Roping His Heart (3 page)

Chapter Six

I Deceived Myself

I
was such a damned fool. He said he cared, not that he loved me. He sang that song and I believed what I wanted to believe. I gave myself to him, all of me. I can’t look at myself in the mirror let alone look at him.

‘Why is it so difficult for him to say it?’
I wondered. Then I stopped and remembered what he said, he was scared. He knew years ago that he wanted me in the forever kind of way. That had to mean he loved me. He was waiting for me to say the words so he could feel safe opening his heart to me.

I sat there in the parking lot of a motel and hit the steering wheel. “My God,” I screamed, “I can’t believe I left him!” How could I just walk away like that? The tears I had tried to control for the last several days spilled from my swollen eyes. My heart was breaking and this time it was my fault.

He
was
telling me he loved me, but because of my pride, I felt rejected again.
‘If
I went back, would he forgive me?’
I wondered.
‘Would he give me another chance?’
Well, I wasn’t going to just sit here; I needed to go home. Dean was my home.

It took me over an hour when I pulled on to the road that led to the ranch. My nerves were on edge and I felt sick. I had been gone for five days, and today was Thursday, Dean would be riding in the rodeo tomorrow night.

I shook my head and wiped a tear away. I was so stupid for leaving. I was so worried about my own heart that I never considered his. I was selfish and now I needed to face the music.

I stopped in front of the house and killed the engine. I sat there staring out the windshield watching Dean work on the fence in the distance. He stood, turned, and looked at me shielding his eyes from the sun.

Shaking his head, he dropped his arm and turned back to what he was doing. I hurt him. I knew I had and I wouldn’t blame him if he was pissed. “It’s now or never,” I said as I exit the car and started walking to him.

I was standing behind him watching him work. He knew I was there because his shoulders stiffened as I approached. I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off.

“It’s one thing to walk out on me,” he said in an angry and hurt voice, “It’s another to do it to the parents. No phone call or note; you were just gone.” He stopped working, stood, and turned to face me.

The light in his eyes was gone. Instead, his eyes were swollen, red, and empty. His lips were turned down. “Why Katy? Why did you leave me?”

A tear escaped. “Dean,” I said reaching for him. He brushed me away and shook his head.

“Stop,” he choked, “I don’t want to hear your lies. If I mattered at all to you, you wouldn’t have left. It’s the parents you need to see. Now go and leave me be.” He turned back and started to work again.

I gasped and ran back to the house. I deserved what he said, but damn it, it still hurt. I do care about him. How can I make him see it?

I reached the door and wiped my face. I walked in to see both moms sitting in the living room. “Where are the dads,” I asked taking a seat on the love seat.

They smiled sadly. “They are out working,” my mom answered. “We have a confession to make.”

“Confession,” I questioned.

They nodded. “You see,” Dean’s mom joined in, “We set you two up. The accident we had been in gave us the perfect idea. We figured if we pretended we need you two to run the ranch it would finally push you together. We never thought it would make you run. We’re sorry.”

I shook my head as the tears fell from my eyes. “My leaving had nothing to do with you guys,” I said. “Years ago he had hurt me without meaning to. My foolish pride is what made me run, and now he doesn’t think I care about him.” I placed my face in my hands. “How do I make him see I love him?”

The moms came over sat on each side of me placing their arms around me. “He’s hurt,” his mom said, “We don’t need details, but we know you spent the night together in the cabin. I will assume you gave him something special that night. When he fell asleep, he believed his world was right and that when he awoke; you would be in his arms. Finding you gone hurt him more than waking up alone.”

“All I ever wanted was to hear him say he loved me,” I confessed, “That’s why I ran. I felt rejected again. I know he always showed me love. I just wanted to hear it. Was that too much to ask?”

“Ah, but did you ever tell him that,” his mom asked. I shook my head and she smiled. “Dear he is like his father. He wears his heart on his sleeve. He didn’t realize you needed to
hear
the words. If he had, he would have said them.”

