Scrambling, Alicia tore off the covers and jumped out of bed, barely taking the bedpan from underneath the berth in time. If her stomach hadn’t been cramping so badly, she’d have been mortified to have Blake witness her heaving, but as it was, she was glad for his support when she was finished and her body was devoid of strength.
He eased her back onto the bed and concern washed over his face, creating deep lines around his mouth.
“What can I do?” he asked.
“Ginger tea, maybe some dry bread.”
He nodded and went to the galley while Alicia’s mind worked to come up with an excuse for being sick. She wouldn’t tell Blake about the baby. How could she? She was certain it would be a means of keeping him on land but at what price? He’d hate living in Port Royal and she didn’t want to be an obligation to him. If he were to stay with her, she wanted it to be because that was what he desired, not what he felt compelled to do. She wouldn’t hold him to something he didn’t want the way Jacob had tried to do.
Blake was back quickly and set the tray next to the bed. He left again to deal with the pan, returning with both it and a bucket of water. He dipped a cloth and bathed Alicia’s face. She closed her eyes for two reasons. One of which was it felt wonderful to have him take such care of her. The other was to hide the swell of tears that had risen as quickly as the sickness.
When he was done with her face, he placed pillows at her back, allowing her to sit up. He handed her the tea.
“Should we see a doctor?” he asked, watching her closely.
She was glad the tears were gone and any lingering wetness could be attributed to her being ill. “No. It must be the motion sickness is back.”
He frowned. “We’re hardly in rough seas.”
“No, but I’ve been sleeping at Sam’s all week. I suppose my body became accustomed to a motionless bed.”
“I imagine that’s possible,” he acknowledged, though he looked less than convinced.
He hovered as she finished her tea and bread, helped her get dressed though by then her stomach was fine and she was feeling much better. Then, both anxious about the coming evening and the expected payment the blackmailer anticipated, they rowed to shore.
They’d just secured the boat when another rowed in down the beach from them. It was filled with men, all of them hollering at once. One, in his haste to get on land, leapt over the boat, caught his foot on the side, and plunged face-first into the water. The rest ignored him as they, too, jumped onto land.
Blake, curious to see what this was about, placed his arm around Alicia and walked with her toward the commotion. It didn’t take long before a crowd had gathered. Blake stayed slightly back, but well within hearing distance.
“It’s Steele!”
“He took our cargo, then blew the ship to pieces!”
“We were lucky to get out alive.”
Blake’s heart pounded. Nate did fast work.
“Steele’s dead,” a voice from the crowd called.
One of the men from the boat spun, his eyes wide. “He ain’t dead! It was him and we was lucky to get the longboat off before his guns blasted us.”
A murmuring passed over the crowd and Blake saw more than one concerned person looking toward the sea. He knew what they were thinking. If Steele was close, he could very well attack St. Kitts next. It was perfect. By the end of the day, everyone ashore would have heard that Steele was nearby and back on the hunt.
Blake eased Alicia back. He’d heard enough. The men were merchant sailors and had clearly been terrified. Whatever Nate had done, he’d done a convincing job of it.
“Let’s go tell Luke and Samantha,” he said. “Nate’s done his part, now she needs to make herself seen.”
It was nothing more than a feeling, but Blake stopped, wondering what had grabbed his attention. His gaze cut through the swelling crowd, and his eyes wandered from one man to the next before they connected with a pair he knew.
Lewis. He must have heard the commotion and come to see what all the fuss was about. But why hadn’t he taken his money and left by now?
“Blake.” Alicia nudged him. “Lewis is here.”
Yes, and he didn’t look any happier than he had the last time Blake had seen him, right before he’d pushed Lewis overboard.
“I know, sunshine. Let’s go.” He turned and walked toward Luke’s, very aware that Lewis’s gaze was locked on to his back. He could feel the bite of it gnawing at him as they made their way down the beach.
It was almost as though the man wasn’t done with them yet.
They found Luke and Samantha at the breakfast table, lingering over coffee and biscuits. The yeasty smell filled Alicia’s nose and brought her back to a time when she’d come from the shop with Jacob and they’d walk into a house that smelled of fresh-baked bread. Lord, but she missed Jacob and Anna, she thought with a tug of sadness.
