Cleaning up the emotional shit Tek was dealing with wasn’t going to be as easy. Tek had been silent and brooding since they returned from the warehouse. Jamie had watched him closely as they all sat around the table and clued the other members in as to what went down. Jamie hadn’t listened to a word being said—didn’t care, his concern for Tek his only focus. Jamie wanted to wrap his arms around Tek, assure him everything would be okay, wipe the crease away that marred Tek’s brow, and do anything to remove that haunted look from Tek’s eyes. But he couldn’t. Not here. Not in front of the others. So he waited. His gut churning and chest aching, he waited, praying the debriefing would be over soon.
The second they were excused, Jamie jumped to his feet and whispered to Tek, “You going to be okay?”
Tek nodded, then turned and walked out of the room.
“Tek.”
Tek kept moving through the club, his stride lacking the confidence it normally had, ignoring Jamie.
“C’mon, man, talk to me,” Jamie pleaded, rushing to keep up with his friend.
“I’m fine,” Tek muttered, but his voice sounded flat.
“Bullshit,” Jamie scolded, pushing his way into Tek’s room when he tried to close the door behind him. “You look like shit, and if you don’t get it off your chest, it’s only going to eat at you.”
“I blew an unarmed man’s brains out,” Tek snarled and whipped off his bloody T-shirt, then threw it across the room. “There, it’s off my chest. Now leave me alone.”
“The fuck I will,” Jamie countered. “I’m the reason you had to do it in the first place, so if anyone deserves the fault in this, it’s me.”
“You didn’t pull that trigger. That was all on me.” Tek sat on the bed and pulled off his shoes, tossing them in the same direction as his discarded shirt. Tek suddenly went still, the anger seeming to drain out of him as he stared at his hands. “I need a shower,” he said quietly.
Jamie couldn’t stand to see his friend like this, and he gave in to the urge he’d been fighting for the last two hours. He sat on the bed next to Tek and wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close.
“I would have done the same thing,” Jamie told him gently. “Had he put a gun to your head, dared to threaten you, I’d have pulled that trigger without question.”
“It’s not supposed to be like this,” Tek responded sadly. “We’re… We….” Tek lifted his eyes and met Jamie’s gaze. “Jesus, Jamie, it’s not supposed to be like this.”
“Yes, it is,” Jamie reassured him. “We protect our brothers, no matter the cost. He was a threat to all of us.”
“Brotherhood,” Tek laughed, the sound full of bitterness, and he shook his head. “I….” Tek clamped his mouth shut and lowered his head.
Tek stared at his hands with a sad expression on his face. The emotions playing across Tek’s features clawed at Jamie’s heart. He understood why Tek had done it, but it was Tek who had to carry the scar of the death on his soul. It was Tek who would have to learn to live with the wound without it festering, or it would destroy him. Tek was a good man, brave and honorable, and this single act of violence didn’t change that. Jamie tried to think of something to say that would make this all better. He wished there was a magic word he could utter that would take Tek’s pain from him, but there were none.
Tek tried to get up, but Jamie refused to release his hold on him. “Talk to me, Tek. No secrets, remember?”
Jamie felt like a fool for uttering those words considering the secrets he was keeping from Tek, but this was different. Tek didn’t need to have to deal with his best friend wanting him in ways Jamie knew were impossible. It would serve no purpose but to put a strain on their relationship.
“I need a shower. I… I need to wash my hands,” Tek stammered, but he stopped trying to pull away.
Jamie tightened his hold on Tek, pulled him closer. “Not until we talk about this.”
“I can’t,” Tek mumbled. “Not about this.”
“No one is going to think less of you for pulling that trigger. You heard Rocco tonight, he was proud of you. You saved me and Sully.”
“It’s not just the shooting, Jamie. I mean, it is, but….” Tek wrung his hands, still staring at them.
“Is it about what he said? You know, about us being fags?” Jamie asked cautiously. “He was trying to provoke you, Tek, nothing more.”
And I promise from here on out to keep my feelings for you in check
. He wouldn’t put Tek at risk.
“Do you think anyone in our club thinks the same way?”
“No! They know how close we are, Tek. They know we are more than best friends, more like brothers.”
Uttering the word
brother
felt offensive to Jamie considering how he felt about Tek—the things he wanted from him, the things he wanted to do to him were anything but brotherly. It made him the worst kind of sick bastard, but if he could ease Tek’s mind with the lie then it would be worth it.
