Authors: Charlotte Swanpol
As he stood in the shower, now, he thought on the past two weeks. Every morning, she regarded him with a blank stare as he entered the building; she forced a smile when Alexa would wave obnoxiously next to her. He’d been too ashamed to try and speak to her the first couple days following, but he slowly gained the courage.
On the third day, he’d found an excuse to visit – the return of a patient file – but made sure it was during Alexa’s lunch break. He had walked up to the desk, holding his breath; he’d been convinced he would pass out.
“Good morning, Jade,” he’d smiled, testing the waters.
“Good morning, Doctor Azevedo,” she returned. “What can I do for you?” She barely looked away from her computer screen.
“I’m just returning this patient file. I borrowed it yesterday.” He remembered offering the file; his jaw had clenched as she’d taken it, her left hand sparkling maliciously. Once more, the image of her in a sundress had bubbled to his consciousness.
“Thank you very much, Doctor,” came her response. The smile on her lips was warm, but there was something icy in her eyes. She returned to her work.
“I also wanted to apologize for the other day,” he’d blurted.
Smooth
.
“The other day? What do you mean?” she blinked, looking up at him with polite confusion. “Why should you apologize for dancing with a co-worker? It was a Christmas party, after all.”
Stunned, he’d peered down at her as she typed. She was acting like nothing had happened. He’d almost preferred it if she’d held a grudge, or exploded in fury. She tilted her head upwards – was this it?
“Welcome back, Alexa,” she murmured. “If it’s all the same to you, I’m going to take my lunch break now. Lewis and I are meeting with the caterer in twenty minutes.”
“Oh, yeah, that’s totally fine!” Alexa sang. “Hey, sweet cheeks! Are we still on for tonight?” she cooed in his ear, not quite softly enough for his liking. He’d looked for a reaction from Jade, but found nothing.
“Yep,” Owen sighed. “Just give me time to go home and shower before I come and get you.”
“Sounds great!” Alexa cheered as Jade gathered her things to leave.
“I’ll just leave you two lovebirds alone.” She had smiled when she said it; there hadn’t even been a hint of irony.
In the days that followed, he’d seen less and less of Jade and more and more of Alexa. They had gone out to dine a few times, and he’d even made her dinner once or twice; his schedule made it difficult to plan dates. But he’d made her breakfast every morning since.
He found comfort in the distraction, even enjoyed the feeling of lying next to someone but, still, something was missing. He knew what it was, but he wouldn’t let himself say it. He could barely let himself think it.
His body tensed and released with a little jerk, one hand propping himself against the wall, as a voice called from the lockers.
“Doctor Azevedo, are you almost done?” the nurse asked.
He looked down and smiled to himself, his other hand caught in a tangle of wet blonde hair.
Yeah, I’m done,
he thought.
“Be right out,” he answered. “I have to get going, or I’ll be late for surgery. I’ll leave you a towel on the door.”
Alexa wiped water from her eyes and stood beneath the shower.
“Okay, happy appendectomy,” she panted.
He dried and dressed swiftly, eager to be away. As the door to the change room closed behind him, he heard her mutter under her breath.
“Why does he keep the water so goddamned hot?”
He thought about it the entire walk to the operating room. He couldn’t think of an answer.
Jade
Jade lay next to Lewis in bed, half a dozen bridal magazines spread out over the comforter. It had been two weeks since the Christmas party, and things seemed back to normal.
With Lewis’ confession came a new kind of respect for him. She was relieved she hadn’t had to confront him about it, pleased that he had enough respect left for her to offer the information himself. She had been surprised to discover that that night had only been the sixth time; still not great, but way fewer than she had expected. He had begged for her forgiveness, apologized profusely; gone above and beyond to make it up to her.
She hadn’t had the heart to tell him she’d known, or the fact that she had done something very similar that very evening. Her dishonesty pained her; she wanted to tell him, to get it off her chest, but his reinvestment in the relationship was incredibly refreshing, she didn’t want to stomp on their newly blossomed love. And, as awful as the realization was, she still felt mildly justified by how he’d been treating her. In any case, she’d waited too long, now. Telling him would only achieve one thing: breaking his heart.