“Good morning,” Sam said, greeting Alicia with a hug that dispelled her melancholy. Sam squeezed Blake’s forearm, walked by them, and took two plates and cups from the cupboards. She poured them coffee and placed biscuits onto plates.
“We have news,” Alicia said.
“Oh?”
“Nate’s been busy. A boatload of men came ashore claiming they’d been taken by Steele, that Sam Steele was back.”
Squawk.
“Sam Steele. Sam Steele.”
Luke grinned. “That didn’t take long.”
“Nate’s done his job.” Blake’s gaze turned to Luke. “Now it’s your turn.”
Lewis wasn’t fooled. He knew exactly what Samantha and Luke were up to, strolling the beach together hand in hand as though they didn’t have a care in the world. Somehow they’d gotten someone else to pose as Steele, and while word of Steele’s return still rang up and down the harbor, Lewis knew it for what it was, a ploy. Something to get him to back down.
Well, he thought, using his hat to fan his face, which also helped shield him should Samantha look to her left and see him, they were in for a surprise.
Lewis Grant had no intention of backing down. Not until he’d gotten what he’d come for, not until he succeeded where his father had failed. And he knew just what he needed to do in order to accomplish it.
“Alicia, stop pacing. Luke’s with Samantha and it’s midday. They’re perfectly safe.”
Alicia stopped at the back door, grabbed the latch, and clung to it. Sam and Luke had left the house nearly an hour ago, so she’d be seen by as many people as possible and thereby dispel any suspicion that she could be Steele. Alicia had spent most of that time walking around the table, to the door and back again, and a few times up to her borrowed room to fetch something she didn’t need. And despite what Blake thought, her pacing had little to do with Sam and Luke’s safety.
They’d both been pirates. Surely if anyone knew how to take care of themselves, it was Sam and Luke. But she’d let Blake believe that was the reason for her restlessness. Until now.
She pressed a hand to her quivering stomach and turned to the man she loved. He was sitting at the table, one ankle resting on the opposite knee. He’d tied his hair back, allowing her eyes to take in all his face from the strong angles to the shadow of his beard.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” she said. She stepped to a chair and grasped the back of it. His gaze followed her hands, then met hers.
“What is it?”
Alicia opened her mouth but, Lord help her, she didn’t want to say the words. She bowed her head, hating the cowardice that kept the words from being said but she didn’t know how to begin.
“Alicia?” She heard his foot drop to the floor, which propelled her into action. She once again looked into his eyes.
“Blake, I can’t leave with you.”
He paused a moment. “Do you need more time with Samantha? I could spare another day or so if I had to.”
That he was willing to give her more time, despite his desire to get back to sea, brought tears to Alicia’s eyes. Why, she wondered, did things have to be this way? She’d finally found a man who loved her, who treated her as she’d always hoped to be treated, and there was no future for them. She closed her eyes as a tear slipped out.
“Sunshine,” Blake said and his chair scraped the floor as he stood.
Alicia jumped back, hurriedly wiped her tears. “Don’t, Blake,” she pleaded. “Don’t come any closer.” If he touched her now, she’d lose what little courage she had.
Squawk.
“Don’t come closer. Don’t come closer.”
His forehead creased into a frown, his eyes darkened. “Why? What’s wrong?”
“I can’t … I’m not that strong.”
“What are you talking about? You’re one of the strongest people I know.” He took a step toward her.
“No!” Alicia held her palms up. “Don’t. Stay over there.”
Blake rubbed his forehead. “Why?”
“I just … I realized …” She took a deep breath and released it all at once. “My life is in Port Royal.”
His frown deepened and he went still. “What are you saying?”
“I’ve told you how much I love the shop, that it’s where I belong. And now your father’s given it to us. It was his dream for his children to take it over.”
Blake inhaled sharply, ran his hands over his face. They fell heavily to his sides and smacked against his thighs.
“You know why I left Port Royal.”
“I do, but he forgave you. He said so in the letter.”
Blake shook his head. “That doesn’t change anything. I can’t walk into that house and that shop like nothing happened, Alicia. It’s because of me that Eric isn’t there. I feel the guilt of that every day. It would be tenfold if I were in Port Royal, surrounded by memories.”
