Authors: Lisa Andersen
She wondered if they had
been told
why she was here. John didn’t seem to have any trouble mentioning it. She had to assume they all knew what her purpose was. They were still kind and hospitable to her. She took that as a sign that they all cared about their sheriff as much as Charlie had implied.
She was brought out of her thoughts when she saw James come around the corner of the house. He
was dressed
in blue jeans, a well-fitting flannel shirt and had brushed his hair, from the looks of it. She pulled in a breath and held it for a moment. He was certainly a good-looking man. He stopped for a moment when he saw her. Before he could continue walking, Liz caught sight of him.
“James!” She called out. Everyone turned to look at him as he approached.
They all began to greet him. Hettie was amused to see the crowd gravitate toward James, wishing him well, almost hiding him from her sight. She caught his eyes straying to her while he responded to the people, smiling at them, removing his hat, shaking hands.
Hettie didn’t get up.
After a short time, the crowd dispersed somewhat, going back to what they had been doing. Liz and James stood to the side, talking in low voices for a few moments. Hettie tried not to watch them but was curious about their conversation. Neither seemed upset. Liz appeared to be
apologizing,
and James responded by nodding and pulling his sister into a hug. When they pulled away from each other, they
smiled,
and Liz moved off to find John, leaving James to gaze at Hettie.
She saw him looking and smiled at him, finally getting up.
“Hello,
” Hettie said, approaching him. “I would have come over
sooner,
but you would think it was your birthday the way everyone gathered around you.”
At first,
he didn’t say anything to her. Then he looked down at his hands, where he was clutching his hat firmly. “I must apologize for my behavior the other day,
Hettie.
”
“You must not worry about that.” Hettie shook her head. “I realize you were very surprised to see me. I hope that you aren’t upset with Liz about it. I am a grown woman and can take care of myself.”
“I am not upset with her.” James shook his head. “I am more upset with myself. I don’t
generally
treat
strange,
beautiful women that way.”
Hettie smiled at the compliment and looked down. “Thank you, James.”
“Shall we sit and talk?” He asked, holding out his hand to the chair she had been
sitting in
. She returned to
it,
and he pulled a similar chair nearby to sit close to her.
“How are you enjoying it here so far?” James asked, picking up a few of the same carrot sticks she had been eating from and taking a few bites.
“
Actually,
I find the atmosphere very refreshing. I know it is much warmer than my home in
Virginia,
but I like it. I would rather be warm than cold, wouldn’t you?”
He laughed. “I better. I live here.”
She laughed with him. “Yes, I suppose so. And now I do, so I better learn to like it if I don’t.”
“But you do?”
She nodded. “I do.”
He looked around at the crowd and then back at her. “Would you like to go for a walk?”
Hettie looked up at the darkening sky. “Do you think we will
be caught
in the dark?”
James glanced
around
them. “There’s a lantern. We’ll take it just in case.”
“I would like to go for a walk then. But you carry the lantern.”
His
wide
smile made
him, even more,
appealing to Hettie. She tried not to let any
kind of
reaction come across her face. She couldn’t help smiling
back,
though.
They stood
up,
and she followed him to fetch the lantern and then down the garden path. “We’ll just walk around the house and land here,
Hettie,
” James said. “We won’t stray far from the path, I promise.”
“Good,
” she responded. “I do like to stay on the proper path.”
The one ordained by God,
she thought but didn’t say.
He gave her a look that made her wonder if he’d known just what she was
talking about
.
“I want you to know that I’m not some big brute who likes to go around yelling at strangers
…women
or men.” His voice was
low
and gentle. Hettie found that she enjoyed listening to the sound of it when he talked. “I have been through a lot in my
life,
and it’s hard for me to…get by sometimes. I do hope you can understand what I mean by this.”
I do.
Hettie didn’t speak the words aloud. She just looked at him with encouraging eyes. She nodded to let him know he should continue.
“When…when my wife
was killed
, it took a lot out of me. It took away the life
in
me for a long time. I only focused on the job. I keep the peace. It’s what I have to do to make sure the people here are safe. Safer than I…I had to work a lot harder to keep everyone safe. To make sure.” He stopped.