I dropped my hands and looked between them. “So what do I do,” I asked, “I already tried to talk to him and he told me to leave him be.” I felt lost and empty without Dean.

His mom got a sparkle in her eyes. “Maybe the boys can help,” she said looking at my mom.

My mom smiled and nodded. “You leave it to us dear,” she told me, “We’ll get him to listen. Now go on and get cleaned up. Tomorrow will be a big day.”

I walked off to my room wondering what those two were up to. Whatever it was, I sure as hell hoped it worked.

Chapter Seven

Repeating History

I
did it again,
fuck
! Damn it, she hurt me when she left. I felt cold and empty while she had been gone. I stood, shaking my head and wiping the sweat away.

I shouldn’t have been so cold. I had five long lonely days to figure out why she ran. How could I have been so stupid? She had felt rejected years ago. She was waiting for me to say the words; for me tell her I loved her. I thought I had been doing a good enough job of showing her. I guess some women wanted to hear it too.

I took my hat off and ran a shaky hand through my hair. My pride wouldn’t allow me to hear her out. “Damn,” I yelled, “I am such a horse’s ass.” I even said that she would be lying if she explained.

Kicking myself in the ass, I collected my tools and headed for the barn. I needed to talk to her. I had to set things right again.
‘Would she even listen?’
I wondered.

I had to make her listen. She deserved to know how much I love her. After that, I would deal with whatever she decided to do; even if it meant she would leave and never come back. It would kill me, but what I wanted more than anything was for her to be happy.

Chapter Eight

Rodeo Man

I
woke to a quiet house. It was Friday morning, the day of the rodeo. It should have been filled with voices giving orders. Dean would need to be getting ready as the bull riding started at noon and it was already nine.

I quickly dressed and made my way downstairs. I wondered what the mom’s had up their sleeves for today.

I rounded the corner into the kitchen and it was empty. Confusion and then fear filled me.
Where was everyone?
Then I heard a truck out front.

I turned to the living room to see Mike, one of Dean’s younger brothers, come through the door smiling. He was the spitting image of Dean except younger.

He walked right up to me and kissed my head. “Ready to go sweetheart,” he asked.

‘Sweetheart,’
I silently questioned just looking at him. Ignoring his question, I asked, “Where is everyone?”

He winked. “They’re already at the fairgrounds,” he answered. “They sent me to collect you.”

He looked like he was up to something. I crossed my arms over my chest. “Ok spill it,” I said. “Something’s going on and I want to know what it is.”

He laughed and pulled me toward the door. “Just go with it, ok?” he said.

I allowed him to help me into his truck. “Ok, but I don’t like it,” I said. He laughed again as he walked around and climbed in.

We arrived a few minutes later. He helped me out of the truck and I looked around. He placed an arm around my shoulder and whispered in my ear, “He’s in the barn. Don’t worry he’ll be fine.” I nodded and let him led me to the stands.

I spotted the parents right away. They smiled and waved us over. I leaded toward mom and asked, “Why are we in the stands already? The bull riding doesn’t start for another three hours.”

“There’s a storm coming,” she explained, “It will be starting in just a few minutes.” As she said this, I looked at the sky. I didn’t notice it had darkened.

I shivered. I didn’t like this one bit. They should have canceled it. Everyone knows that rain and pissed off bulls don’t mix well. “Why didn’t they just cancel it,” I asked.

She laughed. “They didn’t want a bunch of rowdy cowboys on their hands,” she said. “Don’t worry honey, it will be fine.” Somehow I didn’t think so.

The first bull and rider was out of the shoot. The sky opened up and the rain started as the lighting lit up the sky and thunder rumbled.

My heart sped up thinking about Dean riding in this. I was so scared something would happen to him.
‘Please God,’
I prayed,
‘Give me the chance to tell him I love him.’
A flash in the sky answered my silent prayer.

