Authors: Natalie Frost
Luckily, today was not one of those days. A bag of several different brands of pregnancy tests in her quivering hands, the last thing she needed was to have her maybe-baby news posted on the internet before she even knew for certain she was pregnant.
When she got back into her car, she put the bag beneath the passenger seat. Her heart raced, mind too overwhelmed to form a coherent thought.
Shakily, she placed her hands on the steering wheel and forced herself to take a deep breath. As she calmed a bit, she pursed her lips.
She probably wasn’t pregnant. And then all this worrying would be for nothing. Once she knew the truth, then she could react to it.
At home, in the hallway bathroom downstairs, she peed on fifteen different sticks.
They all said she was pregnant.
“Crap,” she said, stunned. She tossed the last positive test into the trash can before sliding down to the bathroom floor, her feet kicked up and pressed against the cabinets below the sinks.
It wasn’t necessarily bad news. She just…it hadn’t been planned. Though everything in her life that had been planned went south quickly.
She smirked defiantly at the thought, her gaze lowering to her belly. With a great deal of caution, she placed her palm over where she believed her child to be growing inside of her. Protectiveness and affection rose inside of her chest and tingled at the base of her throat.
Maybe…maybe being a mother was what she was meant to be all along. Not that women couldn’t focus on career and family, of course, and not that all women had some kind of instinct to be mothers, but…but she used to fantasize about raising a large family when she was younger. She used to dream of loving her little ones and preparing them for the world—for them to achieve their dreams. Maybe
she
had that maternal instinct, one she had forgotten about.
She couldn’t regret going for an education. A lot of women—women and men—prospered from those kinds of experiences and trainings, and it often helped them discovered their true callings in this life—again, not necessarily involving children. Plus, parents should be educated, anyway, regardless of whether or not they pursue a career.
Tanya smiled at her stomach. It really wasn’t so complicated, in the end. Being a mom…it felt right to her. Maybe she was a fool, maybe she wasn’t, but in that moment…it just felt right. She felt content with certainty.
Fondness in her heart, she kissed her fingers tips before placing them over her stomach once again.
But as she thought of Eric, the fear returned. She raised her gazes to the cabinets and frowned. They had never talked about children, about marriage, about family—none of the big stuff. She bit her lip.
And then there was her father…he was going to have mixed feelings about this, that was for sure.
She looked back down at her stomach. She forced herself to smile, even though the child clearly couldn’t see her yet.
“It will be okay,” she whispered, lowering her face a bit toward the growing baby. “You will be loved and cared for no matter what. I promise.”
She ended up taking Eric out for a change—to a fancy restaurant, no less. In a strange way, she felt like she was going to propose to him. But instead of offering him a ring, she would have to point at her stomach and mention the little being growing inside of her.
Tanya turned red at the thought. In one of her best red dresses, she hid behind her menu while listening to the classical musicians play soothing tunes. A lot of people around them either didn’t care about Eric Reed’s fame or they were ignorant of it. Either way, it was a blessing. There had been some people from the media or paparazzi outside the restaurant, but they had their attention distracted by an actress who often dined here with her dates.
“So, babe, what’s the occasion?” Eric asked. After a few seconds, he peered over the top of her menu. “You’re doing that quiet-thing again, but it’s at a place like this. You’ve got me intrigued.”
She withheld a sigh. Maybe she should get this over with rather than wait until after they finished eating. She lowered the menu, her fingers tapping it. After she glanced around to make sure no journalist-snoop types were nearby, she faced Eric. “What are your thoughts about…about children?”
His face fell, all except for his lips—quirked upward. “Ah, this talk.” He leaned back in his chair and regarded her. “Tanya…I really like you a lot, so I’m going to be completely straightforward with you: I don’t want kids. Ever.”
Tanya’s blood iced over. Subconsciously, she placed her palm over her stomach.
“It’s nothing against kids,” Eric said, wincing and shrugging. “I just don’t want to devote my life to them. I want to do whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it, and you can’t do that if the kiddos come first. You understand?”
“Yeah,” she said, nearly choking on the word. It was a truly responsible outlook on the subject, and a part of her appreciated Eric for it. The other part of her shriveled up and screamed with agony. She opened her mouth to say more, but what? What could she say to his response?
“Tanya? You okay? You’ve actually gone pale.”
“Black people can get pale, Eric.”
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Just…what’s wrong? Are we good?”
She looked him in the eye. She desperately wanted to cling to him—to hold on to him for as long as she could. He was so exhilarating yet grounding, everything she needed. But this wasn’t right. Not anymore.
Tears welled up in her eyes, her heart shattering. “No. We’re not.”
Eric blinked quickly. “What? Because of the kid thing?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry, but…but this isn’t going to work out if our future isn’t aimed in the same direction. I want children. Now.”
“Now? But it’s only been a few months.”
“I know.”
Eric’s eyes became glassy as he looked at everything but her. His expression was tensed yet obviously panicked.
“I’m sorry,” Tanya choked out again. “I know this is a lot to take in, and I don’t want to do wrong by you or anyone. I…” She shook her head. There was nothing more she could say to make this right. “I should go.”
“Tanya—”
She stood and hurried out of the restaurant, her hand snaking into her purse and grabbing her phone.