Hettie looked at him. “James, is it all right if we sit on the steps
of
the house to talk? I’m a little weary
from
being on my feet most of the day.”
“Oh, of course!” James nodded and they turned in the direction of the front of the house. He didn’t continue
talking,
and when they sat, it was Hettie who talked instead.
“James, Liz told me what happened with your wife and I’m so sorry to hear it. I’m sorry that you
were so broken
from it. I know how depressed you have
been,
and I understand it. I lost my mother in a tragic way, as well. She
was killed
when I was twelve. It took my father a long time to stop mourning. There’s just something you need to remember. When someone dies, you don’t want to let go. But
eventually,
you have to. You have to let God have it. It’s the only way to save your soul. I don’t know why your wife had to die or why my mother had to die. But God knows. And we have to trust Him.” She stopped and tilted her head, putting one of her small hands into one of his.
He looked
closely
at her. “Liz told me that you lost your
mother,
” he confessed. “She said that it should make me think about how we have something like that in common. She thinks we would be good for each other.”
Hettie felt a twitch in her
chest,
and she swallowed, smiling. “Do you
think we
would be good for each other?”
“I didn’t think so.” James wrapped his fingers around hers so that she couldn’t pull away. “I have thought about it and prayed about it for two days. I haven’t been able to see past the loss…the
mourning
. The anger I still feel…it eats away at me.”
She nodded. “Those kinds of emotions only hurt the one who feels them. There’s simply nothing we can do about the circumstances. We must rise above.”
They were quiet for a moment, sitting on the steps with their hands together.
“For
years,
I have been taking two steps forward and another
back,
” James said. “I feel like I’m not making any progress.”
“If you are taking a step forward then you are making progress. As long as it isn’t two steps back.”
James smiled.
“If you want to, James, I will stay here with Liz and
John,
and we can have a few more talks.”
“You
want
to see if you
really want
to stay with me?” James asked.
She giggled. “No, I was thinking the opposite way around. I was brought here for you.
This must
be your decision. I had already made mine.”
“Do you think you could love a man like me?”
“From what I’ve heard, you are a wonderful man whose heart has been kept in a prison of his
own
making for some time now.” She reached up and placed one hand on his cheek. He closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them to look into hers. “Don’t you think it’s time to let it out now so that it can heal?”
“You will stay and help it heal?”
“I surely will, James.”
James leaned forward so that he was inches away from her. “I don’t think it will take very long.”
Just before Hettie leaned in for the first of many soft kisses, she replied, “I will wait as long as it takes.”
Ella rinsed out the cooking pot and hung it on the nail to dry. She
was almost done
with the morning chores and was looking forward to the hour or so she would have to sit down at the kitchen table and read for a while. She
was almost finished
with her new book,
Alice’sAdventures in Wonderland
. She had no idea what she would be reading after that.
The newspaper was folded up on the table from where her brothers had left it this morning. They were out on the farm repairing a broken fence or something like that. She wasn’t certain. She’d been caring for them and their father since the death of her mother 16 years ago. Their blessing had been her youngest brother, Alfred. Their loss was their mother. At ten
years
of age, Ella had been given the task of raising her brothers. Their father was not a hands-on parent. He was rarely
there,
and when he was, he was unpleasant, loud and demanding. He had long ago decided that the first half of Ella’s name should have been “Cinder
,”
giving her a long list of chores to do every day.
She ran a cloth over the counter to clean it and looked around to see if she had missed anything. It looked clean to her. She hoped it looked clean to her father.
She sat down and unfolded the newspaper to run her eyes over the words without
really
reading them. There was almost always some
kind of
news about possible impending war, how President Lincoln was handling it and local good and bad news.
She was ready to set the paper down and go to her room for her book.
She
gazed out the window first, folding her arms over her chest and hugging herself. It was her dream to travel to the West and start a new
life,
but she couldn’t see how that would be possible in her current circumstances. Her father had never let her try to get any employment in town. She had the skills, she’d been cleaning, sewing her brother’s clothes and been their nursemaid for 16 years, starting from the newborn stage with Alfred, but he wanted her there at the house, keeping everything clean and in order.
