Authors: Jessa Hawke
After Note:
So that’s my story about my strange relationship with my ex boyfriend, his male lover, and his lover’s girlfriend.
I love Matthew, and I also love Nico, but of course not the same as I love my lover, Matthew. I know it’s a strange relationship. I suppose I feel like Rachel does, I don’t want to lose my man, so I’ll put with his little whims. It is clear that Matthew and Nico have a meaningful relationship and are not yet ready to part. I think they will do, in time, maybe not permanently, maybe they’ll still sleep together on the odd occasion, but if Rachel and I are the right girls, then these lads are hooked. Both of them will make wonderful fathers, that will be a test for us all, just as being a parent is for anyone.
THE END
Unexpected Desires
"Now, we're only here for one week, so be honest- what is the one thing you want to do in Italy?"
The question perked Lilly right up out of her reverie as the big pink-and-white bus rolled over yet another bump in the road of the Tuscan countryside. It was day two of her Italian Espresso Winter trip with GoGo Travels, and this was the one question the tour manager had asked thus far that had the most possibilities by far.
All twenty-nine travelers sat in silence for one moment, the weight of their answers suspended in the air, until finally, one brave soul named Mara called out, "To ride on the back of an Italian guy's Vespa!"
The GoGo travelers tittered, and as a smile spread over Lilly's rounded cheeks, she snuggled deeper into her seat and shut her eyes again. Although she had laughed with everybody else, she knew that all Mara had done was say out loud what the female half of the group had been thinking all along. Because who didn't want to be
that
girl, the one who didn't need words? The one who could walk out of a pastry shop, munching on delicious cannolis, see a handsome Roman with thick, wavy dark hair pat the back seat of his little motorized scooter and offer a helmet? Who did not want to feel the crisp Roman air wrap itself around you like a lover as ordinary citizens watched you sail off into the night, a modern-day princess amidst the dull grey of their lives?
Well, there was
one
thing Lilly thought she might like wrapped around her more than just the night air.
It had been an incredibly long and difficult two years since her move from Texas to New York. First, the apartment she had set up for herself had been rented out to somebody else. Then, she had had to drop out of her master's studies because she couldn't pay tuition. And worst of all, after she had moved in with the Brooklyn bar owner she was dating, she caught him in bed with some skinny-minny blonde little thing who was no older than eighteen. What was a girl to do?
She had picked herself up and found a job as a front-of-desk secretary for an Upper West Side psychiatrist and could now afford to pay for part-time classes. Sure, her new apartment's ceiling leaked during snowy days and smelled like cats, but at least she could afford one of those big, luxurious mattresses that could actually house her body- no twin beds for this girl! After all she had been through, especially being dumped and thrown out on her butt for a slimmer model, Lilly felt she deserved a treat. So when she came across GoGo's winter deal for a ten-day trip to Italy Lilly's heart jumped. Italy, the birthplace of DaVinci and Casanova? How could she say no?
Five minutes and a click of her mouse button later, she was on her way, palms sweating.
She had never traveled alone before, and was not at all sure she would enjoy herself, even in a place as beautiful as Italy. Her heart pounded as she read the itinerary- Rome, Florence, Venice, Maestra- Maestra? Where on earth was Maestra? Still, she could not wait to go. What was Italy like in the winter/ she wondered, packing warm woolen tights and, as a temptation to fate, some lacy bras and panties. You never knew what might happen.
Her mother, when she heard of the trip, stayed very true to her one-track mind. "Maybe you'll meet a guy!" she cried into the phone.
"Mom," said Lilly, exasperated, tossing some more toiletries into her suitcase, "This is a trip I'm taking for ME. I don't
want
to meet a guy.' At least, not in the traditional sense. It might be nice to have a quick kiss and a cuddle with a cute local somewhere. But she did not tell her very traditional, proper mother
that
.
GoGo Travels specialized in group tours for people ages twenty five to thirty five, so Lilly knew that at least she would not have to worry about a bunch of little drunk teenagers ruining her special trip. Would her fellow travelers like her, though? Would she like them? Lilly could not quell the anxious thoughts.
Unexpectedly, the other travelers turned out to be predominantly Australian, and Lilly found that she quite liked their mellow, relaxed attitudes towards pretty much everything. Since so many of them had he means to travel, most had been halfway around the world and back, and the first two days of the trip were filled with a frenzy of getting to know each other and hearing all about Sweden, Germany, and Thailand. There were twenty-nine people on the trip, paired off into rooms together, which left one odd man out who always had a single room to himself.
They called him The Lonely Canadian.
Her traditional upbringing told her that all good-looking guys were jerks, but after her last boyfriend, Lilly did not know whether or not she believed that. And besides, Brent Scond, the Lonely Canadian, was one fine piece of man-candy.
Six two and leanly muscled through the hip and thigh, he was one of the few men who towered over Lilly and was not gangly, like a little boy. In fact, there was little about Brent that could remind any woman of anything
little
. She had seen his photos on the group page before arriving on the trip, and she knew even from that alone that this was one man she wanted to get to know a little more intimately.
Lilly's flight to Italy had gotten in far later than expected, and she missed her shuttle to the hotel where the group was supposed to meet. A breathless taxi ride and an hour later, she was stuck between a rock and a hard place- should she rush down to meet the group, or did she have time to shower off twenty hours of plane and change? She ran to her room, hating the feeling of all her bits and pieces jiggling, and compromised, changing into a navy sweater and jeans that hugged her curves. Maybe if nobody got too close, they couldn't smell her. She had run down to meet the group, everyone already situated at little bar tables, doing a meet-and-greet.
