Authors: Charlotte Sloan
Since moving here a few years ago my career had been disappointing to say the least. But maybe a little stress relief in the form of last night was just what I needed to get my confidence back up and try a little harder to move up the chain. I wanted more than anything to make myself proud and make it seem like I fit in here and not like I was one missed rent cheque away from running home.
At least I had Jamie. One friend was better than none. Not that we really had much in common, least of all work. She had the connections to get into any business in the city but was happy to move from one thing to the next as it suited her. I could never live my life that way, not that it was an option, but I would much rather be seen as an equal rather than depend on someone else’s money.
Adding it up I had one friend and a steady paycheck. Could be worse.
I hurried out the door and to the subway. As I walked each pull of my muscles reminded me of last night and I smiled. Jamie, a job, and memories of last night. Things were getting better already.
Luck remained on my side and I was able to find a seat on the train. I thumbed through my schedule for the day, grasping for a seed of inspiration to keep the positive vibes flowing amongst the endless meetings and errands I faced.
Taking minutes from meetings was quite possibly the least favourite part of my job and the most demeaning part given my experience, and it looked like that would encompass most of my day. I closed my calendar, refusing to let that get me down.
Some days the buzz of the office kept me busy and the day passed quickly. Today was not one of those days. The morning dragged on until it was finally time to head to our first project team meeting of the afternoon. I took my place at the table and booted up my laptop as the room filled up around me.
When I first started here I tried to join in the conversations around me, to pick up some bits of business news, make friends with people in good positions. But that didn’t last for long. No one appreciated the
secretary
to talk to them, and it was preferred that I just blend into the office furniture. So blend I did.
As the meeting got underway I kept my focus on my screen, typing out the minutes and trying not to let the monotone voices and steady tap of my keys lull me to sleep. Through the tedium a voice caught my attention. The sound niggled at me until I had to glance up to track out the source. It didn’t take long to find.
Across the room from me I caught Alex’s intense dark eyed stare, Evan beside him. Alex was talking about some developing project but his eyes were trained on me. I blinked to clear my vision, not ready to believe that they were sitting across from me. I had attended every project team meeting since starting here two years ago and I’d never noticed them at one before.
Like a flood, memories of their firm touch on my body came back to me in a torrent. The detachment I practised was gone in the instant recognition flickered in his eyes. I blinked away and forced myself to focus on the screen in front of me.
People talked around me, the next item of business called, but my mind was far from work now. It was wrapped up in silk, pinned against a bed, trembling under a rough touch. I was relieved when the meeting was adjourned shortly after and I could escape to the sanctity of my office.
Gathering my things I tried to break away from the crowd, hoping to get away without having to face Evan and Alex. With my laptop, appointment book, and agenda in hand I skirted the perimeter of the room looking only far enough ahead to make sure I wouldn’t be walking right into them.
I was almost at the door when my boss stopped me to hand me his folder and give me some instructions. The clock ticked loudly as I balanced everything and pretended to hear the words he was saying. As soon as he dismissed me I stole a quick look around before I slipped out of the meeting room and down the hallway.
I huffed out a relieved sigh as I turned the corner to my office, only to suck it back in again. I stopped short at the mouth of the hallway as I spotted Alex and Evan standing before my desk. I hated that the sight of them excited me so much.
I gathered my courage as I walked towards them and tried to ignore the blood racing through my veins. They, on the other hand, were acting as casual as could be. They were the only men I’d slept with outside of a steady relationship. A few minutes ago I was happy enough to leave it at that and move on, but the trip in my chest was hard to overlook.
When he caught sight of me, Evan started grinning like a Cheshire cat. I knew that smile and I knew how easily it could get me in trouble.
“Well well, Madeleine Dawson, is it? Imagine our surprise when we walked into our meeting still half hard from thinking about last night to see the object on our minds before us.”
“Imagine my surprise. What are you two doing here?” I asked, my voice straining to keep hushed. Anger was a lot easier to emit than the lust I felt running through me.
“We manage to make it to these meeting every now and then. Looks like we’re on the same team and didn’t even know it.” Evan said, his hand brushing against my cheek.
My mind raced. It wasn’t really out of the realm of possibility that we had sat in that same room many times and never noticed each other. They could have just been another couple men in suits and I was part of the office furniture. I attended countless meetings during the week and even though I couldn’t ignore the sexual pull these men had, sitting behind my computer screen I would never have noticed it before.
I backed away from him, clutching onto my laptop and papers. “You can’t do that here. I told you last night I couldn’t see you again. And I meant it.”
Alex, who had been quietly watching stepped forward. He was close enough that I could breathe him in, but not close enough that we were touching. I fought hard against letting my body bow into him, to maintain an ounce of dignity.
“You’re absolutely right. I told you last night that we would never make you do anything that you didn’t like. But there’s no denying that we’ll be seeing each other again. And you need to know that every time I see you I won’t be able to stop myself from thinking of you like I saw you last night. And I’ll be doing everything in my power to be able to see you like that again.”
His eyes flickered down to my lips then back up to my eyes, the intensity there burning, before he turned and led them both away from my office. I exhaled a breath, the fire in my veins nowhere close to slowing down. I held back the desire to go after them, to feel what I felt when I was with them. Need, exhilaration. Freedom.