For the last few years, Ella felt secluded, isolated from the world. The worlds in her books gave her a clear idea of where she wanted to be. She’d read a lot about the growing towns and cities in the west. That was all the way across the country. It was far away from here.
It was far away from her brothers.
The thought made her a little sad. It was useless
to even think
about it
anyway
. She wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. You don’t go anywhere unless you have the money to do it. And she had no valuable property to her name.
She heard the sound of her brothers stumbling through the outside door and loudly taking their boots off in the mudroom. They were joking around about something and tumbled into the kitchen, wrestling with each other. She stood up and moved
to the cabinet
to get out a few glasses for water. They were sure to be thirsty after working hard all morning. They were certainly dusty enough for it.
“You’re such a bum!” Oscar and Dave appeared to be directing their teasing toward Alfred, the youngest. Oscar gave Alfred a shove and the three of them laughed, pulling their hats from their heads.
“Hello, sis!” Dave came over to where Ella was pouring water into the three cups from the
cool
pitcher. He took one of the cups from the counter and gave Ella a kiss on the cheek. “How’s your day been? Another long one of cooking and cleaning for ungrateful brats?”
Ella giggled, giving him
a narrow
look. Her green eyes were sparkling. “I certainly have. How did you know?’
He shrugged. “It’s what you usually do.”
He went back to the table and sat in one of the chairs. “That’s too true, my
brother,
” Oscar said.
“Don’t you think it’s about time you got yourself a life, sister?” Alfred said.
“What would you know about having a life, Al?” Dave said. “I’m older than
you,
and I know you don’t know anything about getting a life.”
“She needs a life outside this farm, outside this house.”
Dave nodded, moving his eyes back to his sister, who was setting the cups down in front of her other two brothers. She went back for her
own
drink. “I agree with you, Al. She is in need of controlling her
own
life.”
“You know
Papa
isn’t going to let me go anywhere. I’ll be taking care of him until long after you three
are gone
.”
“I’m planning on getting married next
year,
” Dave said. “You know that. It could be
anytime
that these guys leave this place. You can’t stay here. You can’t let Papa force you to stay here.”
“I am not sure I have much of a choice.”
The three boys didn’t look at
her,
and there was a quiet pause in the conversation. “Well, before we start feeling blue,” Dave said. “How are you doing with your new book, Alice’s Wonderland, is it?”
“Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.” Ella corrected with a nod, sitting next to Oscar. “I’m about done with it.”
“Are you enjoying it?”
“Yes, very much.”
“What have you got for when
you’re done
?” Oscar asked, giving her
a narrow
look she didn’t understand.
“I…I don’t have another book to read right now. I reckon I will
be reduced
to reading the newspaper.”
Dave gave her a big smile. “I think we can remedy that situation for you, sis.” He nodded at
Alfred,
who jumped up with a delighted look on his face. “We’ve got something for you.”
Ella felt a bit of excitement. It was rare that she felt that way. She smiled wide and assumed she wouldn’t be reading the newspaper when she
was done
with
Alice
.
After a few moments, Alfred returned with a book wrapped in brown paper and
a string.
When he offered it to her, she took it and held it in front of her as if it
were made
of fragile crystal. “
Oh,
boys!” She said.
“Go ahead and unwrap it, sis!” Oscar said in such an excited
voice;
it was almost like it was his present she was receiving. She smiled at him.
“It’s not my birthday, boys, what is this for?”
“You are stuck in this house too much,
Ella,
” Oscar said. “You cook and clean up after us and do everything. We don’t want you to feel unappreciated.
“How could I possibly? It’s my job.”
“That’s just it,
Ella,
” Dave said, leaning forward. “It isn’t your job. It was mama’s job and papa’s job. Mama can’t do
it,
but papa shouldn’t have made you do it. He’s never going to get married
again;
that’s obvious.
He
will never get over mama. But he has made you into a housekeeper. You aren’t a
housekeeper,
and we want you to know we love
you,
and we’re grateful for you.”
Ella pulled in a deep breath of emotion. “Oh, thank
you,
” She whispered.
“Now will you please open that up so we can all see your face?”
She smiled so big; her cheeks were hurting from it.
She felt tears come to her eyes but blinked them away so she could examine the book they had gotten her. She gently peeled back the paper, looking up
every now and then
at each of her
brothers
. They were watching her face.