Over the past two weeks, she’d found her guilt manifesting itself in a certain way which, until now, she hadn’t let herself act upon. As she thought about that night, about everything that had happened, her heart drummed, and she inched her hand slowly under the covers toward him.
She traced a line lightly up his thigh, walking her fingers to tease the band of his boxers. Lewis feigned interested in his book as she stuck one finger, then two between the waistband and his skin. She slid her fingers deeper and, encouraged by his response, teased and tickled and rubbed until he grew hard in her hand. She heard his breath become concentrated, and she knew he’d given up on reading.
Maintaining pace and pressure, she slid beneath the covers and moved to face him. It was dark, and warm, and she needed this. She placed kisses up each thigh until one trail met the other at the base of his shaft, now eager and attentive.
She dragged her cheek alongside as she brought her face to the tip, tongue teasing lightly. She could feel his anticipation as the warmth of her breath caused him to flex, bobbing between parted lips. A mischievous smile crept across her face as she plunged forward. She heard him gasp as she wiggled her way closer and closer, until her smile touched the bottom.
When she brought her face back to the top, she choked a little, but that only spurred her on. Faster and faster she went, bringing her hand into the mix. She had always been so tentative with oral sex, so worried about whether or not what she was doing was right, or felt good. This time, she didn’t care. All she knew was that she wanted him in her mouth.
She stopped suddenly, leaving him panting, and threw back the covers. She leaned in to kiss him, hard, as she climbed on top of him. He slid into her with ease, both she and him breathing in sharply; he felt so good as she sat down.
Who am I?
she thought. She was
never
on top. She felt like the spirit of Kama Sutra itself had possessed her, riding him the way she was.
She leaned back, propping herself up with a hand as she massaged him with the other. His eyes rolled back, his breath catching in his throat.
“You like that?” she asserted, and he nodded, eyes closed.
Am I better than her?
She gritted her teeth and rode harder, more furiously. After a moment, she shook her head and climbed off.
“Get behind me,” she commanded. He was more than willing to oblige.
As he slid in from behind, he grabbed her hips, pressing in deeply. It hurt a little, but the hurt felt good. It felt good to be in command, in control; she’d felt so helpless the last two weeks. She’d felt like a slave to her emotions which was exhausting in itself, they ranged from one side of the spectrum to the other, and everywhere in between; anger, joy, sorrow, grief, lust, regret. It felt good to just be fucked. The closest she’d come in the last two weeks was just before she left Owen on the balcony. It was time to get hers.
With every thrust, she bit her lip with pleasure. With every thrust, she was getting back at Owen and Alexa. With every thought of Owen, she was getting back at Lewis. Every thought got her closer. She began to climax.
“Fuck,” she breathed. She was so close.
“You feel so good,” Lewis moaned. “Fuck, I love you so much.”
Shivers rippled through her body, her convulsion sending goosebumps from head to toe. It wasn’t his words that surprised her into orgasm. It was her lack of reciprocation. He loved her, or claimed to; she felt nothing besides anger and resentment.
This was a hate-fuck.
“Lewis, stop.”
“Just wait, I’m almost there,” he thrust a few more times.
“No, Lewis. Now.”
She pushed him off of her and sat down, covering herself with the sheet.
“What the fuck, Jade?” he asked, confused. “What’s going on?”
“I thought I could do this, but I can’t,” she confessed. “I was so afraid of being alone that I convinced myself there was something still here, but the truth is we’ve been growing apart for months.”
“What?” Lewis stammered. “Where is this even coming fr--”
“I don’t love you anymore,” Jade blurted, and the tears started flowing. “Maybe it’s my fault, the night we got engaged, but ever since then you’ve pushed me further and further away. I think that’s why you cheated. I never told you this, but I saw her that night, walking into the apartment. I saw you open the door and kiss her.”
He blinked, speechless.
“And I wasn’t lying, the night you proposed, I hadn’t cheated on you. Until two weeks ago.”
Her heart dropped as the words left her lips, as she saw his face change from shocked silence to disgusted fury. She knew it was going to be a long night.