The same bitter-sounding laugh escaped Tek. He rested his forearms on his knees, hands clasped and whispered, “I’m so sorry, Jamie.”
Jamie went to his knees in front of Tek and rubbed his hands up and down his friend’s arms. “Dammit, Tek, there is nothing for you to apologize for.”
“I thought I was hiding it better…. If I…. I didn’t mean for…. I tried not to,” Tek stammered. He lifted his eyes and met Jamie’s gaze. “I’m so sorry, Jamie,” he repeated.
The pain evident was so raw it stole Jamie’s breath. “Hide what? Tek, what the hell are you talking about?” Jamie asked in confusion.
“It’s my fault if they think you’re a fag,” Tek confessed, sounding defeated.
Jamie’s head was swirling. No matter how he tried to understand what Tek was saying, what he was apologizing for, it just didn’t make sense. How could Tek think it was his fault?
“I thought if I banged enough chicks,” Tek continued, “If I showed everyone what a ladies’ man I was, immersed myself in enough pussy, no one would suspect. I tried, Jamie. I swear to God I tried, but it’s not going away. No matter what I do, it just won’t fucking go away.”
“It’s my fault if they think you’re a fag.”
Tek’s declaration played over and over in Jamie’s head as he continued to stare at Tek.
“No one would suspect.”
Was it possible? Did Jamie dare to think? Dare to hope? Was it even fucking conceivable that they both had been keeping the same dark secret from the other?
Before he could think about the what or why of what he was doing, Jamie grabbed Tek’s face in both his hands. “I should have done this six years ago,” he murmured.
“What the hell, Jamie? Done what?”
“Returned your kiss.” Jamie pressed his lips against Tek’s.
Tek stiffened against Jamie, but Jamie had gone too far to back down now. If Tek beat the shit out of him or never spoke to him again… he was going to make damn well sure the kiss was worth it. Jamie licked at Tek’s bottom lip, encouraging him to respond, praying he would. Six years of want, desire, and need rushed to the surface; the intensity of it overwhelmed Jamie, and without waiting for an invitation, he shoved his tongue past Tek’s lips. A needy sound rumbled up out of Jamie as he tasted Tek’s mouth, the warm wet heat consuming him.
Tek stayed stiff against him, but he wasn’t pulling away, wasn’t shoving or swinging, and Jamie found encouragement in Tek’s nonaction. Jamie slid one hand around Tek’s face, grabbed the back of his head, his fingers curling, gripping the soft strands as he smashed their mouths closer together, deepening the kiss.
Tek began to tremble. Jamie could feel his muscles coiling tighter, tighter, and tighter, and then in a rush, as if Tek could no longer hold himself back when they’d reached the breaking point, he grabbed onto Jamie and fisted Jamie’s shirt to pull him closer still. To Jamie’s great relief, Tek kissed him back—his tongue battling alongside Jamie’s as they both fought to control the kiss.
On and on the kiss went as they explored each other’s mouths. Jamie couldn’t think of anything that had ever felt so perfect, so right. Tek’s mouth on his, the desire and need he tasted on Tek’s tongue were like little sparks of electricity that ignited every nerve ending in Jamie’s body, consuming him until Tek suddenly pulled back, leaving them both breathless and staring at the other with mirrored shocked expressions on their faces.
“How?” Tek licked his lips and shuddered. “What the hell just happened, Jamie?”
Jamie started to laugh. He couldn’t help it. Tek wasn’t swinging, wasn’t shoving Jamie away in disgust; in fact, Tek looked as relieved as Jamie felt. “I think we just proved we have both been idiots for a long, long time.”
“You…. You’re not….” Tek grinned and shook his head. “That would be a stupid question. Of course you’re not pissed. You fucking kissed me!”
“Yes, I did,” Jamie said slyly. “But may I remind you, you kissed me first.”
“We were thirteen!” Tek roared.
“Yeah, so? Now we’re even.”
“Six years, you bastard! Six fucking years it took you to return the kiss.” Tek slapped Jamie on the back. “Christ, are you slow.”
A knock on the door caused them both to jerk back, Jamie nearly ending up on his ass.
“Gunner? Jimmy?” came Carla’s voice through the door.
“Your mom,” Jamie mouthed and jumped to his feet.
“Everything okay?” The doorknob rattled, and Jamie was grateful he’d had the good sense to lock the door when he’d followed Tek in.
“Should I let her in?” Jamie whispered.
Tek shook his head vigorously. “Tell her I’m in the shower,” he replied and bolted for the bathroom.