She spotted him right away, but the mop of sandy blonde hair carefully slicked back and the huge blue eyes that threatened to swallow her whole. Heart thumping in her not-unsubstantial chest, Lilly sat down across from him and couldn't resist peeking at him from the corner of her eye. And, she had to admit, she liked what she saw. He was cool, calm, as self-possessed as a man
should
be- which did not surprise her, considering he was the oldest person in the group, outfitted in slim-cut jeans that fit him well enough to send a flush up her cheeks. She liked the long, clean lines of his hands, with skin so smooth that she could just imagine him running them up her waist, pulling her towards him off silk sheets, skimming the lacy edges of the bra that contained her temporarily; as she watched his broad, beautiful lips crease into a warm smile, she saw him bend his face towards the swell of her full breasts in her mind's eye, to gently skim there, tantalizing her.
But Brent never even glanced at her. When she caught him talking to Mara, a petite blonde with an elfish face, she wondered if that was his type. The uncomfortable thought sent her tugging her sweater self-consciously tighter around herself. Oh, forget it, she told herself. You didn't come here for that, anyway.
The beauty of Rome the next day quickly overtook any discomfort she had experienced. After a quick tour from an excellent local guide, Lilly spent the day wandering the streets of the ancient city, breathing in the grandeur and art; she was amazed at the way she could feel the vein of biblical times weaving into the very life of the twenty first century. And she had to admit, she did not mind the way that the men on the street looked at her, either. She had heard that Italian men enjoyed a full-bodied woman, but she had never quite bought into that until she saw the appreciative glances of Roman men of all shapes and sizes. Still, she thought, as she waved goodbye to two skinny Italian waiters who eagerly walked her out of a local cafe with a pistachio gelato on the house, there was something about all of them that didn't quite measure up in her head.
What was it? she wondered, as she sat on a marble bench in the city center in front of a balloon vendor pumping helium into heart-shaped creations. She realized that there was a certain something in all of their glances that had put her off; it was that she could almost narrate the thoughts in their head.
The things I would like to do to that big, bella body,
their eyes said, and it was just too close to what her unfaithful ex-boyfriend had said the first time they were in bed. She was so tired of the lies, the bad boys with smooth tongues who viewed her as nothing but an object. Besides, if she was being perfectly honest with herself, there was another reason she was finding herself unable to focus on the local cuties.
If she was being perfectly honest with herself, it was because she could not take her eyes off of Brent. Something in the way he talked, the way he helped the girls retrieve their heavy suitcases from the bus made her think he was a gentleman despite the earring stud in his left ear and the black leather jacket he wore. Really, she thought, who believes in the fact that those things are the harbingers of being "bad" anymore?
Besides, it might be nice if Brent got a little bad with her. Well, not bad- maybe a little...
naughty
. As the balloon man released a stream of color into the air, Lilly pictured knocking on Brent's door, watching him slide that leather jacket down his broad shoulders, those huge ocean-colored eyes looking into hers, burning with something hungry. Oh yes, she thought, that would be something indeed.
After the GoGo group dined on pigeon steak and squid ink pasta that night, Lilly found herself unable to sleep. Partially, this was because her roommate snored louder than a garbage truck at 5 A.M., and partially because she could not stop thinking about Brent. Yes, he was one dangerously good-looking bastard, and probably knew it, but from watching him, it did not appear that it had gone to his head at all. Mara, the girl who dreamed of riding away into the night on a Vespa, had been talking earlier about "short man syndrome," and the idea had made a lot of sense to Lilly.
"Short guys are so concentrated on the fact that they're short that they don't have the time to make a woman feel good about herself," Mara was saying wisely to Lilly and three others over thimble-sized espressos.
There was certainly nothing short about Brent. As she snuggled deeper into her covers, Lilly imagined that the cool press of fabric around her was actually Brent pressed against her, solid muscle on the soft flesh of her bottom, hardening and whispering into her ear that she was beautiful.
Morning came much too soon with a wake-up call from an overly cheerful receptionist who could speak nothing but Italian. Groaning, Lilly pulled herself out of bed and into a gray wool skater dress while her roommate snored contentedly away. Fine, grumbled Lilly to herself as she walked down the stairs of a hotel too old-fashioned to have a functioning elevator,
let
her miss the bus. Between the awful snores and the flashes of Brent's golden naked skin that kept popping up in her mind, she had not gotten a wink of sleep all night.
Her mood brightened considerably, however, when she saw that the dining room was empty except for one very familiar broad back in a deep blue sweater. Suddenly, Lilly was no longer angry that she was awake when everybody else was clearly getting their beauty rest in. Because now she could get to spend the morning with the pretty Canadian all alone.
As she set a glass of grapefruit juice down on the table across from him, Lilly realized that her heart was pounding, a matter which did not resolve itself when the sandy-haired man peeked up at her with completely clear eyes and smiled widely as he took in her ample form encased in soft, warm wool. In fact, she thought her heart was going to leap right out of her mouth. He was clearly a person who relished mornings; seriously, it was a crime for
anybody
to look that good in the mornings. Was this honestly how he would look when someone woke up in bed next to him?
Not, she thought wickedly as she smoothed the dress under herself to sit down, if
she
was the one he woke up next to.
"Morning person, are ya?" she tossed casually at him, to mask the wantonness of her thoughts.
He reached a long arm out to grab a muffin off his plate. "I’ve got to be, for my job," he answered.