As she waited for her cab outside, Eric didn’t come out to get her. Tears poured from her eyes freely now, multiple sobs clogged in her throat.
This truly was for the best, it seemed.
CHAPTER SIX
“I told you he was no good,” her father angrily declared the next day.
She sat on the sofa, her pinkish eyes staring at the TV while she cradled a pillow to her torso. She sniffled and swallowed back a sob while tears continuously crawled down her cheeks.
“I’m going to kill him,” her father said, pacing. “At practice, I’ll make it look like an accident.”
“I broke up with him, dad,” Tanya said, voice scratched and wobbled. “Because he doesn’t want kids. That’s not a bad thing, it just…” She buried her face into the pillow and cried harder.
Eric Reed wasn’t a bad guy. But that didn’t mean he would be a good father.
Her own father slowly walked over and sat beside her, his large hand resting on her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
She leaned against his arm. Moisture covered her face and sobs continued to clog her throat, so she kept quiet. Her father seemed to be okay with it though, for he leaned over and kissed her head.
It was practically impossible to not hear about the amazing Eric Reed. Her father was his coach, after all—fame aside. But Tanya did her best to avoid the news and topics about her father’s job during the following months. She had other, more important things to focus on than her heartbreak.
The cover of “How to Raise and Love your First Infant” hidden behind a romance novel cover, Tanya read the book and made annotations in it. Her baby bump was showing more and more by the week, and soon, she would have to come clean to her father about the pregnancy. But for now, she focused on studying on how to be a mother. Her shelf was now full of mother-to-be typed books, all of their covers hidden with different ones.
She sat on her bed, one hand on her belly and the other hand holding the book. When her phone buzzed, she leaned over to look at its screen.
Eric Reed was calling.
Her heart twisted. She sat straight again and tried to return her focus back on the book.
But Eric kept calling. Over and over again. It wasn’t until he left a text that Tanya finally caved and grabbed the phone.
The text read: “We need to talk. Please pick up.”
Eric called again.
Tanya closed her eyes. She wanted to answer—wanted to hear his voice, to touch him, to hold him. She shook her head and put the phone on silent.
There was no going back now. She couldn’t act like an addict for Eric when she had a child to think about. She had to let him go, and that meant he needed to let her go, too.
The next day, she went to the mall without her phone. She wanted to get away from it—away from Eric’s messages—and she also wanted to check out some baby things. Though she was too nervous to actually going into these stores in case someone caught her, she hung outside of them and peeked in.
A scent—she had no idea what it was—wafted out toward her from one particular store, and it soothed away some of her aches. She smiled, her gaze wandering over the cribs, the changing stations, the baby clothes…
She didn’t know how long she stood in front of this one store, its name and brands unimportant to her. Deep down, she knew she should keep walking if she didn’t want to look suspicious—or even just plain weird—but she couldn’t help herself. The sights, that smell…it was blissful.
“Man, you’re really serious about this kid thing.”
Tanya went cold, eyes blowing wide. Full of denial for a few seconds, she was slow to turn around and face Eric Reed.
Eric gave her a gentle smile, his hands in his pockets.
Want and love flooded through her system, tormenting. She swallowed thickly and forced herself to look away. “How did you find me?”
“Your dad said you would be here.”
She cocked an eyebrow. “Dad told you?”
Eric laughed a little and shrugged. “Yeah. I think he pities more than he’s mad at me. Begging for you like I was must have convinced him.”
She blushed, guilt clawing into her. “Eric—”
“Please, just listen for me for a little bit, okay? If you don’t like what I have to say, I’ll leave. I promise.”
Tanya nodded and hugged herself.
Eric inhaled sharply. “Look, I…I tried to get over you. I really did. And I thought it would be easy, too, because I’ve gotten over exes before. But you…you’re different, Tanya. I need you. I need your smile, your laugh, your questions, that possessiveness of yours—” He smirked, eyes glimmering with too many emotions to count. “I need you more than anything else in this world. I’m so in love with you that it hurts to breathe without you. Success means nothing if I can’t share it with you.
“I know you want kids. You clearly want them very badly. And that scares me, I won’t lie, but if you are willing to give me a chance, I will work hard and do whatever it is I have to do to be the best dad I can be.” He took a step forward, breath stuttering out of his mouth. “I love you. I love you, and because of that, it doesn’t matter what the future brings us. So long as I have you, I have everything I need to be the kind of person I want to be. That I need to be.”
Painful hope squeezed her chest. Tanya could barely breathe past it, her eyes stinging. She wanted to believe him—wanted him so much—but he needed to know everything before he could proclaim such things to her. “I’m pregnant, Eric.”
Eric’s eyes widened, then snapped to her stomach. He gaped at it for a long while, his entire body stiff.
Tanya flushed. Embarrassment coming over her, she croaked, “Eric?”
Trembling, he reached out toward her, his fingers brushing over her stomach. His eyes rose back to hers. “Mine?”
She glared.
He smirked. “Just checking, sweetheart.” His glassy eyes returned to her stomach, and he released a shaky breath. “I swear, whether you take me back or not, I will be there for this kid. I will try so hard for you both. I’m just…”