Not as emotionless and stalwart as a god, capable of seeing things through without being swayed by emotion. It was a shitty way to live, but it was their way. Nor could he feel as strongly as mortals seemed to. Except where Ana was concerned.

He had the suspicion that what he felt for her now, if he were mortal, would be something like what they called love. Yet it was just out of his reach.

“What’d it feel like when you were a god? Just… nothing?” she asked.

He frowned, his brow scrunched. “Before I met you, it’s like the world was in gray. Crisp and clear, so that I knew exactly what was going on and what I should do about it. Yet victory was hollow, so I never fully understood why I was the god of war. Then I saw you. Everything was in color suddenly, but blurred.” He could still remember how strange his chest had felt. As if his heart had actually registered something, though it was physiologically impossible.

“Why do you think I was the one who made you feel emotion?”

He dragged a hand through his hair, frowned. He’d barely known her then, but had seen something in her, something that drew him to her still.

“I don’t know, but it’s what I’ve learned about you now, in the present, that has me feeling like I’m walking backward on a tightrope, desperately trying to reach the other side. Where you are.” And that the tightrope might snap at any moment, dropping him into the mess that they’d created of their lives.

“I fucked up, Cam.” Her voice was raw. “Back then. I didn’t know what was going on. My confusion and fear all lead me to Otherworld. I’m sorry about that, for the position it put you in.”

He picked up her wrist, and when she tried to jerk it free, he didn’t let go. He didn’t touch her scar or look at it, but he didn’t let go.

“The other gods
led you to Otherworld,” Cam said.

Ana shivered. “They’d have killed my family. Going to Otherworld, as awful it was, saved them. They lived long lives, even if I didn’t get to see them. Now they’re in Otherworld, and they’re different. A shadow of their former selves. Like the gods. Emotionless.”

“But at least they had their lives,” Cam said.

Ana pushed the thought of her brothers away. It hurt too much to contemplate for very long. Instead, she asked, “What kind of Mythean did you become?”

“When I realized that I couldn’t kill you, I knew I wasn’t fit for Otherworld. So I went to Druantia for the potion that turned me into a demigod.”

“So you’re a demigod.”
 

“Yeah. Not quite as strong as I was, but not dead either. The catch being that I could no longer use my bow. Which I hate like hell.”

She nodded. That would have sucked. “But you must have loved earth when you arrived.”

He frowned. “I didn’t know what to expect, and it was more than I ever could have imagined. I knew that something was wrong in Otherworld, and I ran. I did it to try to save you, but at the end of the day, I was running.”

“I don’t—”

“No, Ana. I was born with all the power of a god, and I ran. I could have stayed, tried to figure another way around our problem and done what I was born to do. But I didn’t. I haven’t lived the life I was supposed to.”

“You came to earth, where you’ve done an enormous amount of good with your company.”

“We’re
trying
to do an enormous amount of good. We haven’t actually done it yet. There’s a difference.”

“Maybe not yet with this company, but you’ve been on earth two thousand years. This can’t be your first attempt.”

He sighed. “It’s not. But they’re substitutes for what I should have been doing. I realize that now.”

“No, you’ve done good here. We all have our paths to tread.”

“And I didn’t tread mine. I should have stayed in Otherworld, served my time.” His eyes met hers, intensity shining within. “If we don’t find Logan Laufeyson, I’ll take your place.”

“No, Cam—”

“I care for you, damn it. I’ll not leave you to the fate I should have saved you from. After the half-life I’ve lead, after the fate I consigned you to in Otherworld, I don’t deserve you. The least I can do is save you from the fate I doomed you to.”

“This fate
did
save me. Otherwise, I’d be like my family right now.” The thought of them sent a pang of pain through her chest. So old now, but still there. Their shadows haunted both Otherworld and her heart.

“And you’ll have earth back, no matter how it has to happen,” he said.

“No, Cam. I’ve grown pretty fond of you, too.” Understatement of the century. “Ditch me now and I don’t know what I’ll do.”

He yanked her to him and kissed her hard, the press of his lips against hers making her head spin. The thought made her shudder. He’d be trapped in Otherworld, allowed to escape only a few times a year for an hour here or there. But it could be
her
fate.