When she had the paper off, she turned the book over to read the title. Her eyes
widened,
and she ran her fingers over the leather-bound cover. “Oh, boys!
Oh,
thank you!” It was a dark brown
book,
and the title
was written
in gold embossed letters. “
A Study in Scarlet
.” She read aloud. “By Arthur Conan Doyle.
Oh,
my.
This is
so beautiful!”
She got up and wrapped her arms around each of her brother’s shoulders. Each of them gave her a kiss on the cheek in return. “I can’t believe it. Such
a nice
looking book!” She sat back down in her chair and scanned the cover again, turning the book over one more time before opening it and flipping through the pages. She loved the scent of a newly printed book. She never cared if there was a tear or a mistake in the book. She was just glad to have it, as long as she could read it. “Thank
you,
” she said again.
“I’ve been thinking, Ella, about your situation
here,
” Dave spoke up. She looked at him. “You
really
want to leave, don’t you?”
She lowered her eyes. “It’s not that I don’t
want
to take care of you…”
“No more of that.” Dave lifted one hand and slapped it on the table, getting her attention. “We’ve already established that the three of us are no longer in need of your servantry.”
She pressed her lips together, trying not to tell him that servantry wasn’t a word. She understood his meaning.
“She’s not a servant!” Alfred said, resentfully, glaring at his brother.
Dave nodded. “Exactly my point, brother.” He looked back to Ella. “You aren’t a servant here. You need to go live in the West like you want to.”
“I just don’t see how that’s
possible,
” Ella replied.
“I think I know how you can do it.” Dave leaned further out over the table and pulled the folded up newspaper to himself. “I saw something in here that I want to point out to you.”
He snapped the paper open and folded it so that the small section of ads was displayed. He got up and strolled to Ella’s chair, leaning in between her and Oscar to lay the paper down on the table in front of her. She looked down at it and followed his finger when he pointed. She leaned forward to read it.
“A man in Nevada is looking for someone to come and help him raise his four
sons,
” she said, summarizing the ad. “You think I should…” She looked back up at him with wide eyes. “I…I don’t think I could do that! That’s so far away!”
“That’s what you want!” Dave said, encouragingly. “That’s your dream! Follow your dream!”
Ella looked back down and picked the paper up to
look at the ad
again as Dave went back to his seat.
“That’s an insane idea!” Oscar said, leaning over to read over Ella’s shoulder. “She can’t just up and leave like that. She doesn’t even know this guy. What if he’s some weird character or he’s violent or something?”
Dave nodded. “Those are all
options,
but if you want to get anywhere in this life, you have to take risks. If you want to live your dreams, you
definitely
have to take risks. Well, she wants to be free of this house and
Papa
and live in the West. That advertisement is probably her only chance to make that happen.”
Oscar frowned, crossing his arms over his chest and sitting back in his chair. “I don’t like the idea. I don’t think she should be so far away with only a stranger for
company
. And she’ll be doing the same thing! Watching and raising more boys!”
“I…” Ella spoke up, interrupting Oscar. “I think I want to do this, Dave. I think I should answer this ad.” She could suddenly see a bright future stretching out in front of her. She hadn’t felt that excited in some time.
They heard the sound of their father coming in the front door. She was suddenly a bit fearful and went through her chores in her mind to make sure she had gotten to them all. She got up quickly to take the ham and cheese biscuits from the warming cabinet and pulled out a cup to give her father his noontime coffee.
“I’ll
go see
to
him,
” Dave said, scooting out the door quickly. They could hear him greet their father in the hallway. “Papa! How was your day?”
They couldn’t hear their father’s reply.
Oscar got up and moved to stand next to Ella. She looked up at him.
“I will be the one who is blue when you leave, sister.” Oscar leaned to give her a kiss on the cheek. She felt a warm wash of love for him and put her arms around him for a hug.
*****
The train rumbled along at
a fearful
speed. Ella had never been on a train or in anything that moved faster than the horses she rode. She watched the scenery moving past with amazement, unable to focus on anything for very long before it was gone. Except for the mountains in the distance. She tried counting them at first but because tired and anxious from that so she stopped.