“Eric’s death was an accident. And if anyone is to blame, it’s Jacob. He’s the one who sent Eric along.”
“It doesn’t change the facts. Eric’s dead; they all are. Besides, I don’t belong there. I’ve never made a secret of that.”
“No,” she agreed, feeling the despair creep inward like a thick blanket of fog. “You haven’t.”
His mouth thinned. “Why did you agree to marry me if you don’t want to be with me?”
“I never thought you’d want to continue privateering with a wife on board. Look at the battle we had. You lost four men, Blake. Did you actually envision us living a life fraught with danger?”
“I can take care of you. I’d never let anything happen to you.”
“Not intentionally. But some things are out of your control. The battle we had when my memory came back was awful. When it was over and silence had descended, I had no idea if you were dead or alive. In my head I saw the night I lost my family, but in my heart I pictured the same happening to you. I can’t live with that fear. I already lost one family at sea, I will not lose another.”
“You don’t have a family in Port Royal either.”
“I have Charles and I have the shop.”
He flinched. “Are you saying you’d give up what we have for a blacksmith shop?”
“How is that so different from what you’re doing? Do you love your ship more than you love me?” She sighed. “I thought when you proposed that we’d go back to Port Royal and run the shop together.”
“Where the hell did you get that idea?” It was his turn to pace, swirling the air with his irritation. “I never once said that.”
“I know. I just assumed.”
“Hell,” Blake muttered, stopping his pacing long enough to shoot her a confused look every few seconds.
Squawk.
“Bloody hell. Bloody hell.”
She waited for him to say more but all he did was grumble under his breath, rub his eye, and pace. Finally he stopped, and when his gaze met hers, it was stormy.
“I already had to make this choice once, goddammit.”
“I know. That’s why I’m not asking you to make it again. I know where your heart is, Blake, just as I know where mine lies. I’m not asking you to stay with me, nor will I use any machinations to force you into it.”
His eyes narrowed and his ragged breathing filled the room.
“You’re letting me go?” he repeated. “Well, how bloody generous of you.”
Squawk.
“Bloody generous. Bloody generous.”
“Blake—”
“No.” He stepped back, away from the hand she held out to him. “Don’t.”
He shoved a chair against the table. “You shared your body with me, professed your love, and agreed to be my wife. Yet you’re walking away? At least my father was up front about his demands. He never promised me one thing while all along he was planning something else entirely.”
Alicia jammed her fists onto her hips. “Do I want you to stay with me? Yes! But I won’t have you hating me for it either. I watched Jacob stand on that beach every day, saw the hurt in his eyes, and felt his sorrow. I don’t want that for either of us. I don’t want to be the reason you’re miserable and I don’t want to be reminded every day that a part of you regrets the decision you made to stay.” She pressed a hand over her heart. “I love you too much for that.”
“You love me?” he spat. “You agreed to marry me and now you’re telling me if I want that marriage, I have to give up a part of my soul. What kind of love is that?”
“That’s not what I’m doing! I told you that you didn’t have to choose.”
“The hell I don’t!” he argued. “If I want a life with you, it has to be in Port Royal. Isn’t that right?”
Alicia stammered. She wasn’t explaining this right. She was doing this for him, couldn’t he see that? How could he not know how much it was killing her to let him go?
“You make this sound as if it were part of some elaborate lie to trick you. I’m no more at fault for assuming you’d stop privateering than you are for assuming I’d go along with you.”
“That doesn’t change where we are, does it?” he hissed. “I told you, time and again, that you were too young for me. I tried to stay away from you, but you kept at me until I gave in, until I believed we had a future together. If you’d left me alone, we wouldn’t be in this fix!”
She struck her chin up. “I don’t regret that, not for one moment. What we shared means everything to me.”
He sneered. “Sure. It means so much that you can walk away.”
“I wanted to be your wife, Blake. More than anything.”
“And I believed you,” he rasped, his eyes tortured. “That was my mistake.”
Alicia gasped, her eyes stung with tears.
“Save them,” he warned with a pointed finger. “They can’t undo the damage that’s been done here.”