**********
The next few weeks rolled on and I did my best to keep busy. Their words haunted me, excited me, and I buried myself in work and meetings and lunches with coworkers to distract myself. But in the quiet moments, the ones were I would stop to catch my breath only to feel it stolen away in a vision of hands on my body, words whispered in my ear, that I would forget myself. I wished I could say that the nights were the worst, but it was the lost pieces of time during the day when I couldn’t shut myself away from the world and let my imagination roam freely that was the hardest.
Every morning I would open up my schedule and count down the days until the next meeting. The next time I would see them. I couldn’t get a handle on whether I was counting down in anticipation or dread. And as I sat at my desk and opened up my schedule that morning I didn’t need a reminder to know that I had run out of days to decide.
With materials in hand I walked down to the meeting room. The room was mostly empty, and not for the first time I entertained the idea that they wouldn’t make it to this meeting. The disappointment would be worth having extra time to figure out what I felt.
I found my usual seat and began setting up my things, for once thankful that I could blend in and be absorbed in my own thoughts. I wasn’t allowed to do so for long, though. Before they even entered the room I could hear the deep rumble of their familiar voices. Seeing them was as much a physical blow as it was an emotional one and I damned them both for putting ideas in my head, for Alex’s words and Evan’s touch the last time I saw them.
In my peripherals I saw them take their seats. I could feel their eyes on me. I wasn’t about to let them distract me, though. In the darkness of the club it felt liberating to let them distract me, but here it was completely in my realm to be professional, casual. To ask them to do the same. And if Alex’s words were true they would back off and go on their way, leaving me with my boundaries safely intact. If that’s truly what I wanted, anyways.
They had sat at the far end of the table, directly across from me again. Somehow I didn’t think that was a coincidence. Having to see them every time I looked up was bad enough, but hearing them speak, having to focus on work, was worse. My body interpreted each rumble of their voice as a dirty word whispered into my ear.
I decided that Evan’s words were true, the thrill of being on display could be exhilarating. Because here in this room full of people I felt their knowing eyes on me and it felt good.
By the time I adjourned the meeting an hour and a half later I was sweating. The meeting itself went well, but my focus was gone and I was afraid that my will power was too. This time I didn’t bother rushing to pack up my things. I knew that if they wanted to talk to me there was little I could do to avoid them. When I looked around the half emptied room, though, the objects of my thoughts were nowhere to be seen.
I didn’t quite consider myself lucky yet. Last time I thought I was getting a reprieve and I received a surprise when they showed up at my office. I made short work getting back to my office, but as I turned the corner I didn’t find them loitering in the sitting area outside of my office door. Or in my office. I turned around but they weren’t in the hallway behind me either.
It was then that the feeling of disappointment started creeping in, and that was when I knew where my desires lay.
In the few weeks since I met them I had been run off my feet with work and I hadn’t been able to find anything that eased the tension like they had. Whether I wanted it or not, my body was craving that kind of freedom again. I was craving the way they looked at me and the freedom I felt when they were near.
The only question left was what I was going to do about it. I picked up my phone and made a call to Jamie.
**********
I walked through the heavy wood door of the club fully prepared for what I was going to see within, but not at all prepared for what I was going to do. I felt years older than when I walked through these lavish rooms. Desensitized to the blatant sexuality, wiser in the ways of the rush someone could feel from being on display. Even if only on display for two.
My eyes adjusted against the dim crystal lighting that was hung in swags from the ceiling. Even amongst the shadowed alcoves it didn’t take long to spot Alex and Evan. I slowed my steps, a moment of hesitation rippling through me, but it was too late. Evan’s grin settled on me and I knew there was no avoiding them now. As my body was pulled in closer to them I admitted that I wasn’t really fighting it that hard. And I was probably ogling them just as much as they were me.
I kept my focus on them, hoping my legs would carry me there. I’d never been quite so bold, never put myself out there quite like I was. There was a niggling of doubt, a part of me that wondered if they didn’t stick around after the meeting because they had lost interest. That maybe this was a mistake.
But when Alex’s eyes seared my skin, studying my every curve, marking me with his eyes, I knew there was no mistake.
“Madeleine.” He said, standing, his deep voice whispering my name. “What are you doing here?”
“You guys didn’t stick around after our meeting.” I said, hoping that would get across everything I wanted to say.
“And you missed us, gorgeous?” Evan said, his grin obnoxiously contagious.
“I think I did.” I said, offering him a small smile of my own.
“We thought it best we leave. You made it pretty clear last time that you weren’t interested in us being at your work. We were trying to respect that.” Alex said.
“I appreciate that.” I said. “And I thought that’s what I wanted. I guess I didn’t realize how anxious I was to face you two and figuring out what’s going on here until I didn’t have that opportunity.” I shook my head, trying to make sense of it all. I looked up at Alex, searching for some understanding there. “Does that make any sense?”
Alex nodded, his eyes soft with understanding. “It does.”
When I walked in here I still wasn’t sure what I wanted, only that I needed the opportunity to find out. With boy these men watching me now, though, it was starting to become clear that being with them wasn’t something I could leave behind me as a memory. One taste of their passion, their strength, wasn’t nearly enough. The power I felt after being with them was something I wanted to experience over and over again.
Something flared in Alex’s eyes, like he could see what I was thinking. Like he liked what he saw. They were both so open with their sexuality, so raw and honest. I wanted that. I wanted to be open with them and with myself too.
When Alex asked, “Would you care to talk about this somewhere less public?” I wasted no time agreeing. I was happy that he was willing to figure this out too, but most of all I was thrilled to be alone with them again.
He nodded and walked to the other side of the club, leaving me with Evan.