The spectators set through the storm just to see the riders. I’m as country as the next person, but this was crazy. It was dangerous.

I jumped as the thunder sang from above. “Next up folks is our three time winner Dean Michaels. I can’t wait to see how he handles himself in this weather,” The announcer said over the speakers.

This is it. Fear griped me. I knew something bad was about to happen and I didn’t want to watch, but I had too. I loved this man. I need to make sure he would be fine.

The shoot opened and Dean came barreling out. I gripped Mike’s hand needing something to hold on to. He was riding that bull as if he owned him, and he did. He was great like he always was.

It was over. The announcer said Dean was a four-time winner and the crowd cheered. Then it happened and my heart stopped.

Dean went to dismount as it thundered overhead. The bull jumped and slid in the mud, losing his footing. I screamed, jumping up.

The bull fell and rolled over on top of Dean, crushing him. When they got the bull away from him, he just laid there, not moving. The medics came in and rushed him out.

“Katy? Katy honey,” Mike was saying. I looked at him. “We have to go. We have to get to the hospital.” I was numb. I couldn’t move. Mike shook his head as he threw me over his shoulder and rushed to the truck.

If I lost Dean, my world would end; my heart would stop beating. I couldn’t lose him. He didn’t know I loved him.

Chapter Nine

My Forever

I
was alive. I heard voices talking in the background. Katy, it was Katy. My girl was here. I tried to open my eyes, but couldn’t. My head hurt so bad. Damn bull. I should have known better. The second I heard there were storms moving in I should have pulled out. My damn stubbornness put me where I am right now.

“But doctor why won’t he wake up,” Katy asked.

“Miss Katy,” the doctor explained, “He will wake up. He only has a broken arm, nothing life threating. Be patient, please.”

My girl was worried. I needed to let her know I was awake. I need to make her feel better. “Katy,” I choked, “Katy please calm down. My head hurts.” I blinked a few times and then opened my eyes and saw the most beautiful thing in the world. My Katy smiling down at me.

She wiped a tear away. “My rodeo man came back to me,” she whispered. “I missed you.”

“How long have I been asleep,” I asked.

“Just a couple hours,” she answered. “The doc said all you got was a broken arm. You, sir, were a lucky man.”

“I am with you,” I whispered. “Katy I need to tell you something.”

She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter now,” she said. “You’re here with me. That’s what matters.”

“It matters Katy,” I argued. “You needed something from me and I was too scared to give it to you.” I reached up and stroked her cheek. “I love you Katy. I always have. I was just scared. I never thought a girl like you would want me.”

“A girl like me,” she asked.

“You always seemed so sure,” I explained. “So mature, but I wasn’t. I know I put a good front on, but with you, it all went out the window. You were so beautiful and I was stupid. I should have told you that night in the barn. You don’t know how hard I fought not taking you then. I wanted to tell you the other night when you gave me a precious piece of yourself; and again, I was afraid.”

“Uh, son,” I heard dad say, “I don’t think now is the time to talk about that. Not with Katy’s dad right here.”

I froze. “Shit,” I mumbled and everyone laughed including her father. “Sorry about that sir.”

“Maybe we should leave,” her father said, “I think they need the privacy if he plans to make an honest woman out of my baby.”

I looked deep into her eyes. “I plan to do just that,” I said, “With your permission sir.”

“Son you’ve had it since you both were kids,” he said.

“Thank you sir,” I said never taking my eyes away from her beautiful face. I waited until I heard the door close. “Katy if I weren’t lying in a hospital bed I would be down on one knee.” I took her hand in mine. “I love you Katy. Will you be my forever? Will you marry me?”

Her tears were spilling down her face as she shook her head. “Yes Dean,” she answered. “I love you too.”

I smiled, feeling my own tears. “Kiss me please,” I whispered. She leaned down as I cupped the back of her head and brought her lips to mine.

Katy was all I ever wanted. I will tell her everyday how much I love her. She was my forever. She was my home.