“Umm, yeah. Everything is fine, Carla. Gunner’s in the shower,” Jamie called out.
“Why is this door locked?” The doorknob rattled again. “Open the door, Jimmy.”
Jamie looked down at the large bulge pressing against his jeans. No way in hell was he going to let Tek’s mom in, and he damn sure wasn’t ready to explain why the two of them were behind a locked door while Jamie had a raging hard-on.
“He’s fine, Carla. Te—Gunner just needs a few minutes. We’re… umm… we’re talking,” Jamie told her. He grabbed Tek’s bloody shirt and shoes, tossed them in the closet, and slammed the door.
“I thought you said he was in the shower,” she said, sounding suspicious.
“He is. We were talking and then—” Jamie huffed out a breath. “Look, Carla, he just needs a few minutes to get his shit together. We’ll be out in a bit.”
“Alright, but tell him I want to talk to him. I’ll be waiting at the bar.”
Jamie waited until he heard Carla’s footsteps move down the hall, and then he walked into the bathroom to tell Tek she was gone. Any words he might have uttered died on his tongue. Standing behind the glass-enclosed shower stall stood Tek with his one hand against the tile wall, the water pulsing against his lowered head and running down his muscular back to the swells of his tight ass. Jamie swallowed hard, but he couldn’t seem to make his mouth work as he stood there staring at his friend with Tek’s flavor still on his tongue and his raging hard-on taking up any blood his brain would need. Jamie squeezed his eyes shut, doing his best to block out the images of Tek’s naked body, struggling to find a little control.
“Is she gone?”
Jamie opened his eyes to find Tek in the same position, only now his head was turned slightly and he was staring at Jamie. “Uh… um… yeah, she’s gone,” Jamie stuttered. “She wants you to meet her at the bar.”
And for the second time in a matter of minutes, Jamie found himself nearly knocked on his ass when Tek stood up and turned toward him. Tek’s thick cock was hard, straining out from his body. Jamie gripped the counter and locked his knees to keep himself upright as the images of him and Tek in the shower not so long ago assaulted him. Only this time in his mind’s eye, there was no blonde bimbo between them.
As if Tek could read his mind, he opened the shower door. “We better not keep her waiting. Get your ass in here.”
Jamie’s mouth fell open, and he could only stand there like an idiot and gawk.
“You know how Carla gets if we keep her waiting,” Tek reminded him. “It’s not like we haven’t showered together before.”
Jamie swallowed hard again and found his voice. “That was different,” he squeaked. But he pulled his T-shirt off, dropped it to the floor, and undid his belt. How could Tek be so calm after what had just happened between them, the new knowledge that was now out in the open? Maybe Tek was just better at hiding it than Jamie was. Jamie was a fucking mess; his shaking hands had a difficult time with button and zipper, and his legs trembled so hard he barely got his pants off without falling over.
“Dammit, Jamie, would you get in here? I’m letting out all the heat.”
Jamie knew exactly where all that heat was leaking to. Right between his fucking legs. His body flushed with arousal made all the more acute now, knowing Tek felt the same way. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Jamie kept waiting to wake up from this dream, like he had every other time when he fantasized of him and Tek together. However, as Jamie stepped into the shower and closed the door, the heat and water and the hand Tek placed against Jamie’s chest right over his heart felt very, very real.
“No way in hell am I going to wait six years like you did,” Tek murmured, leaned in, and pressed his lips against Jamie’s.
Fuck!
Shouldn’t they be talking about this—what it all meant and the fact that the two of them had been lying to each other for years. Only Jamie couldn’t seem to get his thoughts straight, not with Tek licking at his lips. Not with his strong hand pressed against Jamie’s flesh. Jamie did the only thing he could do. He opened his mouth and kissed Tek back.
The hand on Jamie’s chest slid down to his hip, gripped him. Jamie stumbled forward, flailing for a second on the slick floor of the shower before he fell forward, pinned Tek’s body against the tile wall with his own. Jamie gasped, ending the kiss when their hard cocks and slick chests came in contact.
“Jesus, Jamie,” Tek panted. “Do you know how long I have dreamed about this… wanted this?”
Jamie shook his head. He had no idea. Never imagined that Tek had been dreaming, wanting the same things Jamie had for six long years. “So long” were the only words Jamie could force past his lips. The feeling of Tek’s body against his, the look of lust in Tek’s eyes short-circuited Jamie’s brain—fried it.