Authors: Charlotte Sloan
The bite of his fingers in my hips urged me on, driving my actions into a frenzy. I began a fast rhythm, grinding into him hard, pulling the full length of him into me. My fingers dug into the back of the chair. The room filled with the sounds of our breathing. Jack bucked his hip up in time with me. From deep inside I could feel my release building.
I gripped onto Jack’s shoulders as my muscles contracted, stiffening in anticipation. Hands on my hips, holding me in place above him, Jack pumped into me. The relentless drive overwhelmed me and I cried out in pleasure, rocking into his motions. Below me Jack continued to thrust into my trembling flesh until he too came, a rough cry tearing from him.
Damp with sweat, I rested my head on his shoulder until my breathing started to slow. I eased him out of me, wishing I didn’t feel so empty already. With a delirious smile on his lips he kissed me once more and brushed the hair from my face. I crawled from his lap and he followed me up.
“I need to change, and then we can finish our catching up. You can use that bathroom if you want.” Jack indicated the one just off the common area. I nodded and watched him leave for his room.
I grabbed my purse and headed for the bathroom. I quickly cleaned up and pulled on a robe I found in the bathroom. Rifling through my purse and pulling out my phone I dialed Meg.
“Hey, honey, I’ve been thinking of you. How did Jack take it?”
“I, uh, haven’t told him yet.” I said in a hushed voice.
Meg was quiet for a minute, then a burst of laughter made me pull the phone away from my ear. When the cackling sounds subsided, I held the phone back to my head.
“What’s so funny?”
“You slept with him didn’t you, you hussy?”
“I may have.”
“I don’t know why I didn’t see that coming. You two could never keep your hands off each other. Don’t worry about Will. He’s having a great time here torturing Kitty McGilly, so stay as long as you want.”
With a promise to try and be home tonight, I ended my call with Meg and headed back to the living room. Not finding Jack there, I went to the bedroom in search of him. The water was still running in the ensuite bathroom, so I shed the robe and crawled into his bed. Snuggling deep under the covers I enjoyed the feel of the plush sheets against my naked body, two things I couldn’t do in my own bed.
So comfortable and delirious with sleep, I let my eyes drift closed. In a sleepy haze I felt Jack cozying in behind me. His hands wandered my body and I relaxed into him. Jack ran smooth hands over my breasts, pausing to brush his fingers over my nipples until they were hard. When he was satisfied with his efforts he caressed his hands over my ribcage and over my stomach. His fingers stopped on the irregularity of the scar he found there and I stilled.
That scar was the reminder of my baby. Of when he grew inside me. Of when I loved him when no one else knew he existed. I loved that scar. Of all the scenarios I anticipated Jack finding out, in none of them was I quite as vulnerable as I was right now. I waited for Jack to say something.
“I noticed this earlier. It wasn’t there last time I saw you.” His voice was rough, gravelly.
“No.” He was quiet for a beat.
“What is it from?”
I turned in his arms. I needed to see him when I told him. In a mere whisper I said, “From when I had my son.”
“You have a child.” Another beat passed. “How old?”
“Three.” His eyes calculated.
“Mine?”
“Yes.”
The moment I had dreaded all these years was upon me, and that moment of truth was an ugly one. Jack didn’t smile, he didn’t look all weepy eyed like in the movies. He looked like he was going to be sick. I saw the panic flash through his features.
The hotel phone on the nightstand chose that moment to start to ring. Jack ignored it. I wasn’t even sure if he heard it.
In that moment I felt I had to get away from here before more damage was done. The memories I had with Jack were perfect in my mind and the life I created with Will was perfect too. Merging the two could tarnish them both and I couldn’t bear that. I couldn’t seem to recall any of the reasons why I thought this was a good idea. Jack’s arms were slack around me, and so I rolled away from his body and off the other side of the bed.
Jack sat up, the shock on his face still evident. I left his room for the living room. I began to gather up my clothes and Jack followed behind.
“What are you doing?” He asked, despondent.
“Getting dressed. I have to go home.” I said distractedly, pulling my skirt up.
“You can’t leave now. We aren’t done talking.” His words were indignant but his voice was flat.
“I’ve said all I came here to say.” The hotel phone stopped ringing just as his cell phone on the kitchen counter started. “Sounds like someone is trying to reach you. You should take that.”
“Screw that. We’re not done here.” Jack said with a little more feeling this time.
I button my shirt and grabbed my purse from off the coffee table. Jack’s phone was ringing again and this time he looked at the screen. He ran a hand through his hair.
“Shit. That’s Greg. I forgot I’m supposed to be at a meeting in half an hour. He’s probably calling to see where I am.” He frowned at the screen then back up at me.
“Don’t worry about it. I can show myself out.” I crossed the room to the door.
“No Marie. I want to stay. I want you to stay.” I could almost pick up a trace of emotion ringing through.
“But you can’t and neither can I.” I paused with my hand on the knob. Turning back to Jack I said, “Listen, I know this is the last thing you need right now. That’s the exact reason I didn’t tell you in the first place. But now that we’re in the same city I figured it would be best to tell you before you found out some other, more embarrassing way. So now you know and we can both carry on with our lives.”