***
Jade sat across from her mother’s urn once more, the soft glow of the sconces turning the light blush of the white zinfandel into a peachy coral. When she’d finally stormed out after the fight, she’d made her cabdriver stop at a nearby off-sale –its selection was limited at quarter to one in the morning.
Her finger felt weirdly light, her ring likely still on the dresser where she’d set it. Instead of looking down at her hand, again, she lifted the bottle to her lips and took a long draught.
“Well, I did it, Mom,” she smiled into the dim light, mock-toasting her mother’s photo. “It took me too long, but I did it.”
As she took another swig, she blinked back tears.
What do I do, now?
She picked a fluff off her grey sweatpants, legs curled up beneath her in the armchair. She’d hunted for a good one, this time – her ass had fallen asleep in the folding chair.
I was right
, she thought.
I deserve better. I did a shitty thing, yes, but I didn’t deserve what Lewis did. Nobody deserves that, not even him.
She set the bottle down and rubbed her eyes.
Even if I can’t be with Owen,
she pondered,
I still deserve to be happy. I hadn’t been happy with Lewis for a long time. A very long time. And I know he wasn’t happy with me, either. We were poisoning each other, and for what?
She smiled, and shook her head. She didn’t have to worry about that, anymore.
She stiffened, craning her neck to see. Someone had entered the mausoleum. She looked at the clock on her phone – what was someone doing here at two in the morning? She stood up to take a peek.
“Hello?” she wavered.
“Hello?” came a deep, confused reply.
Jade’s heart dropped to the floor with her jaw as Owen turned the corner. Her thundering heartbeat should have rattled the glass cases, yet they remained steady.
“Jade,” he breathed, his astonishment plain. “What are you doing here?”
Feeling courageous from the zin, she smiled. “Having a drink with my mom, you?”
It was then that he noticed the chair and the wine, and the pile of used tissues beside them. He looked back at her, eyes softening.
“I’m sorry to interrupt.”
She wiped her cheek, abashedly. “You’re not interrupting. What are you doing here?”
“Since I was a kid, any time I felt particularly stressed out or anxious, I always had a long talk with my best friend, Will. He passed away a year ago, but I still come and talk with him.” He gestured down the hall opposite her mother’s case.
She felt her heart break for him; she knew all too well what losing a best friend was like.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her pulse pounding in her ears. She wished her feelings would disappear. “Where’s Alexa? She should be able to make you feel better, no?”
He closed his eyes for a moment, and then looked directly into hers, his crystal-green eyes full of unspoken words.
“We broke up,” he admitted. “If you can even call that dating.”
At that, Jade stiffened, standing straighter out of shock.
“Oh, I’m so sorry – I didn’t mean to bring it up,” she sputtered.
Way to go, asshole,
she thought.
“It’s okay. I realized I didn’t have feelings for her. I was being unfair to both of us.” A brief smirk flashed across his perfect lips, and her heart did pirouettes. “I couldn’t help but notice your ring is missing.”
She looked down and sighed, nodding. “Yes, we broke up tonight. Looks like paradise is a troubling place.”
“Then it wasn’t truly paradise, was it?” he asked, taking a step closer. “May I ask – was it because of what happened between us? If so, I’m sorry.”
“No,” she began. “I mean, it played a part, yes; but, honestly we’d been drifting apart for months. Until I realized, tonight, that I just didn’t love him, anymore.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” he consoled, taking yet another step closer. “It’s always a sad day when love dies.”
“I don’t think it’s because love died,” she whispered, gazing up at his handsome face. “If I’m being honest, I think it’s because it was born.” Goosebumps erupted from her skin, tingling from their closeness.
Once more, his eyes twinkled with a private joke as they studied her face. He brought a hand to her cheek, his thumb brushing away a sneaky tear. She thought her heart would explode if it beat any harder.
He tilted her chin up, the light touch sending a fresh wave of shivers through her body. As she gazed longingly into his dazzling eyes, she knew that she was all he saw.
Her eyes closed and time slowed as he leaned in.
The End of Book Three