I slipped out the door to the sounds of his half-hearted protests. I moved quickly down the hall and onto the elevator. Tears threatened to break through as the look of distress in Jack’s eyes flashed in front of me again. I swiped at the errant tear that fell. I just needed to make it back to my car. Back to my life where I could keep pretending that everything was alright.
******
I rolled over and stared at the clock. 2:53. It had been less than 12 hours since I left Jack’s hotel suite. I groaned and flopped onto my back again. I would have to get up in a few short hours and try to keep it all together. And really, what would be different? Life would be the same as it usually was. Except that my son would never know his father. Excect that Jack would never be in my life again. Except I would have to face the truth that for three years I had been telling Meg that I didn’t care if that happened, when deep inside I was hopeful that it one day would.
I could still feel the empty ache he left inside me. I squeezed my thighs together, slowing the burn. Today had given me one more memory to add to my collection but it didn’t seem like enough anymore. Seeing Jack had dredged up a lot of other memories for me - the intense draw of me to him, the easy conversation, parts of our lives that we had once shared. And the passion we bore burned a lot clearer in my mind now too. It was easy to see why I had loved him.
Despite all that, what I couldn’t get past was the fallout from Jack finding out about Will. Prepping myself to go see him I didn’t know what to expect, but I guess it was more than what he gave me. I didn’t disillusion myself by thinking he would fall to his knees and weep with joy, but I thought he would maybe have the means of forming a full sentence at least. It hurt, knowing now that the man I had held in such high regard was no better than anyone else. I had loved him. Respected him. I had him on a pedestal thinking I was admiring him, but instead I just made it so that it hurt a lot more watching him fall.
I guess hearing that your mistress had your baby would floor most people. Because when it came down to it, that’s all I was. In my own head our relationship may have been more than that, but today I learned that the reality was that I was nothing more than a fling. And up until I told him the truth, he had treated me exactly like that. Like nothing had changed. He was my boss and I was his hidden love affair. He offered me a job, even. Back to my position as his official bed warmer, I guess.
I tossed on the bed and remembered how much I had loved what we had. It felt good to be with him, and it felt like I had found a lifelong partner. I guess it was just a misconception that if he would have stuck around we would have made a real go of things. I was such a fool to sacrifice so much for his benefit. I was such a fool to pretend for so long that I was happy with how things were. The hurt of that stung my eyes and I cursed myself for being so stupid.
And now, in the aftermath, I had to carry on. I had been doing a good job of leading a new, semi-fulfilling life without him, creating all kinds of ideas of being a great martyr. Now I had to face the idea that maybe he was just another man who liked sleeping with a woman who liked letting him be in control.
I snuggled deeper into the bed, willing myself to fall asleep so I wouldn’t have to think about Jack Lawson anymore.
******
Morning came, despite sleep eluding me. At some point during the night, just before the sun dusted my room in light, my disappointment and guilt turned to anger making it impossible to get my thoughts to settle down. I may have made a mistake sleeping with Jack and not telling him about Will, but Jack had no right to make me feel bad about my decisions and my life. Will was my life and I had learned to be happy, and he had no right to take that away from me.
I hit the alarm, rolled out of bed, and got ready for work in a dull haze. I dropped Will off at daycare a few minutes early, giving me some time to walk to the coffee shop down the street from work. The coffee we made at Vinny’s only looked like coffee, but it tasted like dirty dish water. That wasn’t going to cut it today.
I sipped the strong hot coffee as I walked at a slow pace down the block. It was quiet and a little cool this morning. I used that to gain a bit of clarity when everything seemed a little murky at the moment. Arriving at the front door of the restaurant I paused outside to finish my drink, not quite ready to face the noise and chaos within.
When I could no longer put it off, I walked through the door to the sound of the bell jingling. Grabbing my apron from a hook in the back I passed by the kitchen. From beyond, Vinny yelled out,
“You’re five minutes late. And you got a customer waiting.”
I rolled my eyes, knowing that to Vinny, being five minutes early is the equivalent of being five minutes late. I finished tying the apron strings and grabbed a couple of menus. Looking over to my section of the floor I spotted the lone customer sitting with his back to me in a booth. Jack. My heart raced in my chest and adrenalin pumped through me. I didn’t expect to see him any time soon. If ever I was to experience a fight or flight response it was now.
My head was telling me to run, that nothing good would come from a confrontation. But my body, fueled by my renewed anger, was drawn down the aisle towards him. Each step felt heavy, like I was walking towards disaster. By the time I reached his table I was already too nervous and angry and damn near ready to explode. I slammed the menu down on the table, satisfied when Jack startled. He looked up at me, eyes rimmed red. If his face was showing that much stress I didn’t want to know what mine showed.
“What do you need, Jack?” I bit out.
“You left yesterday before we had a chance to talk.” His voice was irritatingly calm.
“I’m working. And I already said everything I needed to yesterday.”
“Don’t you think you owe me more than that?”
“That’s just the point. I don’t owe you anything and vice versa. I simply came to your hotel to give you some information I thought you needed, which I did. Besides, if you wanted to discuss anything further you could have done it then, instead of standing there like a zombie.”